A Way Back Into Love
by Augusta.Rose
Summary: Ryan and Marissa struggle with their feelings for each other after an unexpected meeting in New York City five years after Marissa ran away from Newport.
1. Prologue

**Authors Note: The prologue takes place near the end of the third season.**

Summer Roberts sat on her bed, flipping carelessly through a magazine. It was a Friday night and she was bored.

Usually she would spend Friday nights with her boyfriend Seth or her best friend Marissa but on this particular evening, Seth had gone to the movies with his mother and Marissa, well to be honest, even though they now lives in the same house, Summer had no idea what Marissa was doing.

The two of them had been fighting a lot lately due to the increasing amount of time her best friend was spending with Kevin Volchok who was undoubtedly bad news.

Summer knew how upset and lonely Marissa's recent breakup with Ryan had left her, but she also knew that drinking away her problems with a scary surfer guy wouldn't do any good either.

Sighing, Summer glanced at the clock beside her. 8:30! What the heck was she supposed to do for the next three hours?

As she flung the magazine to the floor, her eyes landed on a framed photograph on her bedside table.

It was of her, Seth, Ryan, and Marissa at the beach last summer, when they had gone sailing for the day._ Why couldn't we have stayed that happy? _Summer wondered, frowning to herself.

_Why couldn't the four of us have made it through the year together, like we planned?_

She turned away from the photo and picked up the abandoned magazine.

What better way to distract herself from her misery than by reading about other people's problems.

At that very moment there was a soft knock on the door.

_Seth_ summer thought sitting up, but, before she could get to it, the door swung open to reveal a very distraught Marissa with tears running down her face.

"Oh my god, Coop!" Summer exclaimed, leaping off her bed and rushing over to comfort her friend, all past arguments immediately forgotten.

She threw her arm around Marissa's frail shoulders and steered her toward the bed.

"Coop, what's wrong!?! You know you can tell me anything……Marissa?"

Marissa wiped her eyes and turned to face Summer.

"I'm pregnant" She whispered before erupting into a fresh burst of sobs.

Summer didn't say anything. She just pulled her friend in closer, and let Marissa cry them both to sleep.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Summer woke up the ext morning to the lovely sound of her best friend vomiting her brains out in Summer's bathroom.

As all the memories from the night before immediately came rushing back, Summer hurried into the bathroom to hold back Marissa's hair.

Half an hour later the two girls were settled on Summer's bed.

Marissa sat cross-legged, hugging her share bear close to her chest while Summer sat beside her friend, patiently patting her back although she was bursting with questions.

After a few minutes her curiosity got the better of her and Summer couldn't help but ask:

"Is Volchok the father then?"

Marissa sighed then slowly shook her head and looked up at Summer with wide eyes,

"Ryan," she said quietly.

Summer couldn't help but gasp.

"Oh my god Coop! You and Ryan are having a baby!?! This is great! Now you two will finally get back together and…"

"Wait Summer, no," Marissa interrupted.

"Oh my god!" Summer shrieked again, " You are keeping it, right? Or there's always adoption. You're not considering having an abortion are you?"

Marissa sighed again. "Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do. I could never get an abortion and I don't think I'd be able to put my baby up for adoption either." She admitted.

"I thought about it a lot last night while you were asleep and I think the best thing to do would be to leave New Port and have the baby."

"WHAT!" Summer cried, "You can't leave New Port, What about Ryan?"

"I can't tell Ryan, Sum." Marissa explained sadly.

"If he knew he'd insist on helping me. He'd leave Sadie and he wouldn't go to college. I can't ruin his life this that. He's already been through this once with Theresa and I know how the story ends. I want Ryan to be with me cause he wants to be, not because he feels he has to be."

Summer looked at her determined friend and bit her lip, knowing Marissa was right.

"So what are we going to do?" She asked in a shaky voice. "You can't do this by yourself. I'm coming with you."

"No Sum, you can't You have Seth and college and your whole life ahead of you. I can't let you give it all up for me. I'll be fine in New York, I promise. And if I do need a little help, Rhode Island is just a few hours away. Please Sum, don't tell anyone about this. Not Seth, or our parents or especially Ryan. We'll pretend I ran away! Please!"

"Okay" Summer croaked as tears streamed down her cheeks. The two friends hugged for a long time, and then, just like that, Marissa Cooper was gone.


	2. Marissa

**4 and a bit Years Later**

Marissa Cooper awoke in a whirlwind of pillows and blankets to her twin 4-year-olds bouncing on her head.

"Mommy, mommy, wake up!" cried Nate.

"Today's the day we get to go to school!"

Marissa laughed and grabbed the kids, pulling them down onto the bed.

"Not if the tickle monster eats you first!" she growled, launching herself at the children who were shrieking and flailing in delight.

"Mommy stop!" gasped Lucy as she laughed uncontrollably. "I give up! The tickle monster wins!"

Marissa smiled and scooped the twins into he arms.

"So what do you guys want for breakfast?" she inquired. "In honor of your first day of kindergarten, you can have anything you want!"

Nate's face lit up. "Anything we want!?! Yay! Can I have ice cream and a hamburger and corn-on-the-cob and schnitzel and chili fires?" he asked excitedly.

Marissa couldn't help but giggle and her ravenous little monster. "How about pancakes and fruit salad?" she suggested. "We can have schnitzel for dinner."

"Okay" the twins agreed.

Marissa cut the pancakes into little pieces and set a plate down in front of each child.

"Mommy, can we have strawberries on our pancakes?" asked Lucy who was standing on her chair.

"Of course you can baby but you need to sit down on your chair. We don't want anymore broken bones."

"I haven't broken **that** many bones." The little girl countered insolently as Marissa sat her down on the chair.

"Three bones in the four years you've been alive in more than enough, my little monkey.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

An hour late three nicely-dressed and well-fell Coopers stood hand-in-hand in front of P.S. 231. Nate and Lucy were a little less enthusiastic about school now that they were actually there.

"I don't think I want to go to school Mommy." Nate said nervously. "Can I stay home with you instead?"

He looked up at her with the huge blue eyes that always made her heart melt and she sighed, bending down to their level. She hated saying no to her kids.

"Oh Natey, I have to go to work." She explained sadly. "You two will have a great time at school, I promise." She continued. "And you know what? You're luckier than all the other kids here cause you guys already know someone in your class!"

"Really? Who?" Lucy looked around curiously.

Marissa laughed and ruffled her daughter's loose blond curls. She detached Nate's death grip from around her leg and pulled the twins in for a hug.

"I love you guys." She said, looking them in the eye. "Have a wonderful day at school, okay?"

"I love you too mommy!" yelled Lucy as she grabbed her brothers hand. Nate just stared at Marissa with a look of pure terror on his face, and then allowed himself to be dragged into the building by his sister.

Marissa watched until her kids were swallowed up into a sea of other backpack-laden youngsters and then turned on her heel and slowly made her way to work.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"I can't believe my babies are starting school!" Marissa said sadly to Summer on her lunch break. "Where does time go?"

"Oh my god, I know!" Summer's voice came through the phone. "I mean, has it really been 2 and a half years since me and Cohen moved to the city to help you out? When did we get so old?"

"We're not old Sum, we're 23" Marissa laughed, taking a huge bite of her chicken caesar wrap. "Hey, you and Seth are still coming to dinner next Friday, right?"

"Are you kidding? I wanna hear all about my god children's first two weeks of school!"

"Sounds great Sum." Marissa said appreciatively. "Listen, I better go. I'm leaving early today to pick up the kids and I still have a whole photoshoot to get through."

"Oh of course, little miss famous photographer!" Summer said in a mock-hurt voice which made Marissa laugh. "Hug the kids for me when you pick them up!"

"You got it Sum, see you Friday and say hi to Seth for me!"

Marissa hung up the phone and threw the remainder of her lunch into the trash. Back to work. _I wonder how Nate and Lucy are doing_ she thought.


	3. Ryan

**Author's Note:** Hey everybody, thanks for reading/reviewing! I'm sorry these chapters have been a little short. I'm not entirely happy with the story so far but I plan to update a chapter a day for the next while. If you have any ideas about what should happen, please let me know. I'd love suggestions!

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Ryan Atwood pushed his hair off his sweaty forehead and scowled.

_Why did New York City have to be so big? _He wondered as he was jostled and bumped by the constant stream of people hurrying by.

And it didn't help that instead of the brisk, chilly weather Ryan had been expecting in New York, it was 23˚ and very sunny.

Ryan sighed and unbuttoned his jacket before turning his attention back to the map he'd been staring at for the past 3 hours.

He was lost. Totally and completely lost. Ryan had arrived in the Big Apple less than two days ago after accepting a job offer from a high-end architecture firm in the city.

He had spent the previous day settling in to the new apartment that he would eventually share with his girlfriend Taylor (who was coming to join him at Christmas) and had set off this morning with a goal of surprising his best friends Seth and Summer.

Ryan had never been to their home before, seeing as it was much easier for the two of them to fly back to New Port for the holidays, rather than the whole family going to New York, but he figured he could find it using the return address on his birthday card.

Unfortunately he was having a much tougher time finding their place than he'd anticipated.

Pulling out his cell phone, Ryan dialed the number Seth had given him for what felt like the billionth time.

"Hey, you've reached Summer and Cohen and we're either not here, or we don't wanna talk to you so leave a message! Beeeeeep."

"Hey guys, this is Ryan. Again. I'm now desperately lost and have no idea where your building is so if you'd call and help me out, I'd really appreciate it. Hopefully I'll hear from you soon. Bye!"

_Screw Seth and Summer_ Ryan thought grumpily. He was tired, he was hot and he was thirsty.

Ryan made his way though the crowds of people to the nearest restaurant: a tiny place with a decent-looking patio called Café Clung.

"A lemonade please." Ryan told the waitress, who was a plump, motherly woman in her mid fifties.

"Sure thing dear." She smiled at him at bustled off to prepare the drink.

Ryan leaned back in his chair and watched with fascination as people of all different races, tongues and religions went about their day around him.

New York City really was a magical place,Ryan decided. There was so much going on. There were so many little neighborhoods encased in the one big city.

He'd see a homeless man asleep on one corner and then right across the street there'd be an expensive shop. It was crazy!

Ryan sipped his lemonade slowly and watched the world go by. People-watching, alone, at a little café was not exactly how Ryan had planned to spend his first real day in New York City but he was fine with it.

He started work in a few days so Ryan was hoping to do as much sight seeing as he could before then.

Now if he could just find Seth and Summer, he might be able to make it to one of his destinations without getting lost!

Ryan pulled out his map again, deciding to make one last attempt at locating the Cohen-Roberts apartment when a familiar sound caught his attention.

His head whipped around in surprise as his eyes raked the crowds, searching desperately for the owner of the laugh.

The beautiful, tinkling laugh that Ryan hadn't heard in nearly five years.

Suddenly, there she was, standing across the street from him as clear as day, chatting on her cell phone. Ryan, paralyzed for a moment, sat drinking in her appearance as though she was air.

Her long, willowy legs and her swishy, dark blond curls immediately brought him back to high school. The day he had learned she'd run away from New Port had been one of the worst days of his life.

_But what's Marissa doing in New York City?_ Ryan wondered. _Summer would have known if her best friend lived here and Seth would have told me for sure. He could never keep a secret that big. _

As Ryan gazed at her retreating form it suddenly dawned on him that he was about to loose her all over again.

Determined not to let that happen, he leaped up from his chair, tossed a crumpled bill on to the table, and took off down the street.

"Marissa!" he called trying to see where she had gone. "Marissa Cooper!"

Out of breath, Ryan finally saw her, a few blocks away, standing in front of a fenced brink building, as though she was waiting for something.

As he watched from across the street, the doors to the building, which Ryan recognized as a school, flew open and hundreds of kids came pouring out.

Ryan watched with wide eyes as two little kids, a girl and a boy, ran into Marissa's waiting arms. Assuming Marissa was the children's nanny, Ryan curiously edged closer to the threesome, straining his ears to hear their conversation.

"Hey guys! Did you have fun at school? I missed you so much!" Marissa pulled each child in for another hug.

"It was great! I made a friend named Clara and she said she liked my dress! We had soooo much fun, didn't we Natey?" The little girl gushed excitedly.

The boy nodded his head eagerly. "We got to paint and play with blocks and we read a story!" Marissa smiled and ruffled his hair as he continued. "I love school! Can we go back tomorrow mommy?"

Ryan's mouth fell open in surprise. He thought he had just heard one of the kids call Marissa 'mommy' but that was impossible.

Marissa Cooper didn't have children. She couldn't even take care of herself! Besides she'd only been gone about 5 years.

Ryan tried to reason with himself but as he took a better look at the children, his heart sank. There was no way that those youngsters were not Marissa's offspring. They looked so much like her it was scary. The two had Marissa's big doe eyes, her shiny blond hair and her square jaw. The little girl even had Marissa's light dusting of freckles across her nose.

What should he do? She obviously had a family now and he didn't want to mess that up. Ryan could tell how happy she was. Still, there was no way she could let her walk out of his life again without so much as an explanation for her departure.

Making up his mind, Ryan hurried across the street to confront Marissa.

"Marissa." Ryan spoke quietly, tapping her on the back. Her whole body seemed to tense up at his touch and she spun around grabbing the kids' hinds as she did so, as if to shield them from Ryan.

Ryan watched silently as her facial expressions changed from shock to fear and back to shock.

"Ryan?" she whispered nervously. "Ryan, what are you doing here?"

"I live here." He responded coldly, all feeling of happiness and excitement at seeing her, suddenly replaced by anger. "What are you doing here?"

"Its kind of a long story." She mumbled softly, glancing worriedly down at her children.

"I think we should talk." He said bluntly.

"Look Ryan, I can't right now. I'm tired, the kids are tired and the nanny has the day off. It's just not a good time for me."

"Okay fine. How 'bout tomorrow? I'll meet you at Café Clung at 4 O'clock." He stared at her with narrowed eyes as though daring her to try and back out of it.

Marissa nodded wordlessly, still not looking him in the eye.

"Good. I'll see you then." Ryan gave her one last look before hurrying back across the street the way he'd came.

For some reason, his brief conversation with Marissa had stirred up a lot of old feelings and Ryan found himself fuming with frustration.

He walked straight past the subway station, deciding that the long walk home would do him good.

Ryan took a deep breath and tried to focus on finding his way back to his apartment, and not on Marissa's tear-stained face, sadly watching him walk away.


	4. Both

Marissa Cooper sat bleary-eyed and exhausted at the kitchen table of her penthouse apartment, watching her kids shovel spoonfuls of cereal into their mouths.

She'd been up most of the night, trying to think of someway to explain herself to Ryan, and she still had nothing.

_She was supposed to meet him in less than nine hours, what would she say?_ Marissa began to panic.

She wanted to lie and tell him that the children's father had left them a few years ago, but she knew that wouldn't work.

Marissa was certain that if Ryan spent even a minute talking to Nate and Lucy, he'd realize that he was their father.

How could he not? They were like him in so many ways.

Both twins had his soulful eyes. They too could convey everything with just a look.

Nate had inherited Ryan's shyness. He didn't open up to people and he hated being the center of attention.

Nate was even afraid of heights, which made living on the top floor of a 9-story apartment building very difficult.

Lucy was less like her father than her brother was. She was talkative and she loved people although she had gotten Ryan's protective gene.

Lucy didn't hesitate to confront anyone who was picking on her or her brother.

"Mommy, you're not listening!" Lucy wined, pulling Marissa out of her trance.

"I'm sorry Lulu, mommy's just thinking about her day. Can you tell me again?" she apologized.

"I said, can you please, please, please take Natey and me to Bleeker Street Park after school?"

"Oh, I'm sorry baby, I can't today." Marissa sadly told her. "There's nothing I'd rather do than take you two to the park, but I have to meet an old friend of mine after school so Alexis is going to pick you up. We'll go on the weekend okay? I promise."

"Ohkayyy."Lucy sighed dejectedly, then perked right back up again, "Mommy will you put piggy tails in my hair?"

"Of course I will Luce, just go get your hair brush for me." Marissa watched her daughter scamper off toward her bedroom with a sad smile on her face.

She wished she could keep the kids all to herself forever but Marissa knew that once she told Ryan about them, there was no way he'd let them go.

He'd take her to court for joint-custody and then she'd only get to see her babies on weekdays and alternate holidays.

The thought made her sick. Yes, they'd finally have two parents but they'd also have two bedrooms, two addresses, two lives.

Just then, the phone let out a shrill ring, causing Marissa to jump about a foot into the air.

"Hello, Cooper residence."

"Coop? It's Summer."

"Hey Sum, what's going on?" Marissa asked worriedly, noticing the nervousness in her friend's voice.

"Listen Coop, I don't have much time cause I'm running late for work so I'm just gonna get straight to the point; Ryan's in the city! Please don't freak out yet! I just found out, he's been leaving messages on our machine nonstop and…."

"I know." Marissa said calmly.

"Wait…what!" Summer screeched. "How do you know Ryan's in New York, he's only been here for like a day?"

"I ran into him yesterday when I was picking the kids up from school." She admitted.

"WHAT! You **saw** Ryan? Oh my god, what happened? Didn't you tell him? Was he mad? Oh my god!"

"I didn't tell him." Marissa said truthfully. "He didn't look very happy to see me though. He was just staring at me with this look on his face and it didn't help that the kids were there and anyway we've arranged to meet today."

"Oh my god Coop! What are you gonna say? I'd probably make something up if I were you."

"I want to lie." Marissa confessed. "But I don't think I can. Nate and Lucy deserve to know their father and he deserves to know them. Besides, he's gonna figure it out eventually, I mean Nate looks just like him."

Summer was silent for a moment. "I guess you're right." she said finally. "But oh my god Coop, can you imagine how mad he's gonna be when he finds out he has two kids he never knew about!"

"Sooooo mad!" Marissa agreed. "He'll probably never speak to me again." She said fearfully.

"Awww Coop, I'm sure everything will be fine." Summer comforted her. "He'll forgive you once you explain everything!" Anyways, I'm really sorry Marissa but I've got to run! Good luck with Atwood!"

Marissa hung up the phone feeling worse, if possible, than before.

She took a deep breath, plastered a smile on to her face for the children's sake, and began tying Lucy's hair into two perfect little pony tails while the little girl chattered on about her upcoming day.

"There you go Lulu." She kissed her daughter's cheek. "Send Natey in here for me so I can brush his hair."

If everything went well with Ryan today, her twins might very well have a dad at this time tomorrow.

Ryan Atwood sat at a small table in Café Clung slowly sipping at his coffee with his eyes fixed on the clock.

4:22. _Which meant that she was already 22 minutes late_, Ryan thought grumpily.

Marissa had never been known for being on time back in Newport either, but god forbid she didn't show up today…..There were so many things he wanted to ask her:

_Why did you leave?_

_Where did you go?_

_Why didn't you ever write or call?_

And most importantly:

_Are you okay?_

Ryan had promised himself not to scream or yell until after she'd explained herself. Maybe she had a perfectly viable reason for leaving. Or maybe she had just run away, like her note had said, without any reasons at all.

There was a tinkling noise as the door was pushed open and the happy sound of children giggling wafted into the restaurant.

Ryan spun around in his seat and, sure enough, Marissa Copper had just walked in with her blond-haired children in tow.

She made her way between the tables until she reached the one where Ryan sat.

"You're late." He stated calmly.

"Look Ryan, I can't talk to you today." She countered, not even bothering to sit down.

"My nanny came down with the flu and there's no one else to watch the kids. I don't want them to be here for this." She looked down at the children and continued. "They're tired, they're hungry and I'm taking them home. We'll have to do this some other time."

She turned to leave.

"Marissa wait!" Ryan pleaded, throwing out an arm to stop her. "If you walk out that door, how do I know you'll come back?" he said softly.

She sighed and turned back to face him. "I will Ryan, I swear I will."

"No." Ryan spoke quietly. "That's not good enough. I don't trust you. We have to talk today." He insisted.

Marissa frowned and bit her lip, thinking hard. "Alright, fine." She said at last. "We can talk at my apartment, come on."

She grabbed both her kids' hands and took off down the street towards the nearest subway entrance with Ryan following closely at her heels.

**They have the talk in the next chapter, I promise :) Read and Review xoxo**


	5. The Talk

Ryan, Marissa and the twins stood in the dark, dingy subway tunnel, waiting from the train to arrive.

"Come here please Lucy." Marissa called, picking both children up and placing one on each hip.

They were cute kids, Ryan decided, watching the two children interact with their mother.

The girl had curly blonde pigtails, Marissa's smile, and a face you couldn't help but love.

She was wearing a lavender sundress and white flip flops and she carried a little Chanel bag, identical to the one on Marissa's shoulder, over her arm.

The little boy was just as adorable as his sister. He was dressed in grey denim jeans, a white t-shirt and a navy blue corduroy jacket.

On his feet Ryan noticed a miniature pair of converse Chuck Taylors and he was immediately reminded of Seth.

"I can take one if you want?" Ryan offered, gesturing to the kids in Marissa's arms.

"Thanks" she said slowly, passing over the little girl who began chattering to him right away.

"Mommy doesn't let us walk around in the subway cause she says if we fall into the tunnel, the train will smush us and we'll die!" she explained with wide eyes.

"Well your mommy's a very smart lady cause its true." Ryan told her as the subway arrived and he was swept up into the crowd of people boarding.

Subways were one part of New York City that Ryan didn't like. The trains were dirty and there were rats in the tunnels and you never knew what type of people would be on it.

He could we sitting next to a murder or a drug dealer right now, Ryan worried, eyeing the person beside him.

The ride to Marissa's street was awkward. Ryan and Marissa sat uncomfortably across from each other, silently trying to avoid looking at the other person while the two kids told them every detail of their day at school.

They finally emerged from the Subway station onto a nice-looking street, lined with tall, brick apartment buildings, and expensive shops.

Ryan fallowed Marissa and the kids to the nearest building and they all climbed into the elevator.

"Can you press the button for us sweetie?" She asked the little boy who grinned excitedly and pushed the P button no less than 5 times.

"You live in the penthouse?" Ryan asked her amazed. _She must have married really well_, He thought to himself.

"Um-hmm." She nodded as the elevator, which was made almost entirely of clear glass, began to rise.

Ryan's stomach lurched. He hated heights at the best of times, but this elevator was horrifying!

Ryan could literally see the ground below his feet getting farther and farther away! He took a step backwards toward the door and was surprised to see Marissa's son do the same thing.

"I don't like being up high." He explained to Ryan in a small voice.

"Mommy and Lucy love it." the kid looked past Ryan to his mother and sister who both had their noses pressed against the glass wall.

Ryan shudder ands was about to ask the little boy his name when the elevator doors flew open and the kid took off running so fast, you'd have thought his pants were on fire!

Ryan followed the boy to a large set of doors and they waited together for Marissa to unlock it.

Ryan had to admit, the apartment was beautiful.

It was an open concept home with plenty of windows and warm neutral colours.

The furniture was simple yet elegant and on the walls hung a beautiful assortment of photographs, most of them of the children at various points in their lives but Ryan also noticed a few of Marissa with Seth and Summer.(Ryan was a bit perturbed that they had known Marissa was here and hadn't told him and decided to ask Seth about that later) The apartment was even relatively clean, which surprised Ryan seeing as there were two small children and Marissa, who was not exactly a neat freak, living there.

"Do you guys want a snack?" Marissa asked the children, setting down her purse.

"Yes please!" they coursed, plopping onto the couch and turning on the television.

"Ryan?"

"Oh, um yeah, thanks." He stuttered still gazing around the apartment.

"You can sit down you know." She told him as she walked into the kitchen. "Make yourself at home."

Ryan sat down awkwardly in the middle of the couch and was immediately swarmed by the children.

"Who are you anyway?" The little girl demanded, crawling up onto his lap.

Ryan was taken aback by her boldness as she stared at him innocently with enormous bleuey-grey eyes.

"I'm an old friend of your moms from high school." He explained.

"Oh." She said. "I'm Lucy Rose Cooper and I'm four!" She held up four fingers. "My birthday is soon and then I'll be five! Mommy said we can have a big party and invite all our new friends from school and get a huge cake, but not chocolate cake cause me and Natey don't like chocolate cake and she even said we can get a magician! There's gonna be balloons and streamers and a piñata and……"

She trailed off and rested her head against Ryan's chest as Dragon Tails came on the TV.

The little boy sat on Ryan's other side, quietly watching his sister who was now singing along to the show's theme son while sucking her thumb.

"What about you kid, what's your name?" Ryan asked trying to start up a conversation as he turned his attention to the boy, who was obviously the shyer of the two.

"Nathaniel James Ryan Cooper." He answered promptly. "But everyone calls me Nate. Mommy says I was named after my granddad and my dad but I've never met either of them." A cold shiver ran down Ryan's back as he stopped listening. Everything suddenly made perfect sense:

The reason Marissa left

The reason Seth and Summer never mentioned her

The reason Nate was afraid of heights

He couldn't believe he hadn't realized it before, Ryan thought immediately beginning to notice bits of himself in the kids.

Lucy had his nose. Nate, his mouth and ears. Both kids had his eyes.

Ryan sat on the couch, unable to move with shock.

He was a father. He had two kids that he had never known.

Marissa reentered the room carrying a plate of pita and humus and a bowl of animal crackers. Ryan watched her set the food down and watched Nate and Lucy pounce on it.

She caught one look at the expression on his face and sighed.

"Guys, why don't you go watch Dragon Tails in mommy's room?" She suggested. "You can bring your snack with you."

"Okay mommy!" They got up obediently and took off running down the hall.

Ryan watched his kids until they disappeared through a doorway, then he looked at Marissa.

"How could you not tell me?" He asked quietly. "How could you not tell me I had children!?!"

"I'm sorry Ryan." She tried to reason with him. "I was afraid and you were with Sadie and I thought it would be easier if…"

"if what? He yelled loudly. "DAMN IT MARISSA, I'M A FATHER! I have two kids I've never even known about! I can't believe you kept this a secret!" He shouted turning away from her and putting his head in his hands.

"They probably hate me for not being here." He said quietly. "What kind of dad knows nothing about his own kids?"

"The kind that was never told they existed." Marissa whispered. "Look Ryan, I understand if you want nothing to do with them. They don't really need a father anyway; they've been fine without one so far. We can just pretend none of this ever happened, and you can get on with your life."

Ryan raised his head and stared at her. "Are you crazy?" He demanded angrily. "No way! I missed nearly 5 years of my children's lives and I'm not going to miss anymore! Now that I know about them, I can't just let them go!"

Marissa smiled sadly. "I knew you'd say that." She told him. "But are you sure? Parenting is a huge thing. It takes time and patience and lots of work. Your life will completely change and once we tell the kids, there's no backing out."

"I'm sure." He said stubbornly. "I've already missed their first words and steps and the first day of school and I'm going to make it up to them. From now on I'll be here for everything!"

Marissa nodded and bit her lip. "I know you're furious with me right now and you have every right to be. Things will probably be weird between us for awhile but can we try to get along for the kids sake please? I don't want them to ever have to hear us fighting."

"Fine." Ryan agreed. "For the kid's sake."

"Good." Marissa looked relieved.

"Would you like to stay for dinner? We might as well tell the kids after we eat."

"Okay." Ryan nodded. "The sooner the better." He was eager to make up for lost time.


	6. The Park

Ryan Atwood walked through the door of apartment 1P and was immediately attacked by two very excited children.

"Daddy!" Lucy cried, leaping into Ryan's arms and hugging him tightly around the neck.

"Daddy can we go now? Please?" Nate, who had chosen to fasten himself around Ryan's leg instead, begged hopefully.

Ryan laughed. "I see you guys are looking forward to today almost as much as I am!" He said, tickling Lucy who was still wrapped around Ryan's neck.

It had been 4 days since Ryan and Marissa had told the kids that he was their father and Ryan had spent nearly waking hour since getting to know them.

He could now name all of Lucy's stuffed animals, Nate's preferred bedtime snack and both kids' favourite colours.

So far Ryan loved parenthood.

The kids had been ecstatic to learn they had a father. They had hugged him and showed him their rooms and they'd even started calling him 'daddy' right away!

Today Ryan was going to spend his first day alone with Nate and Lucy. He was taking them to the toy store and out for ice cream and wherever else they wanted to go.

Marissa had been a bit skeptical about the idea at first, but seeing as Alexis, the twin's nanny, had still not recovered from her illness, she had no choice but to reluctantly agree to let Ryan babysit.

He had to admit, he was nervous. What if he lost one of them in central park or something?

Marissa would **kill** him. Nate and Lucy were her whole life.

"Come on daddy, let's go!" Lucy demanded, grabbing his hand and dragging him toward the door.

"Not so fast kid." Marissa emerged from a nearby room. "You can't go in your pajamas, silly billy!"

She turned to Ryan. "The wanted to wait 'till you got here so you could help them get dressed." She explained, attempting to smile but failing miserably.

Ryan felt bad for her.

Ever since he'd shown up the kids had become quite attached to him, refusing to let him out of their sight as though afraid he'd disappear again if they did.

It must be hard for Marissa to suddenly have to share her kids, he thought.

She had been a single parent for so long she had probably never had to experience her kids wanting to spend time with someone other than their mommy.

Of course she hadn't raised them completely on her own; Seth and Summer had been there for her whenever she needed any help.

Marissa had told him the whole story, starting with the day she found out she was pregnant.

He knew how she'd run away to New York so Seth and Summer would be nearby next year.

She'd told him how she'd finished high school online (since she'd left before graduation) and got a job doing some modeling work but eventually decided she'd rather be the photographer than the subject.

Ryan knew that Seth and Summer had held her hands when the babies were born and had been there to babysit whenever she needed it while she was getting her photography degree at NYU.

He learned how she'd opened her own studio, just a few blocks and they'd moved into her dream apartment.

Ryan knew everything, and he had to admit, he was proud of her although he'd never tell her that.

She had survived in a strange city with no money, no job and two newborn babies.

Marissa had changed in his eyes.

She was no longer just his on-again-off-again high school girlfriend, she was the mother of his children, and he respected her for that.

She seemed stronger too, less fragile than he remembered.

"Daddy, which one do you like better?" Lucy held up two sundresses, one creamy-white, the other covered in blue flowers.

"They're both beautiful Luce." Ryan replied, gazing at her intently.

"I like the white one." She said, ignoring him.

Lucy pulled the dress over her head and turned so Ryan could tie the sash into a bow for her.

"How do I look, daddy?" She giggled, twirling around so the dress flew out around her legs.

"Adorable." Ryan answered, scooping her into his arms. "You're the prettiest little girl I've ever seen."

Ryan carried her into the kitchen where Marissa was waiting with Nate, who was already dressed, and set her down on a chair.

Marissa quickly swooped down and pulled the little girl's hair up into a pony tail before she could protest.

"Can we go now?" Nate asked jumping up onto his chair excitedly. "Pleaseeee!"

Ryan looked over at Marissa who frowned. "You're dressed, you've eaten. Your hair and teeth have been brushed; I suppose you can."

"Wahoo!" Lucy shrieked, running over to her mother. "Bye mommy!" She cried, hugging Marissa around the waist.

Marissa pulled Nate in for a hug too.

"Bye guys, I love you! Have a great day and be good for your daddy!"

"We will!" Nate called and the two children raced down the hall, toward the elevator.

"Alright so I'll have them back for dinner." Ryan told her, walking to the door.

"Sounds good." Marissa nodded. "Take care of my babies."

"I will." He gave her one last wave and headed off to the elevator, to his waiting children.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________-

Ryan stood in the center of a tiny park in the middle of Manhattan and watched nervously as his daughter hung fearlessly by her knees from the monkey bars.

"Look at me daddy!" She laughed happily.

Ryan couldn't help but smile at the little girl.

With her hair blowing around wildly in the warm September wind and the remains of her chocolate peanut butter cup ice cream smeared all over her face she looked down right hilarious.

"Be Careful Lucy!" He warned, stretching out his arms to catch her if she fell. "I don't want you to break your neck!"

"Don't worry daddy!" She said, up-righting herself and jumping to the ground. "I never fall! Mommy calls me queen of the monkeys! She says I've spent half my life upside down!"

She laughed crazily and ran over to where her brother played in the sandbox.

"Let's go on the swings Lucy!" He exclaimed jumping up. "Daddy, come see how high we can swing!"

"Right behind you buddy!" Ryan followed the twins over to the swings and watched them pump their little legs furiously, each trying to swing higher than the other.

Ryan smiled at the sight. He hadn't been able to wipe the grin off his face all day.

It had just been so perfect!

They'd gone to the Central Park Zoo, where Ryan had learned that Nate had a fondness for animals, and to the enormous Toys R Us in Times Square (they had ridden the indoor ferris-wheel three times!) He had taken them to an old fashioned ice cream parlor and to a movie (they'd seen Up) and the three of them had enjoyed a delicious lunch at a lovely, waterside restaurant.

It was nearly time to get them back to Marissa's but they had decided to make one last stop on the way.

Ryan really had no idea where they were.

The kids had led him to this odd little park, claiming to go there all the time, so Ryan figured it must be close to their home.

He was amazed that they could still run and bounce around_. They're tireless_, Ryan thought.

He himself was exhausted from their fun-filled day, practically asleep on his feet!

"I hate to say it guys, but it's time we got going." Ryan told them sadly, checking his watch.

"Awww do we have to?" Lucy wined. "We're having so much fun with you daddy!" Nate added sweetly.

"I'm having fun with you guys too but if we don't leave now we'll be miss dinner and you don't want to not eat, do you?"

"Nooooo!" They shouted loudly, grabbing Ryan's hands and together, the father-daughter-son trio ran down Hudson Street, back to home.


	7. The Dinner

Marissa Cooper stood in front of her enormous kitchen window, watching the sun set over Staten Island. It was her favourite time of day. The orangey-red sky reflected off the water and lit up the whole city, making it feel alive and tingling with excitement, as though anything could happen tonight.

Marissa turned away from the window and walked over to the table to where her twins sat colouring.

"No Natey, _I'm_ gonna use that colour. Here, you can have blue, okay?"

Marissa smiled at her daughter's bossy nature and kissed the little girl's hair.

"Mommy!" Nate exclaimed, noticing her for the first time. "Is daddy gonna be here soon?"

Marissa's heart fell. Ever since Ryan had come into their lives it had been nonstop daddy this and daddy that; it was like she didn't matter anymore.

Marissa knew the kids were just excited to have a dad and she understood how important it was for them to spend time with their father but she couldn't help feeling a little left out; after all what had Ryan really done for them, besides buying them half the stuff in Toys R Us when he'd been babysitting. She, on the other hand, had raised them.

_Urgggg, stop thinking these things, _she mentally scolded herself. _It's not Ryan's fault that he hasn't been here until now. Let's just focus on making tonight perfect. _

In exactly 10 minutes time guests would start arriving for the first Cooper-Atwood-Cohen family dinner ever!

Well technically it was the first Cooper-Atwood-Cohen-Roberts dinner ever but seeing as Seth and Summer had been engaged for nearly a year, she figured it was okay to refer to her friend as a Cohen.

Marissa was just finishing setting the dining room table when there was a loud knock on the door and the buzz of the doorbell rang throughout the house.

_Seth, _Marissa knew instantly. For some reason he always felt the need to both knock and ring, just incase Marissa missed one of them.

"SOMEONE'S HERE!" Lucy announced at the top of her lungs as two pairs of little feet thundered toward the door.

"Uncle Seth!" She cried, hugging him tightly around the waist. "Can I have a piggy back ride?"

"Hello to you too Lucy." Seth said sarcastically. "Hey kid." He knocked fists with Nate before throwing his niece onto his back and taking off galloping around the room.

"Giddy-up horsey!" Lucy laughed like a maniac.

"Hey Coop." Summer said shaking her head at Seth and Lucy's retreating forms. She leaned down and picked up Nate.

"Hi Natey, how's life been treating you?"

"Um…good?" He answered unsurely. Summer laughed and ruffled his hair setting him back down on the floor. "Is Atwood here yet?"

"Right here." Ryan answered for himself, walking through the door.

"Hey Sum." He gave her a friendly embrace. "Marissa." He leaned in to hug her too, but at the last minute, thought better of it and awkwardly stuck out his hand.

"Hi." She said raising her eyebrows at him.

Ryan blushed and hurried off to 'go say hi to Seth and the kids'.

"Okay spill!" Summer demanded the instant the two of them were alone.

"Huh?" Marissa questioned innocently.

"The awkward handshake, the uncomfortable silences, the lack of eye contact; admit it Coop, something happened with Atwood!"

"What! Sum , no! There is nothing going on between me and Ryan, I swear!" She quickly defended herself.

"Oh really? Cause I defiantly saw some sparks flying between you! Come on, you can tell me, I won't tell anyone, not even Cohen!" She persisted.

"I'm serious Summer, Ryan and I are just friends, and besides, didn't you say he had a girlfriend?"

"Oh that's right!" Summer bit her lip. "That could be a dilemma, but don't worry, I have a feeling they won't be together much longer!" She gave Marissa a sly grin.

"No Summer, whatever you're planning, don't do it! Things are good with us right now, don't mess that up!" Summer ignored her and continued to smile.

"Oh god Summer, what are you going to do!" Marissa panicked, grabbing her friend's hand.

"Relax Coop." Summer patted Marissa's shoulder comfortingly. "I'm simply going to 'suggest' to Ryan to call it quits with Taylor and then 'subtly remind' him that the two of you are meant to be!" She took the salad bowl out of a stunned Marissa's hands and carried it to the table.

"DINNER!" Summer hollered.

The six of them sat around the table, quietly munching on their corn and chicken.

"This is really good Marissa!" Seth commented; try to start up a conversation.

"Thanks." She responded and the room sank into silence once again.

Even the children seemed to have sensed the tension in the air as they were talking much less than usual.

"Does this remind anyone else of Ryan's incredibly awkward farewell dinner in senior year when he was going to become a fisherman?" Seth wondered aloud.

"Oh my god, yes!" Summer exclaimed gleefully. "Coop was **so **mad that night! She kept attacking everything you said Atwood, member? She laughed.

Ryan shook his head and glared at her sourly.

"I sure do!" Seth remarked. "You had some great comebacks Marissa!"

Marissa smiled at him sarcastically and went back to her food, silently cursing Seth for bringing up the past.

"All I remember from that night is Summer's parrot impression." Ryan put in. "Your squawk will probably stick with me forever!"

"Ewwwww no!" Summer cried all the adults laughed. "Let's not bring that up!"

Marissa looked up at Ryan and smiled, thanking him with her eyes for saving the conversation.

"So Natey…." Summer changed the subject. "How was your game on Monday? Did you win?"

"Game?" Ryan asked looking around the table.

"Soccer." Seth quietly informed him.

"It was great!" Nate's eyes lit up. "We won 5-3 and I scored a goal!" He grinned proudly.

"No way!" Summer high-fived the little boy. "You scored a goal and I missed it? Congratulations buddy!" he smiled at her embarrassedly and blushed.

"I didn't know you played soccer." Ryan spoke up.

"Oh they both do." Seth answered immediately. "Although Lucy prefers her gymnastics class, don't you Luce?"

The little girl nodded happily and Summer laughed. "Of course you do, you little wild child! You get to bounce and jump around all you want!'

Marissa noticed an unreadable look come over Ryan's face and realized he was upset. She hurriedly steered the conversation away from the kids. "Hey Sum, have you guys set a date for the wedding yet?"

"Ohhh Yes! Summer gushed excitedly. "We've decided to do it in the spring, probably around the May 10th weekend which means we have to go dress shopping soon! Oh and Lucy will be the flower girl of course and Natey the ring boy…"

"Ring bearer." Seth corrected.

"Whatever."

The rest of the meal was spent discussing wedding plans.

After dinner Ryan stood in the kitchen, staring out the window at the moon.

"Hey." Marissa said approaching him and handing over a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." He said quietly. "Where are Seth and Summer?"

"Oh Nate and Lucy are showing them all the new toys you bought them." She laughed. "They'll probably be awhile!" Ryan gave her a half smile but said nothing.

"Listen Ry, you don't have to feel bad. You've known them for all of 2 weeks; you can't expect to know everything already! It's only soccer and gymnastics."

"It just makes me realize exactly how much I've missed." He frowned.

Marissa looked down at her shoes as her eyes filled up with tears. "I-I-I'm really, really sorry." She mumbled. "If it weren't for me you'd have almost five years of memories, just like I do. I hate myself for taking them away from you. I don't expect you to ever forgive me." She wiped her eyes hastily, turning away.

"Marissa." Ryan put a hand on her shoulder. "I **do** forgive you. I do, and I think you're really brave."

Marissa snorted. "Why?" She asked tearfully. "I wouldn't forgive me if I were you and how is running away brave?"

"First of all, just cause I forgive you doesn't mean I'm not mad at you." Ryan explained. "I still wish you'd told me; but I understand why you didn't." His voice softened.

"And I don't know about you, but starting over in a big city with nothing and raising two kids by yourself seems pretty courageous to me."

She gave a small smile. "I didn't raise them myself, Seth and Summer helped." She reminded him.

"Ahhh that's right!" Ryan joked. "That's why my kids turned out so weird!"

Marissa gave a watery chuckle and slapped his arm playfully. "Hey! Take that back!"

"I'm kidding." He said, pulling her in for a hug. "They really are great kids. You've done an amazing job with them!"

"Thanks." She whispered, savoring the feeling of being in his arms again. _Maybe Summer was right, _she thought to herself. _Maybe there were a still few sparks between them._

**Hey everybody, thank you so much for reading, I'm really glad you like the story so far! This chapter is going to be my last for a little while because I'm going to the cottage for a week and it's impossible to update without a computer. I promise to keep writing as soon as I get back!**


	8. The Sleepover

Ryan Atwood stood in the grocery store, in the frozen foods aisle trying to decide on weather to buy chicken fingers or fish sticks for tomorrow night's dinner.

It was going to be Nate and Lucy's first time spending the night at his apartment. They would be with him the whole weekend; from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. The kids had only been to Ryan's a few times before as it wasn't really set up for children. It was easier for him to visit them at Marissa's house where they already had toys, games, and books.

Ryan had asked Marissa for the kids for the weekend after she had told him that she had to work late on Friday night. She'd been planning to leave them with their nanny anyway so Marissa was more than happy to agree. Ryan had been ecstatic! He hadn't expected her to give in so quickly!

He'd rushed out to the nearest IKEA and purchased a bunk bed, toy box and bookshelf to decorate his spare bedroom for the twins. Ryan had spent the next 24 hours reorganizing and child-proofing his entire apartment. He'd put away breakables and cleaning chemicals, locked up the liquor cabinet and removed any sharp objects such as scissors and knives from their reach- Ryan never knew what mischief Nate and Lucy would get into but better safe than sorry.

The house in order, Ryan had been priding himself on a job well done when he'd realized that he had no kid friendly food in the whole house. Nate and Lucy were not particularly picky eaters but Ryan was pretty sure that even they wouldn't eat falafels, asparagus and oysters for diner.

He'd grabbed his keys and hurried out the door to the supermarket, which brings us back to chicken fingers or fish sticks? The meal would be ruined if one of the twins didn't like what he served and Ryan really wanted everything to be perfect.

_Every kid likes chicken fingers,_ Ryan decided finally, loading 2 boxes into his cart which was already overflowing with fruit, jello and a variety of popsicles. He had juice, peanut butter and cookies at home so the only thing left to get was something for breakfast. Ryan tossed a couple packages of frozen waffles and toaster strudels into his cart and then grabbed a box of cinnamon oatmeal before striding over to the check out. Ryan glanced at his watch; 22 hours until Nate and Lucy arrived.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Are you guys all packed?" Marissa Cooper asked her 4-year-olds as she walked into their enormous playroom.

"Yes!" Shouted Lucy, jumping to her feet and running over to her mother. "And I brought my new stuffie to show daddy!"

"I'm sure he can't wait to see it!" Marissa smiled, lifting her daughter into her arms. "What about you Natey? You ready?" Nate pointed wordlessly to the twin suitcases, one pink, one blue, lined up side by side by the door.

"Got your toothbrush?" He nodded.

"Pajamas?"

"Yup."

"Okay mister." Marissa sat down cross-legged on the floor and pulled Nate on to her lap. "What's wrong? A few hours ago you couldn't wait to go to your daddy's house. What happened?"  
"Can't you come with us?" his eyes filled up with tears.

"Oh sweetie, I wish I could." Marissa wrapped her arms around the little boy and he buried his face in her hair. "But you're going so you can spend time with your daddy. I have to stay here." She stroked his head lovingly. "I'll be very lonely without you guys and I'll miss you terribly but it's only for 2 nights and you can call me right before you go to bed to say goodnight, okay?"

"Okay." Nate hiccupped, wiping his eyes.

"Can we call you in the day time too?" Lucy asked, resting her head on her mothers shoulder.

"Of course you can baby. You can call me whenever you want."

"Good." She said contently.

Marissa pulled the children to their feet and herded them to the door where she tied shoes, buttoned coats and tucked in mittens.

"Do we have everything?"

"Uh-huh." The twins coursed in unison before thundering down the hallway toward the elevator.

"Wait for me guys!" Marissa called after them, running to keep up with a suitcase in each hand.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'Ding-Dongggg' The sound of the doorbell echoed through Ryan's spacious third-floor apartment. He lived in an old restored factory. It was dark and cozy with exposed bricks and beams and weathered hardwood floors. It was no penthouse like Marissa's but Ryan loved in all the same. Plus, it was right across the street from a bakery, which was an added bonus!

Ryan opened the door to reveal two tiny blonde-haired figures, in the arms of their mother, each clutching a small suitcase to their chest.

"Hi guys!" Ryan greeted them uncertainly, surprised that they weren't climbing all over him like usual.

"Hello daddy." Lucy said solemnly, holding out her arms toward him as indication to be passed over to Ryan. He kissed her cheek then looked over to Marissa for some kind of explanation for the kids' quietness.

"They're a little nervous about staying the night without me." She told him. "I've only ever left them overnight twice in their lives and both times it was with Seth and Summer who they've known forever."

"Oh. Right." Said Ryan, slightly put out. "Well don't worry guys, we're gonna have so much fun this weekend, we won't even miss mommy! Guess what I got us? Three tickets for the New York Bubble show for tomorrow afternoon!"

"Bubble show?" Nate ears perked up.

"I LOVE BUBBLES!" Lucy cried excitedly.

"Bubble show?" Marissa questioned.

"Yeah, I saw an add for it in Times Square and I dunno, I though it looked kind cool so I thought we could check that out and then maybe go out for dinner." He looked at Marissa for approval.

"Sounds like you two are gonna have an awesome weekend!" Marissa set Nate on the ground. "Daddy's right, you're not going to miss me at all!" she laughed. "But you still have to call before bed so I can say goodnight, okay?"

"Kay mommy." Lucy said, giving her mother a tight hug. "I love you."

"I love you too baby. And you Natey." She gave Nate one last quick squeeze. "Bye Ryan. See you all on Sunday!"

"Bye!" The three others replied, watching her walk out the door.

Ryan quickly engaged Lucy and Nate, who looked like they were about to cry, in a tour of their new room to distract them. Ryan didn't do tears. He wouldn't know what to do if one of the kids started crying. This weekend was going to be tougher than he'd thought.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Lucy sat on her knees on the floor of her dad's apartment watching Arthur while a frustrated Ryan tried again and again to braid the little girl's soft blonde hair. It just wasn't working. He'd been at it for a good 25 minutes and was getting nowhere.

Lucy had dressed herself, for the most part, in striped tights, a jean skirt, a powder-blue cardigan sweater over a white t-shirt, and black suede boots but she'd come to Ryan for help with her hair. "Mommy always does it. Or auntie Summer." She'd told him. "I don't know how to do it myself." Unable to say no to the little girl, Ryan had grabbed Lucy's hairbrush and got to work.

"Oww." She screeched. "OWWWWWWW! DADDY YOU"RE HURTING ME!"

"I know Luce, hang on a sec. One more twist. Okay I'm done!" Ryan announced, giving her hair a pat. Lucy, eager to see her dad's handiwork, ran over to the mirror and burst out laughing at the 5 funny angled ponytails and the randomly placed hairclips that littered her head.

"It looks like I got ran over by a lawnmower!" she giggled, climbing onto Ryan's lap. "How bout I just have my hair down daddy?"

"Good idea princess." Ryan began pulling out the pink elastics and butterfly barrettes that were tangled into his daughter's beautiful hair. When he'd finished Lucy turned to him with a serious expression on his face and said "You know Ryan, if you're gonna be my daddy you better learn to braid." She hopped off his lap and skipped down the hall singing the alphabet song at the top of her lungs.

Ryan followed her into the twin's bedroom where the two of them were playing and sat down on the floor, next to Nate.

"We've got about 5 hours till the bubble show. Is there anything you guys want to do?"  
Nate shrugged and went back to pushing his toy cars across the rug.

"I KNOW, I KNOW!" Lucy exclaimed, bouncing up and down on the bed. "JUNGLE JAM!"

"Jungle Jam?" Ryan asked.

"It's the best place in the whole world, right Natey?"

"Uh-huh!" He grinned up at Ryan. "The whole world!"

"Mommy takes us there on special occasions." Lucy continued. "It's sooooo fun!"

"'Specially when uncle Seth comes!" Nate piped up.

"Oh yes!" Lucy cried happily. "Uncle Seth chases us all around Jungle Jam and throws us in the ball pit!"

"The ball pit is my FAVOURITE!" Nate shrieked, jumping to his feet.

"Oh please can we go to Jungle Jam daddy? Please? Pleaseeeee?" The twins tugged hopefully on Ryan's sleeves.

Determined not to be outdone by Seth, Ryan agreed to take them. He got out a phone book, looked up the address for Jungle Jam and half an hour later Ryan was walking down 36th Street with two very energetic children running along ahead of him.

Jungle Jam Play Place turned out to be an enormous jungle themed indoor park complete with slides, tunnels and trampolines. Ryan could see why Marissa liked bringing them there. It was the perfect place for Nate and Lucy to burn off all their extra energy.

Ryan was surprised to find that he was enjoying himself there. Nate and Lucy were so happy running through the obstacles and climbing up the rope ladders, their smiles were contagious.

Ryan spent most of the time hiding in the ball pit, waiting to jump out at his unsuspecting children who laughed like maniacs every time he did so. The three of them spent several hours running and jumping and laughing until it was finally time for them to go. The twins didn't want to leave Jungle Jam but the New York Bubble Show cheered them right up.

Ryan and the kids watched in awe as bubbles as big as bicycles blew over the audience. Nate and Lucy sat quietly for the whole show, their eyes fixed on the millions of tiny or rainbow or sparkly bubbles that the performers produced.

"THAT WAS AWESOME!" Lucy shouted when the show had ended, jumping up onto her seat and clapping her hands wildly.

"It was, wasn't it?" Ryan agreed, lifting his daughter off of her chair and on to the floor.

"Daddy can we have some bubbles?" Nate asked sweetly pointing towards a small booth that had been set up by the exit.

"Yeah, sure." Ryan pulled out his wallet and allowed himself to be dragged over to the kiosk .

The two of them blew their bubbles all the way to dinner. They had settled on eating at the Hard Rock Café a few blocks away. Ryan had never been there but the kids assured him it was very cool.

And so it was. Music memorabilia covered the walls and ceiling and all the dishes were named after famous songs, bands or albums. Nate's chicken fingers even came in the shape of guitars!

"Daddy, can we please have dessert?" Nate asked once he had finished eating.

"Defiantly kid, I intend to!" Ryan grinned at the little boy. He ordered a chocolate mousse cake, Lucy, the Hard Rock cheesecake and Nate, a classic ice cream sundae.

"Here you go kids!" The waitress smiled. "Enjoy."

"We will!" Lucy replied eyeing her dessert hungrily.

"Do you guys mind if I run to the bathroom?" Ryan asked once the waitress was gone, unsure if it was appropriate to leave your 4-year olds alone in a restaurant.

"Sure daddy, go ahead." Nate smiled at him.

"Thanks." Ryan said relieved. "I'll be fast."

He was just washing his hands when Ryan heard a yell coming from the main restaurant. Ryan grabbed a paper towel and rushed out of the bathroom to see what was going on. There was a crowed gathered around a table at the back. Ryan's table.

"DADDYYYYYY!" Nate bellowed, running towards him. "Daddy, it's Lucy, she's not getting up!" The little boy sobbed with tears running down his cheeks.

Ryan froze with fear. _Lucy. Not getting up. What could have happened to her I've only been gone 5 minutes! _Ryan grabbed Nate by the hand and ran the rest of the way across the restaurant.

His stomach dropped as he approached the table. She looked so small and pale, lying there, on the floor.

"What's wrong with her?" He desperately asked the waitress, who was bent over her.

"Not sure." She spoke quickly and urgently. " I think her throat's closing up. Maybe some kind of reaction. Is she allergic to anything?"

Ryan racked his brains for any memory of someone mentioning allergies.

"I-I don't know." His voice shook. "Nate is she allergic to anything?"

"Ummm." The little boy bit his lip. "Blueberries?"

"This dessert has blueberries in it." A dark haired man in a chef's hat announced. "You've got to get her to a hospital."

"I call an ambulance!" The waitress jumped to her feet.

"No there's no time." Ryan insisted. "She could be dead before it gets here. There's a hospital a few blocks away. I'll take her."

He scooped Lucy's miniature body into his arms, set Nate on his other hip and was running out the door before anyone knew what was happening.

Ryan sprinted through the streets on New York ignoring honks and shouts from angry drivers, the only thing on his mind; getting Lucy to the hospital as soon as possible.

He ran faster then he'd ever run in his life and was panting and covered in sweat by the time he burst through the doors of the emergency room.

"Help!" Ryan croaked. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Around half a dozen doctors and nurses surrounded them immediately.

"Her breaths are shallow." A white-coated doctor noted taking Lucy from Ryan's arms and lying her on a wheelie bed.

"Her throats closed up." A second doctor muttered, shining a flashlight into the little girl's mouth. "She's having some sort of allergy attack."

"GET HER IN THERE!" Two doctors pushed Lucy's cot quickly down the hall and into a small room.

"Sir, I'm sorry but you're going to have to stay here." A nurse said, sticking out her hand to stop Ryan from following.

"WHAT?" He shouted at the nurse, trying to push past her. "I'M NOT GOING TO STAY HERE! THAT'S MY DAUGHTER IN THERE, SHE NEEDS ME. YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM GOING WITH MY DAUGHTER! SHE'D ONLY FOUR YEARS OLD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!"

"Sir." She repeated calmly. "You can't go in there. We'll let you know how your daughter is as soon as we're aware of the situation. In the mean time please stay calm. There's some paper work for you to fill out."

Ryan scowled at the women but slowly followed her to the waiting room. "You'll come and get me as soon as you know how she is?" He clarified.

"Yes." She said, her voice softening. "I promise."

Ryan nodded silently and began filling out the paper work, Nate lying sleepily across his lap.

Half an hour later, when everything was done, Ryan shifted the now sleeping little boy into his arms and walked over to the pay phone in the corner of the room.

"Hello?" Said a voice on the other end of the phone.

"Summer? It's Ryan."

"Oh hey Ryan! How's your weekend with the kids going? Are you having a blast?"

"Actually it's not going so good." Ryan admitted. "We're at the hospital."

"The Hospital?"

"Yeah, Lucy ate some blueberries when we were out for dinner a little while ago."

"But Ryan! Lucy's allergic to blueberries!" Summer gasped.

"A load of good that information will do me now." Ryan said sourly. "Anyway Lucy's in the ER right now and they won't tell me what's going on and I was hoping you could come down here and get Nate. You know, bring him back to your house for the night. He had a long day and I'm afraid we'll be here a while."

"Sure." She said softly. "Seth and I will be there in a minute. And Ryan, she will be okay."

"Thanks." Ryan responded, hanging up the phone.

That taken care of, Ryan inserted another quarter and prepared to make another call.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Marissa sat on her couch, eating ice cream from the carton and watching Desperate Housewives. It was her favourite show but she was having trouble paying attention tonight, Marissa missed her kids. They'd promised to call to say goodnight but it was well past their bedtime and the phone was yet to ring.

At that very moment, as if on cue, the phone emitted a loud, shrill ring that caused Marissa to jump about a foot in the air.

"Hello?" she said, answering it on the first ring.

"Hey Marissa it's Ryan."

"Ryan? It's about time. Is everything alright? I was getting kind of worried when the kids didn't call to say goodnight. How are they? Are they having fun? I hope they're being good for you."

"Um actually Marissa, we're at the hospital. Lucy had an allergic reaction when we were out for dinner."

"WHAT?" Marissa roared. "YOU GAVE HER BLUEBERRIES? RYAN, HOW COULD YOU, SHE'S DEATHY ALLERGIC! OH MY GOD IS SHE OKAY?"

"I don't know, they won't let me see her." His voice dripped with worry.

"URGGGGG RYAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LET THIS HAPPEN! BLUEBERRIES CAN KILL HER! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO TAKE CARE OF A CHILD, DO YOU?"

There was a silence on Ryan's end for a moment. "Look Marissa I understand you're upset and I feel terrible about what happened but I really think you should get down here; your daughter needs you." He spoke in an empty emotionless voice.

"Ryan I didn't…."

"Just get down here." He interrupted and the line went dead.

Marissa guiltily grabbed her coat and hurried out the door, still wearing her slippers. She hailed a cab and was, soon after, running though the doors of the emergency room.

"Hi I'm here for Lucy Cooper." She breathlessly told the nurse. "I'm her mother."

"Marissa, over here!" A voice called from behind her.

"Ryan!" She spun around. He looked awful. His face was a ghostly pale and his eyes, filled with worry. His mouth was drawn into a grim line which instantly made Marissa regret yelling at him.

"Ryan!" Marissa said again, throwing herself into his arms. "I'm sooo sorry I blew up at you!" She burst into tears. "It's all my fault! I forgot to tell you about her allergy, didn't I?"

"It's okay, I get it." He patted her back, ignoring the question. "You were scared and confused." The two adults sank into chairs.

"Have they told you anything yet?"

"Nope, nothing yet." Ryan sighed frustratedly. "But I guess no news is good news, right?"

"Right." Marissa agreed sounding far more confident than she felt. "Where's Nate?"

"Seth and Summer came and got him." Ryan explained. "He's going to stay with them tonight."

"That's a good idea." Marissa nodded. "I bet he was exhausted."

Crying softly she grabbed his hand and rested her head on his shoulder. "D'you think she's going to be okay?"

"I hope so." Ryan replied quietly. "I really, really hope so."


	9. The Story

Ryan Atwood sat groggily in a hard plastic chair in the hospital waiting room wondering why no one had come out to tell him how his daughter was.

They'd been here for hours, surely there was some news. In fact, if it weren't for the young women next to him, Ryan probably would have found a doctor and demanded some information ages ago.

Marissa had fallen asleep, her head resting on Ryan's shoulder, a little while ago and he didn't want to wake her.

She looked so beautiful and peaceful while she slept, despite her tear stained cheeks and lack of makeup.

Marissa was in her pajamas. She'd told Ryan that she'd been watching TV when he called and she'd been in such a rush to get to Lucy, she hadn't even bothered to change out of her slippers!

"Marissa." He said nudging her gently as a woman with a stethoscope around her neck, carrying a clip board walked into the waiting room. "Marissa wake up, I think this is Lucy's doctor."

"Lucy?" Marissa sat up, rubbing her eyes.

"Hello." The women said, approaching Ryan and Marissa's chairs. "Lucy Cooper's parents?"

"Yes." Ryan rose to his feet.

"My name is Doctor Fisher. I'm Miss Cooper's main physician."

"How is she?" Marissa asked, now fully awake. "Is she okay?"

"Yes." The doctor gave them a sympathetic smile. "Your daughter is going to be fine. You got her here quickly enough that we were able to prevent her throat from closing up completely. You were really lucky this time. In the future, you'll have to be more careful"

"We will be." Ryan said impatiently. "Can we see her now?"

"Of course. Lucy's resting now but she's been asking for her mother. If you would just follow me." She gestured toward a nearby door.

Ryan and Marissa, his arm around her shoulders, we led down a long hall and into a small room labeled 326.

Marissa clutched Ryan's arm tightly as they entered, as though afraid of what she might see.

Lucy lay, small and pale looking, in a large bed, dressed in a hospital gown, her light hair fanned out over her pillow. Her eyelids fluttered open at the sound of footsteps and the creak of the door.

"Mommy!" She called out in a tired voice, raising her head off the pillow slightly, stretching her arms out toward Marissa.

"Oh baby, I'm right here!" Marissa hurried across the room to Lucy's bed and knelt down, kissing her forehead. "Daddy and I are so so happy you're okay!" Her eyes leaked tears of relief as she stroked the little girl's hair.

"How are you feeling princess?" Ryan put in, crouching down next to Marissa and taking his daughter's hand.

Ignoring the question, Lucy began to cry, her large grey-blue eyes never wavering off Marissa's face. "I'm sorry mommy!" She wailed. "I didn't know it had blueberries in it, I really didn't!"

"Shhhh, you don't have to apologize sweetie, this isn't your fault! It was a big accident! The important thing is that you're alright!" Marissa held the little girl close to her chest.

"S-S-so you're not mad at me?" Lucy whimpered with wide eyes.

"Oh baby, of course we're not mad at you!" Marissa was horrified.

"Then why are you crying mommy?" Lucy asked innocently.

"I'm crying because I'm so glad you're okay!" she explained tearfully. "We were so worried about you!"

"But mommy, I'm fine!" Lucy giggled sitting up. "You're silly!"

Marissa gave a watery chuckle and hugged her daughter.

"Can we go home now?" She asked brightly. "I wanna show Natey my Band-Aid!" Lucy pointed to a fluorescent pink bandage on her inside right elbow. "They had to give me a shot and my arm was bleeding after so they gave me a Band-Aid." She told them.

"Sorry Luce but the doctor said that you have to stay a little bit longer to make sure you're okay. We can't go home until tomorrow." Ryan explained sadly. "Mommy's going to go home and get your stuffie and your pajamas so you'll be more comfortable and we'll both stay here with you tonight, okay?"

"Kay." Lucy smiled, looking at Ryan for the first time since they'd gotten here.

"Alright." Marissa stood up. "Will you be okay here with daddy for a little while? I promise I won't be too long."

Lucy frowned but nodded. "I love you mommy."

"I love you too honey. So, sooo much!"

With Marissa gone, Lucy focused her attention on Ryan.

"Read me a story, daddy?" She rubbed her eyes tiredly. "Please."

"I'd love to kid but I didn't bring any books with me. Do you want me to call mommy and tell her to get some from home?"

"No." Lucy said stubbornly. "Tell me a story."

"Tell you a story? Umm I don't really know any kid."

"Make one up." She persisted. "Please daddy?"

"Okay, fine." He gave in.

"Once upon a time, there was a boy named Ryan." He began.

"You." Lucy remarked.

"Yes, me."

"Ryan lived in a small house with his brother, his mother and her boyfriend in a little town called Chino. One day Ryan got into some trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" Lucy asked curiously.

"Bad trouble." Ryan told her. "Trouble with the police."

"That **is** bad!" she squealed in delight. "What did you do?"

"It doesn't matter." Ryan told her. "I'll tell you when you're older."

"But daddy.." she protested.

Ryan shook his head. "Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?"

Lucy nodded eagerly and Ryan continued.

"Anyway, Ryan got in trouble and so a nice man named Sandy came to help him."

"But Sandy is a **girl's** name!" Lucy couldn't help but shout out. Ryan smiled and shook his head.

"Sandy is short for Sanford. It's his nickname." he explained

"Oh okay. Keep going please." She leaned back on her pillows.

"Sandy knew that Ryan's mother wasn't a very good mommy for Ryan so he took Ryan back to his house in New Port."

"Where's New Port?"

"California, princess. If you keep asking questions we'll never get to the end of the story."

"Oops!" She covered her mouth with her hands. "Sorry daddy!"

"So Ryan went to go live with Sandy and his wife Kirsten and their son Seth in New Port. Seth and Ryan became best friends. They played video games together. One day, Ryan was outside of his new house when he met a girl who lived next door named Marissa Cooper."

"Mommy!" Lucy clapped her hands happily.

Ryan smiled and kept talking. "Marissa was the most beautiful girl Ryan had ever seen. They liked each other right away. Soon, Marissa and Ryan started dating. Their first kiss was at the school carnival, on the Ferris-wheel."

"Ewwww!" Lucy laughed, reminding Ryan very much of Summer.

"Marissa and Ryan were very happy together. She had a best friend named Summer Roberts who fell in love with Ryan's best friend Seth. They were very happy too."

"Uncle Seth and Auntie Summer!" Lucy grinned.

"Yep." Ryan said. "You got it."

"So the four of them, Ryan, Seth, Marissa and Summer became best friends. They called themselves the fantastic four and they did everything together. The fantastic four and lots of adventure together. One time they got trapped in a mall overnight! Another time they tried to run away on a boat! And even though Ryan and Marissa and Seth and Summer broke up sometimes and dated other people, they always found their way back to each other."

Ryan noticed Lucy stifle a yawn. "Do you want me to tell you the rest tomorrow, baby? You look like you're ready for bed."

"No." She said forcefully. "Keep going."

"Okay." Ryan agreed.

"A few weeks before graduation, in their last year of high school, Marissa decided to leave New Port. She had had a very tough year; she had got expelled from school, one of her friends died and she and her mother lost all their money and had to move into a trailer.

Marissa decided to go to New York City. She left with a very big secret. She was going to have a baby! Marissa was so happy when she found out she was going to be a mommy but she didn't tell anybody. Marissa and Ryan were broken up at the time and she decided that he was too young to be a daddy right then. She wanted him to go to college first.

Ryan, Seth and Summer were very sad when she left. Ryan went to a school called Berkley, not far from his home in New Port. Seth and Summer both went to Rhode Island. After they graduated, they moved to New York to help Marissa with her two brand new babies who she had named Nathaniel and Lucy."

"Me and Natey." Lucy mumbled sleepily.

"Nate and Lucy were very good babies and Marissa loved them more then anything in the whole world. Seth and Summer loved them too but Ryan still didn't know about them. One day he went to New York City to start a new job and he ran into Marissa. Ryan was very happy to see her. He met Nate and Lucy and liked them right away. Ryan thought they were great kids. Then Marissa told him that he was their father. Ryan was surprised but very, very, very happy. He got to know Nate and Lucy and soon he loved them too, just as much as Marissa did. Everything in Ryan's life was perfect. The fantastic four was back together and he had two wonderful children. Ryan, Marissa, Seth, Summer, Nate and Lucy all lived happily ever after." Ryan finished quietly, gazing lovingly at his sleeping daughter.

"Goodnight Lucy." He kissed the little girls head, watching her peacefully suck her thumb.

"Sweet dreams." And with that he left the room, wandering out into the hallway to wait for Marissa.


	10. The Feelings Rekindled

**Hey everybody! Just wanted to thank you again for reading/reviewing/favouriting ect. It means a lot that you like this story enough to stick with it. Anyway, here's the RM you've been asking for! Hope its okay!**

Marissa Cooper stood beside her children's father at the hospital's front entrance desk waiting patiently as Ryan signed some papers that would allow their daughter to be released to them.

She shifted Lucy slightly in her arms, listening to the little girl chatter about all the things she would do when she got home.

Marissa smiled at Lucy's enthusiasm. The way she was talking, you'd think she'd been away for months rather than days.

"You said that when you talked to Auntie Summer on the phone, she said she had a surprise for me right?" The young blonde asked excitedly.

"Yep that's what she said." Marissa played with her daughter's hair absentmindedly. "She said that she and your brother would be waiting for you at home with a welcome home present."

"YAY!" Lucy shrieked. "I wonder what it is. Maybe a unicorn! Or a gumball! Or a house!"

"What do you need a new house for?" Marissa asked playfully, tickling her daughter. "You've already got **two**!"

"Yes but this house could be for all of us so you, me, daddy and Natey could live together like a real family." She explained simply.

"Oh baby, we are a real family!" Marissa cried, crushed by Lucy's words. "Even though we don't live together! Daddy and I love you and Natey very much!"

Lucy looked doubtful.

"And daddy's coming over for dinner tonight so we can eat as a family!" She continued desperately. "Would you like that?"

"Uh-huh." Lucy nodded happily. "I like it when you and daddy are together."

"I like it too baby." Marissa whispered to herself.

"All done!" Ryan set down his pen and pushed a large stack of papers across the counter towards the receptionist. "We can finally get out of here!"

"Lucy, are you leaving us already?" Doctor Fisher walked over to them and gave Lucy a hug.

"Yah! I'm all better!" Lucy said proudly from her place in Marissa's arms.

"Glad to hear it!" The doctor smiled warmly. "I don't want you coming back any time soon!" She laughed heartily and turned to leave.

"Well I really must get back in there but it was great to meet you Lucy, Mr. and Mrs. Cooper." Doctor Fisher nodded courteously.

"They're not married!" Lucy announced loudly causing everyone in the room to turn around.

"Excuse me?" Said Doctor Fisher.

"Mommy and daddy aren't married." Lucy repeated. "Mommy lives in one house and daddy lives in another. Daddy's last name is Atwood, not Cooper!"

"Oh, um, my mistake." The Doctor muttered, looking uncomfortable. "I just assumed. Well it was really nice to meet you all! Good-bye!" She hurried off down the hall.

"What did I say?" Lucy asked wide-eyed.

Ryan laughed and lifted his daughter into his arms. "Come on princess, let's go home! I don't know about you but I'm starving!"

The elevator door opened with a clang on the top floor of the Ambrose apartment building in Manhattan, to reveal three quarters of the Cooper-Atwood family, standing hand in hand.

A very excited Lucy darted out in front of her parents and raced to the door. "Hurry up!" She cried impatiently looking back at them. "I want to see my surprise!"

"Calm down kid." Ryan told her as Marissa unlocked the door. "It's probably just a new Barbie or something."

The little girl rolled her eyes at him and burst through the door. "I'M HOME!" She shouted joyfully stepping inside. "NATEY!"

"LUCY!" He shouted back equally happily as he walked into the room. "I'm so glad you're home!"

The two kids ran toward each other and hugged tightly, causing Marissa to smile broadly. She thought it was adorable how attached her children were to one another.

Prior to their birth, she'd always thought that the twins being able to read each other's minds thing was a myth, but she'd immediately changed her mind once she'd met her kids.

It may sound silly but Nate really did have a special bond. They were a lot closer than most siblings.

"Come on Lucy!" Nate grabbed her hand. "Your surprise is in the kitchen with Auntie Summer!" Lucy giggled excitedly and the two of them ran off to the kitchen with Ryan and Marissa following closely behind.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Lucy screamed in delight, throwing herself to the floor beside Summer. "You got me a DOG!"

"You got her a _dog_?" Marissa rubbed her temples where a headache was starting and shot Summer a look.

"Yeah." Summer grinned, ignoring Marissa's glare. "The twins have been wanting a puppy for a while now and Nate and I were out for lunch earlier and we saw them and couldn't resist! They were sooo cute!" She smiled fondly at the tiny golden puppy in Lucy's arms.

Marissa had to admit it was cute. And the kids seemed to love it, she noticed as she watched them stroke it lovingly.

"Alright." She sighed finally. "But if it gets too big, it's going to live with daddy."

Ryan chuckled and patted her arm. "I thought you liked dogs."

"I do." She replied. "I used to love Dustin, but these two are so crazy already, the last thing we need is a dog in the house."

"Well you can't take it back now." Summer rose to her feet. "They've already named it."

"Lily!" Lucy said proudly, holding up the dog for her parents to see.

"And her middle name's Tallulah!" Nate exclaimed. "I picked that one."

"Yep!" Lucy hugged the puppy to her chest. "Lily Tallulah Cooper Atwood is now officially part of the family!"

Summer smiled at Marissa's sour face. "I knew she'd like it!"

Marissa yawned and sat up as the credits rolled across the TV screen, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

The coffee table was littered with empty Thai take-out containers and there was rice all over the floor from Nate's attempt at using chopsticks.

The kids lay asleep on the couch, their heads nestled together cutely, exhausted from their interesting day.

Next to them, Ryan blinked several times and groaned as he sat up.

"Was it just me, or was that movie incredibly odd?" He asked, looking at Marissa.

"It's not just you." She laughed quietly. "I never liked Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang when I was a kid; the child catcher freaked me out! But for some reason Nate and Lucy love it. They know all the songs by heart!"

Ryan shook his head and stood up. "Weird kids." He muttered

"Hey!" Marissa laughed smacking him with a pillow. "For the last time, they are NOT weird!"

"Shhhhh!" Ryan smiled, clapping his hand over Marissa's mouth and gesturing to the children. "You don't want to wake them."

"You're right." She whispered. "It would be impossible to get them back to sleep. Let's get these kids to bed."

"You take Lucy, I'll take Nate?" Ryan suggested, gently lifting his young son into his arms.

Marissa followed him down the hall with Lucy and carefully settled her into her purple-polka dot sheets without bothering to change the little girl into her pajamas.

"Goodnight baby." She kissed Lucy lightly. "Sweet dreams." Marissa turned on the fairy night light and closed the door quietly.

Back in the living room Ryan was sitting on the couch waiting for her.

"You want a drink?" She offered, opening the fridge.

"Sure." Ryan caught the beer Marissa tossed him.

"Nate still sleeping?" She asked.

"Yep."

"Good." Marissa leaned back into the couch and closed her eyes. "So how are you?" She inquired, trying to start up a conversation. "I hope you don't feel guilty about the Lucy in the hospital thing. I still feel terrible about what I said."

"Don't worry about it." Ryan answered looking into her doubtful eyes. "Honestly, forget about it cause I have."

"Thanks." She smiled at him warmly. "You've been so wonderful every since you got here."

Ryan blushed and looked away.

"Seriously." She continued. "I couldn't ask you to be a better father to Nate and Lucy. And I was scared you wouldn't want anything to do with them!" She laughed slightly. "It kind of reminds me of why I fell in love with you all those years ago." Marissa looked at Ryan shyly and slowly inched toward him.

"I really missed you." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "It's been so good seeing you again."

They faces were now just centimeters apart. Marissa could see the fear and excitement in his eyes. He wanted this just as much as she did, she was sure it.

"Marissa." He murmured quietly, aware of what was about to happen.

The air tingled with anticipation. They moved closer and closer until suddenly, in an explosion of passion and longing, their lips crashed together.

Marissa kissed him hungrily, tangling her hands into Ryan's hair.

"Would you like to stay the night?" She whispered breathlessly into his ear.


	11. The Next Morning

Ryan Atwood awoke beneath a mound of soft, white comforter feeling groggy and confused but blissfully happy, as though he had just emerged from a wonderful dream.

Except it wasn't a dream. Ryan smiled, taking in the unfamiliar bedroom. Last night had been better than a dream.

Ryan watched lazily as a pattern of fresh morning light danced across the ceiling. "Marissa." He murmured sleepily, extending his hand to wake her from her slumber.

"Marissa?" rolling over Ryan was surprised to find that he was alone in the bed.

_She must already be up_, he thought to himself, sitting up. Ryan swung his legs over the edge of the bed and began searching for yesterday's discarded clothes. He pulled on a wrinkled pair of jeans and a t-shirt and sauntered into Marissa's ensuite bathroom.

As he splashed water onto his face, the reality of what they'd done began to sink in.

It wasn't that he regretted anything that had happened last night. No, on the contrary, Ryan would be quite willing to do it again; it was that he and Marissa had a history of an unstable relationship.

Breaking-up and getting back together every other week had worked fine for them in high school but things were different now. Now there were two innocent children involved.

Ryan knew, from personal experience, that it was every child's dream for their parents to get back together (if weren't together already).

He couldn't imagine what would happen to his son and daughter if their mother and father were sometimes a couple and sometimes not. He had learned enough about children in the last few weeks to know that that kind of instability wasn't good for youngsters.

Ryan sighed, patting his face dry with a plum coloured towel. He'd just have to tell Marissa that they needed to take thing slow. They wouldn't rush into anything that could hurt the kids; Ryan decided, forgetting that it was he and Marissa he was talking about; They couldn't take things slow if their lives depended on it.

Ryan squeezed a blob of spearmint toothpaste onto his finger and brushed his teeth as well as he could without a proper tooth brush. He smoothed down his hair, examined his slightly disheveled appearance in the mirror briefly, and then walked into the hall, feeling at least somewhat presentable.

Laughter and music was wafting down the hall from the kitchen, mixed with the delicious sent of bacon and chocolate chip banana pancakes. The kids were up too, Ryan realized, remembering that the twins usually woke up at the crack of dawn.

Eager not to miss out on a family breakfast, Ryan hurried toward the voices, but stopped short when he came to the kitchen door. A radio on the counter was blaring some popular new song that Ryan vaguely recognized, while Marissa, Nate and Lucy danced around the kitchen setting the table and singing at the tops of their lungs:

_And you take your time  
And you do your crime  
Well you made your bed_  
_I'm in mine_

"Go mommy!" Nate cried as Marissa began the next verse, which was undoubtedly her solo

_Because when I arrive  
I, I'll bring the fire  
Make you come alive  
I can take you higher  
What this is, forgot?  
I must now remind you _

"Take it away guys!" She cheered, Nate and Lucy breaking into song._  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock  
Let It Rock_

Ryan stood inconspicuously as the kitchen door watching their little routine. Judging by the fact that they all had their own versus this was not an unusual breakfast at the Cooper home.

Marissa, dressed in silky pajamas and an open flowered bathrobe scooped a jeans and polo shirt cladden Nate into her arms and the two of them waltzed around the table giggling while Lucy twirled around them, her lilac coloured dress fanning out around her legs.

"Daddy!" She suddenly shrieked, noticing Ryan in the doorway and pirouetting over to him. "Dance!" She leaped into his arms and wrapped her sticky little hands around Ryan's neck. He tossed her into the air and caught her easily.

"Daddy doesn't dance." He told her slyly. "But he does TICKLE!" He grabbed Lucy around the waist wiggled his fingers at his energetic daughter.

"AHHHHHH!" She screamed, squirming wildly in his arms. "Okay, Okay we don't have to dance!"

Ryan laughed and set the little girl on to a chair. "Ready for breakfast kid?"

"Yes please!" She smiled sweetly and took a sip of her apple juice.

"Me too, me too!" Nate exclaimed, scrambling up on to the chair beside Lucy. "Please." He added as an after thought.

Marissa ruffled his hair fondly. "Good boy." She praised.

"Here you go guys!" Ryan set a plate down in front of each child. "I'll get you a plate too." He said to Marissa as she began to stand up. "Thanks."

"So.." Ryan began, taking a seat next to Marissa. "Do you guys do that every morning?"

"Yes!" She grinned at Ryan without the slightest hint of embarrassment.

"The Coopers love music!" Lucy declared stabbing a piece of pancake with her fork.

"I know!" Ryan laughed, catching Marissa's eye. "I still have the CD you made for my 18th birthday!"

"Oh my god, really? That was years ago!"

"What CD?" Lucy demanded, her mouth full of chewed up bacon.

"Nothing sweetie." Marissa said softly to the little girl. "Don't talk with your mouth full." She glanced at the clock and jumped up from her chair. "Oh no, we're running late! I better get dressed!" She ran out of the kitchen calling for the twins to finish eating.

Today was Monday; a school day for Nate and Lucy.

Marissa had wanted to keep Lucy home for a day, seeing as she had just got out the hospital, but the little girl had cried and screamed until they had to give in.

She was very good at getting her way. Summer must have taught her that, Ryan decided.

Ryan darted around clearing the table while Marissa helped the kids with their shoes and then the four of them bolted out the door and piled into the elevator.

"Is daddy going to sleep over every night?" Nate asked innocently, tugging on Marissa's dress.

Ryan froze in horror. What were they supposed to say? This was exactly the soft of thing he'd wanted to avoid.

"No Natey, Daddy just slept over last night because he fell asleep watching chitty-chitty-bang-bang. He'll go back to his own house from now on." Marissa answered smoothly.

Ryan breathed a sigh of relief and thanked her silently with his eyes.

"Sorry buddy." He added hastily seeing Nate's pouty face. "But I'll defiantly come over for breakfast more often, now that I know there'll be dancing!" He teased, picking up Nate. "Will that be okay?"

"I guess." Nate replied glumly.

"Who's going to pick us up today?" Lucy asked, swinging on her mother's arm.

"Alexis." Marissa replied giving the little girl a sad smile. "I have to work late."

"Why can't daddy?"

"I have to work too princess. We're starting a new design today so I'll be there from 3 to about 11."

"What are you going to do 'till 3? Marissa asked curiously.

"Um well I have to do a little grocery shopping and then I'm going over to Seth's for lunch. He has the day off and wanted to meet. Says he needs some old fashioned Seth/Ryan time."

"That'll be fun." Marissa giggled.

"Oh yeah." Ryan agreed sarcastically. "I'm sure Seth has plenty of new things to complain about." But he was secretly looking forward to it.

They reached p.s. 231 just as the bell was ringing. Nate and Lucy hugged their parent's goodbye and took off running into the school.

"Have a good day!" Marissa called after them.

"You okay?" Ryan asked, noticing the sad look on her face.

"Yeah." She sniffed. "I just still can't believe their old enough for school."

"I know." Ryan patted her shoulder. I seems like just yesterday I saw them for the first time."

Marissa gave a watery chuckle. "So I'll see you later?"

"Sure." He smiled. "I'll call you tonight so we talk about everything…."

"Right." She said crossing the street and heading for the subway station. "Bye."

"Bye." Ryan waved, then hailed a taxi. Forget lunch, he needed to talk to Seth now.


	12. The SethRyan Time

Seth Cohen was stretched out on the black leather couch in his Manhattan apartment absentmindedly stroking his basset hound, Moses, while sketching a sailboat on a paper napkin.

Seth had been drawing a lot of boats lately. His latest assignment, a story called Ships in the Harbor, was full of them.

Seth worked at a high-end publishing company in the city, illustrating children's books. He'd originally only planned to stay at Simpson & Scott's for a few months; until he'd made enough money to start up his own graphic novel company, but after awhile Seth realized that he liked the job and had decided to keep it.

Being an illustrator paid well, it had great benefits, and above all Seth had fun doing it. Plus he got sent free copies of every work he worked on which was handy when it came to gifts for his favourite godchildren, Nate and Lucy.

The twins were frequent visitors at Seth and Summer's although they'd been coming a lot less often since Ryan had shown up.

Seth missed babysitting Nate and Lucy three times a week.

He was quite close with the youngsters and had enjoyed molding their impressionable young minds.

Under his care, the twins had been gradually transformed into mini-Seth's who liked Death Cab, Thai food and the Goonies.

The Cooper family even celebrated Christmukkah, a fact that delighted Seth to no end. It really was catching on!

Seth looking up from his drawing and listened carefully; he could have sworn he'd heard a knocking a moment ago.

_Rap rap rap _There it was again! Seth hopped off the couch and bounded across the room, throwing the door open when he reached it.

"Hey Ryan." Seth said, pleasantly surprised by his bother's early visit. "What are you doing here? I thought we were meeting for lunch not brunch!"

"Yeah, well." Ryan mumbled, walking past Seth into the apartment. "I had nothing better to do."

"Wonderful, me neither!" Seth grinned at Ryan, gesturing for him to sit down. "Would you like something to drink?"

"Some water would be great." Ryan replied, looking around the large living room. He'd only been to Seth's home a few times before.

"Where's Summer?" He asked curiously, accepting the glass he was handed with a word of thanks.

"Working." Seth answered as he took a seat next to Ryan. "She says fall's her busiest time of year."

Summer owned an Earth friendly clothing boutique in Greenwich Avenue. She sold her own designs made with environmental yet stylish fabrics and materials. It was the perfect mix of Summer's two favourite things; clothing and the environment.

"Sooo…." Seth began casually, looking at Ryan. "What's wrong? Don't think I didn't notice your brooding!"

"Nothing's wrong Seth." Ryan replied tonelessly. "And I'm not brooding."

"Yes you are!" Seth persisted. "I've watched you brood for like 8 years, I think I know what it looks like."

Ryan shook his head slowly but remained silent.

"Trouble with the ladies." Seth decided knowledgeably, leaning back into the couch pillows. "Marissa?"

Ryan nodded miserably, his eyes fixed on the floor. "We sort of….slept together."

"WHAT!?!" Seth cried in shock, jumping to his feet. "You and Marissa? What were you thinking Ryan? I mean, I want the two of you to get back together as much as the next guy but seriously!"

"I know." Ryan sighed dropping his head into his hands. "I don't think I was thinking. Honestly, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing, you know? Old feelings reawakened I guess. But gosh, I have a girlfriend for god's sake!" he exclaimed.

"Oh god. I have a girlfriend." Ryan groaned, a look of terror spreading across his face as though this fact had just occurred to him. She wasn't just any girlfriend, she was Taylor Townsend. The girl who had gotten Marissa expelled from school and almost broken up Seth and Summer. She was also the girl who Ryan had gotten a ring for a couple of weeks ago. He had been planning to propose in a month's time, at Christmas.

"What am I going to do? I cheated on Taylor! What am I supposed to tell Marissa when we finally get a chance to talk about all of this?" Ryan ranted. "Wait, what am I thinking? I can't tell Marissa anything about Taylor. I would crush her if she knew I was planning to ask Taylor to marry me."

"AH HA! So you do still have feelings for Marissa!" Seth, who had been listening patiently to Ryan's break down for the past 7 minutes, exclaimed. "You don't want to tell her the two of you can't be together because, deep down, you still love her!" Seth grinned. "Or maybe not so deep down!" He added as Ryan blushed, shooting Seth a dirty look which Seth took as conformation for the statement.

"Ohhh this is bad!" he announced, looking at Ryan. "This is really, really bad! You're going to have to choose man, Marissa or Taylor?" Seth gave Ryan's arm a sympathetic pat and stocked off to the kitchen in search of something stronger to drink; Seth had a feeling Ryan needed it.

"Decided yet?" Seth asked eagerly, settling himself back into the couch and cracking open a beer.

"Seth." Ryan growled warningly, glaring at his bother.

"Sorry." Seth recoiled a little. "How about we change the subject? Are N and L excited for the 17th?"

"N and L?" Ryan asked confusedly. "What's happening on the 17th?"

"The 17th!" Seth shrieked, jabbing his finger toward a small stack of gifts in the corner of the room. "**N**ate and **L**ucy's birthday! My little godchildren are turning FIVE! Don't tell me you forgot!?"

"I didn't forget." Ryan answered sourly. "And I didn't know you were their godfather!"

"It's a position I hold with great responsibility!" He declared proudly. "It's my job to educate them on the spiritual world which is why they celebrate Christmukkah! Don't worry Ryan, I'm teaching them well."

"So Summer's their godmother then?" Ryan inquired, ignoring Seth.

"Uh-huh." He nodded. "She says its good practice for when we have our own kids."

"I didn't know the twins had godparents." Ryan muttered to himself, once again reminded of everything he had missed.

"We have pictures from the christening if you want to see?" Seth told him helpfully, retrieving several large photo albums from a bookshelf. "Marissa's a professional photographer, so she takes millions of pictures of the kids." He explained. "She gives us all the doubles!"

Seth held out a very full album labeled November 2006-November 2007. "We have an album for every year."

The two brothers spent the next three hours carefully going through each album. Ryan was fascinated. He'd seen a few old pictures at Marissa's but he'd always been to busy with the kids to look closely at them.

Ryan combed every photograph, taking in the setting and the kid's appearances. He saw Nate taking his first steps and Lucy's first pony ride. The family trip they'd taken with Seth and Summer to Marine Land this past summer and the twins chubby baby faces smiling up at the camera from under little Santa hats at Christmukkah three years ago.

Behind each picture was a story, which Seth took the liberty of sharing with Ryan.

They found themselves laughing their heads off over an old photo of Nate and Lucy covered head to foot in purple paint, innocent smiles plastered over their adorable 3-year-old faces.

"Lucy used to love to paint." Lucy began, chuckling at the memory. "But she never used the paper. She would paint everything! The fridge, the floor, the television, but the paper was always perfectly clean. It used to drive Marissa crazy!" Seth grinned. "Anyway one day she left the room for like 2 minutes and when she came back both twins were purple! She thought it was hysterical! Instead of getting mad at them she took their pictures and then stuck them in the bath, clothes and all! Even with all her scrubbing, I swear Nate was tinged purple for a week!"

They finished with the albums and were about to crack open the home movies when Ryan caught sight of the clock.

"Oh no, Seth, look at the time!" He leaped to his feet, quickly gathering all his belongings. "I was supposed to be at work 10 minutes ago! Gosh, we were running late this morning too! Ryan stuffed his shoes into his feet and hurdled towards the door. "Thanks for everything Seth, I really appreciate it." He said genuinely.

"No problem. Hey, why don't you come over some other time and we can watch those movies. The youngins were HILARIOUS when they were toddlers!"

"Can't wait!" Ryan called as he ran out the door. "Talk to you later!"

"Bye!" Seth shouted back waving his friend into the elevator.


	13. The Party

**Hello faithful readers, just wanted to thank you again for sticking with this story. Unfortunately, I leave for the cottage again tomorrow morning (hence the late-night update) So I won't be writing any new chapters till September :-( Anyways keep reading and reviewing and I'll see you all when I get back!**

**Oh and to answer your question hpfangirl, yes it is mentioned briefly in chapter 3 that Ryan is dating Taylor. She was going to come to New York at Christmas to live with him. **

**Now on with the story…..**

Marissa Cooper hurried along Eighth Avenue huffing and puffing, trying to catch up with her twins Nate and Lucy who were running blocks ahead of her.

"Wait up guys!" She called, clutching at a stitch in her side. _When did they get so fast?_

Today was November 17th. The family was on their way to Ryan's apartment for Lucy and Nate's fifth birthday party.

He had graciously offered to host the party, claiming that Marissa's living room just wouldn't be big enough for everything he had organized.

He really had gone all out. With Seth and Summer's help, Ryan had arranged a lavish party complete with a juggler, a magician, and an enormous five-tiered cake (one for each year of their lives) that had been custom made by a bakery in Brooklyn. It was Ryan's first birthday with Nate and Lucy and he wanted everything to be perfect. Marissa had to admit; it put most of her parties from previous years to shame.

"Hurry up mommy!" Lucy cried, stamping her little foot on the sidewalk in annoyance. "We're going to be late for our own party!"

"You're not going to be late." Marissa laughed, grabbing her daughter's hand so she couldn't run away again. "There's still over an hour until your friends are supposed to arrive."

"Oh. Well hurry up anyway mommy!" She exclaimed indifferently. "They might be early!"

"Okay miss bossy boots, whatever you say." Marissa gave up and allowed herself to be dragged toward the subway.

The three of them stood in the tunnel, waiting impatiently for the train to arrive. "I'm _five_ now mommy, I don't need to be _carried_ in the subway!" Lucy protested as Marissa bent down to pick her up. "Natey and I aren't babies anymore!" She looked at Nate for support but he just shrugged wordlessly from his place in Marissa's arms.

"I know you're not babies but that doesn't mean you can't be killed by the train. Do you want the subway to run you over?"

"Hmph." Lucy grumbled but allowed herself to be picked up. "When are we gonna be old enough to not be killed by the train?" She asked curiously.

"well, you're never to old to be hurt by a subway." She answered truthfully. "But I'll let you walk by yourselves when you become too big for me to carry you both at once"

"Mommy?" Nate asked softly, tugging at Marissa's hair. "What's the oldest person to ever be hit by a subway?"

"Oh Natey, I don't know!" She sighed, taking a seat on the train next to another mother with two young children. "I think I read an article in the paper the other day about an eighty year old man who was killed by a subway last month, okay?"

"Eighty." Nate repeated with wide eyes. "That is old!"

10 minutes later Marissa, Nate and Lucy stood hand in hand in front of Ryan's building. Marissa loved Ryan's apartment. It wasn't sleek and modern like hers, it had character. Something about it was warm and welcoming and she always felt very at home when she was there.

"HI PERCY!" Lucy yelled, running up the steps and hugging the doorman. "Guess what? It's my BIRTHDAY! Its Nate's birthday too. We have the same one cause we're twins. Guess how old I am?" She hopped from foot to foot excitedly.

"Um….let me see. I think you're FIVE? The door man said with a smile.

"HOW"D YOU KNOW?" Lucy cried, flinging her hands into the air.

"Lucky guess." He replied, winking at Marissa who laughed. They both knew that Lucy had told him the day before.

"Happy birthday guys." He opened the door for them. "Have a great party."

"Thanks Percy!" Lucy shouted as she skipped into the building.

Rather than waiting for the elevator, the children opted to take the stairs to the fourth floor. The scurried up them two at a time like little mice, eager to get to the party as quickly as possible.

"WE'RE HERE!" Lucy shouted barging through the door and stepping into her dad's apartment. "IT'S TIME FOR THE PAR-TAY! Mommy mommy, look at the ceiling!" She squealed excitedly, pointing upward. "Look at all the balloons!"

"Wow!" Marissa gasped, gazing around the room in awe. "This is amazing!"

The place had been transformed into a kind of birthday palace with streamers in every colour looping and curling across the ceiling and draping down the walls. Helium balloons hung suspended in mid-air, their shiny foil glittering in the dim lighting while hundreds more balloons covered the floor. At the far end of the room a long table decorated with brightly colour cloth already held at least a dozen presents, even though none of the guests had arrived yet.

"Natey! Lucy-Goosie!" Summer yelled as she emerged from the kitchen, abandoning her armful of balloons. "Happy Birthday my little five year olds!" She crouched down and pulled her godchildren in for a hug. "Do you guys like the decorations?"

"Pretty." Lucy grinned looking up at the streamers again.

"It looks so cool!" Nate added, kicking a balloon.

Summer smiled. "Glad you like it." She ruffled Nate's hair and stood up. "Hey Coop."

"Summer, this is spectacular!" Marissa hugged her friend tightly. "I can't believe you did all this!"

"Impressed?" Summer asked smugly.

"Totally. It's awesome!"

"Happy Birthday munchkins!" Seth sang, waltzing into the living room with Ryan at his heels.

"Uncle Seth!" They cried happily, wrapping their arms around his legs.

Marissa watched the exchange with a smile on her face. She loved how attached Nate and Lucy were to Seth. For awhile he'd been the main fatherly figure in their lives and they adored him.

"Wow, you two have grown such much!" Seth said sarcastically. "How old are you turning again? Thirty?"

"Uncle Seth!" Lucy giggled, tugging on his hand. "You're so silly! We're FIVE, member?"

"Oh that's right!" Seth exclaimed in fake realization. "Its next year you turn thirty!"

The twins rolled their eyes and moved on to Ryan.

"Daddy!" Nate greeted his father happily.

"Hey buddy!" Ryan grinned back and picked up both children. "Are you guys having a good birthday so far?"

"Uh-huh!" Lucy gushed. "Mommy took us out for breakfast! And then we went on a carriage ride in Central Park! Then we had to go home to change into our party clothes! How do I look?" She twirled around and looked expectantly up at Ryan.

"Beautiful princess. That's a very nice skirt!"

"Mommy bought it for me the day before yesterday especially for my birthday!" She announced, running circles around Ryan.

"Well she has good taste then." He looked at Marissa shyly for the first time.

"Hey." He said quietly, giving her a quick hug. "How've you been?"

"Okay." She said nervously and looked down at her feet.

"Mommy, when are my friends coming?" Nate appeared between his parents, unintentionally saving them from further awkwardness. "At 1…" She checked her watch. "It's 12:48 now. They should be arriving any minute."

Ryan had invited every kid in Nate and Lucy's class. The twins had been unable to choose a few people each, claiming that everyone was their friend so he had eventually given in. As far as Marissa knew there were three kids that wouldn't be attending but the other 20 or so had RSVP'd right away. It was going to be one full house.

"Why don't you go help Summer in the kitchen while you wait…" Marissa began but she was interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell.

"THEY'RE HERE!" Lucy announced as she and Nate through open the heavy door.

Marissa swallowed hard. _Let the chaos begin._

It was 3 o'clock and Ryan's once sparkling clean apartment was completely trashed.

The cake had been cut, the piñata beaten, the juggler had come and gone. Cake crumbs and debris from the present opening littered the floor.

The children were scattered around the room playing with Nate and Lucy's new toys or munching on snacks. The parents stood around chatting and eating. Everything was going smoothly. So far.

Summer approached Ryan's fancy 3-disc stereo and popped in a mixed CD she'd made especially for the twins party. It was loaded with the fun, dancy kid music she knew most kindergarteners listened too.

_Na na na na  
Na na na na yeah  
You are the music in me_

_You know the words Once Upon A Time  
Make you listen.  
There's a reason._

_When you dream there's a chance you'll find  
A little laughter or a happy ever after_

Recognizing the familiar tune from High School Musical 2, the party-goers leapt to their feet and began to dance.

"Auntie Summer, will you dance with me?" Lucy asked sweetly, grabbing her aunt's hand.

"Sure babe." Summer laughed, swinging the little girl around and humming along with the song. Lucy had made her watch that movie so many times, she knew all the lyrics by heart!

Across the room Marissa leaned against the wall, watching the scene in front of her in amusement. Practically every kid in the room was now singing along with Troy and Gabriella and twirling around the room. Marissa noticed her daughter leaving Summer to dance alone and going over to a little boy with dark brown hair.

"Awww look Ryan!" Marissa pulled him over to her and pointed at Lucy. "How cute is that? Our little girl had a boyfriend!"

"No way." Ryan said stiffly. "She's much too young for a boyfriend, she'd only 5!"

"Young love." Marissa punched him teasingly. "They grow up so fast, don't they?"

"Hmph." Ryan glared at the little boy for a moment then suddenly turned to Marissa.

"Would you like to dance?" He spluttered shyly, blushing as though they were in high school again and he was asking her out for the first time.

"I'd loved to!" Marissa grinned at him and took his hand, lacing her fingers through his.

Ryan and Marissa made their way over to the middle of the living room and joined the crowd of dancing youngsters. They hadn't danced together since senior year.

Seth watched with glee as the two of them waltzed playfully around the room, weaving through the clusters of screaming five-year-olds. Seth couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment for getting the fantastic four back together. It was obvious that Ryan had followed his advice and chosen Marissa. Why else would they be laughing and flirting and dancing around the room? Yes, they were defiantly back together, Seth decided.

He was praising himself on a job well done when there was a sharp knocking on the apartment door.

"Someone's at the door!" Seth called to no one in particular, looking around the room helplessly before getting up to answer the door himself. Why disturb the happy couple?

"Hey, you're a little late for the par…" Seth stopped short when he saw who was on the other side of the door. "Taylor! What are you doing here?"

"I've come to see my boyfriend of course." She said matter-of-factly, pushing past Seth into the room. "What are you doing here?" Taylor set down her bags and took off toward the living room.

"I..well.." Seth stuttered, helplessly trying to stop her from going into the party room. "Did Ryan know you were coming?"

"Nope." She grinned wickedly at Seth. "It's a surprise…." She trailed off with wide eyes as she entered the living room. "What the heck is going on here? Ryan, who are all these kids? And why are you dancing with HER!" She shouted, narrowing her eyes and striding over to Ryan who had been twirling Marissa around in circles only seconds before.

Marissa jumped back in fear as Taylor angrily approached the two of them. She shot Marissa a death glare before turning to Ryan and unleashing her full rage.

"You never told me your ex-girlfriend lived in New York!" She cried putting emphasis on the word ex. "What the hell is going on Ryan?"

"Taylor I can explain." He pleaded weakly giving Marissa an apologetic look. "Please, just listen for a minute."

Taylor snorted and crossed her arms but allowed Ryan to lead her into his bedroom. Marissa watched in shock as the man she loved and his girlfriend disappeared into a nearby room, the door slamming behind them.

The guests had stopped laughing and the children had stopped dancing. The final cords of 'You are the Music in Me' wafted through the room before the song ended, plunging the room into an uncomfortable quiet.

"Mommy, who was that scary lady?" Lucy broke the silence as she and her brother hurdled themselves into their mother's arms.

"Her name is Taylor." Marissa rubbed their backs soothingly. "And I think she'd your daddy's girlfriend."

**Okay, there's my little cliff-hanger ending! Now you have to wait 10 days to find out what happens next! Haha hoped you liked this chapter. I originally wanted it to be a lot longer but I'm tired so I decided just to end it. Keep reading and reviewing!**


	14. The Introduction

Taylor Townsend sat perched on a chair in her boyfriend, Ryan Atwood's kitchen, anxiously gripping a cup of coffee in both hands.

In a few minutes she'd be meeting Ryan's twin five year olds for the first time since their birthday party last week.

Taylor was a little nervous. She honestly didn't know what to make of the whole situation. She'd shown up to surprise her boyfriend at his new apartment and had walked in on him dancing with his ex-girlfriend in the midst of a hoard of screaming children.

Naturally she'd been angry when he'd explained what was going on. How could he have not told her that he was a father!

Ryan had kept the kids a secret from her for two and a half months although she supposed that was nothing compared to the five years Marissa had hidden them from him.

Still, it upset Taylor. Boyfriends and girlfriends were supposed to tell each other everything, were they not?

"Hey." Ryan said, walking into the kitchen and taking a seat next to Taylor. "How's it going?"

"They're late." She replied instantly, eyes fixed on the clock. "They were supposed to be here at 11:30. It is now 11:46. They are sixteen minutes late."

"Oh, they're always late." Ryan said airily, leaning back in his chair. "It's hard to be on time when you have two little kids to get ready. Don't worry, they'll be here soon." He made a move to put his arm around her but Taylor shrugged away uncomfortably.

She wasn't sure how to act with Ryan yet. Part of her was furious for not telling her about the kids while the other pat felt bad for him for being thrust into such a difficult situation.

She was trying to put it all behind her and forgive him so things could go back to normal although she realized that with two small kids in the picture, things would never be the same again.

"What are their names again?" Taylor asked, mostly to fill the awkward silence that had washed over the kitchen.

Ryan's shoulders relaxed and his face brightened as her began to talk about the kids. "Nate and Lucy. Nathaniel and Lucy actually but nobody calls him that. They're five years old and they're in kindergarten . They love stories and the park and music. Nate's kind of quiet and shy, a bit like me. Lucy is the total opposite. She's chatty and energetic and generally just a wild child. They both play soccer and Lucy does gymnastics too."

"Wow!" Taylor laughed. "I asked for their names not their life stories!"

Ryan smiled at her widely. "A dad never passes up an opportunity to brag about his kids!"

Her grin vanished suddenly and she put her face in her hands. "Oh god, don't say that!" she moaned.

"What?" Ryan questioned in confusion.

"Dad." She groaned. "I'm not ready for you to be called dad. You're only 23 for goodness sake! You can't be a dad."

"Better get used to it!" he teased her. "Any minute this house will be filled with little voices yelling 'DADDY!' at the top of their lungs!"

Taylor giggled, leaning into him and said casually, "Marissa's not staying is she?"

"No I don't think so." Ryan answered. "As far as I know she'd just dropping the kids off and leaving."

'Good.' Taylor inwardly thought to herself. She wasn't very happy about the long amounts of time that Ryan had been spending with Marissa since arriving in New York.

He'd sworn nothing had happened between him and his ex-girlfriend but Taylor wasn't so sure.

There'd defiantly been something going on at the twins' birthday party; the dancing had proved that. Taylor pushed the thought to the back of her mind and reminded herself to trust Ryan. He'd never lied to her before after all, aside from the Nate and Lucy thing. She had no reason not to believe him.

"What if they don't like me." Taylor worried out loud.

"Course they'll like you." Ryan grinned. "Nate and Lucy like everyone! They've already made friends with the doorman, the guy who collects the garbage and the crazy old cat lady across the hall."

"Really?" She asked, allowing a small smile to spread across her face.

"Don't worry, they're going to love you." He made another attempt to put an arm around her shoulders, this time successful.

Taylor nodded. "How often do they stay here anyway?"

"Oh, you know, whenever." He replied vaguely. "We don't really have a set schedule. Sometimes I go get them after school. Usually I take them places on the weekends. If Marissa's working I get to watch the kids then. I go visit Nate and Lucy at their house a lot too. I go over for breakfast or dinner"

"At Marissa's?" Taylor inquired sharply.

"Well, yeah." Ryan drummed his fingers on the table top uneasily. "That's where they live. It's easier if I go there because they already have all their toys at Marissa's. Plus her apartment's bigger than this one. They have more space to play and run around."

"Hmm." Taylor gave him a look and was about to voice her opinions when the doorbell rang.

Ryan seemed to heave a sigh of relief as he escaped her wrath. "That'll be them."

Taylor followed him down the hall slowly, hanging back a little. She was an only child and had never really been around kids. She didn't know what to expect.

"They'll love you." Ryan assured her again before opening the door. "Hey guys!"

"DADDY!" Two tiny yellow-haired kids leaped into Ryan's arms, dropping their matching backpack to the floor in excitement.

Taylor couldn't help but notice how cute they were. They little girl, Lucy, was an exact replica of Marissa only smaller. Nate looked more like Ryan with his large intelligent eyes and small ears. Both kids were dressed neatly in brand-name children's clothes. They reminded Taylor of child models.

The kids chattered away to Ryan about school and the street fair they'd went to and the subway ride to his house.

He listened intently, nodding and smiling, all his attention focused on his son and daughter.

He was like a totally different person, Taylor noticed, when he was with the kids. Ryan hadn't stopped grinning since they're walked though the door.

It made her smile to see him so happy.

Taylor tore her eyes away from Ryan and the twins to survey Marissa who leaned casually against the doorframe looking as beautiful as ever, a large bag of toys hanging off her arm.

"Hey Ryan." She greeted him, stepping forward into the room.

"Hey." He smiled back, setting Nate and Lucy on the ground. "What cha got there?" He gestured to the bag.

"Everything you'll need today!" She smiled. "I've packed their favourite books, a few movies, some Barbie's, about a thousand toy cars, a container of play dough, markers and paper and a puzzle in case they get bored."

Ryan laughed, punching Marissa's shoulder gently. 'Should keep them busy for a few minutes anyway."

Taylor watched the two parents with a twang of jealously in her chest. Ryan and Marissa would be forever connected through their kids. Every birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Marissa would be there and so would Nate and Lucy. It would never be just her and Ryan again.

"Hey Marissa!" Taylor interrupted their conversation in a chipper voice. "Long time, no see! How's it going?" Not waiting for a response, she turned away from Marissa and bent down to talk to the children.

"Hello there." She addressed them sweetly. "My name's Taylor. I'm your daddy's girlfriend. He's told me so much about you two! I just know we're going to get along great!"

The twins looked Taylor up and down with a disgruntled look on their faces, then looked at each other.

"Gorkin frubel." Lucy said softly to her brother, eyes darting to Taylor.

"Weyer ahmid depwat." Nate whispered back.

"Aren't they just the cutest?" Marissa came up beside Taylor and slung an arm around her shoulder. "They've invented their own secret twin language! Usually they only use it if they're up to something and don't want anyone to find out what."

She smiled falsely at Taylor before turning back to the others. "Well, I better go, I have to get to work. Natey, Lucy, come give mommy a hug!"

"Bye mommy!" The twins shouted, throwing their arms around Marissa's neck. "Have fun at work!"

"Thank you, have fun with daddy."

"We will." Nate nodded seriously. "I love you mommy."

"Me too mommy, I love you too!" Lucy exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"And I love you guys." Marissa laughed, getting to her feet. "Bye Ryan. Taylor."

"Bye." Ryan gave her a quick hug. "See you later."

"Bye." Taylor waved, glad that Marissa was finally leaving. 'Don't hurry back!' She said under her breath. Taylor closed the door then looked down at the kids who were glaring at her with identical scowls on their faces. 'Whoa!' Taylor gasped. You could really tell they were twins when they did that.

"You guys hungry?" Ryan asked, taking Nate and Lucy's hands and pulling them away from Taylor. "Let's go make some lunch!"

"Peanut butter and banana please!" Lucy shrieked, running down the hall. "And do you have any juice? My favourite kind is apple juice but I like orange juice too. Except when it has pulp. Pulp is yucky. Mommy says it's good for us but I don't like it. Natey likes orange juice the best. He doesn't even mind the pulp. He says it tastes like an orange but I still think it's yucky. Apple juice is way better! Do you have any apple juice?"

Ryan smiled and opened the fridge. "Today's your lucky day Luce cause yes, we do have apple juice! We have orange too Nate. No pulp."

"Yay!" Exclaimed Lucy, climbing onto her chair. "I'll have apple and Nate will have orange, right Natey?"

"Yes please." Nate asked politely as he took a seat next to Lucy. 'And peanut butter and banana too please Daddy."

"Coming right up!" Ryan pulled out a loaf of bread and began rummaging in the cupboards for peanut butter.

"Smooth or crunchy?" He asked the twins.

"Smooth." They replied in unison banging their little fists on the table.

"Daddy, your berry phone is ringing!" Nate picked up Ryan's blackberry and stared at the screen intently.

"It says wh-o-uh-k." He sounded out the word that flashed across the screen.

"Thanks kid." He ruffled Nate's hair and took the phone from the little boy. "Work. I better take this. Taylor would you mind finishing the sandwiches?"

"Sure." She grabbed a knife and began slicing bananas, straining her ears to hear Ryan's conversation in the next room.

"Hello?…"

"Yes this is Ryan…."

"I completely forgot about that…."

"They're there now?…"

"I've got the kids today though…."

"No…."

"No…."

"Of course not…."

"Okay…."

"Yes…."

Yes, I'll be there…."

"Okay…."

"Bye…."

"What's going on?" Taylor demanded as he stepped back into the kitchen.

"Thank was work." Ryan sighed exasperatedly. "There's this huge, important meeting today that I have to be at that I completely forgot about."

He frowned. "I'm going to have to go in for a few hours. Taylor, would you mind watching the kids for me? I know it's a little unexpected and I can call a neighbour if you don't feel up to it but…?"

"Sure, I'll watch them." Taylor said bravely. "It'll be a great chance to get to know them."

"Really? You'll do it?"

She nodded nervously.

"Thank you soo much!" He kissed her cheek. "Here's my work number in case there's an emergency." He scribbled it onto a scrap of paper. "I'll put Marissa's number on here too."

He handed her the little piece of paper which she shoved in her pocket and picked up his brief case. "Everything should be okay. I'll only be gone a little while and the kids have tons of toys to play with."

"We'll be fine." Taylor promised. "They seem like great kids."

"They are." He smiled, grabbing his cell phone and quickly kissing each child on the head. "Be good for Taylor guys."

"BYE DADDY!" They called after him as the door slammed shut.

"Bye." Taylor said sadly. Today was not going exactly as she'd planned. The kids didn't seem to like her very much and now Ryan had left her here alone with them.

She gulped and set a sandwich down in front of the boy and girl. "Well, I guess it's just the three of us now."

"Yep." Lucy said gleefully, catching her brothers eye. "Just us!" The twins smiled widely at Taylor, a slightly evil look in their eyes. "We're going to have so much fun with you Taylor."

**So school is starting tomorrow which means I won't have time to update as often as I'd like. Expect 2-3 chapters a week from now on. I wish it could be more but with six hours of school a day plus homework, I probably only be able to update on weekends. Sorry. Stick with me!**


	15. The Babysitting

**This is not my best chapter ever but whatever, I hope you like it and please, please, please review! **

"Taaaaylor, I'm bored!"

"I'm still hungry!"

"I wanna play a game!"

"Make me something to eat!"

"I'm thirsty!"

"Play with me Taylor!"

A slightly overwhelmed Taylor Townsend looked nervously down at the whiny children tugging on her arms. "Umm okay. Whatever you guys want."

She was babysitting her boyfriend, Ryan Atwood's twins 5 year-olds, Nate and Lucy for the afternoon while he was at work.

Taylor had only met the kids about 20 minutes ago but she was pretty sure they didn't like her very much.

They were acting nice and polite so far but with their 'secret twin talk' and the looks they kept exchanging, Taylor didn't quite trust the twins. They were up to something. Something that she was certain would be against her.

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, Taylor bent down to Nate and Lucy's level.

"One thing at a time. Nate, you said you were still hungry?"

The little boy nodded vigorously.

"Okay, do you know what you want?"

"Grilled cheese!" He exclaimed, beaming at Taylor. "On brown bread with ketchup please."

"Grilled cheese on brown bread with ketchup." She repeated, getting out the supplies. "Lucy would you like one too?"

"Uh-uh." She wrinkled her nose. "I have no more room, the sandwich filled me up!" She began tugging on Taylor's sleeve again. "Can we play a game pleaseeee! I know a really good one!" The little girl looked at Taylor with hopeful eyes.

"Just a minute." She managed to detach the little girl while she buttered the bread. Taylor had only made grilled cheese a few times before. Growing up, she'd always been served fancier foods and nowadays if they were having grilled cheese Ryan would make it, claiming it was his specialty. She dropped the sandwich into a pan, hoping she'd done it right before turning back to Lucy.

"Okay, I'm ready. What do you want to play?"

"Beauty parlour!" Lucy grinned, seizing Taylors hand and dragging her down the hall to the twins bedroom. "It's sooooo fun! I get to be the hairdresser and you're the customer!"

"Okay." Taylor said uncertainly as Lucy sat her in a miniature wooden chair.

Beauty parlour seemed harmless enough. All little girls like to play with hair and makeup after all.

"Here's my stuff!" Taylor watched the child empty a small white Chanel bag, identical to the one Marissa had been carrying earlier, onto the bed. She arranged the containers of makeup, hair supplies, nail polish and combs in neat, orderly lines and then went back to Taylor.

"Here's your smock." Lucy tied one of the paining smocks from an easel in the corner around Taylor's neck. It was a little tighter than she would have liked.

"So you won't get anything on you." Lucy continued. "And here's my apron." She held up a tiny cooking apron. "Can you tie it please?" She asked Taylor sweetly.

Taylor tied the strings around her neck and waist into neat bows. "There you go."

"Thanks." Lucy said, turning around to face Taylor. "Makeup first. Close your eyes!"

"Not too much Lucy, okay?" She said as the little girl began smearing things onto her eyes, lips and cheeks.

"Kay." Lucy replied distractedly, continuing to plaster Taylor with products. "I'm almost done."

"Can I open my eyes yet?"

"Not till I finish your whole makeover! I hafta do your hair first!"

Suddenly a burst of light shone through Taylor's eyelids. "What was that?" She panicked, trying to stand up but getting stuck in the little chair.

"Natey took a picture." Lucy answered simply, pushing Taylor back into her hair. "He takes lots of pictures cause he wants to be a pho-to-o-graph-er like mommy when he grows up." She said the word slowly and carefully, pronouncing each syllable separately.

"So that's what your mother does!" Taylor exclaimed as Lucy went to work brushing her hair. "I've been wondering."

"Mmhmm." Lucy agreed but said nothing further.

The three of them sat in silence for several minutes; the only sounds the whooshing of Lucy's brush and the slipping of her scissors. Wait. Lucy had scissors?

"Lucy!" Taylor cried, spinning around in her chair. "Are you cutting my hair?"

"Oopps!" The little girl giggled and held up a fistful of hair for Taylor to see. "Look what you made me do!"

Taylor gasped at the chunk of hair in Lucy's grubby little hand. That was practically half her hair!

"I didn't make you do anything, you did it on purpose!" She yelled in a fit of rage. "You've been planning this the whole time haven't you? Haven't you?"

The little girls face crumpled and tears began to stream down her face. "Stop yelling at me!" She wailed, running over to her brother who wrapped his arms protectively around her.

"Now look what you've done, you've made her cry!" He shouted angrily at Taylor. "I'm telling daddy!"

Taylor's anger immediately turned to fear at the threat of telling Ryan. He couldn't know she'd made his kids cry. "Wait, wait." She stammered. "Don't tell your daddy. Lucy, I'm sorry I yelled at you, okay? Will you forgive me?"

"No she will not." Nate spoke for his sister, grabbing her hand. "Come on Luce." Taylor sighed at the two kids left the room and sank onto the bed. Great now they were mad at her.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" A scream from the kitchen interrupted Taylor's thoughts. "What is it? What's wrong?" She cried, running into the room. "OH MY GOSH! STAND BACK!"

Taylor grabbed Nate and Lucy and pulled them away from the stove where flames had engulfed Nate's grilled cheese sandwich. Oh no, the grilled cheese, Taylor moaned. She'd completely forgotten that she'd left it on the stove to cook.

Swallowing her fear, Taylor grabbed a dish towel and began swatting the flames which were growing steadily larger.

"I mean it Lucy, STAND BACK!" She ordered as the little girl ran to the pantry. Lucy ignored her and disappeared into the small room, emerging 2 seconds later with a fire extinguisher clutched in her hands.

"Oh Lucy, good thinking!" Taylor gasped relieved, reaching out to take the fire extinguisher.

Instead out handing it too her, Lucy pulled the pin from the top of the extinguisher and squeezed the lever, aiming the stream of foam directly at Taylor who stood in front of the fire, making sure to coat her entirely in foam once she had put the flames.

Taylor coughed and spluttered, wiping the thick white liquid from her face. "Are you guys okay?"

"Yes." Lucy said to Taylor, a 'don't mess with me' look on her face. "Are you?"

She opened her mouth to reply and then closed it. Lucy was trying to make her mad. She **wanted** Taylor to yell and scream at her for spraying her with foam. Well Taylor wasn't going to give her that satisfaction. No way.

"Yes, I'm fine!" Taylor wept dramatically and pulled the child into a hug. "Thank you so much for putting out that fire honey, you saved us!"

"Don't. Call. Me. Honey." Lucy scowled, wriggling out of Taylor's embrace. "You are not our mommy!" And with that, Nate and Lucy turned on their heels and left the room. Taylor sighed as she heard the television turn on in the next room and began cleaning up the mess in the kitchen. Things were not going very well and she had a feeling the trouble had only just begun.

Half an hour later Taylor was feeling much better. She had had a quick shower and changed out of her soiled clothing. The fire hadn't caused the kitchen any permanent damage. The chunk missing out of her hair was extremely noticeable but she'd made an appointment at a hair salon tomorrow to get it fixed. Neither child was crying or injured at the moment. All in all, things were good.

She reentered the living room nervously but relaxed when she saw the twins sprawled across the floor trying to see who could blow the biggest bubble from their bubblegum. Both kids were laughing hysterically as their enormous bubbles exploded and stuck to their faces and hands. Taylor smiled at the sight. Why couldn't they act like this when she was around.

She took a deep breath and stepped into the room, taking a seat on the couch. "Hey guys!" She said in her friendliest voice. "What are you up to?"

"Blowin bubbles!" Nate answered. "Want to see?"

"Sure." She smiled at him. Taylor easily liked Nate better than Lucy. He was polite and quiet and hadn't cut her hair off or sprayed her with a fire extinguisher.

She clapped as her blew a gigantic bubble and laughed with him as it popped on his nose.

"That was huge!" She exclaimed, high-fiving him. "You're the best bubble blower I've ever seen!"

Nate beamed proudly and climbed onto her lap. "Thank you Taylor." He hugged her tightly.

Maybe she wasn't a failure as a babysitter, Taylor decided as Nate returned to the floor to play with Lucy. She had just been hugged; she had to be doing something right.

Taylor curled up on the couch happily and was watching the kids play when she suddenly realized that they were laughing and whispering to each other.

"What?" She asked them as they pointed at her. "Do I have something on my face?"

The twins erupted into a fit of giggles at this and covered their mouths with their hands.

Oh no, what had they done now? Taylor leapt up and sprinted to the bathroom, heaving a sigh of relief when she saw that her face was clean. She was turning to leave the bathroom when she caught sight of something pink stuck to her hair. Taylor's hands flew to her head and she angrily tried to free the sticky gum. Nate must have put it in her hair when he'd hugged her.

"Urgggg" She moaned in frustration, picking up her brush from the edge of the sink. And she'd thought Nate was the good one!

Taylor attempted to drag the brush through her hair but it wouldn't move. The brush was stuck in her hair. Taylor ripped it from her head only to discover that the brush had been coated with honey!

"OH MY GOD!" She screamed furiously. This was the final straw. "Nate, Lucy, get your little bums over here!" Taylor threw her hair into a quick ponytail, deciding to deal with it later and ran into the living room, determined to punish the children before they could do anything else to her.

"Nate? Lucy?" She looked around the empty room, eyes searching for two blonde heads. "Guy's where'd you go?"

Taylor darted from room to room searching in cupboards, under the beds and even in the washer and dryer.

"This isn't funny anymore." She called, checking the twin's room again. "I mean it. If you don't come out right now, I'm going to call your dad." Taylor was starting to get worried. What if they had left the house? What if they were out on the streets of New York City all by themselves? Surely the doorman wouldn't have let the leave but what if he did? Taylor frantically ran into Ryan's room, looking behind the chair and dresser and digging through the closet. She'd checked everywhere, where else could they b-"

"BOOO!" Shouted two little voices as Nate and Lucy sprang out of the laundry basket.

"AHHH!" Taylor yelped in surprise, stumbling backwards and tripping over a pair of shoes.

The twins laughed and high-fived as Taylor sat on the ground trying to catch her breath enough to yell at them. "Nate, Lucy, I have been calling you for 45 minutes, why didn't you come out?" She demanded angrily.

"We were hiding." Lucy explained simply. "You know, like hide and seek?" She said sassily.

Taylor sighed and rested her head in her hands. "Why don't you guys go watch TV?" She said finally. "I need to lie down for a bit."

She leaned back into her pillows with a scowl on her face. It had been once hell of a day. She hoped Ryan would get back soon.

"Taaaylor." Taylor closed her eyes and rubbed her temples, getting increasingly grumpier by the second.

"What now?" She muttered under her breath as the twins approached her. "I thought I told you I need to rest for a minute."

"There's someone knocking on the door." Lucy told her, pointing in the direction of the hall.

"So why don't you answer it?" Taylor replied snarkily.

"We're not allowed to get the door." Nate glared at her, hands on hips. "It's a rule."

"Say's who?" Taylor glared right back at the little boy.

"Mommy." He answered, still not breaking the gaze.

"She won't be very happy if she finds out we opened the door for a stranger." Lucy smirked at her father's girlfriend. "What if we got abducted?"

Taylor scowled angrily at the twins. They were threatening her, the little monsters! Still, she didn't want Ryan to think she couldn't handle them so she rose from the bed and glowered at the children.

"Fine, I'll get it." She stomped through the house and threw open the door. "What are you guys talking about, there's no one here!" She cried, stepping out into the hall to se if there was someone there.

"Nate, Lucy, there isn't anyone out- HEY!" Taylor whipped around as the door slammed in her face.

"NATHANIEL AND LUCY COOPER OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!" She yelled jiggling the handle and throwing her weight at the door repeatedly, hoping it might open.

"GO AWAY TAY-LOR, THINGS WERE WAY BETTER BEFORE YOU SHOWED UP!" Lucy's shrill voice rang out clearly from the other side of the wall.

"YEAH!" Nate echoed her.

"Nate, Lucy, please! You have to let me in!" She pleaded with them, now starting to panic, pressing her eye to the key hole.

"NUH-UHHH!" The kids sand together. "We don't have to do anything you say, you're not the boss of us. GO AWAY!" They said again

"Urggg." Taylor groaned frustratedly. There was only one thing she could do now. Call Ryan. She would explain how awful the children had been and he would come unlock the door. Then she would somehow talk him into never seeing those two little brats ever again.

'Ringgg-Ringgg-Ringgg.'

"Come on! Come on pick up!" Taylor shouted into her cell phone. "Argggg!" She snapped the phone shut angrily as it went to voicemail. Ryan must have his phone turned off for the meeting. Great. What was she supposed to do now?

Taylor looked down at her hands which still clutched the scrap of paper with Ryan's number on it. Suddenly, she saw the answer! There on the paper, right beneath Ryan's number was Marissa's! Surely Marissa would have a key to the apartment. She could come unlock the door!

Honestly Taylor would much rather break down the door then call Marissa for help but she swallowed her pride and dialled the unfamiliar number with shaking hand. Marissa was going to be furious.

"La Jeune Photographe Photography Studio, how may I help you?" Answered a perky young woman who Taylor assumed was the secretary.

"Marissa Cooper please." She asked desperately. "It's important."

Taylor was sitting in the hall, her back against the wall when the elevator door slid open.

"Marissa!" She exclaimed getting to her feet.

Marissa strode right past Taylor and retrieved a silver key from her bag.

"I can't believe you got yourself locked out of the apartment!" She said angrily. "You can't leave five-year-olds alone, what if they get hurt?"

"I didn't lock myself out, your little monsters locked me out!" Taylor protested.

Marissa shot her a death look. "Don't you ever call my babies monsters ever again!" She shouted, bursting through the door into the apartment.

"Natey? Lucy?"

"Mommy!" They cried running into Marissa arms with tears streaming down their cheeks.

Taylor snorted and turned away disgustedly. They were trying to get her in trouble.

"Shhh it's okay." Marissa calmed the children. "Mommy's here now."

"I don't want her to babysit us anymore." Lucy sobbed into her mother's hair. "She's so mean."

Nate sniffled and nodded in agreement. "She yelled at us the whole time and she made Lucy cry and she started a fire!"

"A fire?" Marissa gasped scooping both children on to her hips. "Alright, we're leaving. I can't believe Ryan would trust you with something as important as my children." She hissed. "You better hope I don't call the police! By the sounds of it my kids are lucky to be alive!" She ranted, carrying the kids into the hall. "Have Ryan call me when he gets home."

And with that, the three of them disappeared into the elevator leaving a shocked Taylor Townsend to collapse onto the couch.

Would Ryan react any better than Marissa had? He couldn't possibly think all this was her fault, could he?

Taylor sighed and curled up into a ball. She was starting to think that even Ryan Atwood wasn't worth her having to be nice to those kids.

**Sorry if there were lots of spelling mistakes, I don't have time to read it over. **

**XOXO **


	16. The Punishment

**I know I know it's been 2 WEEKS since I last updated! I'm really sorry it took so long! I wish I could say it's because this chapter's really long or really good but sadly, those are not the reasons. I've just been really busy with school work every night and then last weekend I went away. Anyway I hope I still have some readers left and I'll try really hard to get the next chapter to you sometime this week! Please review!**

Ryan Atwood sa,t finger tips pressed together, staring intently into the wide eyes of his seemingly innocent children.

He had never punished them before but he had a feeling that this was going to be harder than it looked.

It was the day after the babysitting incident. Ryan had come home from work yesterday to find a very angry Taylor fuming on the chesterfield.

She'd tearfully told him about Nate and Lucy's pranks and explained that Marissa had come and gotten them after calling her an unfit babysitter.

Ryan had called Marissa right away and, after a long debate, they'd agreed that the twins would have to be punished.

After all, according to Taylor, they'd been complete terrors. Marissa on the other hand was convinced that this was at least partly Taylor's fault.

"Nate and Lucy would cause trouble like that without being provoked", she'd said.

Ryan wasn't sure what to believe. Taylor was usually pretty honest but she did have a tendency to exaggerate a bit.

Ryan had promised himself not to make any accusations until he heard the kids' side of things so here he was, sitting on Marissa's couch, about to interrogate his young offspring.

Marissa had filled him in on how this was going to go.

"It's the same thing every time they get in trouble," she'd explained. "Lucy will play the 'I'm too cute to be punished' card. She'll probably cry for awhile and then finish with a 'sincere' apology. Nate will be his usual strong and silent self. He'll admit to his wrong-doings and then accept the consequences of his actions without complaining. His apology will be guilt-ridden and genuine."

Ryan tried to remember all of this as he glanced over at Marissa who had positioned herself cross-legged in a nearby armchair.

She was staring into space, frowning slightly as though deep in thought and fiddling with her hair absentmindedly.

Ryan felt bad for her.

Disciplining your children for tormenting their father's girlfriend must be tough. Especially when you wanted nothing more then to torment her yourself.

Remembering why he was there Ryan cleared his throat and turned back to the kids.

"So." He began nervously. "What do you two have to say for yourselves?"

Lucy shrugged at the question and continued bouncing her bare feet off the coffee table. Nate didn't say anything.

"Nothing?" Ryan asked in disbelief. "You have nothing to say?"

"Nope." Lucy said confidently. "Nothing to say."

"So you're not even going to try to explain?" He prompted. "You're not going to try to convince me that Taylor made you do it or she set you up or something?"

"Nothing to explain." Lucy persisted stubbornly.

"Right." Ryan was growing frustrated. "So you're telling me that you and your brother cut off Taylor's hair, sprayed her with a fire extinguisher, put gum in her hair aaaand locked her out for no reason?"

"You forgot we put honey in her brush!" The little girl exclaimed giggling. "It was a classic!"

"Lucy." Marissa warned, speaking up for the first time from her spot in the corner.

"Sorry mommy!" She jumped into Marissa's lap and gave her a big hug. "And I'm sorry daddy too! I promise I'll never do anything mean to Tay-lor ever again!"

There was something about Lucy that made it very difficult to say no to her. She had only known her father for a few short months but she already had him completely wrapped around her finger.

The little girl was an expert on manipulating Ryan (and Seth for than matter) into doing what ever she wanted. It was a gift and she used it to her full advantage.

As the child looked up at him with big blue eyes Ryan suddenly had a change of heart. What was he doing scolding this poor little girl? She was only 5 after all!

Ryan was about to call off the whole thing when Marissa caught his eye and shook her head at him, lips drawn into a thin line.

She gave him a look that clearly said 'don't give in! She's tricking you!' and he immediately cleared his head, feeling a little ashamed for almost succumbing to his daughter's charms.

"Ah-ah-ah!" He said, now even more determined not to let her get away with pranking Taylor. "No apologies until I get an explanation! Tell me why you did it!"

"Dadddddddy!" She whined, plopping back on to the couch beside the still-silent Nate and crossing her arms huffily.

"Luccccccccy!" He mimicked.

"Fine." She gave in looking him straight in the eye. "We did it cause she deserved it. She's a huge bitch!"

"LUCY!" Ryan cried out in shock. "Don't you every call somebody that again! It's never okay to swear no matter how much you don't like someone!" He scolded her. "Where did you even learn that word?"

"Mommy called Taylor that when she and Auntie Summer were talking on the phone."

"WHAT!" Ryan exploded suddenly livid. "NOW YOU'RE TEACHING OUR 5-YEAR-OLDS SWEAR WORDS?" He rounded on Marissa. "This is great Marissa, way to go! Great parenting!"

"DON'T YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT CRITIZING THE WAY I RAISE MY KIDS!" She yelled back, her eyes flashing with rage. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"

"I HAVE EVERY RIGHT!" He shouted, face flushed in anger. "I'M THEIR FATHER! EXCUSE ME FOR NOT WANTING THEM CURSING IN KINDERGARTEN TOMORROW!"

Marissa opened her mouth to respond but stopped short at the sight of Nate and Lucy cowering together on the sofa. The two kids watched their parents argue fearfully, Nate with his arm wrapped protectively around Lucy's shoulders whose eyes were filled with tears.

Suddenly overcome with guilt Marissa's voice softened as she bent down to the twins' level.

"How bout you guys go play in your rooms for a bit while mommy and daddy finish talking?" She suggested, stroking her son's thick golden hair. "We'll forget about your punishment this time, okay?"

The children nodded. Nate wordlessly took his sister's hand and for once the little girl was silent as she allowed her brother to lead her away.

"We promised we wouldn't fight in front of them." Marissa said quietly, sinking down into the couch once the twins had left the room.

"I know." Ryan sat down beside her. "I'm sorry by the way. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

"I really didn't mean for them to overhear that conversation with Summer." She told him truthfully. "The kids are going through an eavesdropping phase. They've been listening in on my calls all week. It's been driving me mental! I normally never swear in front of them though."

"I know." Ryan sighed. "You're a great mother. I guess I'm just upset about the whole thing with Taylor and the kids. I was really hoping they'd all get along and I just can't understand why they didn't like her! I mean, Nate and Lucy love almost everybody!"

"Um, I think it's pretty obvious.." Marissa shook her head at him.

"It is?" Ryan asked confusedly.

"Oh come on Ryan, they're not stupid!" Marissa snorted at him in exasperation. "They knew something was going on between us! Of course they'd want to make Taylor miserable! Before she showed up they thought we were getting back together!" She ran her fingers through her hair. "And for what it's worth, so did I."

Ryan froze as he realized what Marissa was saying. "We….I….We never talked about anything that happened." He stammered at last.

"You're right. We never talked about it." Marissa stood up and looked him eye-to-eye. "Maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's always been the problem."

She flung open the front door and stared at Ryan promptly in indication that he should leave.

He clambered to his feet and grabbed his coat from a hook by the door. "I…." Ryan opened his mouth to say something but then thought better of it and closed it again. "Tell Nate and Lou I say goodbye."

"See ya Ryan." She shut the door firmly behind him.

"Yeah." Ryan muttered to the closed door. "See ya."

**Once again, sorry about the long time between chapters. I hope you liked this one. We're getting closer to the end of the story so keep reading! :-) and reviewing!**

**P.S. Any Ryan/Marissa fans HAVE to watch this video! It's Amazing!**

Okay so I keep trying to post the link but it wont work so heres what you do to see it:

1. Go to youtube

2. Go to pm513's channel

3. Look for the video called Ryan/Marissa- 3x25 [Back In Time Contest]

4. Watch! (Seriously, it's worth it!)


	17. The Halloween Party: Part One

**Alright so here's another chapter to make up for the one I didn't post last week. This is the first part of 2. I hope you like it. Review!**

Every year on the Friday before Halloween the parents of kindergarten students at p.s. 231 were invited to attend a special party at the school.

There was apple-bobbing and pumpkin carving but the thing that everyone looked forward to the most was the costume parade put on by the children themselves.

The kids would walk around the room modeling their outfits for their parents and teachers and then prizes would be awarded to those with the best costumes.

Like every other 5-year-old in their class, Nathaniel and Lucy Cooper were determined to win. They were highly competitive children (Marissa was convinced they got it from her mother Julie) who had to be the best at everything.

The twins had decided on what they wanted to be over a month ago and Marissa had spent the past 2 weeks sewing elaborate costumes out of scraps of brightly coloured fabrics.

She was very proud of her work. When Nate and Lucy had first told her they wanted to be foods she'd been a little sceptical but the costumes had turned out so well that Marissa had brought her son and daughter to work with her one day and photographed the children.

Nate's outfit was a hamburger. It consisted of 2 buns, a meat patty, lettuce, tomato, and cheese all made out of fabric and stuffing that sat around his waist like an inner tube and was held up by strings that went over his shoulders.

Lucy had chosen to be a sandwich. 2 pieces of foam covered in brown cloth made up the bread while smaller bits of red green and yellow were the innards. Her costume had deli stickers stuck all over it and was covered in a translucent material that resembled saran wrap.

The twins looked fabulous in their costumes. Nate and Lucy loved them so much that they'd insisted on wearing them over to Ryan's on Thursday afternoon.

"Look Daddy! I'm a hamburger!" Nate announced proudly as Ryan opened the door to let Marissa and the kids in.

"And I'm a sandwich!" Lucy pushed past her brother and twirled around for her dad to see.

"Wow! Great costumes guys!" Ryan said enthusiastically. "Did you make them?" He added to Marissa.

"Yes!" She replied giving him a small smile. "Impressed?"

"Defiantly!" He chuckled. "I didn't even know you knew how to sew!"

"It's a skill any mother of a boy has got to have!" She joked. "You'd be amazed at how many rips Nate gets in his pants! And Lucy too for that matter!" Marissa laughed happily.

"Well I better go. I have to get to work." She leaned down to hug the children goodbye. "I'll see you at the school tomorrow. Oh, and Ryan? Make sure they're careful with their costumes; they're pretty delicate."

"Okay." He said, waving her out the door. "See you tomorrow!"

"Bye!" Marissa called as she left the apartment. "Love you guys!"

Ryan was sad to see her go. They'd only spoken a few times since their argument last week and he missed her a little bit.

Ryan had been surprised by her call earlier begging him to take the kids for the night. She had a late night photo shoot at the studio and she hadn't been able to find a babysitter.

He hadn't expected her to let their children spend the night with him for a long, long time what with the allergy incident and the thing with Taylor but apparently she'd been desperate, so now Ryan was taking care of Nate and Lucy tonight and then bringing them to their school party tomorrow, where Marissa would meet them.

"Hello Nate, Lucy." Taylor greeted the kids, trying her very hardest to be friendly as she entered the room. "Cool costumes."

"Thanks." Lucy said stiffly. "Our mommy made them for us."

Though no longer playing tricks on Taylor, the twins had found other ways to show their dislike of her. They'd taken to ignoring her or talking extensively about Marissa whenever they were in Taylor's presence.

She often wondered if Marissa had put them up to it but Ryan had explained to her that it was every child with separated parents' dream for their mum and dad to get back together. "To them, you're just as obstacle standing in the way of Marissa and me." He'd told her. "But don't worry. Eventually they'll realize that you're here to stay and they'll accept you."

Taylor hoped they'd realize it soon. She was getting sick if their attitudes. Especially Lucy's. She was like a little tiny teenager with her sullen glares and her talking back. It reminded Taylor of the way Marissa had acted during their senior year at Harbor. She was sure Lucy'd picked up her behaviour from watching Marissa for all these years. Kids were very impressionable after all.

"Daddy can we watch a movie while we eat dinner?" Nate looked hopefully up at Ryan.

"Pleassssse!" Lucy joined in.

"Sure." Ryan handed his daughter the remote. "I don't see why a not."

The kids squealed happily and rummaged through their bags, looking for a particular movie they'd brought with them.

"Tower of Terror!" Lucy held up the DVD case to Ryan. "It's scary!"

"Scary?" Ryan asked. "Are you sure you want to watch something scary right before bed?"

"It's okay Daddy, we like being scared!" Nate said brightly. "We're getting in the Halloweenie spirit!"

"Okay." Ryan ruffled his son's hair. "Just promise me neither of you will be up all night with nightmares."

"Promise!" They said eagerly, slipping the disk into the DVD player.

"We've seen it before anyway and we weren't scared AT ALL!" Lucy told her father.

"Okay princess." Ryan smiled fondly at her. "Whatever you say."

He and Taylor left the room to go make dinner in the kitchen.

"So are you excited for the party tomorrow?" Ryan asked Taylor as he mashed some potatoes.

"Not really." She admitted. "I'm not even sure why I'm going. Your kids definitely don't want me there and I doubt Marissa does either."

"Hey." He said softly, wrapping his arms around her. "I want you there. It'll be fun I promise. And Seth and Summer are going too remember?"

"Mhm." She answered leaning into his embrace. "Maybe it won't be **that** bad."

"That's the spirit!" Ryan kissed her cheek. Plus there'll be free food!"

"Well then how can I say no?" Taylor threw a frozen pea at Ryan.

"Hey!" He grinned and threw one back.

The two of them giggled and went back to the cooking, Taylor feeling much more relaxed.

An hour later, Ryan and Taylor had loaded 4 plates with chicken, potatoes and peas and were about to bring them into the living room so they could eat with the kids.

"I'll carry the drinks." Taylor offered picking up a huge tray and leading the way out of the room. She looked over her shoulder and beamed at Ryan. "I used to be a waitress you kno….!"

"Taylor WATCH OUT!" Ryan cried but it was too late. She'd already tripped over Nate's backpack and landed smack on her face, sending the drinks flying across the room.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lucy shrieked jumping to her feet. "You spilled water all over my costume!" She wailed.

"MINE TOO!" Nate exclaimed with a quivering lip. "Now they're ruined."

Ryan, who was kneeling on the ground next to Taylor, looked up. Sure enough, Nate and Lucy stood still in their hamburger and sandwich costumes completely drenched in water.

With their crossed arms and identical scowls, Ryan had never seen his kids look more like twins.

"Don't worry guys." He tried to reason with hem. "It's only water. It'll dry."

"If you take them off right now I'll put them in the dryer for you." Taylor said as she got to her feet, trying to make amends for her mistake.

The children said nothing but stalked off to their bedrooms returning several minutes later in their pajamas. They handed Taylor the costumes and then burrowed back into the sofa to continue watching their movie.

Relieved that she'd avoided a tantrum, Taylor stuffed the damp clothes into the dryer and cranked it up before returning to the living room.

Tower of Terror had just ended and Ryan had gathered his son and daughter into his arms to take them to bed.

Taylor stood in the doorway watching as Ryan helped Nate and Lucy brush their teeth and tucked the children into bed.

"Night Nate. Night Luce. Sweet dreams." He whispered turning off the light.

"Night Daddy." They sleepily murmured back.

The next morning Taylor woke to the sound of screaming and crying from the next room.

"Ryan ." She groaned, reaching over to wake him. "You're children are up."

"Hm." Ryan rubbed his eyes and yawned, sitting up in bed. "I better go see what's wrong."

But there was no need for him to get up. For at that exact moment their bedroom door burst open and Nate and Lucy barged in, yelling a slew of incomprehensible words in shrill, angry voices.

"Whoa." Ryan held out his hands to silence the kids, sneaking a peek at the clock as he did so. 5:45! Why did they have to get up so early?

"DADDY, TAYLOR RUINED OUR COSTUMES!" Lucy shouted, interrupting Ryan's day dreams of sleeping in. "PUNISH HER!" She brandished a handful of torn fabric in his face.

"Let me see that." Taylor ignored the little girl's protests and snatched it out of her hand with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Oh no! the dryer must have unraveled the stitching!" She moaned, examining the shards of cloth. "I'm sooo sorry you guys!"

"NO YOUR NOT!" Lucy bellowed at Taylor. "YOU PROBABLY DID IT ON PURPOSE! WE HATE YOU!"

"We'll never win the costume contest now." Nate uttered sadly.

The two of them threw what was left of their ensembles into Taylor's lap and stomped fiercely out of the room.

Taylor swore loudly and rested her head in her hands. "I can't believe I screwed up again!" She muttered to herself

"It's okay." Ryan comforted her. "It was as accident." He picked up the damaged hamburger costume. "Maybe we can fix these! You have a sewing machine right?"

"Oh it doesn't matter!" Taylor threw her hands up into the air. "No matter what I do they'll still hate me! Didn't you hear Lucy?"

"Hm." Ryan grunted, silently agreeing with her. "Maybe I should call Marissa. She could probably fix them."

Taylor closed her eyes and pictured Ryan telling Marissa that she'd messed up again. She could already see the cold look Marissa would give her. She could hear her rival say to Ryan that she didn't want her children anywhere near Taylor Townsend anymore. She saw Ryan breaking up with her because Marissa had threatened to take the kids away if he didn't. She imagined herself going back to Newport while Ryan stayed in New York with his perfect little family, and forgot all about her.

The pictures in her mind got worse and worse until all of a sudden, Taylor bolted upright, a new found determination in her heart.

Marissa Cooper had been beating her for her whole life. Prettier, more popular, tons of friends. Social chair, a great boyfriend and a mom who despite the way she acted sometimes, actually really cared about her daughter. Marissa had been overshadowing Taylor for years. Well not anymore, Taylor decided leaping to her feet. She would not let Marissa win this time! She was Ryan's girlfriend and she would prove herself.

"What are you doing?" Ryan wondered aloud, watching her pull out a box marked 'fabric' from under the bed.

"Sewing." Taylor said confidently. "It's what? Six am? We have 2 hours till school starts. I'm making Nate and Lucy new costumes and they're going to be even better than Marissa's!"

**Okay so that was part 1. I planned for this chapter to include the Halloween party but it was getting too long so I had to split it. Part 2 will probably be posted sometime next weekend. Keep reading and PLEASE REVIEW!**


	18. The Halloween Party: Part Two

**Happy Thanksgiving! Once again, it's been two weeks since I last updated. I'm really sorry about that. I can't promise you a chapter next weekend either because I'm going on a school trip to Stratford on Thursday and Friday and then I have a workshop on Saturday with company coming on Sunday. They need to make weekends longer. Anyway here is part two of the Halloween Party. I hate to say it but this chapter is actually terrible. My writing is defiantly getting worse as the story goes on. Hopefully you can overlook its badness and review it anyway. I would really appreciate that!**

"Come on Lucy, cheer up!" Ryan Atwood prompted his 5-year-old daughter. "You look great!"

"No." She said angrily, scowling menacingly at his girlfriend Taylor, her little hands balled up into fists. "I look terrible. Little red riding hood is the worst costume ever!"

Ryan sighed and scooped the child into his arms. "You're going to hurt Taylor's feelings princess." He cautioned her. "She worked very hard on those costumes."

"Well if she hadn't wrecked my sandwich in the first place, she wouldn't have had to work hard at all." Lucy retorted. "It's her own fault. Besides, Nate and I didn't ask her to make us new costumes, did we Natey?"

"No way!" Her brother answered, shaking his head in affirmation. "The ones she made are ugly!"

Ryan moaned in frustration and gave Taylor an apologetic look. She shrugged at him and smiled bravely trying not to let the twins harsh words get to her.

She knew that even if the twins did like their new costumes, they would never show it. Nate and Lucy were determined to hate her.

Taylor had spent the last few hours creating brand-new outfits for the kids in an attempt to make up for the ones that had been ruined in the dryer the night before. They blamed it on Taylor although it wasn't really her fault. She had just been trying to do something nice for Nate and Lucy. How was she supposed to know how delicate the costumes were?

Lucy was now dressed as little red riding hood. She wore black suede ankle boots, flesh coloured tights, a black and white knee-length old fashioned dress (from the children's dress-up box) with a white apron over it and a long red velvet cape that Taylor had sewn completely from scratch. The little girl's long, loosely curled blonde hair spilled out from under the pointed hood and she carried an old wicker basket filled to the brim with shiny crimson apples.

Nate's new costume was a pirate. He wore a semi-unbuttoned white shirt with the sleeves rolled up over a white wife beater, a black leather vest, a pair of brown pants, an eye patch (Made by Taylor) and a pirates hat. Several plastic swords and a wooden dagger were tucked under a sash tied around Nate's waist and there was a small stuffed parrot sewn on to his shoulder. A plastic hook on his left hand and a black beard painted on his chin finished off the outfit.

Even with their frowns, Taylor thought Nate and Lucy looked downright adorable. She knew her costumes weren't as original as the ones Marissa had made but she thought they were pretty good for 2 hours. Taylor was proud of her work despite the children's negative reactions.

They probably wouldn't be the best costumes there but with any luck, Nate or Lucy might pick up some sort of prize.

Taylor was praying that they would. She didn't even want to think about what the kids would do to her if they didn't get anything.

"Here we are!" Ryan announced cheerfully as they entered the school grounds. "Right on time!"

P.S.231 was an attractive stone building surrounded by a beautiful wrought-iron fence. It has a large, sweeping playground, several slides and swing sets and a row of basketball hoops.

According to P.S.231 was one of the best public schools in the city.

Ryan knew that Marissa could afford private school for the twins but had decided against it due to the fact that all the best ones were on the opposite side of New York.

She had chosen instead a public school close to their home and to Marissa's work. She felt better knowing that she could be there in 5 minutes if there was an emergency.

"I hope mommy's here already!" Nate voiced excitedly, leading the group into the building. "I want to show her my new costume and my cubby and my desk!"

"Me too!" Lucy exclaimed "And my picture I drew yesterday!"

"You drew a picture?" Taylor asked, attempting to engage the child in conversation.

"Yeah." She said, smiling slyly up at Taylor. "We had to draw our family! I drew me and Natey and Uncle Seth and Auntie Summer and Daddy and Mommy! The teacher put mine on the wall cause it was best!"

"She put everyone's on the wall Lucy." Nate reminded her.

"Oh yeah!" The little girl giggled. "But mine was still best!"

Ryan laughed, gathering his daughter into his arms and taking his son's hand. "I can't wait to see them guys."

"This is our classroom!" Nate interrupted, letting go of Ryan's hand and running to a closed door marked 'kindergarten'. "Come on Daddy!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming." Ryan followed the little boy into a large sunny room filled with toys and painting easels. The walls were decorated with colourful collages and paintings and cheerful posters of letters and numbers were displayed around the room.

Costumed children played together in one corner while their parents milled about exchanging small talk with one another and making polite conversation.

"Mrs. Coleman!" The twins cried out, running over to a bubbly, red-haired woman dressed as a witch.

"Nate! Lucy!" She hugged each child tightly and then held them back to survey their outfits. "Lovely costumes you two! You definitely have my vote for best in the class!"

"Doubt it." Lucy muttered sulkily as the teacher turned away. The costumes were a sore subject with Nate and Lucy.

"Oh these must be your parents!" The women smiled brightly, bustling over to Ryan and Taylor. "Hello. I'm Mrs. Coleman! It's so good to finally meet you Mr. and Mrs. Cooper!"

"Actually." A smooth voice cut into the conversation. "That would be me."

"MOMMY!" The twins squealed happily, running into Marissa's open arms. "You're here!"

"Hey guys!" She kissed each child lightly on the cheek and scooped Nate into her arms. "I missed you!" Smiling, she turned back to the teacher and held out a hand. "Marissa Cooper." She introduced herself. "Nate and Lucy's mum."

"Oh!" Mrs. Coleman gasped in surprise. "Well of course you are!" She quickly rearranged her features into a friendly smile. "The children look just like you! Beautiful kids!"

"Thanks!" Marissa grinned, stroking her daughter's soft blonde head. "Although I don't deserve all the credit! They get half of their good looks from their father here!" She smiled at Ryan and punched him playfully on the shoulder. "This is Ryan Atwood." Marissa added to the teacher. "And his girlfriend Taylor."

"It's nice to meet you!" Mrs. Coleman gushed, shaking both of their hands firmly. "I must tell you, Nate and Lucy have become quite the favourites around here! Most popular kids in the class!"

"Haha well that's good!" Ryan laughed. "They definitely got that from you Marissa! I was always kind of shy in elementary school!"

Marissa smiled at Nate and Lucy who were waving to the crowd of kids on the other side of the room. "I'm glad they're making friends. I was worried they wouldn't play with anyone but each other."

Mrs. Coleman chortled and shook her head at Marissa. "No need to worry, they're very sociable." She straightened her witches hat and waved to a family who had just come in. "I'm sorry but you all must excuse me, I need to have a quick word with Charlie McNaughton's parents." She gestured to a couple near them, struggling to calm their unruly son. "Please come find we later though, we can discus the twins' progress in the class."

"Sure." Marissa said easily, nodding to the teacher. "It was great to meet you!"

"Well she seems nice!" Ryan said once the teacher had gone.

"Mmhm." Marissa agreed. "Do you guys like her?"

"Yes!" Nate and Lucy proclaimed in unison. "She's really fun!"

"Good." Marissa ruffled her son's hair. "Hey! What happened to you're costumes?" She demanded, suddenly noticing the new outfits. "You two are supposed to be dresses as foods!"

"It was Taylor!" Lucy shouted gleefully, glad that her mother had finally noticed. "She did it!"

"It was an accident!" Taylor hurriedly defended herself. "They got wet last night so I put them in the dryer and they fell apart. I didn't realize how delicate they were, I'm sorry."

"Oh." Marissa looked confused. "But then where'd they get these?" She fingered Lucy's soft crimson cape.

"Taylor made them!" Ryan spoke up and Marissa noticed a hint of pride in his voice. "Just this morning, before school started." He smiled lovingly at Taylor and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

Marissa frowned at them, suddenly not in the mood for a party and forced herself to put on a happy face for the twins. "Well it's a good thing Taylor knows how to sew!" She said in a faux-cheery voice. "Those costumes are great guys!"

Taylor, who'd been expecting some sort of insult gaped in surprise. Had Marissa really just complimented her work?

The twins looked sceptically at their mother as well but were distracted by the arrival of their aunt and uncle.

"Auntie Summer! Uncle Seth!" The exclaimed delightedly. "You came!"

"Of course we came!" Summer smiled, hugging each child tightly. "We couldn't miss your Halloween parade!"

"Yeah." Seth added sarcastically. "We had nothing better to do then watch costumed munchkins walk around in circles."

Ryan rolled his eyes but greeted his brother with a friendly handshake.

"Hey Marissa!" Summer gave her friend a quick squeeze. "Taylor." She waved awkwardly.

Summer and Taylor had grown close during their senior year of high school but had lost touch when Summer had moved to Rhode Island. Now with Taylor dating her best friend's ex-boyfriend things were a little weird between them. Summer liked Taylor but she and Seth were rooting for Team Marissa. Summer had always been a Ryan/Marissa fan despite all of their problems. They were one of those epic couples that just couldn't stay apart.

"So do you guys want to sit down?" Taylor asked the group of adults, breaking the silence. "I think the parades about to start." She took a seat at a table at the back of the room and waited for them to join her.

"Actually, does anyone mind if I sit over there?" Marissa pointed to an empty chair at the front. "I want to get a good view so I can take pictures."

"I'll go with you!" Ryan offered, a little too enthusiastically for Taylor's liking. "So I'll be able to see the twins better." He explained to her.

Taylor rolled her eyes in annoyance but shrugged her shoulders in indication that he had her permission. "Go." She said forcefully. "I'll be fine here with Seth and Summer."

Ryan smiled at her gratefully, and then proceeded to join Marissa across the room.

"Have you noticed that we're the youngest parents here?" He asked Marissa as they took their seats.

"Yeah." She answered mirthfully. "That's cause no one else had their kids at 18!" Marissa grinned at Ryan who returned a small smile. "Does it bother you?" He wondered, curious to know if she felt as uncomfortable as he did.

"No." She said strongly. "Not really anyway. I just don't like those looks they give me. They act all nice when you're talking to them but the minute you turn your back they start whispering about you." She grimaced sadly at Ryan. "They think that just because I'm a young mother, I must be a slut."

"You're not." Ryan responded quickly, giving her shoulder a comforting pat.

"Thanks." Marissa chuckled watery. "It just makes me mad. If I love my kids and I can provide for them how does that make me a worse parent then all the others? Anyway, there's no use getting upset over it. People are always going to talk and you just have to learn not to care."

"Wow." Ryan laughed, impressed. "You've really matured since our high school days."

She laughed and stuck out her tongue at him. "Look it's starting!"

For the next quarter of an hour the 25 kindergarten students paraded around the classroom modeling their outfits for the parents.

Taylor clapped politely for each child but the majority of her attention was focused on Ryan and Marissa. The two of them had been chatting and giggling and joking around the entire time, all the while snapping photo after photo of their young son and daughter.

Taylor watched, for what seemed like the 100th time since the parade began as Marissa casually touched Ryan's arm. Urrg she was growing more and more agitated with ever passing second.

Ryan had a girlfriend for goodness sake! He should **not** be letting other women man-handle him.

"Relax Taylor." Summer nudged her friend gently, noticing who she was staring at. "They're just talking. You have to trust Ryan. He loves you."

"I know." Taylor muttered. "But he loves her more."

Summer remained silent as though unable to deny the statement and Taylor sighed. She bitterly turned her attention to Mrs. Coleman, the twins' teacher who was announcing the winners of the costume parade.

"And the award for the scariest costume goes to….. Nils Birkin!" A small fair-haired boy dressed as a flesh-eating zombie leapt up to claim his prize.

"The most creative costume belongs to….. Linea Edmund!" The teacher placed a small silver metal around the neck of a little girl wearing a basket-of-laundry costume.

"The winner of the best storybook character costume is….. Lucy Cooper!"

"Whoo go Lucy!" The child's family members erupted into cheers. Lucy grinned and waved at the crowd, accepting the award from Mrs. Coleman although clearly disappointed that she hadn't won the title of overall best costume.

The ceremony continued with the presentation of the best super hero costume prize which was given to Asher Roland, a young boy decked out in a home made Spiderman outfit.

"There were so many pirate costumes this year." Mrs. Coleman began smiling down at her class. "That the teachers decided to create a whole new award for the best pirate costume! This years winner is….. Nate Cooper!" She announced and the little boy rose shyly to his feet.

"Thank you!" He whispered in an awestruck voice.

"You're very welcome Nate!" Mrs. Coleman laughed heartily, patting the little boy's head. "You deserve it."

Finally, several award later, it was time to give out the best costume in class trophy. This was the one everyone had been waiting for. And the winner is.." The teacher paused for dramatic effect. "Pia Williams!" A tiny blonde girl dressed in an immaculate fairy costume complete with light up wings rushed to the front.

"Ohhh." Summer breathed, shaking her head. "Lucy will not be happy. Pia is like, her biggest rival. She'll hate losing to her! According to Marissa they've been competing for the top spot ever since their first day here!"

Taylor gulped, preparing herself for the worst as Nate and Lucy stormed across the room toward her look angry.

"This is all your fault!" Lucy exclaimed, brandishing her finger at Taylor. "If you hadn't ruined or costumes we could have won the trophy! We hate you Taylor."

"Lucy!" Marissa interrupted in a soft but firm voice. "I want to talk to you. Both of you actually. Come with me."

She seized the children's hands and pulled them to an unoccupied corner of the room where she sat them down on the floor.

"You know guys, Taylors not that bad." Marissa began, choosing her words carefully. "Did you know that when I was in high school, I got expelled?"

"Really?" They gasped in shock. "Mommy what did you do!"

"It doesn't matter." Marissa replied hastily. She wasn't quite ready for the twins to know about the shooting. They were only 5 after all. "Anyway." She continued. "Taylor did everything she could to get the school to let me back in and you know what? It worked."

"But why would she do that?" Lucy asked bewildered.

"Dunno." Marissa said truthfully. "But the point is that Taylor's not a bad person. We used to be good friends. If you get to know her a little better, you might find that you really like her."

"Doubt it." Lucy snorted shaking her head back and forth.

Marissa chuckled and took her daughters hand. "Will you at least give her a chance? For me?"

The kids looked at each other and spoke a few words of twin talk before answering. "Okay mommy." Nate began. "For you." Lucy finished, both of them climbing into Marissa's lap.

"Thanks guys." She smiled, hugging each child tightly. "I love you both soooo much!"

"Love you too mommy." They replied in unison.

"Good." She grinned at them and got to her feet. "Now go apologize to Taylor."

The twins obediently stalked off back to where Taylor was sitting and exchanged a few brief words with her before running off to play with their friends.

A stunned Ryan stared after them and then approached Marissa, a look of confusion on his face, "They apologized!" He exclaimed puzzled. "What did you say to them?"

"I just told them about when I got expelled and how much Taylor helped with Operation Free Marissa. I told them to give her a chance."

"Thank you." Ryan murmured sincerely, gathering Marissa into a big hug. "It means a lot that you would do that for me. Considering our history and everything."

On the other side of the room Taylor was watching with narrowed eyes as Ryan and Marissa interacted yet again. Despite her conversation with Summer earlier she was still a little suspicious. 'Unbelievable' Taylor thought as Ryan wrapped his arms around Marissa's skinny frame. No. This was just too much for her. Arm touches were one thing but long, meaningful hugs? Uhuh. This had to stop now.

Inflated with a newfound sense of fury and determination Taylor marched her way over to Marissa and Ryan.

"Stay away from my boyfriend." She demanded in a raised voice, getting right into Marissa's face.

"Excuse me?" Marissa retorted, glaring angrily at Taylor. "What did you say to me?"

"You heard me!" She repeated in a louder, shriller tone. "Stay. Away. From. My. Boyfriend. Just cause you're some stupid little skank who got knocked up in high school does not give you the right to flirt with taken men!" She breather heavily and continued. "I don't care if you used to date, that was years ago. It's over now. He's with me. Just get over it already!"

"Taylor!" Ryan gasped, grabbing his girlfriend's arm. "How could you say that?" When she didn't answer he shook his head angrily and dragged Taylor through the now silent room. "I think we should go. Bye Nate. Luce. I'll call."

"Oh my god Coop! Are you okay?" Summer rushed to her friend's side as the noise level returned to normal.

"Yeah." Marissa answered slightly stunned. "I just…I think I just wanna go home."

"Okay." Summer nodded. "Cohen and I'll go with you. Help with dinner. Put the kids to bed. Whatever. Come on guys!"

"So mommy." Lucy said, latching onto Marissa's hand as they left the school. "Still want us to give her a chance?"

**Haha told you it was bad. Omg how could I post something so terrible? I'll try to make the next chapter better. Anyway thanks for reading and please review. I'll update as soon as I can.**


	19. The Bed Time

**This chapter takes place on the same day as the Halloween Party parts 1 and 2. It's that night. (haha long day, I know!) Please enjoy!**

"Okay you two, time for bed." Marissa Cooper announced to her five-year-old twins Nate and Lucy. "Come on guys!"

"Nooooo!" They moaned, snuggling deeper into the couch beside their aunt and uncle. "Can't we just stay up a little longer?" Lucy begged, looking up at her mother with wide blue eyes. "Please?"

"We're not even tired!" Nate added, stifling a yawn with his tiny palm.

"Sorry guys." Marissa gave the children a sympathetic smile. "But it's very late and you've had a long day. Time for bed."

"Mommmmy!" They whined together. "We have company!"

"You'll see Auntie Summer and Uncle Seth tomorrow." Marissa reminded them, prying her daughter's iron grip from Summer's forearm. "Remember? You're sleeping over at their house!"

"Ohhh that's right!" Summer exclaimed in an uber-excited voice. "And Seth and I will let you stay up as late as you want but for right now, you guys better listen to your Mommy."

"Auntie Summer!" The twins groaned.

"No buts!" Summer interrupted them. "Now get your little arses over here and give me a hug!"

Nate and Lucy sighed huffily but got to their feet and gave the two adults tight hugs. "Night Sethy, Night Summer." They chorused obediently, trooping off to their rooms to get ready for bed.

"Wait here for a sec?" Marissa asked her best friends. "This'll only take a minute."

"Sure!" Summer grinned brightly at Marissa. "Take your time. We're in no rush."

Marissa smiled at them in gratitude before disappearing down the hall and into Nate's comic book character decorated bedroom (courteously of Seth Cohen)

She quietly sat herself on the edge of the bed and tucked the blankets snugly around her son's small body.

"Night Natey." Marissa murmured, gently stroking the little boy's golden hair. "Have a good sleep."

"G'night Mommy." He yawned, hugging his stuffed monkey closer. "See you tomorrow."

Marissa smiled fondly at the child and blew him one last kiss before turning out the light and leaving the room. Now to say goodnight to Lucy. If only she was as easy as Nate.

Marissa crossed the hall and entered her daughter's bright and colourful bedroom only to find the little girl crouched on the floor, playing with her dollhouse.

"It's time for bed baby." Marissa sighed, lifting her pajama-clad child into her arms and carrying her to her bed. "You have to go to sleep now."

"But I'm not tired Mommy!" Lucy protested insistently. "I can't go to sleep if I'm not tired!"

"Sorry Luce, It's waaaay past your bedtime. Besides, you've had a very full day, I'm sure you're at least a little bit sleepy?"

Lucy shook her head stubbornly, arms clamped around a small plush horse with worn brown fur.

"Alright." Marissa gave in. "How about I read you a quick story?" She offered. "Would that help you fall asleep?"

"No." Lucy shook her head. "Sing to me Mommy! Sing me the Lucy Song!"

Ever since she was a baby Lucy had been a night owl like her mother. The only sure-fire way to get her to sleep within minutes was to sing to her. Marissa had adopted the Beatles song _Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds_ early on because it fit her daughter's name and personality so well and from then on, wherever she was having trouble getting Lucy to bed, she'd sing the song. It worked every time.

"Please?" The little girl continued to pester her mother. "Please, please, please, please, please?" She gave her mother her best puppy-dog eyes.

"Sure." Marissa smiled, tucking the fluffy white comforter around her daughter's shoulders. "But just this one song and that's it. Then you'll go right to sleep after, okay?"

"Deal!" Lucy grinned, sticking out a small hand which Marissa shook. "Now sing!"

_Picture yourself on a boat in a river  
with tangerine trees and marmalade skies _

_Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly  
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes  
_Marissa began softly, not wanting to wake Nate in the next room

_Cellophane flowers of yellow and green  
Towering over your head  
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes  
and she's gone_

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds, ah _

Lucy sang along with the chorus. It had always been her favourite part.

_Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain  
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies  
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers  
that grow so incredibly high_

_Newspaper taxies appear on the shores  
Waiting to take you away  
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds  
and you're gone _

Marissa could see her daughter's eyes drooping slightly. Sleep was not far away.

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds, ah_

_Picture yourself in a train in a station  
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties  
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile  
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes_

_Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds, ah  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds  
Lucy in the sky with diamonds, ah_

Marissa finished the song smiling and gently placed a kiss on the sleeping child's forehead. _Works every time, _she chortled to herself, tiptoeing out of the room. "Night Lucy." She whispered.

Yawning with exhaustion, Marissa trucked back to the living room where Seth and Summer were waiting and squeezed onto the couch between them.

"Sorry that took so long." She apologized. "Lucy wouldn't fall asleep."

"Yes we know!" Seth smirked at her. "We heard you singing!"

"Shut up!" Marissa laughed, smacking him hard with a pillow. "It's not like you could do any better!"

"Oh yeah?" Seth grinned. "Luuuucy in the skyyyyy with diamonnnnnds!" He belted out in a high voice, his best imitation of Marissa. "Ahhhhhhhhh!"

Marissa giggled and wacked him again with the pillow. "I do **no**t sing like that!"

"She's right Cohen!" Summer teased her boyfriend. "Marissa's way better than you!"

"Ouch!" Seth exclaimed, pretending to be offended. "You two are hurtful!"

Marissa and Summer exchanged mischievous smiles before each grabbing a pillow and lunging at Seth.

"Quick!" Summer shrieked, jumping onto his chest. "I'll hold him down, you attack!"

"Ahhh!" Seth cried, attempting to shield his face with his hands. "Two against one, no fair! At least let me get a weapon!"

Sweaty, worn out and ridiculously happy, Marissa, Seth and Summer fell laughing onto the couch a good 10 minutes late.

"I love pillow fights!" Marissa told them. "I think that's probably the most fun I've had in weeks." She admitted, letting her head drop onto Summer's shoulder. "Sad, isn't it?"

"Not at all." Summer comforted her friend. "I feel the exact same way."

"Mmhm." Marissa murmured. "Doesn't something about pillow fights bring you back to your childhood? It's nice to feel so worriless and carefree again, even if it was just for a few minutes."

"I hear ya." Seth nodded in agreement. "What ever happened to the good old days? Back when a Saturday afternoon meant videogames and comic books."

"Ha, for you it did!" Summer laughed. "For us it meant shopping and tanning and getting our nails done and going to the beach and parties. God I miss California!" She cried out, suddenly nostalgic.

"Well then it's a good thing we're going there for Christmas." Seth reminded her. "You'll feel better once you see everybody and…"

Marissa zoned out of the conversation, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Hopefully she could go to bed soon. It was only 9:45 but she was exhausted. It had been a long, dramatic day.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the shrill ring of the phone.

"Urggg." Marissa moaned, burrowing deeper into the soft couch cushions. "I don't wanna get up! Can you get it Seth, please?"

"Fine." Seth dragged himself to his feet. "Who's calling at this time of night anyway?"

He disappeared into the kitchen and returned a minute later, wordlessly handing the cordless phone to Marissa.

"Hello?" She said uncertainly into the mouthpiece, confused by Seth's expression.

"Hey." Said a shy voice on the other end of the phone. "It's um Ryan."

"I know." Marissa retorted, suddenly irritated. What was he doing calling her so late on a Friday night? Especially after he has just let Taylor insult her at the school a few hours earlier. She had no desire to speak to him again tonight.

"Right." Ryan mumbled nervously. "Well I was wondering if you'd meet me at the Magnolia Bakery in a little bit. I'd really like to talk to you, face to face."

"Ryan I can't." Marissa spoke sharply into the phone. "I have our children here sleeping remember? I can't just leave them by themselves!"

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot about…maybe some other time or.."

"Ryan?" Summer, who'd had her ear pressed next to Marissa's trying to hear what was going on, grabbed the receiver. "She'll be there!"

"Hey!" Marissa cried. "Summer! Give that back!"

Ignoring her, Summer turned her back on Marissa and continued the conversation.

"Yes…"

"Magnolia Bakery…..

"When?...10 minutes?..."

"Okay…."

"No problem…."

"Sure…"

"Bye Ryan…."

"Summer!" Marissa shouted as her friend hung up the phone. "What did you do?"

"You're meeting Ryan at the Bakery on Bleecker Street in 10!" She grinned wickedly, thrusting Marissa's coat and bag into her arms.

"Seth and I will watch the kids. You have to go." Summer ordered bossily.

Marissa grumbled in annoyance but didn't object as she dressed warmly in a wool coat and Ugg boots.

"You guys really need to talk." Summer said firmly, pushing her friend out the door. "You'll be fine."

"Good luck!" Seth waved cheerily. "You'll need it!"

**I'm hoping to make it to 100 reviews by the time this story ends! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed before. Especially to those of you who left really long ones. I love reading about you favourite and least favourite parts. So please, leave a nice long review! Thanks a bunch! **


	20. The Bakery

**Sorry this chapter is short. Hope you like it!**

Marissa Cooper strode hurriedly down Bleecker Street, hands jammed into the pockets of her purple pea coat.

She hated walking alone at night in the city. She didn't feel safe, especially at 10 o'clock on a Friday night.

There were all sorts of weirdos wandering around just waiting to attack her.

Wrapping her scarf more tightly around her neck, Marissa lengthened her strides, eager to get to the bakery as quickly as possible.

It was the end of October and freezing out. Little puffs of fogs were emitted into the chilled night air when she breathed and her teeth chattered incessantly.

As she turned the corner to where the Bakery lay, Marissa wondered why she was even bothering to meet Ryan.

It was not like she wanted to talk to him. She was in no mood tonight. More than anything she wished she was at home in bed, warm and cozy with a mug of hot chocolate and a good book.

Too late now she sighed, finding herself standing in front of the Magnolia Bakery. She might as well get this over with.

A bell tinkled softly from the depths of the shop as Marissa pushed open the door. Stepping into the warm, sweet-smelling room she scanned the crowd for Ryan. The bakery was packed tonight. Full of tourists eager to visit the place they'd seen on Sex and the City. Irritated, Marissa pushed her way through the hoards of people to the front of the shop, where she spotted Ryan sitting at a small table by the window.

"Hey." He greeted her, getting to his feet as she approached and giving her an awkward hug. "Thanks for coming."

She nodded silently, unbuttoning her coat and shaking snowflakes from her windblown hair.

"I got you a cupcake!" Ryan smiled nervously, gesturing to a large yellow-frosted, red velvet cake on a little china plate. "This place is famous for them!"

"Thanks." Marissa muttered, not mentioning that red velvet cupcakes were Nate and Lucy's favourite and the three of them came here practically every day after school.

"Why did you want to meet me here Ryan?" She picked up the cupcake and took a small bite.

Ryan gripped his mug firmly with both hands. "I uh I just wanted to apologize for this afternoon and to make sure you're okay."

"You have nothing to apologize for." Marissa licked some cream cheese icing off her fingers. "Taylor's the one who called me a stupid skank."

"I know." Ryan mumbled uncomfortably. "And I feel really bad about that. She was completely out of line saying those things. I'm really sorry."

"Mmhm." Marissa grunted through a mouthful of cupcake. "Well thank you for apologizing Ryan." She swallowed hard. "It means a lot to me."

He nodded seriously at her and patted her hand. "So….are you okay?"

Marissa sighed and pulled her hand away, running her fingers through her hair in exasperation.

"Honestly Ryan, no I'm not okay. I'm sick to death of competing with Taylor. I'm annoyed with you for lying to her about us and for pretending that night never even happened. We both love you Ryan. Sooner or later you're going to have to make a decision."

Taken aback by her boldness, Ryan gaped at Marissa speechlessly. "I…but…It's not that simple!" He exclaimed in frustration.

"Yes it is!" Marissa shot back forcefully. "Just think Ryan! Which one of us knows you better than anyone else in the world? Which one of us can you see yourself growing old with? Which one of us do you want to wake up every morning next to? Which one of us do you want to walk down the aisle? Which one of us loves you the most? Which one…"

She broke off suddenly and acting on a whim, surprising even herself let alone Ryan, thrust herself across the table and pressed her lips firmly to his.

_Oh my god! _She panicked, realizing what she was doing. She hadn't planned this, it had just happened! It felt so nice though that Marissa couldn't bring herself to pull away. Feeling Ryan kissing her back, she leaned in to deepen the embrace when, all of a sudden, Ryan ripped his lips from hers and pushed her back across the table with the palms of his hands.

"Marissa we can't" He looked regretful. "I have a girlfriend."

"So." Marissa retorted, crossing her arms and legs angrily, a faint blush of embarrassment spreading across her cheeks. "That didn't stop you last time. Or do you not remember the night when we.."

"I remember." Ryan interrupted. "And it was an amazing night but I feel unbelievably guilty about it. I can't do that to Taylor again. I don't want to hurt her." He spoke quietly, avoiding Marissa's eye.

"Fine then." She snapped, stuffing her arms into the sleeves of her coat. "You've obviously made your decision! Here's your cupcake Ryan!" She spontaneously picked up what was left of the cupcake and squashed it into Ryan's hair. "Have a nice life with Taylor!"

She stormed angrily out of the bakery, fighting back tears, the burning bile of rejection rising in her throat.

Marissa raised her arm to hail a taxi, cursing herself for putting cupcake on his head. Urgg could she have been anymore childish? Ryan would definitely choose Taylor now.

Wiping tears from her cheeks, Marissa climbed into the cab and rested her head against the window.

At least she'd gotten one of her wishes. The competition was over; Taylor had won.

Ryan lay flat on his back in bad replaying the events of that evening over and over again in his head. Them talking. The kiss. Marissa storming out.

He was having a lot of trouble falling asleep. Ryan sighed, gazing at the woman sleeping next to him in bed.

He felt awful about kissing Marissa and not telling Taylor about it but not awful enough to regret it.

Kisser her, to him, was like giving a drowning man air; he could never get enough. Ryan just wanted to wrap his arms around her and kiss her over and over and never stop.

So why had he let her go? Ryan supposed it was because he was scared. He didn't want to risk everything on a relationship that had already failed several times in the past. Marissa was addictive and unpredictable and completely mesmerizing. But she could also break his heart.

Taylor was safe. Ryan repeated this to himself as he squeezing his eyes shut, willing himself to fall asleep. _Taylor's safe. Safe. Safe._

Lying there in the darkness, he suddenly recalled an old saying that someone had told him a long time ago. Never go to bed angry. Ryan couldn't remember who'd said it but he knew that they were right.

So what if that advice referred to couples, Ryan was certain that he'd never sleep that night unless he talked to Marissa one more time. Unless he made things right.

Making up his mind, Ryan slipped quietly out of bed and into the living room. Dialling the familiar number, Ryan hoped she'd pick up. It was very late after all.

Marissa answered the phone on the 8th ring. She'd been sleeping restlessly all night and grumpily picked up the phone. Who the heck was calling her at 2 in the morning?

"Hello?" She murmured groggily.

"Hey." Ryan answered. "It's Ryan. Sorry to call you so late I just wanted to make sure things were okay between us. Considering how we left it at the bakery earlier, I'm assuming they're not."

"I'm glad you called." Marissa sat up in bed. "Because I have something to say." She spoke in a determined voice. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm not mad at you. I understand why you chose Taylor. She's good for you. She's stable and safe and she makes you happy. And I'm self-destructive and I bring drama and I need to be protected. It never works out when we're together but…" Her voice softened. "That doesn't change the fact that I'm in love with you. I've loved you since the day we met and I've never stopped. Not when you went back to Chino, not when Johnny died, not when I ran away and not now, even when you're breaking my heart with Taylor. I still love you. I probably always will."

"Marissa." Ryan began.

"No." She cut in. "Please don't say anything. I just had to get that off my chest. I had to let you know how I felt. Goodnight Ryan."

Not waiting for a response Marissa slammed down the phone and leaned back into her pillows. Hot tears cascaded down her cheeks which she hastily wiped away. Not wanting to be alone, Marissa slipped on her slippers and quietly left the room. She carefully plucked her sleeping children from their beds and carried Nate and Lucy back to her room where she tucked them under the covers then climbed in between them. Hugging the last things that connected her to Ryan tightly to her chest, Marissa fell into a deep, dreamless sleep for the first time that night.

**So What does everyone think? Parts you like? Parts you don't like? What you want to happen next? Everyone has an opinion and it would make me unbelievably happy if you'd share it. Reviewing only takes a minute! Thanks! I'll update again as soon as I can. Probably next weekend or the one after. **


	21. The Phone Call

**Hello everyone, sorry it's been awhile. Here's my next chapter. It's a little short but I hope you like it! Don't forget to review!**

Marissa Cooper lay beneath a mound of soft white duvet, enjoying the peaceful silences that rang throughout her apartment.

On a normal day she would have been roughly awoken hours ago, at the crack of dawn, by her 5 year old son and daughter, Nate and Lucy.

Every since their birth, sleeping in later than 7 had become a very rare luxury for Marissa. The twins were up by six nearly every morning.

Well, Nate anyway. Occasionally Lucy, who had inherited her mother's sleeping habits, refused to get out of bed at all but for the most part, the two children were extremely early risers.

Thankfully for Marissa, Nate and Lucy had spent the previous night with their "Aunt" and "Uncle" (neither was blood-related to the kids) and she'd been able to catch up on her sleep.

Marissa hadn't been resting very soundly lately, especially after her conversation with Ryan a few days ago, and that, combined with the continuous early mornings, had left her irritable and exhausted. She was grateful to finally have some time to herself.

Mentally scrolling through a list of things she had to do that day, Marissa forced herself to roll out of bed and brush her teeth before staggering groggily into the kitchen for a much needed cup of coffee. She'd never be fully awake until she had one.

As she waited for the coffee to brew, Marissa stood at her enormous kitchen window watching the hustle and bustle of the city below her. New York truly was the city that never sleeps, she noted, observing cars the size of ants trundling along in the early morning traffic, not even on Sundays.

Carefully adding cream and sugar to her coffee, Marissa slouched tiredly in her chair, planning out the day ahead.

She should be able to get the laundry done, tidy the house and still have time for vacuuming before Seth and Summer brought the kids home for dinner at 4:30. If she hurried she might even be able to wash the kitchen floor as well!

Marissa sighed, depressed by the thought. It was amazing how much her life had changed since she left Newport.

Five years ago, the idea of spending an entire day cleaning would have had her rolling on the floor with laughter. She had never been particularly neat but, growing up, they'd usually had some kind of hired help to do their cooking and cleaning for them. She'd never learned the basic chores required to run a household.

In fact, Marissa had only done the laundry one before prior to moving to New York and she'd ended up turning all the clothes pink.

Now-a-days, her life pretty much consisted of two things; looking after Nate and Lucy, and cleaning.

Marissa had gotten rather good multi-tasking the two. She could now fold laundry while doing arts and crafts, scrub the bathroom floor while bathing the twins and pick up toys while giving piggy-back-rides.

Yes Marissa had become an expert at doing two things at once but the stress was starting to get to her.

She just felt like she was busy all the time. Like she never had time to take a break.

"You need a vacation." Summer had told her when she'd expressed these feelings a few days earlier. "You need to get away from life for awhile."

It was true, Marissa decided, taking a large sip of her coffee. She did need a vacation. She needed to go somewhere warm and sunny. Somewhere where she could relax.

"California!" Summer had suggested, giddy with excitement. "That'd be perfect! You could come with Seth and me at Christmas!"

California. The idea had seemed crazy to Marissa at first. She couldn't go there! Not where her mother and sister and Sandy and Kirsten were! No way. As much as she missed her family, she couldn't bring the twins to California and there was no way she'd leave them behind at Christmas.

"No!" She'd told Summer. "That's crazy!"

But the idea had stuck in her mind and the more she thought about it, the less crazy it became.

Maybe it was time for Nate and Lucy to meet their family. The kids had grandparents, aunts, uncles, that they'd never even met! It seemed wrong to keep them for them.

Marissa doubted that her children would stay a secret much longer anyway. Not now that Taylor knew. Marissa was surprised she'd been able to keep this quiet for so long already. The Taylor she knew would have spilled the juicy news as soon as she found out.

Marissa supposed Taylor wasn't saying anything because she felt threatened. If everyone knew about them, the whole Nate and Lucy thing would seem real and then Taylor would have to accept the fact that they were here to stay.

Marissa knew her rival didn't want that. Still, Taylor would probably break down and tell some time soon and Marissa didn't want her family finding out from her.

If they were going to know about Nate and Lucy, she'd tell them herself.

Determined, Marissa reached for the phone and then hesitated. Did she really want to do this? Her family wasn't going to be happy when they heard from her. Maybe she should just leave them alone and let them get on with their lives in peace. What they didn't know couldn't hurt them.

"No." Marissa scolded herself. She had to do this. She had to stop lying and face her fears for the kids' sake. They deserved to know their relatives.

Besides, Marissa reminded herself, picking up the phone and dialling the number that she'd been trying to make herself call for the past 5 years, this was her family, they'd forgive her. Eventually.

Breathing quickly, Marissa wiped her sweaty palms on her pajama bottoms, listening to the phone ring, praying that her mother wouldn't pick up.

It wasn't too late! She could still hang up the phone and…

"Hello?" Julie Cooper's crisp voice pierced Marissa's train of thought. Oh my god! Marissa started to panic. What was she supposed to say! Why hadn't she thought about this more?

"Hello?" Julie repeated, sounding rather annoyed. "If this is another stupid telemarketer I don't want…"

"Mom?" Marissa interrupted in a small, shaky voice. "It's Marissa."

"MARISSA!" Her mothers shocked voice rang through the phone. "OH MY GOD!"

**Haha I'm ending it there because I have no clue how to write that conversation! Anyways I know that chapter was short and I'm very sorry for that. I won't be updating again until next weekend because I'm going to a funeral tomorrow pretty far away so we'll be away until Sunday night. Also, I just read a rather interesting review from Ryan&Marissa who thinks I should make Marissa pregnant. I think that would make for an interesting plot line but I have no idea how to write the reactions! How does everyone else feel about that idea? Should she be pregnant, should she not be pregnant? What do you think? **

**Thanks a bunch**


	22. The Wedding Dress

**Sorry! I know it's been like a month since I updated and I feel awful about that. Hopefully some of you are still reading. I just wanted to thank you for all of your reviews on the last chapter. 11 is the most I've ever gotten at once before so that was lovely! Let's try to do it again! I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter (I don't really know why) so it's not very good but it is kinda long. Also, there's more dialogue/interactions that in the last one so it should be a little less boring! Alright you can read it now. Please enjoy and review review review!**

Ryan Atwood walked into the kitchen of his 3rd floor Manhattan apartment on the morning of November the 8th to find his girlfriend, Taylor Townsend sitting at the small round table munching on a piece of toast.

"Morning." She greeted him, looking up as he entered the room and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "You look spiffy." She added taking in Ryan's neat ensemble of trousers and a button down shirt. "I thought you didn't have to work today."

"No I don't." Ryan responded pouring himself a bowl of cereal and sitting down next to her. "I'm meeting Marissa and the kids for lunch."

"Oh." Taylor said, a slight sharpness to her voice. "Little family luncheon?"

"It's not like that." Ryan defended himself exasperatedly. "Summer's going to be there too. Apparently, they're going to spend the morning looking at wedding dresses and then we're going to meet at that tiny little bistro on 44th Street for a bite to eat."

"Oh." Taylor seemed to relax a little bit. "Well if it's not blood relatives only you'll have no problem with me coming along right?" Her eyes bore into his as though daring him to say that yes, he did have a problem with it.

"Well actually." Ryan began timidly, afraid of how she might react. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

Taylor glared at him and he hastily continued.

"Things didn't go well the last time you and Marissa and the kids were together and I really don't want today to be a repeat of the Halloween Party incident."

"You know I feel really bad about that!" She pleaded with him. "I don't know what came over me at the school but it won't happen again I promise! Please! I'll just sit in the corner the whole time! I won't say one word if you don't want me to!"

"I don't know." Ryan said uneasily. "Marissa said she had something important to tell me and I…"

"Well that settles it!" Taylor interrupted him. "Now I'm definitely coming!"

Ryan looked at her questioningly.

"I'm your girlfriend!" She explained. "If it's important to you, it's important to me. From now on I'm going to be more supportive!" She declared. "Especially about this whole parenting thing. I'm going to make more of an effort with your kids."

"Umm..." Ryan still seemed doubtful so, as a last resort, Taylor decided it was time for plan C. Guilt him!

"You know" She said sneakily. "The only reason that you wouldn't want me to come is if you wanted to be alone with Marissa at the restaurant! I bet you're making the whole wedding dress shopping thing up! Summer and the twins aren't even going to be there, are they? Are they? I can't believe you would lie to me Ryan. That is so hurtful. What did I ever do to you?"

"Stop!" Ryan spat out in frustration. "Of course I'm not lying about wedding dress shopping. And Summer and Nate and Lucy **are** going to be there. I don't care about seeing Marissa, I care about seeing my kids. You know that Taylor."

"I guess." She replied wickedly. "So does that mean I can come?"

"Fine!" Ryan threw up his hands in surrender. "Come if you want to! I don't care! Just hurry up!"

"Okay!" Taylor squealed, hurrying out of the room. "I'll just be a minute!"

Ryan frowned at his girlfriends retreating form. She had totally roped him into that one. If Ryan had refused to let her come Taylor would have made a huge scene and accused him of having an affair with Marissa.

She'd basically forced him to say yes and he was not happy about it. When did Taylor get all the power in their relationship?

Ryan sighed and rested his head in his hands. Why couldn't Taylor just leave him alone? She'd been very clingy the past few days and it was irritating to no end.

Ryan was certain that, even though she'd been asleep when he left, Taylor had somehow found out about his late-night meeting with Marissa at the bakery and he knew for a fact that she'd overheard him talking to her again on the phone later that night.

He was convinced that Taylor was now watching his every move, trying to catch him doing something he shouldn't be.

He could only be grateful that she hadn't found out about the kiss. Or their night together. Not yet anyway.

Still, all Taylor's eavesdropping and sneaking around was getting very annoying. Who was she to tell him who he could and could not see? If he wanted to talk to Marissa he'd talk to her damnit!

Truth be told Ryan hadn't actually talked to Marissa in days (texting didn't count)

Not since their phone conversation. Not since she'd spilled her heart out to him.

_I still love you. I probably always will._

Every time he thought about those words, Ryan's stomach shook with butterflies.

He couldn't believe she'd told him all those things.

And with life with Taylor getting increasingly unbearable by the day, Ryan was constantly battling the urge to run into Marissa's arms and tell her he felt the same way!

But he couldn't. Their time had come and gone. It wasn't about what they wanted anymore it was about doing what was best for the kids, Ryan tried to convince himself.

From the moment he found out they were his, Ryan had promised himself to give Nate and Lucy the best life that he possibly could. He did not want them growing up as he had. Ryan's earliest memories were of lying in his bed trying to tune of the sounds of his parents arguing in the living room below and he refused to let Nate and Lucy have the same ones. Because he and Marissa would fight and constant bickering and drama was not the best environment to raise children in. It would be an unstable household.

And what about if they broke up? What would happen then? Would Nate and Lucy feel forced to take sides between them? Would they decide they didn't want him in their lives at all anymore? And what would happen to Marissa? Would she be able to handle another breakup? Ryan had driven her to drinking before, who was to say he wouldn't do it again?

Nate and Lucy were amazing, wonderful, perfect kids. They deserved to grow up in a happy home and Ryan was determined to make sure they did.

'No.' Ryan told himself firmly. There was no way he could get back together with Marissa. There was too much at stake. Too much relying on the relationship. Not to mention Taylor would kill him. 'No.' Ryan thought to himself again. He was just going to have to suppress his desires.

"Ready!" Taylor announced stepping into the room. "Come on Ry, let's go! We don't want to keep Marissa waiting do we?"

Ryan gulped, nervous at the prospect of seeing her. It would be a lot harder to fight off his feelings when they were face to face and Ryan wasn't sure he'd be able to do it.

Several blocks away at Sinders Bridal Shop on East 44th street, Marissa Cooper and her best friend Summer Roberts were combing their way through rack after rack of beautiful expensive wedding gowns, searching for dresses that met Summers criteria.

"Simple." Marissa recited out loud to remind herself. "Elegant. Unique. Simple. Elegant. Unique."

"That's right." Summer smiled, approaching Marissa from the counter, where she'd been talking to the owner of the shop. "Found any good ones yet?"

"A few." Marissa grinned. "I put them in your dressing room. Want to try them on?"

"Yeah in a minute." Summer replied, brushing Marissa off with a wave of her hand. "Just let me finish this form."

"What's it for? Marissa asked peering over Summers shoulder to read the sheet of paper.

"Bridesmaids dresses." Summer told her without looking up. "It's just to confirm the sizes and where to have to dresses delivered. We **are** getting the purple ones right? Strapless knee-length cuts for you, Kaitlin and maybe Taylor and then miniature versions for Lucy and Sophie?"

"Well I love them." Marissa said, eyeing the deep purple gown that flowed between her fingers like water. "And Lucy did too when she tried it on. But what about Kaitlin and Taylor? Don't you think you should ask them? They're going to have to wear it too."

Summer shrugged. "Kaitlin will wear anything and I'm not going to ask Taylor. She'll find some sort of problem with it and then we'll have to start all over again. There's not enough time for that." Summer explained. "It can take up to 10 weeks for all the proper alterations to be made and I'm planning on a May wedding. Besides," She handed the completed form back to the sales women. "If I get all the dresses ordered by Christmas, I get a 20% discount!"

"Oh!" Marissa gasped suddenly, turning to face her friend. "Speaking of Christmas…we're coming with you!" She gestured to Nate and Lucy who sat quietly in chairs by the dressing rooms playing eye spy. "We're coming with you to Newport!"

Summer froze, her mouth fallen open in surprise. "Wait, WHAT? YOU TOLD EVERYONE?" She shrieked. "OH MY GOD!"

"Yeah!" Marissa squealed back, equally excited. "I called my mum a few nights ago and Sandy and Kirsten too."

"And you didn't tell me right away?" Summer smacked her arm lightly. "Oh my god Coop, this is huge!" She wrapped her arms around her friend, engulfing her in a tight hug.

"I know!" Marissa grinned, hugging Summer back. "It was quite possibly the scariest thing I've ever done!"

"And you've done some pretty scary things!" Summer commented, giggling knowingly. "So what'd they say when you told them? Were they mad? Oh my god I still can't believe you did it!"

"They were actually really cool about it." Marissa mused, thinking back to the conversations. "Well, Sandy and Kirsten were anyway. As soon as she heard my voice my mom freaked out and started yelling about how worried she'd been for the past 5 years and how could I have just left without calling or anything. I was pretty much expecting that so I just listened and apologized until she calmed down and then I broke the news.

Of course she started freaking out again saying I was too young to have kids and who was the father and how could I keep something like that from her. So I told her everything, from the day I left up until Ryan found out about the twins and then asked her if she'd like to meet them. She said that of course she wanted to meet her grandchildren and asked me if I'd told Sandy and Kirsten yet. I said I was just about to do that and told her I was bringing Nate and Lucy home at Christmas so they can meet everybody. She got really excited about that and asked me what they wanted for Christmas!"

"Wow!" Summer laughed. "She sounds happy! Who woulda thought?"

"I know!" Marissa beamed. "She said that I better give her a long list cause she has five years of spoiling to catch up on! It's great! I'm so glad she wants to meet Nate and Lucy! I was afraid she would have disowned me as her daughter for leaving and she wouldn't want anything to do with us."

"Nah she wouldn't do that." Summer assured her friend. "She loves you. You shoulda seen her when you left, she was a wreck! Spent all of her time either locked in her room sleeping or acting overly cheerful and pretending nothing was wrong. I think it took her 3 months to get back to normal!"

Marissa guiltily shifted from foot to foot. "Thanks for being there for her Sum. She would have been a lot worse without you and your dad there to help her."

Summer shrugged. "I didn't really do anything; I was too busy getting ready for Brown and worrying about you. My dad was the one that helped her through. He convinced her that you just left to find yourself and you'd be back soon."

Marissa nodded. "Well I'm glad she's okay now. I really didn't mean to hurt her when I left."

"I know." Summer smiled. "Now tell me what the Cohen's said when you told them!"

Marissa laughed and grabbed Summers arm. "I'll tell you while you're trying on dresses!" She said, dragging her friend to the change rooms. "We have to hurry up if we're meeting Ryan for lunch!"

"Okay." Summer agreed. "You know, it's a good thing you told everyone!" She said suddenly. "I was planning on dropping the bomb myself if you hadn't done it by May! There was no way I was getting married without my best friend by my side."

Marissa smiled. "Yeah I kind of figured that when you said the wedding would be held in Newport! And when you ordered dresses for both Lucy and Sophie!"

"Mmhmm." Summer nodded, stepping into the first dress. "They're going to look so cute as flower girls together!"

"Who's Sophie?" A small voice demanded as Lucy poked her head into the dressing room. "Who am I gonna be a flower girl with?"

Marissa pulled the little girl toward her and gathered her onto her lap. "Sophie." She began. "Is Daddy and Uncle Seth's younger sister. She's three years old…"

"Four." Summer corrected her.

"Right." Marissa continued. "She's four years old and she lives in California. We're going to meet her at Christmas time."

"Okay." Lucy said, squirming on her mother's lap. "Mommy are we gonna go soon? We've been here a really loooong time and Natey and I are bored."

"We shouldn't be too much longer baby." Marissa stroked her daughter's hair. "Auntie Summer's just trying on these wedding dresses."

"I'll try to be quick Luce." Summer promised, turning to face the child. "What do you think of this dress?"

Lucy scrunched up her nose and shook her head. "It's ewwey!" She whined. "I don't like that one!"

Marissa sighed and bent down to the little girl's level. "No whining please Lucy." She scolded. "I told you that you could go to your dads instead of coming with Summer and I today but you and your brother both said you'd rather come with us."

"Yeah." Lucy grimaced at them. "Cause we don't want to see Taylor. She's a meanie!"

"Alright come on." Marissa took Lucy's hand and led her back into the shop to where Nate was still sitting. "What can you guys do while you wait?" She asked the twins. "I have some paper in my purse if you want to draw some pictures?"

"Mommy why aren't you trying on dresses like Auntie Summer?" Lucy asked, changing the subject.

"Cause I'm not getting married honey." Marissa explained patiently. "Aunt Summer needs a dress for when she marries Uncle Seth in May."

"Oh." Lucy pouted her eyes wide. "But I want you to try on a dress, Mommy please? Just for fun! You would look soooo pretty!"

"Yeah Mommy!" Nate piped up.

"Guys…" Marissa stated, giving them a look.

"Please!" The children interrupted. "Please please please!"

"Fine." Marissa gave in. "I will try on one dress and that's it. You two go pick it out for me okay? I'll be in the dressing room with Summer. Come get me once you've found one you like."

"Okay!" The twins yelled, jumping out of their seats and taking off toward the dresses. "We'll find you the prettiest one Mommy!"

"No running guys!" Marissa called after the kids. "And use your indoor voices!"

"KAY!" They shouted back.

Shaking her head Marissa returned to the dressing room. "Nate and Lucy are on the hunt for the perfect dress for _me_ to try on." She told Summer as she entered the room. "I say we've got about 6 minutes till they break something and we get kicked out."

"Oh what a good idea!" Summer exclaimed, ignoring Marissa's last comment. "It'll be so much more fun if we're both trying on dresses!"

Rolling her eyes, Marissa sank into a chair and folded her arms. "So are you ready to hear about my conversation with Sandy and Kirsten?"

"Ohhh yes!" Summer grinned, slipping into her second dress. "Tell me everything!"

"Sandy answered the phone." Marissa began, watching her friend stare at her reflection, shake her head and then take off the dress. "And I said that it was Marissa. He said he was really happy to hear from me and asked how I was doing. I said very well and then I told him that I had something important to say and that he better get Kirsten."

She paused briefly to help Summer fasten the back of dress #3. "So Kirsten went on the other line and I told them that the reason I left Newport was because I was pregnant- with Ryan's baby. I explained how I didn't want to ruin his life and how he had a new girlfriend who he was very happy with and then I told them about moving to New York and going to school and eventually opening up my own studio. I said that I was sorry I hadn't told them sooner but I really hoped they'd like to meet their grandchildren and if they did I would be bringing Nate and Lucy to Newport Beach for Christmas.

They definitely asked more questions than my mother. Sandy and Kirsten wanted to know where we were living and when the twins' birthday is and even what they look like. I answered all their questions and then told them that Ryan had found out in September when we ran into each other in the city. I think they were a bit miffed that Ryan hadn't told them as soon as he found out but they were very forgiving and said that they couldn't wait to meet Nate and Lucy. They said that I better bring tons of baby pictures and even offered us a place to stay! Sandy said the three of us could have the pool house to ourselves if we want!"

"That's awesome!" Summer grinned, pulling dress #4 over her head. "Are you gonna do it?"

"I think so." Marissa nodded, lacing up the back of Summer's dress. "My mom didn't ask us to stay there so….." She trailed off, staring at Summer with wide eyes. "Oh my gosh!" Marissa exclaimed in a hushed voice. "I think this is it! I think this is the dress!"

"Really?" Summer practically shouted, spinning around to examine herself in the mirror. "Oh my god I think you're right!" She radiated with happiness, gently running a hand over the dress' elegant bodice, embroidered with tiny seed purls. "It's perfect isn't it!"

All talk of Christmas forgotten Marissa smiled sadly as she watched her friend twirling round and round in her dress.

She was happy for Summer getting married and all but she couldn't help feeling a little jealous that she would never get to do that.

"Yes you will!" Summer had cried out when Marissa had shared the thought days earlier. "Look at you; you're young, you're hot, you're successful! Who wouldn't want to marry you?"

"Yeah but you're forgetting two very important details." Marissa had told her. "Nate and Lucy. We're a packaged deal remember? Who wants someone who already has kids?"

"No." Summer had said bluntly, looking Marissa in the eyes. "Don't blame it on them! Nate and Lucy aren't keeping you from finding a guy, you are!"

Marissa had frowned and looked away, hurt by Summer's accusations.

"Seriously Coop, you've gone on like three dates in the past five years. You'll never get a guy if you hide under a rock!"

Thinking back on their conversation, Marissa scowled sourly at her friend's turned back. What did Summer know anyway? Maybe Marissa didn't want to 'find a guy.' Maybe she had already found one. Maybe he didn't want her. Maybe she would rather be alone than with anyone else.

Marissa cursed silently, annoyed with her thoughts. She had been fine before Ryan showed up. She had been happy by herself and hadn't felt the want or need to get married. But now that he was back and all the old feelings were being dredged up Marissa couldn't help but dream about what could be. What could be if he would just ditch stupid Taylor Townsend and come back to her.

The truth was Marissa already had her dream wedding completely planned out. She'd had it planned for years.

Marissa had found the church back when she'd first learned to drive at age 16. She'd been picking her sister up from riding lessons as a favour to her mother when she had gotten totally and hopelessly lost.

Driving around on the twisty country roads Marissa had stumbled across the most beautiful old abandoned church. It was made of crumbling weathered stone with delicate stained-glass windows set deep into every wall.

Peering into one, Marissa had marvelled at the carved wooden pews and the ancient majestic organ. The church was small in size with probably only enough room for 30 or so people. Perfect for a quiet family wedding.

Rogue vines climbed and tangled around the church's walls and steeple while overgrown wildflowers and bushes licked its foundation, obscuring the building in swaths of colour.

The moment she had laid eyes on it Marissa knew- this was the church she would get married in. She imagined herself, dressed in a breathtaking white gown, gliding effortlessly down the aisle with her father at her side toward a handsome man, standing proudly at the front of the church.

In the earliest fantasies it had been Luke waiting for her at the alter, hair slicked back with a huge lazy grin plastered on his face however all this had changed with Ryan's arrival into her life. Now she pictured him, quiet and pensive at the front of the church, a look of pure love in his eyes as he watched her slowly make her way toward him. It was her dream. It had been her dream ever since she'd met him eight years ago and she wasn't about to let it go now. If she couldn't have Ryan, she didn't want anyone.

"Marissa! Marissa!" Summers voice pulled her back to reality.

"Sorry what'd you say?" She asked her friend who was now being pinned up by one of the shops seamstresses.

"I was just wondering if you could text Ryan for me and tell him we'll be a little late. This shouldn't take too much longer but ask him to meet us here kay?"

Marissa nodded, taking the phone from Summers outstretched hand and leaving the dressing room area to check on the twins. "Back in a sec." She called to Summer. Marissa hurriedly typed a quick message to Ryan (Meet us at Sinders instead of restaurant. Running a little late) before stepping into the main part of the shop.

"Hey guys!" She greeted Nate and Lucy scooping both children into her arms. "How's it going?"

"We found it mommy!" Lucy announced happily pointing to a dress on a hanger beside her. "We found you the perfect wedding dress!" Nate nodded in agreement. "it's very pretty mommy! You're going to love it!"

"Oh really?" Marissa smiled, setting both twins back on the ground and turning to look at the dress.

"Wow!" She gasped in genuine awe. "You're right, this is gorgeous guys!" And it was. Strapless ivory material with a pale lavender sash, the dress was simple and unembellished. It was unconventionally beautiful, Marissa's favourite kind.

She couldn't deny it; her son and daughter had taste!

"Try it on mommy!" Lucy prompted, pulling her mother in the direction of the dressing rooms. "You promised you would! Pleaseee!"

"Okay, okay." Marissa smiled, taking the dress down from the hanger and following her kids.

"We'll wait here and you can come out and show us okay?" Nate asked.

"Okay." Marissa agreed, ruffling her sons head. "I'll be out in a minute."

Marissa had to admit she was excited as she stepped into the dress. She had never worn a wedding gown before and she couldn't wait to see what she looked like. Marissa fastened the clasps with trembling hands and then, taking a deep breath, turned around to face herself in the mirror and opened her eyes.

She looked…like a bride. There was no other way to describe it. The dress fit perfectly, hugging her every curve before coming to rest in a soft puddle at her feet. Her caramel coloured curls hung loosely down her back while her favourite strand of Chanel pearls looped around her neck to polish off the look. Smiling at herself in the mirror, Marissa took one last long look before leaving the dressing room to show Nate and Lucy.

Ryan and Taylor made their way slowly down East 44th Street scanning the row of stores for Sinders Bridal Boutique. They had just received a text message asking them to meet Summer and Marissa there instead of at the restaurant.

Ryan was a little annoyed at this. Going to a store that sold wedding dresses was only going to encourage Taylor, who had been talking about weddings for the past 4 months, to pressure him harder. Pretty much ever since she had arrived in New York Taylor had been dropping not-so-subtle hints that she wanted to get married. Going on about Seth and Summer's plans and what she would do differently if it was her wedding and watching hour after hour of 'Say Yes to the Dress' and even pointing out rings she liked at the jewellery store. Ryan wished she would just stop.

A few months ago he would have been thrilled to know that she wanted to marry him. He had gotten a ring for her before moving to New York and had intended on proposing at Christmas time but with Marissa back in his life again, he wasn't so sure that he wanted to marry Taylor. For marrying Taylor would mean that he and Marissa were over- for good. That they would never be together again. Ryan didn't want them to be over yet. He didn't think he could handle loosing her right now. He didn't think he could handle loosing her ever. Ryan sighed. Why was everything so complicated?

"There it is!" Taylor announced, spotting the tiny store on the other side of the street. "Sinder's Bridal Boutique."

"Looks expensive." Ryan commented as they crossed the street. "I wonder how much Seth's paying for this wedding."

"Probably a lot." Taylor remarked, slipping her fingers into Ryan's and gripping them tightly so he couldn't pull away. "Summer has expensive taste."

"She sure does!" Ryan gently pushed open the door to the shop and stepped inside, pulling Taylor with him.

They found themselves in a small shop crammed full of rack after rack of dresses. Ryan immediately felt uncomfortable in the hot, quiet store and was relieved to hear the giggles and shrieks that could only belong to two people- his children, Nate and Lucy.

"Come on." He said to Taylor, making his way toward the back of the store. "They're back here."

Ryan caught sight of the kids and was about to call out to them when he stopped short, his breath caught in his chest.

"Daddy!" Nate and Lucy shouted, noticing their father and sprinting to his side. "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!"

But for once Ryan was oblivious to his children. All of his attention was instead focused on their mother who stood a short distance away.

More beautiful then he'd ever seen her before, Marissa was dressed in a breathtaking white wedding dress, her long hair curling delicately around her thin shoulders.

Hearing her children's cries, she looked up and their eyes met.

For one brief, never-ending second a vision of what could be expanded before Ryan's eyes. He saw her, dressed exactly as she was now, walking toward him down a long aisle. He saw them, standing hand-in-hand in front of a house with a sold sign, watching the bobbing heads of their golden-haired children playing in the yard. For the tiniest fragment of the second he saw the two of them, grey-haired and wrinkled, rocking back and forth on a porch swing, growing old together.

"Uhh Ryan?" Taylor, noticing his expression, stepped in front of Ryan to break the gaze. "Ry come on!" She tugged at her boyfriends hand. "Why don't we take Nate and Lucy to the restaurant and Summer and Marissa can meet us there when they're done?" She suggested, eager to get him away from his ex-girlfriend. "Would you guys like that?" She asked the twins sweetly.

"Well….." Lucy weighed her options carefully. "I am hungry."

"Me too." Nate agreed.

"Okay Taylor, let's go." Lucy pronounced begrudgingly, deciding that her hungriness was greater that her hatred of Taylor at this moment. "Come on daddy!"

"What? Oh. Sure thing princess." Ryan shook his head slightly to clear it and lifted his daughter on to his back for a piggyback ride. "Is that okay with you Marissa?"

She nodded wordlessly, waving her hand for them to go.

"We'll see you guys there." Taylor called to Marissa and Summer, ushering Ryan out the door. The sooner she got him away from there, the better.

"Oh my god, did you see that?" Summer exclaimed the second they had left. "Ryan was totally checking you out!"

"He was not." Marissa said defensively, blushing a deep crimson red. "He has a girlfriend Sum."

"Yeah." Summer gave Marissa a look. "Why do you think Taylor was in such a rush to get out of here? Her boyfriend was staring at you! Ryan obviously still loves you; I could see it in his expression!"

Marissa sighed and rubbed her head where she could feel a headache starting. "I didn't even know Taylor was coming, did you?"

"No." Summer answered. "I thought it was just Ryan."

"Hmm. Let's get dressed Sum, okay?" Marissa asked. "I don't like leaving the twins alone with Taylor. You never know what they'll do to her."

"Okay." Summer agreed as the two of them disappeared into dressing rooms to change back into their normal clothes.

"And you can change the subject all you want but Ryan still loves you!"

**Yeah, yeah I know it's awful but hopefully you found it less boring than the last chapter. Please please please review! The next chapter is them at the restaurant so it'll probably be pretty short. I'll try to have it posted by Monday or Tuesday night. Bear with me!**


	23. The Luncheon

**Happy New Year! Whoo 2010! Okay so I know I promised that this chapter would be up like 3 weeks ago but I never got around to it, sorry! It would have been cool to have the Christmas part of this story happen on Christmas but unfortunately I'm to slow at updating for that so we'll have to settle for after Christmas if that's alright. Oh my gosh I just watched the episode of the OC where Marissa dies! I forgot how sad it is! Seriously, it makes me tear up every time. I still can't believe they just killed Marissa off like that! I guess from this story you can tell that I'm a Ryan/Marissa shipper. I'm still secretly hoping for an OC movie where Ryan goes back in time and saves Marissa! Haha that's my New Year's wish! Or maybe it'll be my next story. Hmm I guess we'll see! Okay you can read this now. I'm not sure how good it'll be cause I just typed it up from scratch instead of writing it out first on paper like I normally do so when you review, please tell me what you think. Okay? Okay! Merci Beaucoup! **

At a small pizzeria on West 44th Street, Taylor Townsend sat, hands folded neatly in her lap, carefully scrutinizing her surroundings.

It was a nice restaurant, she decided as she looked around. A little dark for her liking but it was tidy and the servers were friendly and helpful. Her eyes passed over the clean, black and white checkered floor, the warm brown drapes that blocked out the rest of the city, the long bar with it's spinny stools and came to rest on her boyfriend Ryan Atwood's face.

Ryan sat at the head of their tiny table sipping absentmindedly on a glass of ice tea. His eyes were staring at his five-year-old twins who sat to his left but Taylor could tell he wasn't really seeing them. A kind of dazed, glazed over look had fallen across Ryan's handsome face and the corners of his mouth were turned upward slightly as though he was lost in a very nice thought. Thoughts about Marissa, Taylor knew. Ryan was preoccupied with images of his ex-girlfriend in a wedding dress as they had seen only moments ago.

Taylor frowned, glaring at Ryan. Why couldn't he have that look when he was thinking about her? Yes, Marissa had looked beautiful but Taylor would look pretty too if she tried on a wedding dress. Maybe even prettier than Marissa. And what was Ryan doing thinking about other girls when they were engaged? Well, they weren't technically engaged but they would be soon. Taylor had found the ring when she'd been cleaning out the closet last week and she could barely contain her excitement! She had already started researching wedding planners and making guest lists and practicing her 'surprised look' for when he proposed. Taylor hoped he would do it soon. She was having trouble keeping such a big secret. Twice already she had almost slipped up by talking about the ring (which had a huge diamond on it) but had caught herself just in time. She didn't want Ryan to know she knew, that would just disappoint him.

Taylor reached out to Ryan and gave him a little shake, eager to bring him back to the present, away from his dreams about Marissa. "So Ry, what are you going to order?" She said loudly.

"Hmm?" He said vaguely looking around for the owner of the voice and spotting Taylor.

"What are you going to order?" She repeated slowly, an edge to her voice. "Have you decided yet?"

"Oh umm I'll just have whatever you're having."

"Really?" She asked doubtfully with narrowed eyes. "You want pieds de chameau a la vinaigrette? Are you sure?"

Ryan stared at her, thinking about it for a moment. "Uh yeah on second thought, I'll just have a burger. And a milkshake."

"That's what I thought." Taylor said shrugging. "Whatever. You can order for yourself can't you?"

Ryan nodded and turned to Nate and Lucy who were colouring on their placemats. "Do you two know what you want to eat yet?"

"Oh just the usual." Lucy responded, waving her tiny hand airily, causing Ryan and even Taylor to crack a smile at her adorable mannerisms.

"Sorry babe, I don't know what your usual is." Ryan told her still grinning in amusement. "I've never been here with you before."

"Mommy knows." Lucy said shortly, going back to her drawing. "She'll order for me. And for Natey. He wants the usual too, right Natey?"

"Right!" The little boy smiled at his sister. "Mommy will do it for us!"

"Okay guys, if that's what you want." Ryan ruffled Lucy's soft hair. "We can wait for mommy to get here. We're in no rush are we Taylor?"

"Well actually." Taylor began. "I'm supposed to be meeting a friend for tea around 3 so if we could hurry this up it would be great. Let's order for the kids and ourselves now and then Summer and Marissa can get something when they get here."

"No." Lucy said firmly. "We can't order without mommy! She has to get us our usual!"

"But your mommy's not here right now." Taylor reminded the children patiently though frowning in annoyance. "If you just tell your daddy or me what you want to eat we could order it for you and it would be here faster."

"No." The little girl insisted stubbornly. "We need mommy!"

"For goodness sake!" Taylor snapped. "You two are five! Sooner or later you're going to have to learn how to be independent. Your mommy won't be there to order for you every time you go to a restaurant you know!"

"Taylor!" Ryan shook his head at her. "What's your problem, they're just little kids?"

"My problem." Taylor sniffed. "Is that I'm hungry and it makes no sense to wait 15 minutes for their mother to get here to order for them when we could easily do it if they'd just tell us what they want!"

The twins dropped their crayons and slowly turned to face Taylor, crossing their arms over their chests in unison.

"You want to know what I want?" Lucy demanded, her eyes narrowed. "I want you to shut up and leave us alone! Don't you realize that nobody in this family likes you? You're grumpy and mean and very very rude!"

"That's right!" Nate exclaimed, glaring at her. "Didn't your mother ever teach you manners? Ours did and that is why we know that it is VERY rude to go out to lunch with someone and then not wait for them to get there before you order just because you were hungry!"

"Yeah!" Lucy sneered. "And it is VERY rude to come to lunch with us when you weren't invited! Mommy said this was going to be a family lunch and you are not our family!"

"So stop trying to be!" Nate added. "Now, if you're done being rude to us, we are going to go back to our colouring..."

"…And ignore you till mommy gets here!" Lucy finished his sentence.

And with that, both kids stuck their tongues out at Taylor, and picked up their crayons to resume their drawings, speaking in the gibberish noises that were their twin talk.

Taylor sighed loudly, tossing her hands up in frustration and got abruptly up from the table, beckoning for Ryan to follow.

"Your kids are impossible!" Taylor ranted once they were a safe distance away from the children. "Did you hear what they said to me?"

Ryan looked from Taylor to the twins and then gave her a small smile "Well it's kind of your own fault" He laughed lightly. "They were right, you were being rude."

"Ryan!" She gasped. "Don't call me rude! You're supposed to agree with me, I'm your fian… girlfriend!" She quickly corrected herself hoping Ryan hadn't noticed.

Ryan patted Taylor shoulder. "I think you should apologize."

"What!" Taylor cried. "No way! They should apologize to me!"

"Taylor, they're five." Ryan told her. "And besides, you said just this morning that you were going to make more of an effort with them. What happed to that?"

"They called me rude and told me to shut up!" She grumbled.

"Yeah I'll have to have a talk with Lucy about her bad mouth but please apologize? For me? I don't want you guys to be fighting when Marissa gets here."

Taylor scowled at Ryan but gave in to his pleads and trooped back to the table where she sat down across from Nate and Lucy.

"Um Nate? Lucy? I'm sorry about what I said." Taylor looked up to Ryan for approval but he gestured for her to continue. "You were right, I was rude. I apologize for that. I'll try to be more polite next time."

Ryan smiled and gave her the thumbs up, indicating that her apology was acceptable.

"Daddy?" Lucy asked sweetly, tugging on her father's sleeve. "Tell Tay-lor that she is NOT FORGIVEN!"

Nate and Lucy laughed wildly and slapped high fives, sticking their tongues out at Taylor a second time.

Ryan sighed. "That wasn't very nice." He scolded. "Taylor apologized to you now it's your turn to….HEY!" He shouted as the twins leaped out of their chairs and ran to the restaurant door.

"Where are you guys going?" Ryan jumped up to chase after them but stopped as Marissa and Summer entered the restaurant.

"Mommy! Auntie Summer!" Nate and Lucy shrieked, hugging their mother and aunt tightly around the waist. "It's a good thing you're here, Taylor was being rude!"

"Rude?" Marissa asked, a look of concern on her face and she lifted her small son onto her hip. "Why? What did she say?" She turned to face her children's father. "Is everything okay Ryan?"

"Oh yeah." He replied hastily. "Nate and Lucy just had a little spat with Taylor but everything's fine now. She apologized and they forgave her, right guys?"

He gave the twins a look.

"WRONG!" Lucy shouted. "We don't forgive her, do we Natey?"

"Nu-uh." He smiled. "We hate her and we're never ever ever ever going to forgive her!"

"Huh." Marissa remarked, exhausted by the constant battles between her children and Taylor she had decided just to go with it. "Well okay. Never is a very long time but if you're sure."

"We are." Lucy said solemnly.

"Okay." Marissa shrugged. "It's up to you guys, now come on, let's go order, I'm starving!"

"Okay!" The twins chorused cheerfully. "Mommy can we have our usuals please?"

"Of course." Marissa grinned. "Is everybody else ready to order?"

"Burger." Summer said, not bothering to open the menu.

"Burger." Ryan smiled at Summer.

"Burger for me too!" Marissa giggled looking at her friends. "Oh and they have really good chili fries here too! I mean, they're not as good as the diner's but they're definitely worth getting. The milkshakes too."

"Sure." Ryan agreed. "What are you having again Taylor?"

"Pieds de chameau a la vinaigrette." She said haughtily. "It's a lovely French delicacy that I enjoyed in France and…"

"Ewwww!" Lucy interrupted from across the table. "Why would you want to eat camel feet?"

"Camel feet?" Ryan asked confusedly. "Where'd you come up with that princess?"

"I didn't come up with it." The little girl scrunched up her nose. "That's what pieds de chameau a la vinaigrette means. I can speak French you know."

"Can you?" Ryan's mouth gaped in surprise.

"They both can." Marissa said proudly. "They had a French nanny for the first three and a half years of their lives."

"Really?" Ryan looked impressed. "I had no idea."

"Does it really mean camel feet?" Summer spoke up, an expression of pure disgust on her face.

"Well yes." Taylor answered quietly. "But it is very good. You can try some if you want!"

"Ew!" Summer exclaimed. "No thank you!"

"Taylor." Ryan asked curiously. "Are you sure they're going to have that here? This is a pizza place. All they have is pizza and hotdogs and burgers. I don't even think they sell nachos here."

"They have it." Taylor assured him, opening her menu to show him. "See, it's on the 'food from another land' page."

"Oh okay." Ryan nodded as the waitress approached the table. "I bet you're the first one to ever get it."

"Ha. Ha." Taylor answered sarcastically.

"You guys ready to order?" The waitress asked, getting out her notebook and pen.

"Yeah actually we are." Ryan responded. "We're getting three cheeseburgers with chili fries. Two with vanilla milkshakes, one with chocolate. An order of pee-ay-ds de ch-am-oh a la vin-ay-gret." He tried to pronounce it. "With…"

"Water" Taylor filled him in.

"With water to drink and Marissa here is going to order for the kids."

Marissa smiled. "Nate's having a hamburger cut in half with no cheese and no tomato but with extra ketchup and pickles and he'll have an apple juice and fries with that." She paused and looked at her son who nodded in confirmation. "And Lucy would like a cheeseburger cut into four pieces with ketchup, lettuce, onions and tons of pickles but with no mustard, or tomatoes. And she wants fries and apple juice with that as well."

"Yep!" Lucy grinned happily. "Those are our usuals daddy!" She told Ryan, a serious expression on her face. "Now you'll know for next time."

"Right." Ryan nodded. "I'll try to remember."

"Hey wait a minute." Nate cried out as the drinks were brought, "Why did you all," He pointed at Ryan, Marissa and Summer. "Get milkshakes and we got apple juice?"

"Yeah!" Lucy shouted, noticing this too. "That's not fair!"

"Milkshakes always make you feel sick." Marissa reminded them patiently. "And you get free refills on apple juice so you can have as much as you want."

"I want a milkshake mommy!" Lucy gave Marissa her well-rehearsed sad face. "please?"

"Maybe next time." Marissa gave her daughter a sad smile. "Now how about Summer takes you and Nate to the bathroom before we eat? I need to talk to daddy."

"But I don't have to go to the bathroom." Lucy whined.

"Me neither." Nate nodded.

"Please guys?" Marissa begged them. "Just try to go."

Nate and Lucy shook their heads and frowned at their mother. "No."

Marissa sighed, rubbing her head. "Okay fine. If Summer doesn't mind taking you, the two of you can you up to the bar and sit on the spinny stools which I know you love and you can each order a milkshake while you wait for our food to arrive. But you have to eat it at the bar okay?

"Okays!" The twins' faces lit up and they jumped to their feet, grabbing Summer's hands and dragging her off.

"Thanks Sum." Marissa said as her friend passed her.

"Not a problem." Summer smiled. "Just tell him."

"Tell me what?" Ryan asked, looking at Marissa.

"Umm I'd rather we were alone for this." Marissa stared at Taylor. "Do you mind?"

"Yes actually I do and I'm not going anywhere so you might as well tell us now."

"Oh well okay. I guess you can be here. If it's that important to you."

"Taylor rolled her eyes as Marissa but said nothing.

"What is it?" Ryan asked, gazing deeply and searchingly into Marissa's eyes. "What do you want to tell me Riss?"

_Riss. _It echoed though Taylor's head a million times over. His old nickname for her. The one that he'd used when they were a couple. Why was he using it now? What was so special about this moment that he had to bring back the old name? And what did it mean for Ryan to be using such a personal nickname for his ex-girlfriend when she, Taylor was present?

Taylor narrowed her eyes suspiciously and stared at Ryan, ready to flash him and angry frown when he looked her way but, much to Taylor's dismay, he never did. For Ryan was, for the second time that day, focused on Marissa and Taylor was not happy about it.

Marissa too had picked up on Ryan's use of the old nickname. He hadn't done it intentionally she knew. He had just been absorbed in the moment and it had slipped out. Still it made her heart flutter and a tiny spark of hope ignite in her chest. Maybe Summer was right. Maybe he did still love her. Maybe they still had a chance.

"Marissa?" Ryan asked again. "What do you want to tell me?"

Tearing her thoughts away from the possibility of Ryan, Marissa turned nervously to the task at hand. Telling Ryan. He wasn't going to take this well.

"Um okay Ry." She began, purposely using Ryan's nickname in further infuriate Taylor who was fuming silently next to Ryan. "Try not to get mad but I umm I...I called my mother!"

"Your mother?" Ryan looked genuinely confused. "Why would I be mad at you for calling your mother? She's just your mother! You're allowed to call her!"

Marissa bit her lip. He didn't understand what she was saying "Um well I also called Sandy and Kirsten."

"That's good!" Ryan smiled at her. "I know they really missed you, they were probably thrilled to hear your voice."

"Uh yeah they were." Marissa fidgeted in her seat uncomfortably. "But Ryan you're missing the point."

"Well what's the point?" Ryan's smiled faded into an annoyed frown. "Why should I be mad at you for calling home? Marissa, just tell me what's going on! Please!"

Marissa sighed and looked down at her hands. "I told them." She whispered in a barely audible voice. "I told them about Nate and Lucy."

"What?" A blank look washed over Ryan's face.

"I told them." Marissa repeated more loudly.

"They know?" Ryan asked in shock. "They know everything?"

"Everything." Marissa nodded. "Well not everything but they know about the kids and me running away and you finding out and all that. They know everything that matters."

"Oh my god! I can't believe you told them! Why didn't you tell me you were going to? I could have helped!" Ryan exclaimed.

"It was a spur of the moment kind of thing." She shrugged. "And besides, I needed to do it myself. You couldn't have helped."

"Oh my god." Ryan said again. "So how did everyone take it? Were they mad?"

"No, no ones mad but Ryan there's something else you should know."

"What?" His surprised look changed to one of fear. "What else is there?"

"We're um…we're going there for Christmas. Nate, Lucy and I are going there for Christmas so they can meet their family. And Seth and Summer are going too."

"Marissa!" Ryan cried out, shaking his head in frustration. "You can't just decide something like that without talking to me! I don't think I'll be able to get it off! I have this huge project at work, I'm gonna be working nonstop from now until Christmas Eve! This is not a good time for me to go away!"

"Well that's the other thing." Marissa said uneasily. "I think this whole thing would be easier if you didn't come."

"What?" Ryan's face froze.

"Well…I just…this is something I need to do by myself!" Marissa said quickly. "I'm the one who left. I'm the one who hid her children. I'm the one that needs to fix it. Alone."

"But you won't be alone!" Ryan interrupted angrily. You just told me Seth and Summer and going! Why are they allowed to go with you and I'm not?"

"Because I need Seth and Summer." Marissa answered quietly. "I can't do this without them. I couldn't have gotten through the past five years without them. You, I learned to live without and I was fine with that- eventually but I couldn't live without Seth and Summer. You have no idea how much they've done for me. Heck they don't even know how much they've done for me but I doubt I would have made it this far without them. They're my best friends Ryan, I need them for this. Besides, they were going to Newport for Christmas anyway. You were planning to spend the holiday here; experience snow and skating and the Santa Clause parade on 5th Avenue, remember? A nice peaceful Christmas with your girlfriend. I can already guarantee there'll be drama in California. How could there not be with me bringing home my two secret children after 5 years away? And it'll only be heightened if you're there. Because I mean obviously you'd go too Taylor and let's face it, you and I don't exactly get along. I think we'll all have a better holiday if the kids and I just go alone."

"You know Ry, I think she might be right." Taylor spoke up, trying not to look too excited at the prospect of a whole Christmas alone with Ryan. "It's true, the two of us aren't really the best of friends and that would just cause arguments and tension between all of us. We don't want to be fighting at Christmas, especially in front of the kids. It makes more sense for you and I to stay here."

"No." Ryan said stubbornly, ignoring Taylor. "I'm not going to agree to this. This is my first Christmas as Nate and Lucy's father; you can't take them away from me! I was going to take them to see Santa and for a carriage ride in central park and help them lay out cookies and milk on Christmas Eve! I was going to make it their best Christmas ever! I can't be away from them! I refuse to be! You're going to have to go to Newport some other time!"

"Ryan please!" Marissa begged him, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "Please! I have to do this! I have to! You'll still be able to take them to see Santa and for a carriage ride and you can do the cookie thing next year! Please! I promise I'll never take them away from you again after this! You can have them for New Years and Easter and The Forth of July and Thanksgiving just please let us go!" She pleaded, a few stray tears leaking out of her eyes. "Please!"

Ryan sighed, struggling to hold back his own tears as he watched Marissa cry. He felt bad for her really but she didn't understand. He had to be with his kids on Christmas morning, he just had to be. Ever since he'd met them Ryan hadn't been away from Nate and Lucy for more than a couple of hours. He'd seen them everyday for the past 4 months and he couldn't leave them now. Marissa had to know how much it would hurt him.

"Marissa..." He began to tell her but stopped at the look on her face. It was pretty clear from the sadness and hope in her wide blue eyes how much she needed to do this and as much as it would pain him to be away from Nate and Lucy at Christmas, he suddenly realized it would pain him just as much to be away from her. Because despite all the lies he was telling to himself and everyone around him, he did love her. And that was why he had to let her go. Because the happiness of the people you love is more important than your own.

"Alright." He said quietly, looking up at Marissa. "You can go."

"R..Really?" Marissa stammered, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her slouchy grey cardigan.

"Really." He confirmed. "You're right; Nate and Lucy need to meet their family. And if you don't want me to come that's fine but you have to promise that they'll call every night, that you'll take tons of pictures and that you'll have them home by New Years. I'm not missing two holidays with my kids."

"Of course!" Marissa beamed, throwing her arms around Ryan in a hug. "Thank you sooo much!"

He nodded sadly turning away from her. "Have you told the kids you're going yet?"

"No not really." She answered. "I had to wait till you said yes."

"Oh right." He said. "Why don't you go get them and we'll tell them together? They're going to be so excited!"

"I know!" Marissa smiled giddily. "I can't wait to see their faces!"

"Me neither." Ryan agreed glumly watching her rush over to collect Summer and the twins from the bar. This was going to be the worst Christmas ever. Just the thought of the whole holiday with only Taylor to talk to made him want to rip his hair out and it hadn't even started yet.

**The end. For now. I'm not going to give you a date to expect the next chapter because I never seem to actually get it to you for when I say I will so this way all disappointment will be avoided. Just keep you're eyes peeled, the next chapter will come when you're least expecting it! Review!**


	24. The Family Photo Part One

**I'm back! I'm so sorry I've taken so long to update, the last few months have just flown by. Its summer now and I'm going away tomorrow for a month. This chapter which I've been working on bit by bit since I posted the last one on New Years Eve is not finished yet but I figured I should post this before I leave. I've already made you wait six months and I didn't want to make you wait any longer. Part two of this will probably be added in early August but who knows, I could get really inspired on my trip and get a lot of writing done. Anyway if anyone is still reading this here is chapter 24. I know it's not great but at least it's something! Please review!**

Ryan Atwood leaned drowsily against the granite counter top in the kitchen of his third floor Manhattan apartment picking at a bowl of dry cereal. It was 7 o'clock and the sun was just rising above the horizon, dying the sky a warm yellowy-pink. Slivers of bright sunlight shone through the large window dabbling patterns of light across the kitchen.

Deep in thought, Ryan stared forlornly out over the city where, far below him, it was the usual early morning flurry of activity. Tourists wandered from shop to shop, snapping picture of everything and everyone they passed, students hurried to make their early morning classes, cups of coffee in hand, families grabbed breakfast together, laughing and chatting cheerfully as they caught up on each others lives.

Everyone seemed so happy. Well, not happy but content, comfortable, like they knew exactly what they were doing, where they were going and who they wanted to be. Everything Ryan wasn't sure of at the moment. Gazing out over the scene Ryan sighed before turning away from the window. His eyes passed over the mound of dishes piled in the sink that he'd promised Taylor he'd wash, the mess of papers that covered the table from his latest work project and the shopping bag of groceries on the counter that he'd never got around to unpacking before coming to rest on two drawings taped side by side to the stainless steel fridge.

Two childish scribbles done by his son and daughter, Nate and Lucy. Brought home from the twins' Halloween party weeks ago, the crayon drawings were identically labeled 'My Family' neatly across the top in black pen undoubtedly by the children's kindergarten teacher Mrs. Coleman. She had given each child in her class a sheet of paper and asked them to draw their whole family; don't leave anybody out. So that was exactly what Nate and Lucy had done.

Their pictures were completely different. Nate's figures were tidy and well thought-out. The little boy had sketched each one out carefully in pencil before neatly filling them in with color. Lucy's people on the other hand were drawn wildly and spontaneously, each one a different shape and size. She had used just one crayon throughout and her people were coloured in messily, often outside of the lines as though she'd been in a great hurry. Yes, Ryan noted looking closely at the drawings; the twins' pictures were completely different. There was however one similarity between the two.

Both drawings featured six people all clumsily labeled in Nate and Lucy's large printing; Mommy, Daddy, Uncle Seth, Aunt Summer, Nate, Lucy.

Six people.

The children's family.

Their whole family, just six people.

The longer he stared at the drawings the more Ryan realized how important it really was for the twins to go to California. For they thought that he and Marissa and Seth and Summer were it. Their entire family. Nate and Lucy didn't know there was anything more. They didn't know about Sandy or Kirsten or Julie or Kaitlin or Jimmy or Neil. They had no idea who Hailey was or Dawn or Trey or Caleb. Their world was so small. It crushed Ryan to think that Nate had never been surfing with Sandy or that Julie and Kirsten had never taken Lucy shopping. That his children had never eaten bagels at the Cohen's kitchen table or swam in their pool or celebrated Christmukkah with them.

And that was why they had to go to Newport Beach. That was why he had to let them go. Ryan was finally starting to come around to the idea of Marissa taking the kids home for Christmas. It wasn't that he'd ever really been against them going. No, on the contrary Ryan thought it was a great idea. He just wanted to go with them. He wanted to be there to see the looks on Sandy and Kirsten's faces when they met their grandchildren for the first time. To see Marissa's reaction to reuniting with her family after 5 years away. To shield her from the anger and disappointment that they would surely possess toward her for running away. More than anything he didn't want to miss another milestone in his children's live as meeting their family would definitely be. He had told Marissa that he wanted to be with Nate and Lucy on his first Christmas knowing them but really it was so much more than that. Even if it wasn't Christmas Ryan would've wanted to go. He needed to be there for the twins. And for Marissa- even if she didn't want him there.

Ryan wasn't giving up yet though. He still had a few more weeks until Christmas and he was determined to change Marissa's mind. He _would_ go with them. He _would _be on that flight.

Swallowing the last of his cereal Ryan took one last long look at the drawings before setting his bowl in the sink and leaving the kitchen. He would do the dishes later. He had a big day ahead of him and he had to get ready. Ryan was spending the day with Marissa and the children. She had called him a few days ago to ask if he would come down to her photography studio for a couple hours so that she could take some pictures of him with Nate and Lucy. Marissa though the photos would be great gifts for their families in Newport and Ryan had to agree. Sandy and Kirsten would love them. Smiling at the thought, Ryan padded down the hall to his bedroom and quietly opened the door.

Curled beneath the covers of her large king-sized bed Taylor Townsend lay with closed eyes listening to the sounds of the morning. It was early but she could already hear the honks from the traffic on the street below. The constant noise of New York City drove some people crazy but Taylor loved it.

There was something strangely comforting in knowing that other people we close by. Taylor hated to be alone. She always had, even as a child. She figured it probably had something to do with the fact that her parents had ignored her and she had had no friends. Taylor had spent far too much time by herself when she was younger and because of that she had turned into a rather clingy adult. She didn't mean to get so attached to people but she couldn't help it. Especially these days when she could feel her only friends Seth and Summer and her boyfriend Ryan slipping away. She was afraid that one day soon they would leave her for good and she would be all alone again. Being alone was Taylor's worst fear. Well, that and clowns. Clowns really scared her.

Shuddering at the thought Taylor's whole body suddenly tensed up at the sound of the doorknob turning and she squeezed her eyes more tightly shut pretending to be asleep. She heard Ryan enter their bedroom moving quietly across the floor trying not to wake her. Taylor listened carefully as he opened and shut the dresser drawers, and rustled through the closet searching for clothing. Seeming to find what he'd been looking for, Taylor heard Ryan enter the bathroom and close the door. A few moment of silence later the muffled sound of water drumming rhythmically on the bottom of the tub met Taylors ears and she relaxed a little bit, daring to open her eyes for a moment and sneak a peek around the room. Ryan had laid out a pair of pants and a nice shirt on the arm chair in the corner of the room. His dressy shoes sat on the floor at the base of a chair.

Taylor knew Ryan was going to Marissa's. She had over heard the two of them making plans on the phone the other day and had since been waiting for him to tell her about. So far he hadn't mentioned it so neither had she. The sound of the water turning off interrupted Taylors thoughts and after a few minutes of silence the bathroom door creaked open. Ryan quietly tiptoed into the bedroom and began to dress. Taylor had to admit it was sweet that he was trying so hard not to wake her.

_See, he still loves you_, she tried to convince herself. _He wouldn't have gotten you a ring if he didn't _and Taylor couldn't help but smile and the thought of the engagement ring hidden just a few feet away on the top shelf of the closet. She couldn't wait until he proposed. Maybe it would be on Christmas or better yet on Christmas Eve! That would be the perfect time to pop the question! Marissa and the troublesome twins would be in Newport and she and Ryan would have 10 whole days alone.

Yes, Taylor decided, that must be when he's planning to do it, otherwise he would have proposed months ago. He's just waiting for the perfect, romantic opportunity, she told herself firmly. That was why he was taking so long, not because he was still struggling with feelings for Marissa, because he wanted to do it at Christmas. That had to be it. The sound of Ryan stubbing his toe on the leg of the bed alerted Taylor to the fact that he had finished getting ready.

Lying perfectly still, she listened to Ryan's soft footsteps tapping quietly on the hardwood floor as he crossed the room to the door, ready to leave. She braced herself for the creak of the door but it never came. Confused, Taylor opened her eyes a crack, peering through the curtain of hair that fanned across her face to see what was going on. Ryan had stopped, one hand on the doorknob seeming to hesitate, deep in thought. He stood there for several moments staring into space before glancing guiltily at the sleeping body of his girlfriend. He took two steps toward her and, for a moment, Taylor's heart leapt, sure that Ryan was about to wake her to tell her where he was going or at least kiss her goodbye. She squeezed her eyes shut again, suppressing a grin. Maybe he would decide to stay with her, to spend the day with his current girlfriend instead of his ex.

She envisioned Ryan climbing back into bed with her and declaring that Marissa didn't matter, that there was no one he'd rather be with then her. Then, Taylor imagined, he would serve her breakfast in bed and the two of them would spend the rest of the day together doing couply things. Screw Christmas, maybe he would propose today! Taylor smiled to herself, mentally planning a walk through the park, a horse-drawn carriage ride and a romantic picnic lunch when she suddenly froze, straining her ears to listen. Ryan was no longer coming toward her. He had stopped a few feet away and was now slowly retreating, seeming to change his mind. His eyes lingered over her for a moment as he stood in the doorway and then, making up his mind, Ryan left the room. Taylor, shocked and hurt, felt a wave of cold wash over her as the door shut firmly.

Her eyes fluttered open and she sighed in disappointment. She knew that Ryan would leave her a note explaining where he'd gone but it pained Taylor that he hadn't told her himself. Especially since he'd known about it for days. Sighing again Taylor waited five minutes to make sure that Ryan had left before sitting up in bed and swinging her feet to the floor. Slipping into her warn suede slippers and bathrobe she sadly left the room and made her way toward the kitchen, preparing to spend another day alone.

Ryan walked, hands stuffed in pockets, briskly along Canal Street, making his way through the enormous white drifts toward the subway station. It was snowing. Ryan had awoken this morning to a blanket of deep, fluffy snow lying softly over the city and had immediately dug out the gloves and ski jacket he'd purchased months ago in anticipation of the cold weather.

Having grown up in California, this was the first snow that Ryan had ever really seen and he was fascinated by it. He loved the crunch of it under his boots as he walked and the way it stuck to his eyelashes. He loved the gentleness of which it fell, landing softy on his hat and coat. Staring up into the swirling funnel of mesmerizing white flakes Ryan couldn't help but remark at how enchanting winter was. It was a shame he hadn't discovered it years ago. And the twins would be so excited! Ryan smiled at the thought of them. Nate and Lucy had been wishing for snow since Halloween and now that it was finally here they would be ecstatic! He couldn't wait to take them tobogganing and to help them build a snow fort. He was an architect after all; he should be able to come up with a pretty good design.

Grinning blissfully to himself Ryan walked purposely right past the subway station. It was too beautiful outside to take the train, he decided. Besides, thought Ryan, scooping a mound of snow into his hands and beginning to round it into a sphere, the cold air might clear his head. Ryan was feeling somewhat guilty about leaving Taylor at home by herself and he honestly wasn't sure why. It wasn't like he had anything to be guilty about. He hadn't snuck out or anything and he had left her a note explaining where he'd gone but still, ever since Marissa had told him she loved him a few weeks ago he had felt like he was doing something wrong. He knew he loved Taylor but lately he had started to wonder if there was a chance he could still love Marissa as well. Her confession had sparked feelings in Ryan that he had never experienced with Taylor and it confused him. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.

Ryan didn't really even know why he had kept his plans with Marissa today from Taylor though he supposed it was because he knew what her reaction would be and he was tired of the fighting and bickering that it would bring. Ryan wasn't in the mood for arguments this morning. He just wanted to have a nice day out with his children and their mother and he would deal with Taylor when he got home. Pulling his cell phone out of the pocket of his jacket Ryan turned the volume to silent and then slipped it back into his coat with satisfaction. Taylor had recently developed an annoying habit of calling him every half hour whenever he was with Marissa and Ryan wasn't going to stand for it today. His day would not be ruined by constant interruptions from Taylor.

Smiling to himself Ryan burrowed his hands more deeply into his pockets and shivered. He had reached Marissa's building now and, shaking the flakes from his dark blond hair, he stepped inside. The lobby was warm and cozy, a relief to Ryan's numb fingers and toes. He waved at Nigel, the building's desk attendant, before unzipping his jacket and stepping into the elevator.

Only after pressing the P for penthouse did he realize that the now perfectly smooth, round snowball was still clutched beneath his fingers. Oh well, Ryan chuckled tossing the snowball lightly from hand to hand as the elevator doors dinged open. He would give it to Nate and Lucy. The very first snowball of the season would definitely impress them.

"Nate! Lucy! Please come over here at eat your breakfast!" Marissa pleaded with her five year old twins. "The snow will still be there when you finish, I promise."

Nate and Lucy had been jumping and dancing around the windows every since they had awoken to a snowy world an hour and a half ago and it was driving Marissa crazy. They wouldn't stay still long enough for her to dress them, feed them, or brush their teeth and she was running out of time.

"Natey please come eat something," She persisted. "Just two apple slices and you're free to go. You too Lucy, come on. Just eat two each for me okay?"

"How about one?" Lucy bargained, approaching her mother cautiously. "We'll each eat one."

"Okay deal just hurry up. Daddy will be here soo-"

"Ding-dong." The door bell interrupted, sending Nate and Lucy running off down the hall to greet their father.

Marissa sighed in annoyance. She had been so close urg! Nate and Lucy were energetic kids on a regular day but with the addition of snow they were out of control. She couldn't wait to get them outside to burn off all some of their energy.

The worst part about living in an apartment was the lack of yard, according to Marissa. She dreamed of being able to just boot the kids out the door whenever they were rambunctious and keep an eye on them from the kitchen window however that was not possible for Marissa. If Nate and Lucy wanted to go out and play she had to get all bundled up and go out with them. It was a big pain which was why she kept them inside a lot in the winter.

Unlike her children, Marissa wasn't a big fan of snow or of winter for that matter. She preferred sunshine and heat to ice and wind and was always cold in the winter. Last year for Christmas Seth had bought her a snuggie in hopes that she might finally stop shivering inside but it hadn't really made a difference. Summer had suggested turning the heat up a little but found when she went to do it herself that it was already set at 22 degrees Celsius.

They had concluded that Marissa would always be permanently cold no matter what climate she was in. And it was true, Marissa realized when she'd thought about it. Even in Newport she had always been the one shivering despite the warm, Californian nights. It was something she and Ryan had often joked about in high school.

"Ahhhhh!" Lucy's squeals interrupted her thoughts. "You brought us a snowball!"

That caught Marissa's attention. "A snowball?" She questioned loudly, sprinting into the living room. "Ryan I really don't think that's a good ide.." But it was too late. Ryan had already tossed the snowball at Nate who scooped it up off the floor and whipped it back with a vengeance. He missed and the snowball instead hit Lucy whose eyes widened in shock before she threw her head back and laughed. "SNOWBALL FIGHT!" She yelled flinging the ball back towards Ryan.

"NO!" Marissa shouted, waving her arms at them to stop. "NOT IN THE HOUSE!" She stepped in front of Ryan in an attempt to stop him but he had already released the ball of snow. It flew threw the air hitting Marissa square in the forehead and shattered on impact sending a spew of rapidly melting slush across the shining wood floors.

The laughter and yelling immediately ceased as the father and children froze in horror.

"Marissa I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." Ryan stuttered nervously, stepping forward. "I'll clean it up I swear!" He hovered over her unsure of whether of not to wipe the drips off of her face. She raised her head, glaring at him and Ryan immediately backed off.

"I am going to go change." She spoke very slowly in an eerily calm voice. "And by the time I come back you better have this cleaned up." She pointed at Ryan. "And do the kitchen while you're at it. Breakfast needs to be put away. As for you two," She turned to the twins. "If you are done eating I suggest you go to your rooms and get dressed in the clothes I laid out yesterday. Go to the kitchen when you're done and I'll do your hair. Everybody got it?"

The three blondes nodded wordlessly.

"Good." And with that Marissa turned on her heel and whipped out of the room. A moment later a door slammed causing Nate to jump in surprise. "Ohhhh!" He whispered, breaking the silence. "Mommy's mad!"

Lucy nodded in agreement and Ryan sighed. "Yeah when I think about it bringing a snowball into the house probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had." He admitted. "But hey, this is my first snow ever; I didn't know how quickly it melted."

"Oh daddy," Lucy scoffed, shaking her head. "Didn't you learn anything in school?" She smiled at him sweetly before grabbing her brother's hand and pulling him down the hall toward their bedrooms, leaving Ryan alone to mop up the sopping wet floor.

Standing in front of the mirror in her bathroom Marissa mopped her face with a towel and reapplied some of her makeup. She was relieved to discover that her clothes had not been harmed in the snowball incident and were still perfectly dry. She had been planning this photo shoot for the past few days and had coordinated their outfits perfectly. Having to change her clothes would have messed everything up.

Running a brush through her hair one last time, Marissa smiled at her reflection and left the bathroom. The sound of dishes clinking together came from the kitchen and she couldn't help but feel a little guilty. It had been a stressful morning but she hadn't meant to take it out on Ryan or on Nate and Lucy for that matter. It was just hard being the main parent, the one who had to discipline the twins. Ryan would just show up for the day, play with the kids and then go home, he didn't have to do any of the hard stuff like feed them or bathe them or dress them each morning.

That being said she wouldn't trade it for anything. Marissa loved being a mom. It was the one thing she knew she was really good at and every time she had a day like today where everything seemed too hard she reminded herself that while Ryan got to do the fun stuff with the twins, they lived with her. Unless Nate and Lucy were staying with him, which only happened every other weekend or so, Ryan had to come over to her house to see them. She couldn't imagine not being with her babies all the time and knew that she had the better end of the deal.

Ryan was definitely a good guy, she decided. He could have taken her to court the minute he found out about the twins but he hadn't. Instead of being angry and insisting that he get time with his kids as she would have done if someone had kept her children a secret from her for 5 years, Ryan had been trying very hard to prove to her that he could take care of them. He visited Nate and Lucy when Marissa had allowed it and on her terms when it suited her schedule. He always called first and he always asked before taking them anywhere. Marissa knew she was lucky that he hadn't asked for anything. He was a great father and she made a mental note to tell him that when he was finished with the kitchen. Turning away from the sounds of the dishes Marissa entered her son's room to see if he was ready yet. She found the child sitting quietly on the bed with a picture book and sank down beside him, gathering him into her arms.

"Mommy." He smiled contently, leaning his head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry about the snowball. Are you still mad?"

"No baby." Marissa told him, kissing the top of his head. "And I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mommy was just having a bad day but everything's better now."

"That's good." Nate looked up at her with wide blue eyes. "I don't like it when you're sad."

"Me neither." Marissa sighed and hugged him once again. "I love you Natey."

"I love you too." He smiled and pulled out of her arms, getting to his feet. "Look I got dressed all by myself!"

"You sure did!" She laughed, scooping him into her arms and placing him on her hip. "And you look very handsome."

"Thanks Mommy." He giggled. "You look pretty too."

"Well thank you." She grinned tickling his sides. "Let's go see if Daddy's done cleaning the kitchen yet okay?"

"Okay." He agreed.

And the two of them left the little boy's bedroom and walked down the hall in search of Ryan.

**So yeah, I'll try to post the rest in early August. I promise I'll finish this story no matter how long it takes me. I have the whole thing planned out and know exactly where it's going so hopefully the rest will be easy to write. Talk to you guys in a month and don't forget to review!**


	25. The Family Photo Part Two

**Hey everybody, happy 2011! Can you believe that only two chapters ago I was wishing you a happy 2010? I sure can't. This past year has just flown by and I'm so sorry for not updating more. Inspiration for this story is seriously lacking at the moment and while I do have the whole thing planned out, I'm having trouble getting it down on paper. Any ideas you have would be greatly appreciated. Anyway here's part two of the last chapter. I've been working on it since June so it's fairly long but I'm not too happy with it. The ending feels kind of rushed to me but we'll see what you think. Review if you're still reading! **

"… And guess what? There's no snow there! I'm gonna get to go swimming on Christmas cause mommy said they have a pool! Won't that be soooo fun? I can swim by myself you know. So can Natey. He's better than me though, he's moving up to level five soon and I'm only on level four but I still love swimming! I don't even need a lifejacket or a floaty or anything! That's because I've been taking lessons since I was really really little. There's a beach where I'm going at Christmas too! I'm gonna build a sand fort instead of a snow fort! And make sand balls and a sand man! And I'll give him a bucket for a hat and arms made of shovels and his eyes and buttons will be sea shells!..."

Marissa could hear her daughter's high excited voice talking a mile a minute as she approached the kitchen with Nate on her hip.

Ever since she and Ryan had told the kids about California a few days ago it was all either one of them could talk about.

They were excited about the trip but even more so about meeting their family. Nate and Lucy were thrilled to find out that they had grandparents and aunts and uncles just like every other kid in their class at school.

The issue of family had never really come up with the twins until they had started nursery school just a year before. On the very first day they had come home wondering why all of their new friends' mommies _and_ daddies had picked them up from school and they only had a mommy.

Marissa had hurriedly explained that they didn't need a daddy because they had an Uncle Seth and an Aunt Summer and nobody else had one of those. The twins had took that at the time but Summer later confessed to her that they had asked her and Seth about their dad when the two of them had been babysitting one weekend.

Summer had told them that their mommy was the best mommy in the whole world so they didn't need a daddy and they hadn't asked again after that. Still the matter reappeared again at the annual nursery school grandparent's tea.

Nate and Lucy had had to bring the old couple from the fifth floor as their guests and while the children loved Mr. and Mrs. Kulana they had once again asked where their grandparents were.

It had broken Marissa's heart to see them so lost and confused and she had almost broken down and called Ryan right then but she hadn't. She had honestly thought that Ryan and the twins would be better off not knowing each other but now, as she watched her ex-boyfriend chat animatedly with her daughter, she knew that she had been wrong.

Maybe if she had told Ryan the moment she'd found out she was pregnant things would have been different. Maybe they would be married by now. Maybe they'd have more children.

Marissa sighed as Nate tugged on her hair indicating that he wanted down. There was no use thinking about what ifs. Ryan was with Taylor now. He had made that pretty clear at the bakery that night.

"Mommy!" Lucy exclaimed, noticing her mother in the door way for the first time. "Daddy's telling me about Califwornia! She pronounced the word with a slight lisp that made Marissa smile.

"I can see that." She responded enthusiastically. "What is he telling you about it?"

"He said to make sure you take us to the diner cause it has the best milkshakes in the whole world!"

Marissa laughed. "He's right about that."

"He also said that we have to go to the life guard station cause it's you guys' spot."

Ryan blushed slightly as Lucy said this and refused to look Marissa in the eye.

"I will definitely take you there." Marissa promised, staring at Ryan as she spoke. "It was our spot. I would go there every time I was sad and daddy would come and sit with me. And you know what? You guys have been there before."

Ryan raised his head at this.

"We have?" Nate looked up at her confusedly.

"When mommy?" Lucy questioned. "I don't 'member."

"That's because you were in my tummy baby." Marissa explained. "After I found out for sure that you were coming I went and sat at the lifeguard station all night thinking about you. I wondered what you would look like and if you would be boys or girls and who you'd be more like, daddy or me." She smiled as she reminisced.

"And who are we like mommy?" Lucy persisted, "Daddy or you?"

Marissa thought about it for a moment. "You guys," She answered slowly, "Are like both of us put together. You have my friendliness and my stubborn personality but you have your daddy's big heart, and his brains and courage." She met Ryan's eyes and grinned as she said this and he blushed again, looking back toward the ground. "Natey you look more like daddy and Lucy looks more like me but inside you're the perfect blend of both of us."

The twins smiled contently at this.

"Did you hear that Natey?" Lucy turned to her brother with a wide grin on her face, "We're perfect!"

Ryan laughed softly, visibly relaxing and pulled his daughter onto his lap, tickling her. "You're pretty darn close!" He agreed good-naturedly. "I mean come on Marissa, they can read, they can swim, they speak fluent French; these kids have more skills than I do!"

"You and me both." Marissa said with a smile. "My mother always put me in as many lessons and classes as she could when I was growing up and I'm trying to do the same with Nate and Lucy. Give them as many opportunities as I can, you know?"

Ryan nodded in understanding. "Hey I get it. I always wished my mum had signed me up for more activities as a kid. I played baseball for a few years I guess and I was on the school soccer and football teams but I would have liked to be able to play an instrument or break a board with my foot or something. I think what you're doing with Nate and Lucy is great as long as they're okay with it."

"Oh they love it!" Marissa exclaimed happily. "Nate is totally taking after you! He got the lead role in the musical that their junior musical theatre group is putting on!" She boasted proudly.

"Mommmy." Nate groaned, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. "You're not 'spossed to tell anybody! You promised!"

"Hey I think it's great!" Ryan spoke up, ruffling his sons hair. "I used to do musicals myself when I was a kid and your granddad Sandy did too."

"Really?" Nate looked up from the floor with a small smile. Granddad Sandy is the one that lives in Califwornia right?" He pronounced the word the same way his sister had. "You and uncle Seth's daddy?"

"That's right." Ryan nodded. "You'll meet him in about two weeks."

"Speaking of grandparents," Marissa interrupted, "We better get going. We won't have anything to give them for Christmas if we don't get to the studio soon."

"Yay!" Lucy shouted, squirming out of Ryan's arms and jumping to the floor. "I love getting my picture taken! I'm going to be an actress when I grow up, did you know that daddy?"

"No I didn't." Ryan told her. "But I'm sure you'll be gre-"

"An actress or a garbage man." She continued, interrupting Ryan without listening to a word he had said. "I haven't decided yet. It looks so fun to ride in the garbage truck though, don't you think? Garbage men don't even have to wear seatbelts! They get to stand up while the truck is moving!" She looked up at him with wide, wonder-filled eyes before taking off down the hallway at full speed in search of her jacket. Ryan could see why standing up in a moving vehicle would appeal to his daughter. Lucy was always on the move and hated to sit still.

"Ryan!" Marissa called from the hallway where she was helping Lucy into her miniature Ugg boats and Nate button up his winter coat. "Hurry up, we have to go!"

"Coming!" Ryan responded, making his way toward her and the kids with a smile on his face. As much as he hated getting his picture taken (Lucy must have gotten her love of it from Marissa) today was going to be a good day. He and Marissa rarely spent time together with Nate and Lucy just the four of them so Ryan was excited. Any opportunity to act as a proper family he would take. Even if it was just for one day.

Taylor Townsend shivered slightly as she stepped into the shop on East 42nd Street, shaking the snowflakes from her hair with a toss of her head.

"Summer?" She called loudly, letting the door slam behind her and waking further into her friend's store. "Summer it's me!"

"Taylor?" Summer emerged from the depths of the shop, a heap of clothes in her arms. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh you know, I was in the neighbourhood and decided to stop by." She said airily with a wave of her hand. "Ryan's off gallivanting around the city with his little family and it's not like I had anything better to do." She said, a bitter edge to her voice. "And anyway I love your store and I hadn't seen you in a while."

"Taylor," Summer began, noticing the hurt written on her friends face. "Don't feel bad that Ryan didn't invite you, they probably just wanted to spend the day as a proper family, for the kids' sake."

"Invited?" Taylor exclaimed, "I just would have liked to have been told! You try waking up to find your boyfriend gone, a note saying he went out with his ex-girlfriend in his place, and see how you feel!"

"Oh Taylor I'm sorry." Summer comforted her sympathetically. "I'm sure Ryan didn't mean to hurt you. He probably just forgot to mention it."

"No I think he did it on purpose." Taylor responded and Summer, not knowing what to say, glanced uncomfortably around the store.

Summer had opened the boutique just a few months after moving to the city and it was her baby. She had worked in a clothing store while going to Brown to gain experience and had taken a few sewing classes as well.

By the time she had graduated she had a self-made, self-designed clothing line and a dream. The store was a combination of Summer's two favourite things- clothes and the environment. It sold stylish and affordable clothing made from eco-friendly materials and was doing surprisingly well – far better than she had expected.

As a matter of fact Seth had been encouraging her to open a second shop on the other side of the city but Summer wasn't sure. This store was perfect. It was close to home and to Seth's work not to mention to Marissa's apartment and photography studio as well. This meant that she was always available to watch her niece and nephew whenever their mother was busy.

Summer loved that she was able to be there for her friend and was unwilling to lose that. Opening a second store would not only double her workload but she would also have to spend countless hours across town working there. Maybe in a few years time, she reasoned with herself, but right now she liked where she was. She was happy.

"Can I help you with those?" Taylor asked, stepping behind the counter and relieving Summer of her armful of clothes. "Where do you want them?"

"Oh just over there is fine." Summer gestured to the sleek white ottoman in the center of the store. "Thanks Taylor."

"Sure." Taylor replied, setting down the load before sitting down to root through the merchandise.

Summer swept her hair out of her face and sank down on to the ottoman next to her friend. "I can't believe how tired I am." She sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. "Angelina called in sick today so of course we were crazy busy this morning up until about a half hour ago. I've been trying to find the time to restock all day!"

"Hmm" Taylor murmured absentmindedly, unfolding one of the tops and holding it up to herself. "Hey is this a new line?" She asked excitedly. "I really like it! Especially this shirt!"

"Thanks!" Summer replied with a grin. "And for $12.99 it's yours!" She snickered at her friends' expression.

"Aw come on!" Taylor whined playfully. "Don't I get a friend discount or something?"

"Usually yes." Summer answered, smiling. "But it's Christmas in a few weeks and I've been asked for a pony…"

Taylor smiled. "Every little girl goes through a pony phase Sum but I'm sure Lucy knows that she won't actually get one."

"Lucy?" Summer laughed shaking her head. "Nah she wants walkie-talkies. I was talking about Seth!"

The two women burst into a fit of giggles that lasted far longer than the joke deserved and ended in both of them sprawled on the floor amidst a mess of clothes. Summer grinned at they began to calm down, finally catching their breath.

"I'm really glad you came Taylor." She confessed, rolling over to face her friend. "It's been a while since we've hung out like this."

"Yeah it has." Taylor agreed, a mischievous glint suddenly appearing in her eye.

"Oh no Taylor!" Summer scrambled to sit up, her smile fading as she recognized the look. "Whatever you're thinking, the answer is no!"

"But Summer!" Taylor cried, pulling herself into an upright position as well. "You don't even know what I was going to say yet!"

Summer sighed, rubbing her temple for a brief second before looking back up at Taylor. "Fine." She muttered. "What were you going to say?"

"Welllllllllll." Taylor began, drawing out the word as she spoke. "I was just wondering if you'd maybe come do one tiny little thing with me?"

Summer sighed again, growing frustrated, and hesitated before going on. "What little thing?" She asked warily.

Taylor looked at her with wide eyes. "It's nothing really." She said nonchalantly in an innocent voice. "I just want you to come spy on Ryan and Marissa with me."

"Taylor!" Summer exclaimed immediately, jumping to her feet. "There is no way in hell that I'm doing that! It's just wrong!"

"Please Sum!" Taylor instantly began begging her. "It'll be fun!"

"No!" Summer shook her head in exasperation. "Taylor can't you just get it in your head that there is nothing going on between them?"

"No I can't!" Taylor answered stubbornly. "And do you know why? Because there's always something going on between them! There is no way that Marissa Cooper and Ryan Atwood will ever be just friends!" She shrilled. "Or co-parents or whatever they are! You know I'm right!" Her voice broke and she looked at Summer with pleading eyes.

"Please Sum?" She began softly. "You said yourself that we never do anything together anymore. It's cause you're always with _her._ Don't you remember senior year when she left? We became best friends Summer. I miss that. I miss you."

"I miss you too." Summer sighed knowing fully well that she wouldn't be able to say no to Taylor's guilt trip. If they was one thing the girl was good at it was making you feel bad. Still she couldn't just leave the store. Summer was the only one working today and couldn't afford to close. It was the holidays after all and she needed the business.

"What about the store Taylor?" She voiced this concern. "I can't just close it in the middle of the day."

"Take an extra long lunch!" Taylor suggested beaming, knowing that she had won. "I'm sure two hours or so won't set you back too much. I'll even buy you food!" She offered. "And after we're done spying I'll help you with the store." She looked at Summer expectantly.

"Fine." Sumer gave in, scowling at Taylor. "But I am not doing this willingly! And if anyone asks we're Christmas shopping!"

"Deal!" Taylor squealed, jumping excitedly to her feet. "Let's go! I have my binoculars, mirror glasses and mini camera in my purse so we're all set!"

Deciding not to bother questioning why Taylor had these things in the first place, Summer slowly stood up and made her way to the counter to retrieve her purse from behind it.

"Hurry up Summer!" Taylor called from the doorway. "We're wasting valuable time! Think of what we could be missing right now!"

Summer rolled her eyes but begrudgingly followed. "How do you even know where they'll be?" She asked as they stepped out into the frigid air. "I thought you said Ryan didn't tell you where they were going."

"He didn't." Taylor answered, flashing her friend a smile. "But I know that Marissa told you! Lead the way Summer Roberts!"

Summer sighed for the hundredth time that day. This was a bad idea and she knew it. Taylor was so excited though and she did feel bad about not really staying in touch after she left for college. Besides, it wasn't like they would catch Ryan and Marissa doing anything. Reassuring herself that this would be fine Summer led them in the direction of Marissa's studio hoping to god that everything would turn out okay.

"That wasn't so bad now was it?" Marissa asked with a smile as the four of them exited the studio. "You survived anyway!"

"It was actually kind of fun." Ryan admitted. "It didn't really feel like we were getting our pictures taken. We didn't have to smile or pose or anything."

"That's why they call it unposed photography." Marissa laughed. "The shots are more natural when you're not being forced to look at the camera. You can really capture the relationships between the subjects and the beauty of the moment. It's my favourite way to shoot."

"I can tell." Ryan grinned at her. "You're great at what you do by the way. I know the pictures are going to turn out perfectly."

"Thanks." Marissa smiled back. "I really love my job."

"It shows." He replied. "I could see how happy you were in there."

Ryan, Marissa, Nate and Lucy had spent the better part of the morning at the studio having their photos taken. Marissa had taken most of them and had had the kids and Ryan play and mess around as they would at home. Tickle fights, wrestling matches, cuddles, and piggy backs made for great photos. Every once in a while she would call for them to look at her and then quickly take the picture before their expressions changed. It was, in her opinion, the most honest and realistic way to capture a family portrait. It was also the easiest as getting a child, especially one of hers, to sit still long enough to have their photo taken was usually pretty difficult. Marissa had taken pictures of both kids with their father, of Ryan with each child separately, and of Nate and Lucy together before her assistant Mia showed up to take photos of all four of them. As they were leaving Mia had told her that she'd gotten some really wonderful family photos and Marissa couldn't be more pleased. Not only would they have great gifts for their families in Newport but Nate and Lucy would now have a picture of their whole family together, something she'd been wanting to give them for years.

"Where are we going now mumma?" Nate asked Marissa sweetly, latching on to her hand as they walked. "Can we go to the park? Please?"

"No Natey I want to go see Santa!" Lucy cut in. "Can we visit Santa mommy? I have to tell him what I want for Christmas!"

"We can do both." Marissa said with a smile. "We still have the whole day ahead of us to do whatever you guys want."

"Yay!" Both kids shrieked, jumping up and down. "We'll go to central park first then go see Santa okay Natey?" Lucy asked.

"Okay!" He exclaimed happily. "Come on Lucy, let's go!" The little boy grabbed his sister's hand and the two of them took off running into the park.

"Wait for us guys!" Ryan called after them. "Don't go too far ahead!"

"Kay!" The twins replied.

Marissa and Ryan walked in silence for a few moments, watching their kids run and play in the snow. Sunlight streamed though the white-blanketed tree branches and flakes of snow swirled softly to the ground. Ryan had never seen a more beautiful place. Or a more beautiful girl for that matter, he thought to himself as Marissa sighed contentedly, turning her head to look at Ryan. "This is nice." She murmured snowflakes in her hair, cheeks pink from the cold.

"Yeah." He agreed, fighting the urge to take her hand. "It really is."

She smiled vaguely not noticing him staring. "So what did Taylor say when you told her about today?"

Taylor. He had momentarily forgotten about his girlfriend. Why did Marissa have to bring her up now, Ryan wondered. They had been having such a nice time, why did she have to ruin it by making him feel guilty?

"I umm.." He began.

"You didn't tell her did you?" Marissa finished for him, registering the uneasiness in his voice. "Urg Ryan she already hates me! Are you trying to give that girl another reason to kill me in my sleep?"

"She doesn't hate you." Ryan insisted and Marissa rolled her eyes.

"Oh really? Were you at the same Halloween party I was?"

"Yes I was." Ryan said. "And speaking of the Halloween party we really should talk about what you said that night on the phone. I mean, it's been a month and a half."

"Well I would have talked about it last weekend at lunch but you just had to bring your crazy girlfriend! Were you just trying to rub it in that you picked her or something? You know Ryan I've been trying to be nice, for the kids sake, and I've been trying to act like it's not incredibly awkward and hard for me to be around you but I can't do this anymore. After today we're just parents okay? Not friends or anything else, just parents. No more family breakfasts or outings. The only time we'll need to talk is when I'm dropping off or picking up my kids from your house."

"Marissa I didn't…" He hastily began to argue.

"Just forget it Ryan." Marissa interrupted. "Forget everything that's happened between us since September. What I said that night, I didn't mean it. It had just been a really long, emotional day and I was tired. Just let it go okay?"

"Marissa.."

"Let it go Ryan." She said again more firmly, shooting him a warning glare. "Let it go."

And with that she hurried to catch up with her kids, grabbing each child by the hand and spinning them around, leaving a stunned and speechless Ryan to hurry along behind.

"I can't believe we missed them!" Taylor scowled as she and Summer left the photography studio. "Just my luck."

"Well Mia said they only just left." Summer reminded her. "We can't be far behind."

"Yeah but we don't know where they went." Taylor sighed looking up into the swirling snow. "We'll never find them."

Summer shook her head. "Yes we will. I'll bet you anything they're headed toward Central Park. Marissa loves walking there in the winter and it's the kids' favourite place in the world." As much as she knew it was wrong Summer was getting into the whole spying thing. There was something very thrilling about sneaking around and she liked it. Besides, she couldn't wait to try out Taylor's mirror glasses.

"Do you really think we'll find them?" Taylor asked hopefully.

"If we hurry." Summer answered with a grin.

"Well then what are we waiting for?" Taylor exclaimed. "Lead the way Sum! I still get lost in this city."

"I'm hungry." Nate announced as he, Marissa and Lucy walked through the park hand in hand with Ryan trailing behind. "Me too." Lucy agreed. "I think it's lunch time."

"I think you're right." Marissa smiled, rubbing her stomach. "How about we get a hotdog from that cart over there?" She pointed to a small hotdog stand a few feet away.

"Okay!" The twins answered excitedly, tugging at Marissa's hands. "Come on mommy!"

"I'm coming!" She grinned, allowing herself to be dragged forward, thankful that Nate and Lucy loved hotdogs so much. It came in very handy when they were in a rush and the kids were hungry, especially when they were in the park with no other food around. Hotdogs were also not messy and they could be eaten without taking your mittens off, a big bonus in the winter.

"I'll pay." Ryan offered, speaking for the first time since their argument and taking out his wallet.

"No, Ryan it's okay." Marissa tried to shoo him away. "It's only a few dollars."

"I want to." Ryan said firmly, stepping forward and handing over the money. "Here you go guys." He passed a hotdog to each Nate and Lucy before giving a third to Marissa and keeping the final one for himself.

As the two five-year-olds took off toward a nearby playground, food in hand, the adults settled on a vacant bench overlooking the park. For a moment the two ate in silence, awkwardly tying to avoid the others eyes before Ryan cleared his throat and began, somewhat nervously, to speak.

"Marissa I don't want us to not talk to each other." He began. "I don't want us to just be co-parents. I want us to be friends. We need to get along, not just for Nate and Lucy's sake but for mine as well. I need you in my life Marissa and I'm so sorry if I hurt you. I hadn't planned on Taylor coming to lunch with us but it happened. It wasn't meant to make you feel bad in any way, I swear. And I also want to apologize for what happened at the bakery. I was confused and you caught be my surprise. I know that's no excuse but you really can't ask me to choose between you and Taylor like that. Anyway do you think you could forget everything that just happened and we could go back to having fun like we were earlier? Nate and Lucy don't get to spend many days out with us together and they don't need to see us fighting."

"You're right." Marissa spoke quietly after a few seconds. "It wasn't fair of me to try to force you to choose between me and Taylor and the lunch wasn't your fault either. I'm sorry for my little outburst earlier and for overreacting at the bakery." She looked up into Ryan's eyes and smiled warmly, taking his hand. "Starting over sounds great. That argument never happened okay?"

"Okay." Ryan grinned in relief, pulling Marissa into an enormous hug. "I know you're probably still at least a little mad at me but I'm glad you're putting that aside for our kids.

"Anything for Nate and Lucy." Marissa laughed, sinking in to his embrace. "Nah I'm not actually that mad. Not at you anyway." She joked. "I still want to bury Taylor alive but I don't think that feeling will ever go away."

"As long as we're good." Ryan released her with a chortle. "Come on." He stood up and offered her his hand. "Let's go take those loony kids of ours to see Santa."

"Hey!" Marissa smacked him lightly. "They are not loony!"

And the pair descended towards the playground in a fit of cheerful laughter.

"Ohh look there they are!" Taylor gasped excitedly, grabbing Summer's arm and pointing the man and woman sitting a few feet away. "I can't believe you knew where to find them Sum, you're amazing!"

"I know." Summer agreed. "And I was right all along. Look, they're just eating hotdogs and watching the kids play. I told you nothing was going on."

"I guess." Taylor frowned feeling slightly disappointed yet relieved at the same time. "But I still don't trust her. Anyone could see that she still has feelings for Ryan and I don't like them spending so much time together."

"I know" Summer said. "But you're going to have to learn to deal with it. Nate and Lucy aren't going anywhere any time soon so, unless you plan on leaving, those kids and their mother are going to be permanent fixtures in your life from now on."

"I know." Taylor sighed. "And I know I should be trying harder with Nate and Lucy but they make it so difficult! They so openly hate me, I'm not sure what to do about it."

"Just be nice to them." Summer advised. "Be nice and don't let them get to you and eventually they'll come around. All you can do is be patient."

" I guess." She said again, turning back to Ryan and Marissa and lifting her binoculars to her eyes. Summer followed suit and for a few moments the women watched in silence.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Taylor spoke up. "It looks serious. See how nervous Ryan looks?"

"Oh stop worring!" Summer exclaimed. "Ryan always has that look on his face, they're just talki…" Summer trailed off, enthralled by what she was seeing.

Ryan and Marissa were smiling now, staring deep into each others' eyes in a way that more resembled a couple than a pair of friends. Taylor and Summer watched in shock as Marissa took Ryan's hand and the two of them came together in a long, tight hug.

_What are you doing Ryan? _Summer cursed him mentally. That was not the kind of hug that a guy with a girlfriend gave to his ex.

Summer continued watching until the two broke apart, getting to their feet with smiles on their faces and Ryan's arm around Marissa's shoulders.

"Nothing going on eh?" Taylor murmured in a dangerously soft voice. "Can I be worried now Summer?"

"It was only a hug." Summer pointed out carefully, afraid to cross Taylor. "They technically didn't do anything wrong."

"Oh really?" Taylor shot back. "Is that the kind of hug that you give your friends?"

Summer didn't reply.

"Yeah I didn't think so."

"Hey, are you two ready to go see Santa?" Marissa called happily to her children, approaching the park with Ryan by her side. "I was thinking we'd go to Macy's. They have the prettiest decorations and it's not too far away."

"Yep!" Said Nate running to Ryan while Lucy happily skipped toward her mother and grabbed her hand. "Let's go, let's go!" She exclaimed. "Ohh look mommy, a horsey! Can we go see it?" Without waiting for an answer the little girl started toward a large brown shire horse attached to a carriage, dragging her mother along behind her.

"Slow down Luce!" Marissa laughed as they reached the enormous animal. "He's not going anywhere." She reached out and patted the horse fondly. Marissa had taken riding lessons as a child and had always had a soft spot for the beautiful, graceful ponies on which she had ridden. There was something very mesmerizing about the way they cantered and, with their large soulful eyes, they seemed to stare right through you as though reading your mind.

"Wow!" Nate said in awe as he and Ryan came up beside the mother and daughter. "It's so big!"

Marissa smiled lovingly at her son's reaction. "You want to pet him Natey?"

The little boy nodded and Marissa picked him up, stepping forward so that he could stroke the horse's soft, shiny coat.

"I wanna pet him too!" Lucy whined tugging on Marissa's coat but before she could respond Ryan had scooped the child into his arms and taken her to the front of the horse, allowing his daughter to rub its nose.

"Hello there." A voice startled Ryan as an elderly gentleman in a black top hat emerged from behind the carriage. "Can I offer you folks a ride?" He smiled merrily at them, blue eyes twinkling.

"Can we?" The twins began to beg excitedly. "Can we please?"

"Sure, why a not." Marissa agreed, catching Ryan's eye. "It is Christmas after all."

Nate and Lucy squealed in delight, climbing hurriedly into the carriage.

"How would you two like to sit up front with me and help be drive Frances here?" The man looked to Ryan and Marissa, who nodded, to make sure it was okay.

"Yes please!" The two of the shrieked happily, clambering up to the front bench. "Is that the horse's name? Frances?"

"It sure is." The driver smiled. "Alright so where am I taking you today?"

"Erm well we're heading to Macy's so in that direction if you don't mind."

"Not at all." He smiled again, turning to address Nate. "Would you like to do the honours?" He offered the little boy the reigns and showed him how to flick them to get Frances started and then they were off.

"Hold on tightly guys!" Marissa called anxiously to her children who were clearly having the time of their lives up front. "God, look at their faces!" She said to Ryan, grinning at the twins' expressions.

"I know!" Ryan beamed. "I bet Lucy's going to add a horse to her Christmas list after today!"

"It's already on there." Marissa told him and the two adults shared a laugh. "So are you going to get it for her?" Ryan asked jokingly.

"Nah." Marissa replied. "I'm thinking about signing her up for riding lessons though. I took some when I was her age and I loved it."

"That's a good idea." Ryan told her. "She'll love it. Speaking of Christmas lists," He said thoughtfully. "I need to know what you're planning to get for the kids so that we don't both give them the same things."

"Right." Marissa nodded. "I'll make a list tonight okay? I'm already done most of my shopping so I just have to look at what I've got already."

"Okay thanks." Ryan said gratefully. He hadn't started his Christmas shopping yet but it was his first one with his children and he wanted it to be perfect for them. Ryan just wanted Nate and Lucy to get everything they wanted, everything on their lists and he was determined to make that happen.

"This is nice." Marissa commented, gesturing to the snow covered scenery around them. "You know, the entire time I've lived here, I've only been on one of these things once before. I think we're going to have to make this a holiday family tradition."

"A family tradition." Ryan repeated. "That sounds wonderful." He and Marissa exchanged smiles and sat back to enjoy the first of many more Christmas carriage rides to come.

"Thank you very much." Ryan smiled sincerely, shaking the man's hand as the four of them left the carriage.

"No problem at all." He said pleasantly. "You have a beautiful family."

"Thank you." Ryan's face once again broke out into a grin. "Come on guys." He took the kids' hands.

"Bye Frances!" Lucy crowed, petting the horse one final time. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas." The driver waved them off before disappearing in the crowds of people, leaving Ryan, Marissa and the twins to walk the rest of the way to Macys.

Santa's village was situated on the third floor of the store in the toy department. Ryan, Marissa, Nate and Lucy stepped out of the elevator and into a lavish winter wonderland complete with an igloo and a penguin, not unlike the one at the Harbor School SnO.C dance years ago.

"It's so pretty!" Lucy said in awe as they joined the short queue of children already in line to see Santa. Marissa smiled, pulling her camera out of her oversized purse and snapping a few photos of the kids. "Look over there guys!" She pointed to three teenage girls dressed as elves, each one carrying a basket of candy canes. "Santa's Helpers!"

"I thought elves were 'spossed to be short." Nate said confused.

"Yeah!" Lucy cried, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "And they're 'spossed to have pointy ears!"

Ryan and Marissa exchanged a look but were fortunately saved from responding as the line moved forward and they found themselves at the front of the crowd.

"HoHoHo!" A large, bearded man dressed in a red suit greeted them, gesturing for the children to come closer. "Now who do we have here?" He asked as he pulled them onto his lap.

"Lucy Copper." The little girl announced herself.

"And I'm Nate." Her brother added.

"Well Nate and Lucy Cooper, have you two been good this year?"

"Um I think so." Lucy bit her lip. "We've tried." Nate looked up toward his mother nervously and the department store Santa laughed.

"Of course you have! Now, what can I get you for Christmas?"

"Well Santa." Lucy began. "Natey and I have thought very hard about it and what we would like most is for our daddy to come with us to Califwornia for Christmas."

Nate nodded seriously in agreement. "And we want more days like today; with mommy and daddy together. Things are better when we're all together."

Marissa's happy, excited smile faded as she listened to her children relay their Christmas wished. Ryan to come to California? More days together as a family? Were they trying to break her heart? Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of the hopeful yet sad expressions on her five-year-olds' faces. She wanted to give them those things so badly but it just wasn't possible right now.

Marissa stole a glance at Ryan whose face conveyed similar feelings of guilt and pain. They would both love for their children to have a proper family but with Taylor in the picture this was as good as it was going to get, at least for now. More days together might be doable after the holidays but there was no way Ryan would be joining them on their trip. Marissa knew that her kids would not be getting anything they'd hoped for for Christmas this year and it just about killed her. Why couldn't they want toys like every other child?

As if on cue the department store Santa interrupted Marissa's troubled thoughts. "I'll do my best guys but I can't make any promises. My specialty is toys. Are there any playthings you'd like for Christmas?

Lucy sighed and exchanged a look with Nate. "I would like some Walkie Talkies please and a pony, _unless that's not one of you specialties_." She recited with sarcasm.

And I'd like a set of lincon logs, _if they count as playthings_." Nate glared.

The Santa looked around nervously. "Do you want to take any pictures lady?" He said desperately to Marissa while the twins' faces continued to darken.

Still revelling in Nate and Lucy's Christmas wish list, Marissa jumped with a start. "Oh um yes I would." She fumbled for her camera. "Smile guys!" Nate and Lucy continued to glower at the Santa and Marissa shot him an apologetic smile. "Alright I think it's time we left. Say thank you to Santa guys."

"Thank you." The chorused monotonously in unison, slipping off of his lap and starting toward the exit.

"Wait, don't forget your complimentary candy cane!" One of the elves exclaimed, handing one to each child. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas." They replied in the same expressionless voice. And without another word the young boy and girl led their parents from the shop. "I think we've had enough fun for one day." Marissa whispered to Ryan. "What do you say we head home?"

Ryan nodded casting a worried glance at the children. "I think that's a good idea."

Summer walked slowly down the tiled hall of her apartment building trying to think of something, anything, she could say to Taylor to make her friend feel better. For the blond had been uncharacteristically silent now for the last twenty minutes and she was starting to get worried. Following the incident they had witnessed at the park Taylor had sunken into an unreadable, blank state and Summer, deciding that her friend was more important than her store, had chosen to close early and bring Taylor back to her place in an attempt to cheer her up.

"I don't think it's really such a big deal." Summer tried nervously, unlocking the door to her apartment. "I mean it's not like we caught them making out or anything, it was just a hug."

Taylor nodded wordlessly, following Summer into the apartment and taking off her coat.

"I don't think it meant anything," Summer continued, hanging up her own jacket. "I'll admit it was a little steamier than your average hug but.." She stopped suddenly, turning her ear toward a sound that had suddenly begun to echo throughout the house. "Is that a hammer?" She demanded in confusion, tearing off toward the kitchen where the sound was originating.

"Seth!" Summer shrieked, noticing his legs poking out from under the sink. "What are you doing?"

"Summer?" A muffled voice asked. There was a clanging of tools and a loud, painful crack before Seth emerged, wincing and rubbing his head.

"I was just trying to fix the leaky drain." He explained crawling out and getting to his feet. "What are you doing home so early?"

Summer wordlessly flicked her eyes toward Taylor, who had appeared in the doorway behind her and Seth nodded knowingly, flashing her a smile. "Ahh Taylor!" He said pleasantly. "How are things?"

"Things?" Taylor croaked, her eyes filling with tears. "Things are horrible!" And with that she buried her face in her hands and fled the room, her loud sobs taking the place of the hammer, echoing through the house.

"Cohen!" Summer hissed, smacking his arm sharply.

"Ow." Seth cried out clutching his shoulder. "What was that for?"

"Why would you say that to her?" Summer demanded angrily. "Couldn't you tell she was upset?"

"Umm no." Seth responded, his eyes darting to the doorway where Taylor had disappeared. "Not really."

"Urgg." Summer rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I better go see if she's okay."

They found Taylor in the living room, curled up on the large, comfy sofa and hugging a pillow to her chest. Summer sat down beside her friend and patted her shoulder comfortingly, trying to slow her tears. Part of her was annoyed with Seth for setting Taylor off however she would take crying over the blank, lifeless expression Taylor had been sporting just moments ago any day.

Seth, who had been watching the two women curiously, perched himself on the arm of an opposite recliner and opened his mouth to speak. "So…." He began casually. "Why exactly are you so upset Taylor? What happened?"

"Cohen!" Summer hollered, shooting him a warning glare. "She doesn't want to talk abou-" But Taylor silenced her friend with a shake of her head and sat up, rubbing her puffy red eyes.

"It started out a few days ago when I overheard Ryan on the phone with Marissa making plans for today and I was sure he would tell me but then he didn't and I pretended to be asleep and he was coming over to me but then he left and I found a note saying they were taking family pictures and I was lonely so I went to Summer's store and we laughed and then she agreed to go spy on Ryan and Marissa with me but we were too late and missed them but then we found them in the park and they had hotdogs and Ryan looked serious and then they hugged! She burst into a fresh round of tears, leaning into Summer's shoulder.

Seth continued to watch Taylor expectantly for a moment but when she made no more attempts to speak though her thick tears he frowned in confusion.

"Wait that's it?" He asked, looking from Summer to Taylor and back to Summer. "You're sitting here crying your eyes out because you saw Ryan and Marissa _hug_?"

"Oh don't say it like that!" Taylor sobbed, crossing her arms in frustration. "It wasn't just an ordinary hug okay? It was long and romantic and couply!" You had to be there!"

"Okay." Seth said glancing at Summer. "I'll take your word for it."

"God I am so stupid!" Taylor wailed, grabbing a wad of tissues from the box on the coffee table and blowing her nose loudly. "How could I have not seen this before? I mean there were so many signs! The very first day I got to New York I walked in on them dancing and there have been so many secret phone calls and late night excursions that Ryan's never bothered to explain! You know, just a few weeks ago when we were all out for lunch her called her by her old nickname and what about the look on his face when her saw her in that wedding dress!" Taylor continued to weep. "I've been kidding myself thinking it was going to work between us. I mean you saw that hug today Summer! Tell him," She pointed at Seth. "that it was no ordinary hug! Tell him!"

"She's right." Summer said quietly. "But Taylor it was still only a hug."

Seth nodded. "Listen to Summer." He commanded Taylor. "It was only a hug. It doesn't mean anything. Lots of people hug all the time!"

"Not like that." Taylor shook her head. "He's going to leave me, I know it!" She dissolved once again in a fit of tears.

"Believe me Taylor if Ryan was going to leave you he would have done it by now." Seth told her, and Taylor, surprised, raised her head to look at Seth.

"What are you talking about?" She blubbered.

"I'm just saying that Marissa hasn't exactly been keeping her feelings for Ryan a secret. I mean just a few weeks ago she told him that she was in love with him but did he say it back? No. He pretended like nothing had happened. You obviously don't have anything to worry about Taylor. If Ryan still had any feelings for Marissa at all he would have gone to her right then and there or at least said he loved her too so if that isn't proof that he's moved on then I don't know what is." He smiled at her warmly.

Taylor frowned, her loud sobs fading into hiccups. "Marissa told Ryan that she was in love with him?" She asked, the sadness she was feeling evident in her soft voice. "When?"

"Erm.." Seth racked his brains uncomfortably. He hadn't realised that Ryan hadn't told Taylor about Marissa's phone call that night. "I guess it was the night of the twins' Halloween party." He admitted quietly. "I'm sorry Taylor."

Taylor sighed. "I don't think I can do it anymore you guys. As much as I want to be with Ryan he just doesn't seem to want to be with me. It's not worth the fight anymore."

"Now hold on Taylor!" Summer cried, upset by Taylor's empty tone. "Do you love Ryan?"

"Of course I do." Taylor answered tiredly.

"Then it's worth the fight."

Taylor just shook her head. "No it's not. Ryan will never love me the way he loves her Summer. Maybe he hasn't told her yet but sooner or later he will and I'm not going to stand around and watch that happen." She sighed. "I used to think that Ryan and I were meant to be. That we'd get married and live happily ever after. But if he won't even make time for me anymore then what's the point? I mean I barely see him. I think it's time I went home."

Summer was speechless. "Are you sure Taylor?" She finally sputtered out. "Are you actually going to give up on Ryan?"

"I don't think I have any choice." Taylor said sadly. "Maybe if he would actually open up to me for once or if he told me I was important to him or if he planned a day for just the two of us I would stay. But he hasn't even called me today and I don't think he's going to."

Seth opened his mouth to speak but Taylor just gave them a doleful smile. "It's been really nice hanging out with you guys again." She said sincerely, rising from the couch and slipping on her coat. "Stay in touch this time will you?"

"Of course!" Summer laughed with watery eyes, hopping off the couch to hug her friend. "You don't have to do this Taylor." She whispered but Taylor just smiled giving them a final wave. Goodbye Seth, Summer. I'll see you at your wedding!"

And just like that she was gone.

"Why are you crying?" Seth asked wrapping his arms around Summer's thin frame. "I thought you wanted Ryan and Marissa to end up together."

"I did." Summer answered. "I mean I do. But that doesn't mean I want to see Taylor hurt. She's my friend."

"I know." Seth sighed. "I feel the same way. Anyone could see that Ryan is still completely in love with Marissa but I couldn't tell Taylor that."

"Yeah." Summer agreed. "At least now Ryan and Marissa are free to get back together."

Seth nodded. "The fantastic four will soon be fantastic again!"

"Bed time!" Marissa announced as the movie credits rolled across the television screen. "And don't even try to tell me you're not tired, you were both yawning through the whole movie!"

"Kay." Lucy said sleepily, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. "Can Natey and I have a sleepover tonight?"

"Sure." Marissa agreed. "Ryan do you mind getting them ready for bed? I want to clean up the kitchen."

"Yeah no problem." Ryan smiled. "Come on guys." He held out a hand to each of them and started toward the bedrooms.

Marissa happily watched them go. Aside from the Santa incident, today had been a good day, she decided as she cleaned up the remains of their dinner- Thai food from the place down the street.

After leaving Macys they had gone ice skating at Rockefeller Center and then for hot chocolate before returning home for dinner and a movie. By the end of the day the twins had forgotten all about the department store Santa which was exactly what Ryan and Marissa had wanted.

She finished loading the dishwasher and then wiped the table before sinking down into the couch and pulling out her lap top. Mia had texted her saying she had emailed her the digital copies of the photos taken today and Marissa was eager to see how they'd turned out.

Down the hall Ryan was tucking both his son and daughter into Nate's little bed. "Did you guys have fun today?" He asked, knowing what their answer would be.

"It was great." Nate smiled, and Lucy nodded in agreement. "I wish you were coming to Califwornia with us daddy." She added.

"Me too." Ryan sighed. "But you guys will have a great time and just think, you'll get a whole second Christmas when you get back!" He laughed. "Besides I can't leave Taylor by herself."

The twins nodded as if that made sense to them. "Where was Taylor today anyway daddy?" Nate suddenly asked, looking up at Ryan with wide, questioning eyes.

"At home." Ryan said simply ruffling his son's hair.

"By herself?"

"Yes." Ryan sighed. "I suppose she was."

"But wasn't she lonely?" Lucy inquired curiously.

Ryan frowned. "I thought you guys hated Taylor." He remarked. "Why suddenly so concerned?"

Nate shrugged. "Haven't seen her in a while." He explained.

Lucy nodded. "She used to be around all the time. Doesn't she like you anymore daddy?"

Ryan was taken aback. "Of course she does." He assured them. "I just thought you two would rather be alone with me and mommy. Wasn't that what you asked Santa for for Christmas?"

"Yeah." Nate answered. "But nobody should be alone on the holidays. Didn't she want to come skating?"

"I don't know." Ryan admitted softly, suddenly feeling guilty for not inviting Taylor. "Good night guys. Go to sleep now."

He flicked off the light and left the room, still deep in thought.

"Ryan!" Marissa called from the living room. "Come look at the pictures from today!"

"Okay." Ryan joined her on the couch as she began to flip through the various shots.

"Is something wrong." She asked after a few minutes. "You seem distracted."

"It's nothing." He said. "Just something the kids said."

Marissa nodded knowingly. "I really appreciate you spending so much time with us." She told him. "I know it causes problems with you and Taylor but the twins really enjoy it. And so do I." She added quietly.

Ryan squirmed nervously in his seat and then turned to face her. "I think you were right earlier." He blurted out quickly. "When you said we should spend some time apart, I think you were right."

"I..where did that come from?" Marissa asked in confusion. "You're the one that said you needed me in your life earlier."

"It's just not fair to Taylor." Ryan tried to explain. "I've been completely ignoring her lately and that's not right. She is my girlfriend and I need to start treating her like it."

Marissa turned away, hurt, and got to her feet.

"When I'm with you, it's too easy to slip back into old routines." Ryan continued. "It's too easy to forget that you and the kids and I aren't the perfect little family I always dreamed of."

"We could be." Marissa said thickly, her back still to Ryan. "You know how I feel."

"I do." Ryan agreed. "But I can't keep doing this to Taylor." He reached for Marissa's hand and spun her to face him. "I'm always going to have feelings for you." He confessed seriously. "You were the first person I met in Newport, my first love, the mother of my children…but for right now I think it's best if we spend some time apart." Ryan paused for a moment, fighting a sudden urge to take it all back but forced himself to keep going. "We'll still see each other." He promised. "We'll see each other everyday when I come for Nate and Lucy or when you come to drop them off. But I think we should leave it at that for awhile, at least until after the holidays."

Marissa nodded but didn't speak, afraid that if she opened her mouth, sobs would come out instead of words.

"Okay." Ryan patted her arm. "I guess it's time for me to go. Those photos turned out beautifully by the way."

"Thanks." Marissa whispered and he smiled at her sadly.

"Bye Marissa. See you soon."

Ryan slipped out of the apartment and walked to the elevator mentally kicking himself for what he'd just done.

All the way home he thought about the situation, trying to convince himself that he had done the right thing. It hadn't been fair to Taylor, he reasoned, spending so much time with Marissa. Still, in another part of his brain, he knew that going back to Taylor and pretending everything was fine wasn't fair to her either, not when he was still in love with Marissa. Shaking this thought from his head, he climbed the stairs to his floor of the building and unlocked his door.

Taylor was sitting on the couch in the dark when he walked in and Ryan braced himself, knowing what he had to do.

"Hey." He greeted her with a smile, kissing the top of her head from behind. "How was your day?"

"Ryan I need to talk to you." She stated staring blankly ahead.

"Me first." Ryan interjected, sitting down beside her. "I just want to say that I'm sorry." He began. "For everything. I haven't been treating you very fairly lately and I want you to know that that's going to change. From this point on you, our relationship, is my top priority, after Nate and Lucy of course. I'm not going to be spending any more time with Marissa, I'm going to focus on you. Taylor you are very important to me and I'm going to start making an effort to show you that. Do you think you can forgive me?"

Taylor hesitated before breaking into a smile. "You have one more chance Ryan Atwood and you better not screw it up!"

"I won't I promise." He hugged her tightly. "You go on to bed, I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay." She smiled feeling happier than she had in weeks. Just when she had been ready to give up and call it quits Ryan had said exactly what she'd been wanting to hear for months. So what if he hadn't told her where he was going today, Ryan had promised her that he was going to change. He'd said that she was important to him. It was like the universe was trying to tell her to hold on a little bit longer and she was going to listen. Giggling with happiness and relief Taylor changed into her pajamas and brushed her teeth. On the other side of the bathroom door Ryan was sitting on the bed, taking off his shoes. He pulled his blackberry out of his pocket and was about to plug it in to charge when he noticed the background. It was one of the photos they had taken today. Marissa must have put it on, he realized, when he was putting the kids to bed. Staring at the tiny black and white image on his phone Ryan was suddenly overcome by an intense longing. The family in the photo looked so happy. The children were laughing, the father was grinning proudly, a look of adoration in his eyes, and the mother, Ryan swallowed, the mother was beautiful.

"What are you looking at?" Taylor asked curiously, pulling Ryan back to reality as she climbed into bed.

"Nothing." He stammered quickly. "Just the new sketches for the project I'm working on at the office." He slipped the phone back into his pocket and got up, heading for the bathroom.

"Ryan?" Taylor's voice stopped him in the doorway.

"Yeah?" He answered without turning around.

"I love you."

Ryan closed his eyes and sighed. "I love you too.

But it wasn't Taylor that he pictured as he said it. It was the beautiful girl from the picture. Marissa.

**So there you have it. I know it probably seems like this story's not going anywhere and the same things just keep happening over and over but I promise that one day soon the plot will start to advance a little bit. I just have to set everything up first. I haven't started writing the next chapter yet but I still have a few days off school so I'll try to get the next update to you quickly. Thank you for reading and please reviews!**


	26. The Visit

**I don't know if anyone's still reading this but here is chapter 26. Sorry for the wait. **

The sound of her children's chatter sounded distant and far away to Marissa as she stood before Ryan Atwood's front door, her left hand poised to knock. She couldn't help but hesitate. Only a fortnight ago after all he had told her that they needed to spend some time apart and yet here she was. But, Marissa reminded herself for what felt like the billionth time that evening, she wasn't here to see Ryan. She had come for Taylor.

Straightening her jacket and brushing her hair out of her face, Marissa gritted her teeth and knocked twice.

"Hey." She greeted Taylor awkwardly as the heavy oak door swung open.

"Hey." Taylor gave her a half smile in return before turning to the kids who stood on either side of Marissa, each one grasping firmly to her hand.

"Hey guys." Taylor addressed them friendlily.

"Hi." They responded simultaneously, letting go of their mother and moving further into their father's apartment, kicking off their shoes as they went.

Marissa paused for a moment to watch them before scooping up the coats they had left on the floor and turning to Taylor.

"So listen I just wanted to thank you for doing this. I would usually just take them with me but they put up a huge fuss about coming and I figured I'd be faster if I did it alone anyway. I normally call Seth or Summer in this situation but they're both still at work and my nanny has gone to Canada to visit her parents for the holidays. There really was no one else I could call." Marissa explained as Nate and Lucy settled into the couch to watch television.

"It's not a problem." Taylor assured her. "As long as we don't have any incidents like last time."

"Oh we won't." Marissa promised, a mischievous glint in her eye as she pulled a small scrap of paper from her pocket.

"Hey Nate, Lucy, remember if I hear from Taylor that you were even the slightest bit naughty I'm calling Santa Claus and telling his not to bring you anything for Christmas this year." She called to the twins, waving the paper for them to see.

Lucy sighed, tearing her eyes from the screen to face her mother. "He's not even getting us what we really want anyway. He said so at Macys."

"Oh so you don't want any toys at all?" Marissa asked. "Maybe I should just call him up right now and tell him so."

Lucy glared at her mother. "How did you even get Santa's number anyway?" She muttered.

"Duh, I photographed him at the studio a few years back. We became very close."

Lucy frowned but said nothing, turning back to the TV.

"I don't think you'll have any problems." Marissa laughed, smiling at Taylor who grinned back.

"So I guess that's everything then?" She asked.

"Um actually, if you have a few minutes I was hoping we could talk before I go?" Marissa said, a more serious expression settling on her face.

Taylor gave her a funny look but nodded. "Yeah, sure." She agreed. "Let's go into the kitchen." She turned wordlessly and Marissa followed, seating herself at the small round table while Taylor busied herself making tea.

"So…" She began warily, setting a cup down in front of Marissa before sitting down opposite her. "What's this about?"

Marissa swallowed and met Taylor's eyes hesitantly.

"Um well, I guess I just want to apologize for the way I've treated you these past few months." Marissa confessed, awkwardly. "I never really gave you a chance and I'm sorry for that."

Taylor stared at her with a blank face but said nothing, which Marissa took as a sign that she could continue.

"I guess a part of me still saw you as the girl that basically got me kicked out of Harbour, forgetting that without you I never would have gotten back in. You've been a good friend to Summer." Marissa paused for a moment. "And you've been there for Ryan throughout this whole thing. I guess if they love you then you can't be that bad, right?" She laughed softly. The two of them sat there in silence for a moment before Marissa, desperate to avert her eyes from Taylor's hard stare, feigned checking her watch.

"Well I guess I should be off." She broke the uncomfortable silence. The women rose to their feet in unison although Taylor didn't respond.

"Once again, I'm sorry to spring this on you. This week has been just packed with appointments and I went to make dinner tonight and realised we are completely out of food. I have a few other errands to run as well but I'll be as quick as I can." Marissa promised, moving to the couch and kissing both Nate and Lucy on the tops of their heads. "Bye guys. Love you."

"Love you too Mommy." They answered together, hugging her goodbye.

"Bye Taylor." Marissa gave her one last smile as she picked up her bag and headed for the door.

"Bye." Taylor echoed quietly, closing the door behind Marissa.

On the other side of the door Marissa breathed a sigh of relief. It had not been easy to call a truce with Taylor however she knew that if she ever wanted her kids to spend time with both of their parents together again, she was going to have to prove to Ryan that she and Taylor could make it work. They could learn to accept one another and maybe even one day they could learn to be friends. It would not be easy but she was willing to try. Besides, Marissa had meant what she said in there about Taylor being a good friend to Summer. She knew her best friend didn't warm up to just anybody so for her to be so close to Taylor had to mean something. Deep down Marissa was grateful that Taylor had been there to pick up the pieces when she had left Newport so many years ago. From the sounds of it she had been a huge support to everyone and Marissa was thankful for that. Still, Summer was _her_ best friend, not Taylors. Marissa raised her arm to hail a taxi and slipped inside the bright yellow cab. "Where to?" The driver asked, eyeing her in the rear-view mirror. Marissa opened her mouth, about to direct him to the nearest Price Chopper, then paused. They desperately needed groceries and were completely out of toilet paper and yet she had a sudden urge to go see her best friend. "Miss?" The driver prompted in annoyance. "Sorry." Marissa answered and, making up her mind, recited Seth and Summer's address to the impatient cab driver. It was quarter past six and with any luck she would arrive just as they did.

Taylor stood stationary for a moment, eyes fixed on the closed wooden door, mind still revelling over what Marissa had said. She was sorry? She wanted to be friends? Taylor wasn't sure if she should believe the other woman or be suspicious. Marissa had seemed genuine enough but how could she be sure? True to his word, Ryan had been spending a lot more time with her lately and they'd been talking a lot more but how long would it last? Taylor was trying as hard as she could to trust her boyfriend but a part of her still felt like he was hiding something. Still, Marissa had appeared to be sincere and the twins had definitely been a lot warmer toward her lately so maybe Marissa really did want to start over. Taylor glanced over at Nate and Lucy who were giggling profusely at the television and smiled slightly. It had been five minutes and nobody was crying or bleeding and the house was still intact. Taking that as a sign that Marissa had meant what she said Taylor turned on her heel and started toward the kitchen. Dinner was the real test. If Nate and Lucy sat through the whole meal without complaining or flinging food then she'd know for sure that something had changed.

"Wow, that was fast!" Summer's muffled voice echoed into the hall where Marissa stood waiting. "Just a sec." There was the sound of a scraping lock and the jiggling of a door knob before the door swung open to reveal the petite brunette. A look of surprise washed over Summer's face which she immediately rearranged into a smile at the sight of her friend.

"Oh, hey Coop." Summer gave her a quick hug before pulling her inside. "I thought you were the delivery guy, Cohen and I ordered Thai for dinner."

"Got it." Marissa smiled, unbuttoning her coat and slipping off her boots. "Sorry to just drop in like this…"

"Oh please." Summer interrupted, scoffing. "You know you're always welcome here! Speaking of which, why are you here?"

Marissa opened her mouth to explain but was interrupted once more.

"Summer?" Seth's loud voice rang out through the apartment. "Is that the delivery guy? Thank god, I'm starved!"

"Well actually…" Summer began but broke off as Seth stepped into the room, the wide grin fading from his face.

"Oh." He said, eying Marissa. "It's _you_. Do you deliver Thai now or are you just here to get a guy's hopes up and then crush them?"

"Neither." Marissa responded, fighting back a laugh. "Just came by for a little visit. It's good to see you too Seth."

"Hmph." Seth stared at her, eyes narrowed. "Don't mess with a man when he's hungry."

"Sorry." Marissa apologized, giggling.

Seth nodded in approval and was opening his mouth to speak when he stopped, eyes darting around the room as though searching for something.

"Hey, where are the littl'uns tonight?" He asked with widened eyes as though it had just occurred to him that Nate and Lucy were not there. "Don't tell me you forgot them!"

"Very funny." Marissa glared at him. "Like I would ever forget my own children! No actually, the 'littl'uns', as you put it, are with Taylor."

"Oh." Seth answered, plopping into an arm chair and propping his feet up on the coffee table. "Okay…. Wait, Taylor Townsend?" He sat up suddenly. "As in Ryan's girlfriend Taylor Townsend?"

"Uh yeah." Marissa nodded, giving him a funny look. "Do we know any other Taylors?"

"We thought she left!" Summer explained quickly, exchanging a glance with Seth.

"Left?" Marissa frowned. "You mean left the city? No she's definitely still here. Why would you think she left?"

"Oh, no reason." Summer said hurriedly. "Just something she said. We must've misunderstood."

"Well what did she say?" Marissa pressed on, not about to let it go that quickly. "Have you two been hanging out again?"

Summer sighed, shooting another look at Seth who simply shrugged. "We did hang out, yes." She began after a moment. "Last weekend…."

"Nate?" Taylor called from the kitchen. "Lucy? Is spaghetti okay for dinner?"

Getting no response she peered her head into the living room. The twins had abandoned icarly on the television and were now crouched around the Christmas tree that the four of them had picked out and decorated the week before. The children handled the parcels covering the base of the tree curiously, shaking and rattling them every so often.

"Hey!" Taylor cried out, entering the room completely, brandishing a wooden spoon in one hand. "You guys know the rules! No peeking!"

"We just wanted to feel them." Nate insisted, looking up at her with innocent blue eyes. "Yes!" Lucy nodded vigorously in agreement. "We won't peek, we promise."

"Alright." Taylor frowned. "But don't shake them too hard, you don't want to break them. And dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes, okay?"

The twins nodded absentmindedly, already re-immersed in the presents, 90% of which were addressed to them. Taylor smiled knowingly, heading back into the kitchen. She herself had been a snooper as a child and had opened and rewrapped nearly all of her gifts before Christmas. Even now she rarely got a present that she wasn't expecting. The engagement ring hidden in the closet was the perfect example of that. Taylor had a talent of sorts for knowing everything- even when she wasn't supposed to. Humming quietly to the Christmas music playing on the radio as she chopped the onions, Taylor smiled.

Today was going a lot better than the last time she has babysat the twins and she was glad. Nate and Lucy were cute when they weren't terrorizing her, Taylor decided, listening to their chatter wafting in from the next room.

"Look at this one Lucy!" Nate's excited voice rang out. "Uh oh I don't think you should do that!" His tone changed to worry, causing Taylor to look up from her chopping.

"Nate?" She called, turning down the music. "Lucy? What are you two.."

She gasped as a loud crash suddenly echoed through the apartment, interrupting her mid-sentence.

"Guys?" Taylor exclaimed worriedly, dropping the knife and rushing into the living room. "Lucy!" She cried, finding a distraught Lucy lying next to a fallen tree with a guilty-looking Nate watching worriedly from behind.

"Ow." The little girl whispered with tears in her eyes and Taylor's heart instantly fell. "What happened?" She asked in a panic, hurrying forward to gather Lucy into her arms. "She tried to climb the tree." Nate explained solemnly.

"I just wanted to touch the star." Lucy said quietly, wiping her cheeks and looking up at Taylor with concern. "Am I in trouble?"

For a fraction of a second Taylor considered it, staring at the child's sad, fearful face. Then she shook her head. "Never mind. It was an accident and the ornaments were cheap anyway."

She smiled at Lucy encouragingly and then, with no warning at all, burst into a fit of giggles. "You would try to climb the tree!" She laughed, dusting the little girl off and setting her on her feet. "Crazy girl! Are you okay?" She tried to quiet her laughter.

Lucy wordlessly pointed to her right elbow which oozed blood. "Right." Taylor said, looking at the cut. "Nate can you please go get your sister a Band-Aid while I clean this up?"

"Kay." He agreed, running off toward the bathroom in search of a bandage. Taylor retrieved a plastic garbage bag from the kitchen and then proceeded to fill in with the shards of shattered ornament that littered the floor. She righted the tree with great difficulty and then mopped up the spilled water. Just as she finished Nate returned from the bathroom, a box of Band-Aids in hand.

"Here Taylor." He handed them to her proudly. "I couldn't find them at first but I got them."

"Thank you Nathaniel." Taylor smiled him, taking a bandage and ripping off the packaging. "Where'd you get your name anyway?" She questioned the little boy suddenly, positioning a Band-Aid on his sister's elbow. "Was your mom like, going through a Gossip Girl phase or something? Cause that's the only place I've ever heard it."

Nate just shrugged but Lucy looked up from her elbow interestedly. "What's Gossip Girl?" She asked, intrigued.

"Don't tell me that you've never heard of Gossip Girl!" Taylor exclaimed, genuinely baffled. The twins shook their heads in unison.

"Well then it's your lucky day." Taylor smiled at them. "I happed to have the whole first season on DVD!"

"I can't believe you spied on us!" Marissa cried, shaking her head at Summer in disbelief.

"I've told you everything that's happened with Ryan and me! You know there's nothing going on between us!"

"Well I think nothing is a bit of a stretch but I know, I'm sorry, it was wrong!" Summer tried to defend herself. "Taylor was just so excited and I felt guilty for not staying in touch after high school and I didn't think we'd see anything!"

"You didn't see anything!" Marissa insisted angrily, Summer shooting her a disapproving look. "Oh come on Sum, it was just a hug! I hugged you when I came in and Seth didn't freak out and threaten to go back to California!"

"Well now that you mention it.." Seth spoke up, clearly amused. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you hugging my girlfriend Marissa. It seemed a bit too friendly if you ask me."

Both Summer and Marissa glared at him fiercely before turning back to each other. "Look, I'm not taking sides." Summer explained, earning herself a scowl from Marissa. "All I'm saying is that it looked bad to Taylor who was already insecure about your relationship."

"So she just decides to up and leave?" Marissa demanded. "There must have been another reason! One hug cannot cause that much damage!"

Summer shrugged. "I guess seeing that hug brought every other suspicion she's had about you and Ryan since coming here to the surface and she decided it was just too much. She said they hadn't had any real conversations in weeks and that he never seemed to want to spend any time with her. And she was convinced he was going to leave her for you eventually."

Marissa sighed, sinking back into the couch. "When did my life get so complicated and messy?" She asked aloud. "No, don't answer that, I know exactly when."

"When you got pregnant at eighteen and didn't tell the father." Seth informed her, mouth full of the pad thai that had been delivered during Summer's story, long forgotten by the girls.

Marissa frowned but said nothing.

"I'm just wondering what happened to make Taylor change her mind about leaving." Summer voiced. "She seemed pretty set on it when she left."

Marissa rubbed her eyes tiredly. "I think I know."

Seth and Summer both looked at her expectantly.

"You said this was last weekend right? The day we took our family pictures? Well that night, after the kids were in bed, Ryan told me that we needed to spend some time apart so he could focus on his relationship with Taylor. He said that what we were doing wasn't fair to Taylor and that from now on we can only see each other when we're dropping off or picking up Nate and Lucy. I'll bet you anything that he went home and said all this to Taylor and she decided to give him another chance. That's why she stayed."

"Oh Coop." Summer exclaimed in shock. "I can't believe he said that! God, why is that boy so stubborn? Why can't he stop denying his feeling?"

"Maybe because he doesn't have any." Marissa said, dejected. "He told me weeks ago that he chose Taylor and I'm finally starting to understand what that means. He doesn't want to be with me. I think maybe us spending time apart is for the best. I need to get over him. This whole triangle is way too stressful and I need to focus on the kids." She sighed. "I just worry that Ryan and I not interacting will have a negative effect on them. It's important that we show them we're still a family and how can we do that if we're barely speaking? I mean Ryan's done everything with us since the moment he found out. If that stops Nate and Lucy are going to get confused and upset."

Summer looked at her sympathetically, taking all the new information in. "Well first of all.." She began. "Seth and I don't believe for a minute that Ryan doesn't have any feelings for you. He's just really hard-headed and feels guilty about Taylor."

Seth nodded in agreement. "He'll come to his senses soon, you'll see."

"Yeah Coop, you can't give up." Summer put in.

Marissa shook her head. "Ryan knows how I feel and he knows how Taylor feels so the rest is up to him. And I'm not going to sit around waiting for him to make up his mind, it's not fair to any of us."

Summer nodded in understanding. "So what are you going to do?"

"Well tonight when I dropped the kids off I called a truce with Taylor." Marissa confessed.

"You what!" Seth and Summer exclaimed simultaneously.

"Yeah." Marissa confirmed. "I figured that being friends with Taylor is a small price to pay for Nate and Lucy to spend time with both their parents, even if she'll be tagging along everywhere we go. Ryan's made it clear that he's chosen her so she'll probably be in my life for a while. We might as well be friends."

"That's very big of you Marissa!" Summer smiled at her friends. "Yeah." Seth agreed. "At the very least it'll make Christmas dinners a whole lot less awkward."

Marissa laughed quietly, partly at Seth and partly at the situation that was her life. "I guess I should get going." She announced, standing up. "It's getting late and you know what happened last time I left the twins alone with Taylor."

"Mmhm." They both agreed in silent understanding. "Hang in there Coop." Summer hugged her. "It'll all be okay."

"Thanks." Marissa whispered, squeezing her friend tightly. "Good night Seth."

"Night." He waved her out the door. "Say hi to the kiddies for us."

"I will." She promised. "Bye!"

Ryan soundlessly hung his coat on the hook beside the door moving further into the dark apartment. Turning the corner into the living room his eyes were drawn to the couch where Taylor slept, her head lolling to one side, a twin asleep against each shoulder while the credits of Gossip Girl played in the background. Ryan frowned. He knew the sight of his kids and girlfriend asleep together should make him happy, relieved that they had finally warmed up to each other, but instead he just felt sick. Here it was, the perfect little family he had always imagined, right in front of him and he couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. Brows furrowed in discontent Ryan moved forward and gently shook Taylor awake, being careful not to disturb Nate and Lucy.

"Ryan." She mumbled sleepily, sitting up slowly and rubbing her bleary eyes. "When did you get home?"

"Just now." He answered. "What are Nate and Lucy doing here? Was it my night to watch them? Did I forget?"

"No, no." Taylor assured him. "Marissa just had some errands to run and she asked me to watch them."

"She asked you?" Ryan's mouth gaped in surprise. "After what happened last time?" "She said she felt bad about the way she'd been treating me and hoped that one day we could become friends." Taylor grinned at him.

Ryan frowned. Something about the whole situation seemed suspicious but he pushed the thought to the back of his mind and smiled at Taylor. He'd been begging Marissa to give Taylor a chance for months, after all, so he couldn't really complain. "That's great! You two have finally called a truce."

"Yeah," Taylor agreed. "I guess we have." The two adults sat in silence for a moment. "You know, I never really wanted kids growing up." Taylor confessed, pulling a blanket over Nate's sleeping frame. "And when I met these two I knew for sure I didn't!" She laughed softly. "But they're not so bad." She said turning to face Ryan. "At least not when they're sleeping. Maybe someday we'll have kids of our own." Ryan froze, a cold chill shooting through his body. "Yeah." He managed to stutter, rearranging his horrified features into happy ones. "Maybe we will."

A knock on the door saved him from further comment and Ryan leapt up to answer it, mind still reeling.

"Marissa." He said in greeting, stepping aside to let her in. "Hey." She said uncomfortably, moving past him. "Hey Taylor, how were they?"

"Great!" Taylor smiled at her. "Although there was a little incident with Lucy and the Christmas tree."

Marissa looked at her questioningly but Taylor just held up her hand. "All you need to know is that she's fine. There's a tiny scrape on her elbow but that's it, I promise."

"Alright." Marissa accepted it. "Well thanks again for everything." She moved over to the couch and carefully lifted Lucy into her arms.

"Here, let me help you." Ryan rushed forward but Marissa stopped him.

"I'm fine Ryan." She insisted, shifting Lucy to her left hip and then struggling to pick up Nate as well.

"Marissa." Ryan said firmly. "I'll help you."

Marissa frowned at Ryan but allowed him to take Nate from her arms. "A taxi's waiting downstairs." She informed him.

"Alright." Ryan answered. "I'll be back in a minute Taylor."

"Kay." She crossed her arms across her chest, watching them go, a slight pang in her heart as she was once again reminded that Ryan had children with Marissa, not her.

"So." Ryan said, desperate to break the uncomfortable silence as he and Marissa entered the elevator. "I heard you and Taylor had a talk."

"Mmhm." Marissa agreed, but said nothing further.

"So." Ryan tried again. "What errands did you have to do?"

"Groceries."

Ryan sighed. "Look Marissa, I know I said we should spend some time apart but that doesn't mean we have to stop talking. I don't want things to be awkward between us."

"They're not awkward." Marissa lied. "Everything's fine."

"Oh really." Ryan asked as they stepped into the street. "So where'd you really go tonight then? And don't say shopping because you have no bags."

Marissa frowned. "They're in the trunk."

"Really." Ryan questioned again and Marissa sighed. "I went to see Seth and Summer alright? Happy?"

"No I'm not." Ryan said loudly. "Why would you lie about something like that? Why would you leave our children with Taylor, who they hate, instead of bringing them with you? And why in hell why you tell her you want to be friends? What's happened in the last few days to make you change your mind about everything?"

Marissa's eyes flashed angrily. "You obviously haven't noticed but Nate and Lucy don't hate Taylor anymore! And she doesn't hate them either! Shouldn't you be happy? Isn't this what you've been wanting for months now? For them to get along?" She laughed bitterly. "Now you can have that perfect little family you've always wanted!"

Ryan frowned, unsure of how to respond. Marissa was right of course. Now that Nate and Lucy got along with Taylor there was nothing to stop him from settling down with her. He had no more excuses to keep putting things off, no more reasons not to be with her.

"You know." Marissa glowered. "For someone who was so keen to talk a few minutes ago, you're sure not saying much." She sighed. "Look, I didn't come here to fight with you so I think I'll just be going now."

"Don't run away!" Ryan finally found his voice. "We need to sort things out!"

"Yeah well if you don't mind I'd rather sort things out when my kids were out of earshot not when they're sleeping in my arms!"

Ryan sighed. "Fine." He said. "You're right, they shouldn't be here for this. We need to talk eventually though, I don't want to fight with you."

Marissa yawned, shifting Lucy in her arms. "It's fine Ryan. We're fine, I promise." He looked unconvinced but said nothing. 'I'll bring them by tomorrow around nine okay? You can keep them overnight and then I'll bring them back to see you on Friday before we leave."

"Okay." He agreed and although there was so much more he still wanted to say he opened the cab door for her and helped her inside.

"See you tomorrow." She said as he shut the door.

"See you." He replied, but they were already gone

Ryan frowned, turning slowly and looking up at the towering apartment building that was his home. His eyes sought the forth floor window where Taylor would be preparing for bed and for a moment he watched the dark shadow that moved within the warmly lit room. Taylor Townsend. His girlfriend. His future fiancé. His future wife. The mother of his future children. "Taylor Atwood." He tried it out loud, frowning at the sound. It wasn't right. And if he was being truthful he didn't think it would ever be right; not while Nate and Lucy were around anyway. No while Marissa was around either. Ryan was the type of guy that wanted one family. One normal, stable, happy family. And where did Taylor fit into that? He didn't know.

**Once again, nothing has really happened in this story but the next chapter will be them getting ready to leave for Newport so the plot may start to advance just a little bit. Please review! It makes me update faster!**


	27. The Goodbye

**Hey everybody, I just wanted to thank you all for reading. I didn't expect so many people to review so that was a very nice surprise! It's so encouraging to know that people are still reading! So here is chapter 27. It's not great but I wanted to post something as soon as I could because I made you wait so long for the last few chapters so yeah, sorry if it's bad. Thanks again for reading and please review!**

True to her word, Marissa Cooper brought her children to see their father on a snowy Friday in New York City, just hours before the trio were supposed to leave for California. They were taking a non-direct flight departing from J.F.K. airport at five o'clock and were supposed to be at the airport at two thirty. The plane would be taking them as far as Arkansas where they would be boarding a connecting flight to Orange County. If everything went according to plan they would be arriving in Newport Beach around eight at night with the time change. Because of this Marissa had originally intended to bring Nate and Lucy to their father's immediately after breakfast that day so that Ryan could spend all day with them before they left. As it happened, however, getting two kids and herself ready for a ten day trip over Christmas proved to be more difficult that Marissa had foreseen and by nine o'clock she was both tired and frustrated.

"Lucy, what are you doing?" Marissa asked in exasperation, entering her daughter's bedroom only to find the little girl crouched in front of her open suitcase, clothes strune across the bed. "I packed that days ago so that we would be able to leave quickly today."

"I know." Lucy said, looking up at her mother. "But I had to make sure you didn't forget anything. And I wanted to add some of my stuffies."

Marissa frowned, sitting down on the bed to repack Lucy's suitcase. "We can't bring too much stuff Luce. We have to pack lightly, unless you want me to leave your Christmas presents behind."

"Well I have to bring something to play with." Lucy countered, dropping two Barbies, a plastic horse and a game of Connect Four into her bag. "What if I get bored….Do you think my easel will fit?" She added, looking the enormous wooden frame up and down.

"No." Marissa closed her eyes, trying her best to be patient. "Your easel will not fit in your bag. And Lucy you don't really need any of this other stuff either." She added, pulling an armful of books, movies and toys from her daughter's luggage. "Remember how I told you you're going to be meeting daddy and Uncle Seth's sister Sophie?" She asked, pulling Lucy onto her lap. The little girl nodded. "Well she's just about the same age as you and I'm sure has plenty of toys." Marissa assured her. "I promise you won't be bored."

"What about me mommy?" Nate asked, entering the room and scrambling onto his mother's lap beside his sister.

"What about you?" Marissa teased, squeezing the little boy tightly. "Are you as crazy as your sister? Have you unpacked your whole suitcase too?"

Nate frowned, squirming to look Marissa in the eyes. "I mean can I bring some toys? How about my soccer ball?"

"I'm sorry Natey." Marissa sighed. "But we really can only bring the necessities. Soccer balls take up a lot of space."

"Aw come on!" Nate complained. "All Sophie's going to have at her house is _girl_ toys!" He whined. "I don't want to play with dolls!"

Marissa considered it for a moment. "Alright." She finally gave in. "If you can fit it in you suitcase you can bring it."

Nate beamed happily causing Lucy to scowl. "If Nate gets to bring his soccer ball I get to bring mine too!" She protested angrily. "It's only fair!"

"Lucy we don't need two soccer balls in Newport." Marissa explained in annoyance, getting to her feet and pulling the kids with her. "And you know I'm sure Sophie already has all the outdoor toys you're going to need. And not just girl toys." She added as Nate opened his mouth to complain. "Now both of you get packing those bags back up! Put in all the clothes that I already packed for you and then you can bring whatever else you can fit, okay?"

The twins nodded simultaneously.

"Good." Marissa smiled at them. "And try to be quick. We were supposed to be at daddy's half an hour ago!"

She left the bedroom, walking across the hall into her own room where two large, full suitcases sat neatly on the bed. One contained Marissa's clothes, shoes, make-up and other personal belongings. The other was strictly for Christmas gifts. Most of the presents were addressed to Nate and Lucy because, despite her better judgement, Marissa had never been able to resist spoiling them at Christmas. Even when money had been tight for the first few years she had done everything in her power to give her twins the best Christmas possible and this year it was especially important to her because she couldn't deliver what Nate and Lucy wanted most for the holidays; for their dad to be with them in Newport. She knew that no amount of toys would make up for it but she was hoping the gifts would distract the children and keep them from thinking about Ryan too much.

The rest of the presents in the bag were for the others they would be spending Christmas with; Seth and Summer, her mom and Doctor Roberts and the Cohens. Many of the gifts had been homemade by her and the twins over the last few weeks and included Christmas cookies, photo albums for her mom and Sandy and Kirsten and a comic book for Seth. The comic book had been Nate and Lucy's favourite to make. She had written out all of the different adventures and crazy schemes that Seth had involved her children in over the years and they had illustrated its many pages. The book was messy and a little exaggerated but she knew Seth would love it all the same. Marissa double checked that she had everything and then zipped up the suitcases for the last time and lifted them off the bed. She set them by the bedroom door before moving over to her dressing table where Ryan's gift sat waiting to be wrapped. Hurriedly covering the small black book in shiny red and white striped paper Marissa realized that in light of a recent truce between her and Taylor she probably should have picked up something for her as well. Oh well, Marissa decided, tying a bow neatly around Ryan's parcel. Just because they'd agreed to try to get along did not mean they were friends and she wouldn't have known what to get for Taylor anyways. Plus, she reminded herself, she hadn't really gotten a gift for Ryan at all; the present was from the kids. She had only wrapped it. Marissa settled on having Nate and Lucy add "and Taylor" to their homemade Christmas cards which currently read "Happy Chrismukkah daddy!" Then she gathered a few of their left over cookies into a tin and wrapped that as well. There, Marissa thought satisfied. It wasn't a creative or thoughtful gift but at least Taylor would have something to open. Finally ready to go, Marissa wheeled her suitcases into the hall and then set Ryan's gift on the side table. "Nate?" She called, checking the clock and cringing upon discovering that they were now over an hour behind schedule. "Lucy? Come on guys, time to go!"

"Kay!" They answered, trooping into the hall, dragging their little bags behind them. Marissa grabbed their coats, pausing to inspect them. She hadn't been sure how to dress the twins for the trip. She wanted them to be comfortable on the plane but at the same time she wanted them to make a good impression when they got to Newport. In the end she had decided on pants and sweaters realising that they would have to change anyway when they got there because of the vast climate differences between New York and California. It was likely to be around 20 degrees Celsius in Newport, a huge change from the negative December temperatures she had grown used to in the city.

Marissa helped the children into their boots and warm woollen coats, red for Lucy and blue for Nate, before pulling on her own jacket. "Everybody got everything?" She asked, adjusting Nate's backpack and tucking in Lucy's mittens.

"Yep!" Lucy declared, eyes shining with excitement. "Let's go to Califwornia!"

"Yeah!" Nate exclaimed in agreement, equally excited.

Marissa smiled, following her children into the hall towards the elevator. "Let's go." She echoed.

oo

By the time their cab pulled up in front of Ryan's building Marissa and the kids were two hours late. They were supposed to have been there at nine o'clock and it was now eleven, leaving them just two and a half hours before they had to leave for the airport. Marissa sighed. Ryan would not be happy. She flung open the car door and hurried out, pulling the kids and their backpacks behind her. Throwing open the trunk, she was just beginning to unload their suitcases when her cell phone started ringing. Marissa groaned in exasperation, whipping the phone from her purse and pressing the talk button a little harder then she'd meant to. It could only be one person.

"Hi Ryan." She greeted him, balancing the phone between her cheek and shoulder as she continued to empty the trunk.

"Hey." He answered, voice full of worry. "Where are you guys? I thought you were coming at nine! Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine." Marissa assured him, unloading the last bag and slamming the trunk closed. "We're just outside actually, we'll be right up."

She hung up before he could reply, eager to get out of the cold. "Let's go guys." She prompted Nate and Lucy, leading them into the building. "We don't have much time."

"Hey Percy." Marissa flashed the doorman a small smile as he helped them inside. "D'you mind if we leave our bags in the lobby?" She asked hopefully. "We're heading to the airport after this and it would save us so much time if we didn't have to keep lugging our suitcases everywhere."

"Of course." Percy smiled in return. "Call down here ten minutes before you want to leave and I'll have a car ready for you.

"Thanks Percy." Marissa smiled gratefully, ushering the kids into the elevator. "You're a lifesaver." The elderly man's face disappeared from view as the elevator doors slid shut, catapulting them to the fourth floor.

"Did you bring daddy's present?" Lucy asked as the elevator slowed to a stop.

'Yep." Marissa smiled, holding up the package. "He's going to love it."

"I hope so." Nate said, leading them to Ryan's door.

"Me too." Lucy agreed, standing on her tip toes to ring the bell.

The door opened right away, as Marissa knew it would, and the twins leapt forward into Ryan's arms before he even had a chance to say hello.

"Take your boots off guys!" She scolded them as they pulled away from Ryan. "You don't want to track snow everywhere."

Nate and Lucy obliged, kicking off their boots and unbuttoning their coats while Ryan stood up, turning to face Marissa, a questioning look in his eyes.

Marissa sighed, sweeping her hair back and pulling off her own snowy boots. "I'm sorry we're late." She recited, knowing Ryan wanted an explanation. "Nate and Lucy decided to repack their bags this morning just as we were about to leave and then it took us forever to find a cab. Traffic was terrible too." She added, slipping off her jacket.

Ryan nodded, accepting this. "How long before you have to leave?" He asked, glancing at the kids who were once again fondling the Christmas gifts under the tree.

"About two and a half hours." Marissa responded, an apologetic look on her face. "I'm sorry. I know you wanted more time with them but please try to make the best of this. They're so excited to give you your gift." She held up the well-wrapped package for Ryan to see.

"You didn't have to do that." He said softly but she shook her head. "We wanted to. Besides I've been meaning to give you something like this for a while. You'll see when you open it."

"Okay." Ryan said, smiling slightly as he met her eyes, an unreadable expression on his face.

"So." Marissa coughed, suddenly uncomfortable. "Where's Taylor?"

"Making lunch." He answered. "She should be out in a minute."

Marissa nodded, fidgeting slightly as the two of them stood facing each other in silence. Things were awkward between them. She hadn't wanted them to feel uncomfortable around one another but Marissa was starting to realise that it was inevitable. In fact, when she thought about everything that had happened since September; the sex, the confessions of love, the rejection, the arguments and the heartbreak, she found it amazing that they were still able to talk at all. Not that they'd really been talking much lately, she reminded herself. Aside from a few muttered greetings and farewells they had barely said two words to each other in the last couple of days, although not from Ryan's lack of trying. A few nights ago following a brief disagreement Ryan had been insistent that they talk however she had managed to defer him at the time and had been avoiding the man ever since. Marissa had told Seth and Summer that she needed time apart from Ryan so that she could move on and that was exactly what she intended to do. She and Ryan's conversations almost always left her broken-hearted, hurt or in tears and she just didn't think she could handle that right now. She wanted to move forward and knew that the sooner she was away from Ryan and Taylor the easier it would be. Still, she thought, glancing up at Ryan who still stood in front of her, arms crossed over a button-down shirt, eyes fixed on the kids, as much as she wanted to get away from him she also couldn't stand the thought of leaving him behind. Ryan had been a huge part of her life since she was sixteen years old and even after nearly five years apart she hated to admit that her feelings for him had never really faltered. Sure they had been dormant for a while but deep down she knew that they had always been there, hidden beneath layers of emotions and lies, like an incurable virus. Marissa studied Ryan carefully, wondering if he felt anything even remotely similar or if he thought of her as just his high school girlfriend. There had been times over the past few months during which she had seen flashes of the old Ryan in the way he'd look at her or the things he would say but there had also been moments when a new Ryan had been present as well. This version was angrier, if possible, not at the world really but at her alone (although that was understandable given the situation), and bolder as well. He was less timid in the way he spoke to her as though he had finally realised that she was not a fragile object that could easily be broken. This new Ryan was also, however, more forgiving and more patient. He had excused her almost instantly for keeping Nate and Lucy from him, something that still amazed her, and he had not once thrown it back in her face. He was brighter too, she had noticed. He smiled more and even laughed sometimes. He wasn't as serious as he used to be, something that she knew Nate and Lucy were at least partly responsible for. Fatherhood had changed Ryan for the better and she liked to think that on some level he would always love her for giving him the twins, even if he was with Taylor.

"Marissa!" Taylor burst into the living room as if on cue, a tray of sandwiches balanced in her arms.

Marissa, still getting used to she and Taylor's recent truce, was taken aback for a moment by the woman's friendly tones but managed to stutter out an enthusiastic greeting in return. "Taylor, hi!" She beamed, stepping forward towards her new friend. "Let me help you with those." She took the plate from Taylor's hands and carried it to the wooden coffee table. "Thanks." Taylor smiled at her. "I'll just grab the fruit salad and then we can eat. Ryan, would you mind grabbing the drinks?"

"Sure." Ryan agreed following Taylor into the kitchen. Marissa, suddenly alone, settled herself on the floor in front of the coffee table and called for her children to join her. The boy and girl emerged almost instantly from their bedroom and each took a seat on either side of their mother, their little hands reaching eagerly for the sandwiches.

"Ah ah!" She scolded. "Wait for daddy and Taylor please."

Nate and Lucy frowned but obeyed, returning the food to the tray and Marissa nodded approvingly. She was trying her best to teach the twins good manners and although sometimes they slipped up, the two were generally pretty polite. They said please and thank you, they chewed with their mouths closed and they didn't throw tantrums in public places. They shared with other kids, kept their hands to themselves and didn't interrupt people when they were talking. At least for the most part anyway. Still even with the odd mistake Marissa was very proud of Nate and Lucy and of herself too. Before the twins were born she had worried about being a terrible mother and her biggest fear was that her children would feel the same way about her as she had felt about her own mother growing up. Marissa loved Julie but they'd never had the best relationship. Thankfully this was not the case so far. She and Nate and Lucy got along wonderfully for the most part and while they were still very young she was determined not to let this change in the future. She wanted to have an open relationship with her children and she wanted them to feel like they could come to her with anything.

Ryan and Taylor returned to the room at that moment, bringing with them a stack of plates, a bowl of fruit salad and a pitcher of apple juice.

"Can we eat _now_?" Lucy asked, looking pointedly at her mother as Ryan and Taylor arranged themselves on the floor.

"Yes you may." Marissa responded with a smile. "Use a plate though guys, we don't want to make a mess."

For a moment the five of them ate in silence, the crunching of apples and the grinding of teeth the only audible sound in the room. Then Taylor broke the muteness, setting down her sandwich as she began to talk. "So are you guys looking forward to your trip?" She asked Nate and Lucy who nodded excitedly.

"It's going to be so fun!" Lucy declared happily and Nate agreed.

"We get to swim!" He beamed earnestly. "On Christmas! Cause it's not even cold there! Isn't that cool?"

"Totally." Taylor agreed, smiling. "And what about you Marissa?" She asked. "Excited?"

"Nervous." Marissa corrected with a shake of her head. "Scared out of my mind actually."

"Why are you scared mommy?" Nate asked in concern. "It's going to be fun!"

"Yeah." Lucy frowned at her mother. "We're going to a big house with a pool and we're going to the beach and we're going to get Christmas presents _and_ we're going to meet my grand-parents!" She rattled off. "It's going to be the best holiday ever!"

Marissa smiled meekly at her son and daughter, looking into their bright, exuberant eyes. "You're right." She told them, trying her best to add some enthusiasm to her voice. "It'll be the best Chrismukkah ever!"

"Of course we're right." Lucy said, waving her hand. "We're always right. Isn't that right Natey?"

"Mmhm." The little boy agreed. "Always."

On the other side of the table Ryan had zoned out, his mind still reeling over the twins' words. He was trying his best not to feel hurt that their idea of 'the best holiday ever' was one where he wasn't with them but it was hard. Ryan knew Nate and Lucy were just excited about their trip but it pained him all the same. And Marissa felt the same way. Up until a few nights ago Ryan had been dead set on going to Newport with his kids however after his speech to Taylor he had decided that staying behind would be better for everyone. It was what Taylor wanted and what Marissa wanted too. Still, hearing her say outright that this Chrismukkah would be the best hurt him. Unlike the kids he couldn't be sure whether she was actually looking forward to the trip or whether she was really looking forward to him not being there. Ryan tried to tell himself that this wasn't true but a part of his mind screamed that it was. She had, after all, been avoiding him since the other night and was clearly uncomfortable around him. She probably couldn't wait for ten days without him. Ten days alone with her children. Just like it used to be. He sometimes wondered if Marissa resented him for coming to New York. For interrupting her perfect life with her children and for taking them away from her for long amounts of time. Then he remembered that he was the one that was supposed to be resenting her for keeping Nate and Lucy from him in the first place. And he did resent her if he was being honest with himself. He had missed out on nearly five years of his son and daughter's lives because of a choice Marissa made; a choice he would never fully understand despite his best efforts. Still Ryan had forgiven Marissa quickly and easily because any anger he'd felt toward her had seemed trivial and pointless the minute he first talked to his children. From that first conversation he had known that they were the most important thing in his life now and despite his unconventional way of becoming a dad he wouldn't trade it for anything. Fighting with Marissa had become unimportant in comparison to spending time with his children and while he was still angry at her for what she did he knew that he could never despise the person who gave him Nate and Lucy. Furthermore, she was Marissa Cooper, the one girl that he could never really forget, never move on from, never stay mad at. And so he had put it behind him and moved on. He couldn't change the past but he could make sure that his children had the best possible future. A future with two loving parents instead of just one. A future with both Marissa and Ryan, getting along.

"Ryan?" Her voice brought him back to his senses, as only it could.

"Sorry, what?" He asked apologetically, looking around to see four faces staring at him expectantly.

"I said, is now a good time to give you your gift? I don't want to run out of time." Marissa prompted him.

"No yeah, now's a great time." Ryan hastily replied. "I can't wait."

"You guys want to go get it for us?" Marissa asked Nate and Lucy. "I put it under the tree."

"Yes!" They leapt to their feet, rushing to the tree. "It's the stripy one right?"

"Yep." Marissa confirmed. "And bring the tin beside it too please."

The twins did as they were told, scampering to the tree to retrieve the presents.

"Don't be too excited." Marissa warned Ryan and Taylor. "They're not really original or special of anything but.."

Ryan interrupted her, leaning across the table to give her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I'll love whatever you guys made." He reassured her with a soft smile, gazing into her wide eyes. "I promise."

Marissa froze for a moment, eyes locked with Ryan's, unaware of anything around her except for the warmth radiating from his hand on hers. They were having a moment. They were totally having a moment with Taylor sitting right there! Instantly both enthralled and uncomfortable, Marissa tore her eyes from Ryan's and pulled her hand away before things could progress. Taylor cleared her throat with narrowed eyes and shimmied an inch closer to Ryan, grabbing his arm possessively. "Nate, Lucy, we're ready!" She called loudly, trying to disperse the moment while Marissa grabbed another orange slice to distract herself. She shot a quick glance at Taylor who has attempting to mask a scowl. Looks like that truce was short-lived, Marissa thought, diverting her attention to the kids' return.

"Find them?" She asked shifting her position on the floor.

"Mmhm." Lucy responded, placing the gifts carefully in front of Ryan and Taylor as Nate passed out the cards. "They're both to both of you so you can each read one." He explained, handing one to each of them.

"Thanks buddy." Ryan smiled at him holding up his card to read. "Happy Chrismukkah Daddy and Taylor." He pronounced. "Love Nate."

"Mine's pretty much the same." Taylor announced, reading her own card. "Happy Chrismukkah Daddy and Taylor. Love Lucy."

"Thanks guys!" Ryan said with delight. "I love them!"

"Open the present now daddy!" Lucy pressed, growing impatient. "Wait no. Taylor, you go first!"

"Okay." Taylor obeyed, tearing the paper off of a large red and green tin. She lifted the lid to reveal dozens of cookies, gingerbread and sugar, in the shapes of snowmen and Christmas trees and reindeer, each decorated with coloured icing and sprinkles. Mixed in with the cookies there were also peanut butter balls, fudge bars and brownies.

"Wow." Taylor remarked, gaping at the tin's contents. "This all looks delicious! Thanks you guys." She looked up at Marissa and the twins with what appeared to be genuine gratitude. "I'm not much of a cook and didn't do any holiday baking at all so this is great."

"Your welcome." Nate and Lucy answered in unison. "Your turn daddy!"

Ryan laughed. "Okay." He said picking up the parcel. "I'm excited to see what this is." He confessed, glancing briefly at Marissa who smiled tightly in return but said nothing.

Ryan tore back the paper slowly and carefully, removing each piece of tape separately, as though savouring the mystery and anticipation of the gift. He folded back the wrappings to reveal a small but thick, back, leather-bound book; a photo album.

"I know it's a really predictable present.." Marissa began rambling nervously as Ryan let the book fall open. "But I know you don't have many pictures of Nate and Lucy and I've taken so many since September so I just thought it might be nice to put them all together and…" She trailed off as Ryan looked up from the album to meet her eyes. "It's perfect." He said softly. "I love it." Ryan had never been very good at expressing his emotions but in that moment everything that he was feeling was evident in his tone and expression and Marissa knew that he meant what he said with all his heart. Smiling in relief, she leaned across the table to explain the photos.

"That's the first ever photo of you and the twins." She told him as they poured over the first picture in the album, a shot of Ryan and the kids on the day he had found out they were his.

Ryan flipped the page, revealing a series of photos from his first outing with Nate and Lucy, their trip to the zoo, the toy store and the park.

"Nate took these." Marissa ruffled the little boy's hair fondly. "You know how he's always carrying that camera around?"

Ryan nodded staring at the pictures; Lucy upside down on the monkey bars, himself on the ferris wheel at Toys 'R Us, a monkey at the zoo. "They're really good." He said truthfully, continuing through the album. There were pictures from nearly every activity he had done with the kids since moving to New York. A group shot from their first family dinner with Seth and Summer, images of Nate and Lucy in the ball pit at jungle jam and at the bubble show from the first weekend they'd spent at Ryan's, even a picture of Lucy in her hospital bed after the blueberry incident. There was a photo of the twins with their puppy, Lily, several shots from Nate and Lucy's fifth birthday party and a whole page dedicated to the fiasco that was the time Taylor babysat them. Ryan laughed out loud when he saw these. "I didn't even know they documented all their pranks until I went to look through Nate's pictures for this." Marissa explained giggling, stealing a glance at Taylor, who looked less than pleased that there was visual proof of that day. She had forgotten that Nate had taken pictures at all until now. Taylor cringed at the photos, Lucy grinning evily as she held up a pair of scissors in one hand and a chunk of hair in the other, a close-up of the bald-spot on Taylor's hair, Lucy extinguishing the kitchen fire, Taylor covered from head to toe in foam, and the twins hiding in the laundry basket. Just looking at the pictures stirred up both embarrassment and anger in Taylor. That had been one of the worst days of her life.

"Oh my gosh!" Lucy suddenly exclaimed in a shrill voice, commanding the attention of all three adults. "We forgot Lily!" She sobbed, pointing at the picture of her and her brother holding the tiny puppy. "We were supposed to bring her here so daddy could take care of her while we're gone and we forgot!"

"We have to go back!" Nate cried, equally frantic.

"Shhh it's okay." Marissa immediately comforted them, wiping the tears from their rosy cheeks. "Daddy has a key to our house. After we leave he'll go over and get her and bring her back here, okay? Everything's going to be fine." She met Ryan's eyes as she said this, begging him silently to agree to the plan.

"That's right guys." He further reassured them as the twins' crying subsided, nodding discretely at Marissa. "I'll go get her as soon as you leave."

"Promise?" Lucy sniffed, wiping her nose.

"Promise." Ryan confirmed with a smile. "Now why don't you guys come here and help me finish looking at your gift?" He asked, outstretching his arms.

Immediately distracted, Nate and Lucy allowed Ryan to pull them onto his lap and the three of them were soon laughing happily at the pictures of Taylor, much to her disdain.

The rest of the album contained a variety of photos from the last two months and included Nate and Lucy in their Halloween costumes (both sets), the Halloween party itself, and the costume parade. Ryan turned the page enthusiastically only to be blindsided by a beautiful photograph of Marissa and the kids in the bridal salon, taken by Summer just before he and Taylor had arrived. Ryan's breath hitched momentarily as he studied the picture, both stunned and shocked. He had been trying to erase the image of Marissa in the wedding dress from his mind since he had seen it a month ago, not because it wasn't a beautiful image but because it didn't feel right to be picturing that, to be picturing _her,_ when he had a girlfriend. He had been trying so hard to forget and now here was a constant reminded, a photograph that would always be there, preserving her beauty and happiness in that moment for eternity, for him to look at whenever he wanted. Feeling guilty of his thoughts, Ryan hastily turned the page before he could get caught looking at the picture for an overly long time, and busied himself with the photos on the next page; he, Marissa and the kids on the carriage ride in Central Park, Ryan with Nate and Lucy playing in the snow, the twins sitting on Santa's lap, murderous expressions on their faces. The final few pages of the album contained all of the pictures that Marissa and her assistant had taken of the family at the studio. There were some really good ones of the four of them, of the kids alone and of Ryan with Nate and Lucy and he savoured looking at the happy family, pleased with the way the photos had turned out. Ryan shut the book slowly and softly, set it down on the table and then rose to his feet, pulling his son and daughter with him.

"Thank you guys so much." He hugged them tightly. "It was the best Christmas gift I've ever gotten."

Nate and Lucy beamed. "You're welcome daddy." They chorused happily.

"Mommy, he liked it!" Lucy announced excitedly, bouncing over to Marissa.

"I heard." She responded with a grin. "And I'm so glad." She looked up at Ryan who was slowly approaching. "Thanks for this Marissa." He said, voice low, as he hugged her lightly. "It means a lot to me."

Marissa just smiled at him as she pulled away, turning to hug Taylor as well in order to avoid any awkwardness.

"Well I really hate to say this.." She began, once all the formalities were over. "But we should be going." Marissa's heart broke as she watched Ryan visibly deflate at her words, his face sinking into a glower.

"Okay." He said simply, trying his best to remain cheerful for the kids. "We'll walk you down."

Marissa nodded. "I'm just going to call the lobby and have Percy call a car for us." She disappeared into the kitchen and Ryan, knowing now was his chance to say goodbye, knelt down in front of the kids.

"Hey." He said to them, suddenly unsure of what to say.

"Hey." They repeated back, staring at him solemnly.

"So it's just about time for you to leave." He started. "I'm going to miss you guys so much but I know you'll have a great time in Newport. You're going to love the Cohens." He fell into momentary silence. "So um yeah, have fun, be safe, do everything mommy tells you and have a great Chrismukkah okay? I'll call you every night."

The twins wordlessly threw their arms around Ryan's neck and hugged him tightly.

"It's not too late for you to come with us." Nate whispered in his ear and Ryan chuckled. "I wish I could." He whispered back, pulling away as Marissa re-entered the room.

"You guys ready?" She asked and Ryan nodded silently, getting to his feet.

"Ready." Nate and Lucy agreed, letting go of Ryan's hands to retrieve their coats. Marissa and Ryan prepared the kids to leave in silence, neither one quite sure of what to say as they buttoned jackets, tucked in mittens and tied up boots.

"Taylor." Ryan said suddenly, turning to face her, a bold expression on his face. "Would you mind taking the kids down to the lobby? Marissa and I will grab the backpacks and make sure we've got everything and then meet you down there in a minute." Taylor, who had been hanging in the back, awkwardly watching the scene before her, gaped in shock. She sensed that Marissa and Ryan needed to talk but she wasn't too eager to leave them alone together, especially after the string of moments they'd had that morning. Still, it was unlikely that the two of them would do anything and with the promise of a Christmas alone with her boyfriend just minutes away from being realised Taylor decided to be nice, just this once. "Okay." She agreed hesitantly, stepping forward. "Be quick though."

"Oh no Taylor, it's fi-" Marissa began to protest quickly, startled by Ryan's request, but he cut her off.

"Thanks Taylor." He kissed her cheek hurriedly. "I promise we will be."

"Yeah thanks." Marissa said sarcastically, as the brunette left with her children, shooting the duo a final warning look as she did so. The door slammed shut and Marissa and Ryan looked at each other, suddenly finding themselves alone. Marissa sighed, bending over to busy herself with the backpacks. She had been so close to succeeding in avoiding Ryan but he had cornered right at the last second. Behind her she could hear him shuffling nervously, probably trying to think of what to say. She stood up, a bag in each hand and raised her eyebrows at him, silently prompting him to get on with it.

"Look Ryan, we're supposed to be at the airport at two thirty so if you've got something to say…." She looked at him pointedly.

"So you're really leaving." Ryan asked brokenly. He had meant it to be a statement but it came out as sort of a sad question instead and that, coupled with the forlorn glaze in his eyes, was enough to make Marissa want to break down and hug him right then and there. Instead she folded her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes. "Of course we're leaving Ryan. You've known about this for a month so I don't see how it can come as a surprise."

"I guess I just hoped you'd change your mind about me coming along." He admitted honestly.

Marissa sighed, closing her eyes, mixed emotions running through her mind. "It's for the best Ry." She said slowly. "And we won't even be gone two weeks. Besides, I'm sure Taylor's going to be keeping you really busy."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ryan frowned, a look of confusion and anger passing across his face.

"It means that Taylor's really anxious to have you to herself for once Ryan. Face it, you haven't exactly been making time for her since she got here. I mean just the other night you told me we needed to spend some time apart so that you could focus on Taylor but you haven't really been doing that, have you?" Marissa explained matter-of-factly.

"That's none of your business!" Ryan rebuked loudly and Marissa took a step backward.

There was a pregnant pause as the two of them stood staring at each other, Ryan looking frustrated and Marissa, taken aback.

"We better head down to the lobby." Ryan grimaced after a moment. "Taylor's waiting."

"Yeah." Marissa agreed, heading for the door. "I think we better."

"Hey Marissa?" Ryan called out, just as she reached the other side of the room. She turned slowly on the spot to face him, a backpack still dangling from each arm. "Yeah?"

Ryan took a step forward to close the distance between them and looked at her hardly. "I'm going to miss you." He said softly.

Marissa gazed at him for an instant, eyes bright, lips slightly parted, before she replied. "I'm going to miss you too."

Without a word, the two of them met simultaneously in a long hug, arms wrapped tightly around one another. Ryan buried his face in Marissa's sweet-smelling hair, relishing the feeling of holding her again.

"Thanks again for the gift." He murmured in her ear and Marissa shivered as his warm breath tickled her ear.

"You're welcome." She breathed with a slight smile as they finally pulled apart.

"Well I guess it's time."

"Guess so." He answered, opening the door for her. "Promise they'll call me every night?"

"I promise." Marissa said with a laugh as they stepped out into the hall. "You do realise they might be calling pretty late with the time change?"

"I don't care." Ryan told her firmly. "I'll always be awake when they call."

Marissa couldn't help but smile at his dedication. "Okay then." She said. "Let's get these kids to Newport!"

"Take care of them." Ryan told her.

"I will." Marissa replied, squeezing his hand in reassurance.

oo

"There they are!" Marissa exclaimed in excitement as she led Nate and Lucy through the narrow aisles of the airplane. "Seats 15a, b, and c! That's us!"

"For reals?" Lucy cried, jumping up and down. "I call the window!"

"No I get the window!" Nate shrieked, equally enthused.

"Nuh-uh!" Lucy rebutted.

"Okay, okay." Marissa intervened. "You each get the window for half of the trip, alright? That way it's fair."

"Well who get's it first?" Lucy questioned, hands on her hips.

"Marissa frowned, looking back and forth between her son and daughter. "Nate." She said finally, causing the little boy to break into a grin.

"Why does Nate get it first?" Lucy whined. "Parents aren't supposed to have favourites! You like Natey better than me!"

"Yes." Marissa looked at the girl in amusement. "Nate is my favourite child, that's exactly why I gave him the window seat." She joked.

"Hmph." Lucy grumbled, frowning as she plopped into the aisle seat. "I knew it."

"Nate." Marissa began. "Why don't you go visit Auntie Summer and Uncle Seth and see how their seats are?" She suggested, gesturing to where her friends sat, a few rows ahead.

"Okay." He agreed happily, scrambling out of his seat.

"Lucy." Marissa spoke quietly once Nate had gone. "You don't need to be upset. The reason I gave Nate the window seat is because he's afraid of heights. He's going to get scared during the take-off and then you'll get to sit there the rest of the flight, okay?"

Lucy considered this for a moment. "Okay!" She agreed finally, immediately perking up. "Can I go visit Auntie Summer and Uncle Seth too?"

"Of course." Marissa laughed, taking the little girl's hand. "Let's go together."

oo

Sure enough, Nate burst into tears just seconds after the plane left the ground and he spent most of the rest of the flight on Marissa's lap, leaving the window seat free for Lucy.

Marissa watched out the window as the streets of the place she'd come to know as home grew smaller and smaller until they disappeared completely, obscured by brilliant, fluffy clouds. Leaning back in her seat, she bit her lip as she stroked Nate's hair. The next time they saw ground it would be California and Marissa was terrified. Had the town changed? And what about the people? She knew of several who would be greeting her with less than warm welcomes when she arrived. Swallowing nervously, Marissa glanced at her children who were giggling at the on-flight movie. In less than six hours they would be meeting their family for the first time in five years. And so would Marissa, whether she liked it or not. Trying not to think about how much she wished Ryan was there to comfort her, Marissa slipped on the headphones and settled in to watch the movie with Nate and Lucy, hoping it would distract her from her impending fate. How bad could the reunion be anyway? It was only her mom and the Cohens after all.

**Okay that's the end of the chapter. You'll notice that I brought back the dog in this chapter simply because I realised that I gave the family a puppy a few chapters back and then never mentioned it again. Now you know that the puppy has not disappeared, it just hasn't been mentioned in a while because it wasn't important to the story. Haha anyway another chapter will hopefully be up soon but in the mean time review! It makes me happy!**


	28. The Arrival

**Hello everybody, I'm back! I know it's been a while but I'm here and I'm ready to finish this story once and for all! Throughout the rest of the summer I will be updating approximately once a week starting today. Unfortunately what I'm posting now is fairly short compared to some of the other chapters I've written in the past but I wanted to put something up and I feel this sets up the next chapter nicely. I want to say a huge thank you to anyone who is reading this now and to everyone that has been encouraging me to continue through reviewing and favouriting. It is truly because of you that I am finishing this story. I know it's been almost 3 years (OMG!) since I began writing this but if you could all stay with me just a few more weeks, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks again!**

"Coop, stop fidgeting" Summer Roberts prodded her best friend, adjusting her niece's sleeping body in her arms as the two of them approached the enormous off-white house. Marissa frowned, dropping the strand of hair she'd been twisting between her fingers and turned, trying not to wake an equally exhausted Nate who was asleep on her shoulder.

"I can't help it!" She moaned. "I'm nervous! And I can't believe we're actually here!" She sighed and looked at her son, stroking his hair softly. It was only eight o'clock at night in Newport however to the group, who was still functioning in New York time, it felt like eleven, and was therefore way past the twins' bedtime. The time change, coupled with the full day of travelling, had left them, and Marissa too for that matter, completely drained and Nate and Lucy had nodded off the instant they'd gotten in the taxi.

"It's going to be okay Coop." Summer said quietly, the two friends hovering on the Cohen's doorstep.

"I hope so." Marissa answered dubiously, giving her a tight smile. Summer was right of course. Everything would be okay- eventually, but Marissa didn't want to wait around for that to happen. She didn't want to have to face Sandy and Kirsten's questions, hurt and anger. She would much rather skip past all the difficult conversations and explanations to a time when they could all get along happily. To a time when they could be like they were. Still, Marissa knew that she had brought all of this upon herself and that the painful conversations were inevitable. She had started this mess and she needed to finish it, as much as she didn't want to.

"What are you guys waiting for?" Seth gasped as he caught up to them, knees buckling under the weight of the seven suitcases he'd somehow managed to carry from the car. "Knock!"

Summer ignored him, rolling her eyes as she turned back toward Marissa. "Are you ready for this?" She asked, a worried expression on her face.

"I don't really have a choice, do I?" Marissa grimaced and Summer gave her a sympathetic smile.

"It's going to be okay." The brunette said again. "Seth and I won't leave your side, I promise."

"Thanks." Marissa gave her a genuine smile. "I really appreciate it."

"Okay this is all very touching." Seth cut in. "But would somebody please open that door! I'm about to be crushed to death by a pile of luggage!"

"God, stop whining Cohen!" Summer exclaimed, shooting him a glare as she knocked gently on the solid wooden door. "We all have our designated roles. Marissa and I are carrying the children and you are responsible for the bags. Do you see either of us complaining? No, you don't."

"Well maybe that's because one suitcase weighs more than both the littl'uns put together!" Seth countered. "You guys had to bring your entire wardrobes." He grumbled as Summer smacked him. "Ow, hey!"

Their bickering was interrupted by the scraping of a lock and Marissa immediately tensed as the door was pulled open to reveal a slightly older looking, but no less intimidating Sandy Cohen.

"Father!" Seth cried, pushing forward past the girls and into house where he deposited the luggage.

"Seth!" Sandy responded, equally enthusiastic as he pulled his son into a friendly embrace.

"And mom!" He moved on to Kirsten who stood beside her husband.

"Hey Seth!" She beamed, hugging him tightly. "How have you been?"

"I've be very well mother." He chattered pulling back. "Very well. How have you been?"

"Summer!" Sandy called cheerfully as the two women cautiously followed Seth into the house, Summer leading Marissa with a reassuring squeeze of the hand. "Great to see you!"

He gave his soon-to-be-daughter-in-law a brief hug, eyes never leaving the child in her arms. "And Marissa!" He moved on to the blond who stood nervously behind her friend, cradling her son as if to protect him from the man's anger. "Long time, no see!" Sandy said, his tone friendly but an unfamiliar glint in his eye giving way to the fact that he was less than pleased with her. Marissa smiled apprehensively but nevertheless returned his light hug.

"Hey girls!" Kirsten stepped forward as Sandy released Marissa, an authentic look of happiness on her face. "It's really good to see you both!" She hugged Summer, then Marissa who relaxed slightly into her arms. There had been a time when Kirsten was like a mother to her and Marissa was suddenly grateful that she was treating her the same way she always had. There were no underlying messages in the hug, no disappointment or anger behind her smile, only comfort and, in that moment, Marissa had never loved the woman more. Kirsten, sensing the young mother's uneasiness, gave her a final squeeze before stepping back. "It's going to be okay." She said simply and Marissa couldn't help but believe her. Kirsten gave her a soft smile before turning her attention to the children. Bending down to get a better look she gasped, smile even brighter, if possible.

"This must be Nathaniel and Lucy!" She gazed at them lovingly, eyes wide with joy. "Oh Marissa, they're adorable! Nate looks just like Ryan, doesn't he Sandy?"

Marissa smiled, relaxing at the mention of her children, and was opening her mouth to respond when she felt Nate shift in her arms.

"Mommy?" A small voice asked tiredly as the little boy lifted his head from his mother's shoulder, tugging on one of her curls. "Where are we?"

"We're in Newport Natey." Marissa explained, taking in the slight of her son, bleary from sleep, hair sticking out every which way. She had never been able to resist her twins when they were fresh from sleep, when their voices were thick with slumber and their hair rumpled. They were so innocent and clingy after a nap and she loved it.

"We're at your grandparent's house." She looked at Sandy and Kirsten uneasily as she said this, unsure if they wanted to be called grandma and grandpa or not.

As if able to read her thoughts, Kirsten stepped forward at that very moment and smiled at the little boy.

"Hi." She said kindly. "I'm your grandma Kirsten, your daddy's mother." She explained confidently. "It's really good to meet you Nathaniel". Nate blinked in confusion and rubbed his eyes, burying his face in his mother's hair and wrapping his arms more tightly around her neck. Kirsten stepped back looking slightly hurt and Marissa apologized.

"I'm sorry," She said. "Nate's shy and it's been a really long day. Do you mind if I just put them down in the pool house actually? It's past their bedtime in New York."

"Of course." Kirsten nodded. "I made up the bed for you earlier so it should be all ready."

"Great." Marissa thanked her, moving to take Lucy from Summer.

"Coop, it's fine, I've got her." Summer offered and Marissa smiled weakly.

"Thanks." She said, grabbing the handle of a suitcase and starting toward the pool house with Seth and Summer following suit.

"Oh once you guys get settled why don't you come back here for a drink?" Sandy suggested. "We have a lot to catch up on." He spoke to the three of them but was looking directly at Marissa and his eyes told her that it was not over, that she was not going to get off so easy.

"Sandy it's late." Kirsten cut in. "We can do this tomorrow, for now just let them go to bed."

"It's okay Kirsten." Marissa swallowed nervously. "I don't mind talking tonight." Kirsten frowned in thought but eventually nodded. "If you're sure." She said firmly.

"I'm sure." Marissa agreed numbly. "We'll be right back." Stomach churning with fear, Marissa brushed past the Cohens and into the kitchen. Of course she would rather go to bed than be interrogated by Sandy all night but she also wanted to get all the difficult conversations over with as quickly as possible. If an awkward and uncomfortable talk tonight meant that she could enjoy her trip with her five-year-olds tomorrow than Marissa would do it.

As the three of them trekked through the kitchen Marissa was struck with the strangeness of the situation. After spending so much time there as a teenager it was weird to be back in the Cohen house. Everything was so familiar yet at the same time so different, almost as though she had stepped into a dream. Marissa hadn't been in the house in over five years and as she followed Seth and Summer into the pool house she was immediately hit with a rush of memories, all of them of her and Ryan and not all of them good.

_Thought you wanted to sleep? _

_Suddenly, not so tired._

_I'll dance, you can watch. _

_Work's for me._

_Can't you just forgive me?_

_I don't know if we should be together. I mean look how easy it was for someone to come into our lives, come between us. How do I know it won't happen again?_

_It won't. You have to trust me. _

_Like you trusted me?_

"Marissa?" Summer glanced at her worriedly as she laid Lucy gently on the bed. "We'll meet you inside in a few minutes, okay?"

Marissa nodded wordlessly, mind still lost in the past, and Summer patted her arm, a look of concern on her face, before she and Seth exited the pool house.

Marissa sighed, trying to clear her head as she laid Nate down beside his sister, rooting through the bags for the twins' pyjamas. She changed Nate first and then tucked him beneath the sheets; the same sheets, she couldn't help but notice, as the last time she'd been there.

She rubbed her temple, kissing her son's forehead. "Night Natey. Love you."

"Night." He yawned, turning over and closing his eyes, instantly consumed by sleep. Marissa dressed Lucy carefully next, trying not to wake the sleeping child as she tucked her in.

"Mommy?" Lucy mumbled just as Marissa was kissing her goodnight.

"Shh, it's okay baby, go back to sleep." She whispered and for once the little girl obliged, turning the opposite way as her brother, thumb slipping into her mouth.

She watched the kids sleep for a moment, postponing the conversation that she knew had to happen. Glancing around the pool house, Marissa's eyes were immediately drawn to the punching bag, still hanging in the corner from senior year. Everything was as she remembered it, from the jumbled bookshelf to the neatly folded towels. The only thing missing were his clothes; the hoodies and t-shirts that had once covered the shelves. Her headache worsening, Marissa turned to leave and caught sight of a photo on the bedside table. A photo of them. A sudden bout of nausea crippling her, Marissa sank to the floor, once again overcome by a wave of reminiscence.

_If anyone should know about knocking before entering the pool house, it'd be me. Nothing you haven't seen before, right?_

_So I'll make you a deal. Whatever song comes on the radio next will be our song, okay?_

_My life just doesn't work without you. _

_Cause it always goes so smooth when we're together. _

_Hope you don't mind, I'm early for your going away party._

_I need to make a change. _

_A change. _

_Not from us. _

_Right, cause you taking off for weeks at a time won't change us at all._

The need to escape overpowering her, Marissa leapt to her feet and fled the pool house to the kitchen where the Cohen's were waiting. She paused for a moment, closing her eyes and taking several deep breaths in an attempt to calm her stomach. Memories of Ryan still flashing through her mind at an impossible speed, Marissa sighed. It was now or never. Her face hard with resolve, the young woman forced herself to take a step forward, bracing herself for what was sure to be an excruciating conversation. With a final glance back at her sleeping children Marissa entered the house and made her way to the living room to take a seat next to her best friend. Summer smiled at her encouragingly before both girls turned to face Sandy and Kirsten, ready for the overload of questions that were about to be thrown their way.

**And that's where we'll leave it for today. The next chapter will basically be a recount of everything that happened in Marissa's life during the five years between the prologue and chapter one. I've been meaning to write something along these line for a while now just because I've always sort of had the story in my head and I thought other people might be curious about those five missing years as well. This seemed like the perfect place to put it in. The next chapter is already about as long as this one and nowhere near finished so expect a lot of words! Thanks again everyone and don't forget to review! I need to know that people are still interested! xoxo **


	29. The Last Five Years

"So," Marissa began nervously after a few moments, desperate to break the awkward silence that had settled over the room. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yes." Sandy nodded, his thick eyebrows furrowed as he frowned at her from across the room. "Marissa, you know that Kirsten and I love you and that we've always thought of you like a daughter to us and you know that we've loved those kids since the second we heard about them but we need some sort of explanation. You really didn't get to into the details on the phone. We're not angry with you but you've got to give us some answers, we need to understand why you did what you did."

Marissa sighed, closing her eyes as tears threatened to spill onto her cheeks. "It's complicated." She said at last, as Summer gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. "I don't know where to start."

"How about at the beginning?" Kirsten suggested kindly, offering Marissa a comforting smile. "From what I remember you were having a pretty tough time before you left Newport."

The young woman nodded slowly. "Yeah." She hated going back to that time in her life and had been blocking it out, refusing to delve into the details, for years. Marissa was not proud of the way she'd lived back then, of the things she'd done to herself and, unknowingly, to her babies. Struggling once again to fight back the wave of emotions that were building up inside of her, she swallowed.

"When I found out I was pregnant," she spoke softly, voice faltering slightly as she began to recount the tale, "I was in a pretty bad place. Johnny had just died, Summer and I were fighting, Ryan had broken up with me and found a new girlfriend…and I had started hanging around with that surfer Kevin Volchok. At first, I think it was just because Ryan hated him. I was angry with Ryan for leaving me during the time that I needed him most and Volchok was kind of a revenge ploy for me. As we spent more time together though I began to realise that I liked the lifestyle I led when I was with him. He offered me an escape, a way to forget, and I became dependent on him for that. Under his influence I did some things I'm not proud of." Marissa trailed off, hoping they wouldn't ask her to elaborate. It was hard for her to talk about and she was barely holding it together as it was.

Sandy and Kirsten sat calmly, watching Marissa with both curiosity and compassion. They were well aware that this conversation would be hard for her and were prepared to give her as much time as she needed.

Marissa, grateful that Sandy and Kirsten weren't pushing or prodding her to talk, cleared her throat as she continued.

"At first I attributed the tiredness I was feeling, the nausea, to my new way of life. I was drinking too much and hardly eating and rarely slept in a proper bed, so I just shrugged it off as a side effect of that. It was a while before I took it seriously and by the time I went to a clinic I was already six or seven weeks along." She paused again briefly to collect herself.

_Doctor Malcolm Lyle sighed as he approached the small room where his patient sat waiting, glancing briefly down at the file folder clutched in his right hand. He stopped for a moment before entering the room, watching the young girl inside. She was a teenager, still in high school, he gathered from the age on her health form, but likely graduating soon. She wore a black jacket and boots and although the clothes appeared expensive they were thrown together in a way that suggested she didn't care about her appearance. Her dirty blond hair hung in limp curls around her face, which was makeup free and her skin had a greyish tinge to it. Dull, sunken eyes stared lifelessly at the floor while thin arms hugged her body, as though she was trying shield herself from the world. _

_Doctor Lyle sighed again. He knew this girl. Not personally per say, but he knew her story. He had read all about her in the papers, first at the beginning of last summer when she shot a man in the back, then again in the fall when she had been expelled from school, and, most recently, in early February when she had witnessed her friend fall off a cliff. The more times she appeared in the news the more curious about her he became, wondering how she was and how the events she was involved in were affecting her. Now he had his answer. The girl before him was clearly distressed. She looked scared and broken sitting up on the doctor's table and was much too thin. She had a hopeless look about her that worried Doctor Lyle and something in her expression gave him the impression that she was holding on for dear life. She was obviously suffering, obviously struggling to deal with her life, and now he was about to make that even worse. The doctor regretted to have to tell her the results of her blood work. He didn't want to be the bearer of bad news or the one that gave her a difficult choice to make. She didn't deserve this, she had endured so much already. _

_He shook his head sadly as he pushed open the door, knowing he couldn't defer the conversation any longer. The girl's head snapped up as he entered, her eyes immediately focusing on the folder in his hand. She looked nervous, he noted, and was playing with a ring on her finger, twisting it around and around as she waited for him to talk. _

"_Well miss Cooper." He said at last, breaking the news bluntly. "I take it you weren't aware of this but the results of your blood work indicate that you are pregnant. And the symptoms that you described earlier support this. You're about 6 or 7 weeks along so nausea, fatigue and dizziness are perfectly normal at this stage in the pregnancy but they should start to subside within the next few weeks.". He paused to wait for a reaction, watching as the expression on her face changed from worry to shock to fear, all in the matter of a second._

"_P-pregnant." She stuttered at last. "Like with a baby?"_

"I was numb when they told me." Marissa admitted. "I thought I'd already fallen as far as was possible but I'd somehow managed to hit a new low. My first thought was of the babies- or baby, I guess, at that point I didn't know." She gave a watery chuckle.

"I was so sure that I had damaged it beyond repair with the things I'd been doing, the drinking,…..the drugs." She took a long pause and Summer grabbed her hand again.

"The doctor told me that everything was okay." Marissa resumed feebly. "He said it was early enough in the pregnancy that if I got my act together right away, my baby would me fine. He told me all my options, gave me a bunch of pamphlets, and then sent me on my way. Walking out of that clinic was one of the loneliest moments of my life." She admitted, covering her face with her hands, but continuing with the story.

"I felt like I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. I was scared and confused and ashamed. Somehow I think I ended up at the beach. I remember just lying there in the sand trying to process everything. There was never any doubt that it was Ryan's. The timeline matched up perfectly and I just knew. I'm not sure how to explain it; I just had this feeling in my chest. I decided pretty quickly that I was going to get an abortion. I was a mess and knew I couldn't raise a child. I was actually sitting in the waiting room at the clinic just a few days later, about to have the surgery, when I realised I couldn't do it. Not because I'm against abortion or pro life or anything like that. I actually wasn't thinking of the baby at all when I ran out of that building, as awful as that is to say, I was thinking of Ryan. As I was sitting in that room waiting for them to call my name all I could see was the pain in Ryan's eyes, the despair on his face, when he'd told me Theresa had lost her baby. As much as Ryan had hurt me I couldn't do that to him again, he didn't deserve it. After that I started thinking of the baby as a little Ryan. How could I kill something that was a part of him? A part of us?" Tears pooled in Marissa's eyes as she spoke but she ignored them, pressing on.

"I think it was that realisation that made me break down- like really lose it for the first time since I'd been told I was pregnant. I spent that whole night on the lifeguard stand at the beach just weeping. I was scared out of my mind and didn't know what to do. I wanted Ryan more than anything but I had heard Seth telling Summer a few days before that he and his new girlfriend Sadie were planning to live together in Berkley in the fall and I didn't want to ruin his life. Ryan had a bright future ahead of him. He would be the first in his family to graduate high school and go to college and I couldn't get in the way of that. Things were finally working out for him." She stopped, seeing the look on Sandy and Kirsten's faces and opened her mouth to explain.

"I know it was wrong not to tell him and I know it sounds like I'm trying to justify that decision but really the thing I was thinking about the most when I decided not to tell Ryan, more so than his future or his happiness or anything else, was Theresa. We had all gone through pretty much the exact same situation two years earlier and I had seen first hand how miserable Ryan was to leave. I knew that he had felt obliged to help her out because of the baby- he would never abandon his child as his father had done, and he had refused to come home, regardless of how unhappy he was. We were basically reliving the exact same thing only this time I was Theresa and Sadie was me." Marissa shook her head sadly.

"I had lived through it once before and knew that the story didn't end in Theresa's, or in this case my, favour. I couldn't go through the heartbreak again, I wouldn't. I still hadn't recovered from the last time Ryan had broken up with me and, while I loved him, I wanted him to be with me because he wanted to, not because he felt it was his responsibility."

Kirsten's heart ached as she listened to the young woman speak, unable to tear her eyes from Marissa's forlorn face. She understood exactly where the girl was coming from, having been there once herself, and it was all she could do not to jump up and hug her. Still, Kirsten knew it was important for Marissa to tell this story- she had probably never expressed her emotions about the situation out loud before- and vowed to let her finish. She was doing so well but Kirsten feared that any hugs at this point would cause her to break down. And so she remained in her chair, as difficult as it was, and listened with open ears as Marissa continued to talk.

"So I did the only thing I could think of at the time, the only thing that seemed right." Marissa told the group. "I went to see Summer." She smiled at her best friend.

"Even though we were fighting at the time she comforted me right away, hugging me and letting me cry on her shoulder until my tears had run dry. She told me everything was going to be okay and, together, we worked out a plan."

Summer chose that moment to interject, facing the Cohen's boldly. "For the record," she announced, "I never supported the not-telling-Ryan-thing. I wanted him to know from day one."

Marissa looked at her friend, amused, but agreed whole-heartedly, fearing that the Cohen's held some of the blame on Seth and Summer for not coming forward earlier. "She didn't." Marissa concurred. "She was ready to march over here and tell him herself but I begged her to keep my secret. I pleaded for more time, promising that I would tell him eventually, once I had had time to think things through. I convinced Summer that I needed to leave Newport, just for a month or two, I assured her. Just long enough to get my head together."

"_Absolutely not!" Summer cried, crossing her arms over her chest firmly. "You are not running away! I will not allow it!" _

"_But Summer!" Marissa exclaimed. "I'm not running away! I just need a little vacation. I need some time to figure out what I want to do about this! Please!"_

_Summer closed her eyes. It had been less than twelve hours since her best friend had come to her in tears, sobbing that she was pregnant and didn't know what to do. She was trying to be supportive, she really was, but mostly she was still in shock. Marissa could not be pregnant. She was only eighteen. She was in high school. She wasn't in a stable relationship and lived a carefree lifestyle. This had to be some sort of mistake. And yet Summer knew it wasn't. Even though they'd been fighting recently she had noticed a difference in Marissa's habits during the fleeting moments they'd spent together in the past few weeks. She was eating and sleeping more, constantly irritable and frequently sick to her stomach. Summer had blamed all of this on her friend's recent descent into the word of scary suffers but now that she knew the truth she felt stupid for not realising it earlier. It was so obvious. She sighed, turning to face Marissa._

"_You can figure out what you want to do here. With your mother and I's help. With Ryan's help. You don't need to go away." She stated firmly, tone stubborn._

_Marissa took a step backward, shaking her head vigorously. "I can't tell Ryan about this Sum." She whispered. "Not yet, we talked about this. I thought you understood."_

"_I understand." Summer confirmed. "But I don't agree with it. Marissa, you can't leave now. You need to be with people who can take care of you; who love you! And what about school? You can't drop out now, so close to graduation!"_

"_I'll finish online." Marissa contested immediately. "Or I'll go to summer school." She sighed, sitting down on the bed, clearly exhausted. "Look Sum, all I'm asking for is a few weeks. Just keep this to yourself for a few weeks while I get my head together and then I'll come back and tell everyone. I promise. You don't understand how much I need this."_

_Summer frowned, registering the desperation in Marissa's voice and reluctantly folding. "How many weeks is a few." She said hesitantly. _

Marissa tucked her hair behind her ears and pressed on. "And I wasn't lying when I said those things!" She insisted. "It really was my plan to go away for a few weeks and think things through and then come back and tell Ryan. I never intended to stay for five years. Never." She said forcefully, eyes fixed on Sandy's doubtful expression.

"I didn't like the idea of Marissa going away." Summer spoke up again, feeling it necessary to add her side of the story. "I wanted her here so I could keep an eye on her but I also knew that she'd been on a downward spiral lately. Of course I was concerned for her health but there was an innocent baby involved now, and I for one, love babies, so I thought it might be good for her to get away. My dad had a little apartment in New York for work that he practically never used so we decided that she would go there. I gave her access to my bank account because I knew our parents wouldn't think to check my account records once they realized she was missing, they would only check hers. Together, we packed a few suitcases and that very night I was hugging her goodbye at the airport. I would've gone with her but school wasn't out for the summer yet and with my plan to go to Brown in the fall I couldn't afford to miss any classes. I made her promise before she left that she would call every night and that she would be back by the end of the summer. She made me promise not to tell anyone, especially Seth or Ryan. And then she was gone. The whole thing happened so fast that I didn't really have time to process it until after she'd left. I had doubts about her going to New York but when our parents asked I pretended I hadn't seen her in days and when they found the note she'd left, vaguely telling them she'd run away for a while but was safe and would be coming back eventually, I acted shocked."

"Things started to feel very real when I got to New York." Marissa resumed the story once again, straining to recall what she had done, what she had felt, during her first few weeks in the city. "I hadn't decided yet if I wanted to keep my baby or give it up for adoption but I knew that regardless of what happened, I had to start getting my life together. So I contacted Harbor and convinced them to let me finish my studies online. I was eighteen and therefore didn't need my parents consent and was able to set the whole thing up without ever having to involve my mother. After that I spent practically all my time on the computer, trying to make up for all the classes I'd missed during the past year, trying to get good enough grades to get into college so that I could make something of myself. So that I could make my child proud. I found an obstetrician in the city that I liked and started going to check-ups regularly. I took my vitamins and ate properly. I completely swore off all drinking and smoking.

I found out that I was having twins on the same day I received my virtual diploma from Harbor. At first I thought the doctor was joking. When he assured me he wasn't I just burst into laughter. The whole thing seemed incredibly ironic. The odds of naturally conceiving twins isn't all that high but, of course, it would happen to me, the single teenaged mother struggling to get by. I was still laughing when I left the doctor's office. A few days later Summer came down to visit me. She had managed to convince her dad and Seth that she was just going to an orientation weekend at Brown and that she would be fine by herself and neither of them were suspicious. She arrived with a head full of arguments, set on convincing me to come home with her to Newport."

"_I seriously cannot believe how big you are!" Summer said for what seemed like the fiftieth time since she had arrived in New York city only a few hours before. "Seriously Coop, this is so strange! You've been stick thin as long as I've known you!"_

_Marissa rolled her eyes, scooping a clump of noodles into her mouth with a pair of chopsticks. "I'm not that big." She protested. "I haven't even gained that much weight."_

"_Mmhm." Summer snickered through a mouthful of chicken fried rice. "Whatever you say."_

_The two girls sat cross legged on the floor of Summer's father's apartment, several boxes of Chinese food littering the coffee table between them. It was the first day of a two week trip that Summer had taken to visit Marissa in the city and so far things were going well, The two had managed to spend the whole day shopping without any arguments, largely due to Marissa's tendency to avoid any conversation about her 'condition.' It had been nice to forget everything for a while and have fun together as they used to however Summer hadn't come there for a vacation. On the contrary she had come with a job to do, a mission, of sorts, to convince her friend to come home, and that was exactly what she planned to do."_

"_You know," Summer began thoughtfully as she watched Marissa clamber to her feet to clear the dishes. "It's only a few months into your pregnancy and you're already having trouble getting around. Sooner or later you won't be able to do anything by yourself."_

"_I know where you're going with this." Marissa sighed, snatching the empty take out boxes off the table in frustration. "And the answer is no. I'm not coming home with you, not right now."_

"_But Marissa," Summer whined, following her friend into the kitchen. "You don't just need Newport, Newport needs you!"_

"_No it doesn't." Marissa scoffed, loading the dish washer, but Summer nodded insistently._

"_Coop, your mother is a mess." She admitted, successfully catching the other girl's attention. Ever since you left she's been going in and out of states of extreme depression and happiness. Frankly, she's scary! My dad and I have been doing our best to help her but she's really suffering Coop. I'm worried about her."_

_Marissa remained silent, refusing to face Summer, hands gripping the granite countertop tightly and she took the opportunity to continue._

"_And Kaitlin needs you too." The brunette pressed on hastily. "I don't know if you're aware of this but she came back to Newport. I guess she heard you left and thought it was a good opportunity to come home. At first I was all for it." She spoke rapidly, as though worried her friend would storm out before she could finish. "I thought her return might help your mom to get better."_

"_It didn't?" Marissa questioned softly, turning slowly to face her friend, expression of sadness, regret and guilt, mixing on her face._

"_No." Summer shook her head. "She's pretty much ignored Kaitlin completely since she arrived so she's started acting out a bit. She's been hanging around with a sketchy crowd and sneaking into bars with a fake id. She's out late partying every night….all the stuff we used to do I guess, only she doesn't have anyone to worry about her. Anyone that cares if she's safe or not."_

"_I care." Marissa's voice trembled. _

"_I know that." Summer assured her. "But Kaitlin doesn't.. I'm doing my best to be like a sister to her but you're the one she really needs."_

_Summer watched as tears pooled in her friend's wide blue eyes, well aware that she was close to winning the battle. One more argument and she would have her. And luckily for Summer, her last point was pretty convincing._

"_And there's one more person that needs you too." She stressed, edging slightly closer to the other girl. "Aside from me, I mean; did you know that your departure has left me friendless and alone and forced me to hang out with Taylor Townsend! I will never forgive you for that by the way! Sorry, where was I?" She wondered aloud losing her train of thought. "Oh right, Ryan! Ryan needs you. He really, really does Coop, I'm not just saying that. When you left he reverted back to his old ways and has been shutting us all out, even Seth. He rarely leaves the pool house and when he does it's just for food. I haven't seen him smile in months."_

"_Can't his girlfriend cheer him up?" Marissa couldn't help but ask and to her surprise Summer shook her head gleefully, a large smile stretching across her face. _

"_Nope. They broke up." She erupted into a fit of happy giggles. "They broke up Coop! So now you and Ryan can get back together and live happily ever after with your adorable little baby!"_

_For a moment Marissa looked like she was seriously considering taking Summer's advice. She drummed her fingers on the counter, lips pursed as she stared off into space, deep in though, mulling over everything her friend had said. Summer was elated. She had spent days working on those arguments and had rehearsed for hours on the plane ride on the slight chance that they would work. She beamed, thrilled that she would not only have her bestie back with her in Newport, but also that she would no longer have the burden of carrying around such a huge secret. It was really taking a toll on her and she couldn't wait until the day she could stop lying. She had been dying to tell Seth the truth for so long! And Ryan too, of course, and Julie, and Kaitlin and her dad and the Cohens and…"_

"_No." Marissa's firm voice cut sharply into Summer's daydreams._

"_What?" She demanded, eyes probing Marissa's in shock, refusing to believe what she though she'd heard._

"_No." The girl repeated again. "I'm not coming home with you Sum. Sorry but I can't right now. This time away has been good for me and I'm not ready to give it up yet. And besides, we agreed that I didn't have to come home until the end of the summer. It's only the beginning. We had a deal."_

"_But," Summer sputtered. "But the circumstances have changed. Ryan and Sadie broke up. He's single now! He's available!" She cried desperately. "You have to come back! You have to!"_

"_Summer," Marissa spoke gently. "The whole point of me coming here was to decide what I wanted to do about my pregnancy. Whether I wanted to keep the baby or give it up for adoption. And I'm still not completely sure what I want to do." She said with a determination in her voice, leading her friend to the sofa. "Now I've given this a lot of thought." She told Summer, her expression giving way to the fact that there would be no convincing her otherwise. "And I'm going to tell Ryan in early September, if, that is, I decide to keep the babies. That will give him a chance to settle into college life which will make him less likely to drop out when I tell him the news cause let's face it, he would drop out."_

"_You make a good point." Summer admitted. "But isn't September cutting it a bit close? I mean you're due in November and you're already pretty big and- wait did you just say babies? As in plural?"_

_Marissa smiled weakly. "Yeah." She confirmed. "Turns out I'm having twins."_

"_Oh my god." _

Marissa smiled slightly, recalling the moment she told Summer. "Like me, she didn't believe that I could be having twins, and it took several hours to convince her that I was telling the truth." She told Sandy and Kirsten.

"She tried to use this new information to get me to come home with her but I explained that it had only motivated me further to be independent. At that point I was leaning towards keeping my babies more than adoption and I didn't want to be mooching off of Summer's dad forever. I had recently found a job in a photography studio and was planning to get a little apartment of my own as soon as I had saved enough money. We argued a lot over the next few days and she left the city threatening to tell everyone everything. After she got home I called and apologized and she reluctantly agreed to give me until September, but that was it. If I hadn't told Ryan by then, she would.

After Summer's visit I threw myself into my work, discovering along the way that I liked photography and had a natural talent for it. I was quickly promoted to assistant photographer and, with my boss's help, I put together a portfolio of my work and sent it to NYU in an application for their winter term. I knew I would probably be back in California by the time the program began in January but it was for just in case.

By the end of July I had managed to scrape together enough money to rent a tiny apartment above a bagel shop in Brooklyn. It was a dark and dingy place, and smaller than I ever though possible, a real downgrade from Dr. Robert's Manhattan penthouse, but it was mine. I had gotten it on my own and I was happy.

As the weeks pressed on and September drew closer I focused all of my energy on my job and cleaning up my apartment as well as I could. I refused to think of Ryan and what was fast approaching although I kept tabs on him discreetly through Summer.

When Summer moved to Brown in late August I went down to meet her, my first time out of the city since I'd arrived, and we hung out for a few days. I was entering my third trimester and was utterly exhausted all the time. My feet were huge and ached constantly, I was often out of breath and did nothing except eat, work and sleep. I had difficulty with the stairs up to my place and only left my apartment for food, doctors' appointments, and work.

In the second week of September, just before the day Summer and I had picked out to tell Ryan, I started to get painful cramps in my belly and after they persisted for a few hours I cabbed it to the hospital. They admitted me right away to run tests and I called Summer, scared and confused about what was happening. She took the next train into the city and sat with me, holding my hand, until the doctor came to talk to us."

"_Miss…Cooper." A tall, middle aged man glanced down as his chart as he entered the small, white room on the fifth floor of the Kings County Hospital in Brooklyn where Marissa and Summer sat waiting. "I've heard you've been experiencing some severe cramping throughout the last few hours in the lower region of your abdomen."_

"_Yes." Marissa confirmed hastily, struggling to sit up in the uncomfortable hospital bed while Summer pushed her back down._

"_Is it the babies?" The brunette demanded worriedly, jumping to her feet. "Are they going to be alright? Is she having them now?" _

_The doctor watched the young woman clap her hand over her mouth with wide eyes, his mouth twitching into a bemused smile. "Relax." He began, looking directly at Summer. "The babies are fine. A bit smaller than is normal but that is often the case with twins." He explained, taking a seat in a chair next to Marissa's bedside. "We're not sure of the exact cause of the pain at this point in time but my guess is that you've just been overdoing it a little bit. Twins are typically a lot more difficult for the mother to carry physically and with you being so slim as it is I'm afraid it's even harder on your body."_

_Marissa and Summer nodded as he spoke, soaking in each word._

"_You need to make sure that you're eating right and getting enough rest to keep both you and the babies healthy." The doctor advised them. "Now it does seem like you're doing a fairly good job of taking care of yourself and taking your vitamins and whatnot but just to be sure I'm going to put you on bed rest for the remainder of your pregnancy. That means no working, no strenuous physical activity, no lifting heavy object, no exercising and no traveling. Got it?"_

"_Got it." Marissa agreed, relieved, but Summer looked slightly more troubled. _

"_Umm Doctor…"_

"_Barry." He filled in for her._

"_Right." Summer resumed. "Doctor Barry, Marissa is supposed to be flying to California in five days for a brief visit. It's been planned for months and it's really, really important." She stressed the word 'really'._

"_I'm sorry." Doctor Barry shook his head. "But it is my professional opinion that Miss Cooper shouldn't be traveling, especially by plane, until after the babies are born. It's simply too risky and we don't want the little guy and gal arriving before we're ready for them now do we?" He chuckled to himself, oblivious to the expressions on the young womens' faces._

"_I'm sorry," Summer stared at the doctor in astonishment. "Did you just say guy and gal? She's having a boy and a girl? Oh my god! Coop!" She broke out into a grin and hugged her sill bewildered friend tightly. "A mini Ryan and a mini you! It's perfect!"_

_The doctor watched them, his expression of confusion morphing into one of horror. "Oh I'm so sorry." He spoke with genuine sincerity. "I thought you already knew. I didn't realize you wanted it to be a surprise."_

"_No, it's alright." Marissa held out her hand to stop him, giggling softly with shining eyes. "I just wasn't expecting to be told today, but like Summer said, it's perfect." Her smile widened. _

"_Ahhhh!" Summer shrieked, unable to contain her excitement any longer as she once again buried Marissa in a hug. "I'm so happy!"_

_The doctor beamed in satisfaction as he watched the young mother wipe her eyes. "Yeah," she agreed. "Me too." _

"Summer took me home the next day," Marissa continued the story. "And we had a sleepover and spent the entire night pouring over name books, making lists of our favourites and least favourites. After that Summer came over whenever she could to take care of me, something that I'm still grateful for. I conveniently couldn't travel after what the doctor had said and insisted that I couldn't tell Ryan something like this over the phone. Summer tried for a while to convince Ryan to come visit her in New York so that I could tell him but he couldn't afford to miss any classes so early in the semester and she eventually gave up on him. After a while she dropped the matter with me too because I wasn't supposed to be stressed and because she didn't know what to do about it anyway. She maintained that I had to tell Ryan but no date was specified this time.

The babies were born on October 17th at 7:13 in the morning, one month early. I went into labour the night before regardless of the bed rest and after rushing to the hospital the doctors decided to do a c-section. Summer was at Brown at the time but booked it just enough to be there when the twins were born and she was first to see them, even before me.

They were really small and neither was particularly healthy at birth so they were taken straight to the NICU. I blamed myself and my reckless behaviour during the early weeks of my pregnancy but the nurses assured me the twins would be fine, they just needed to develop a bit more so I tried to believe them.

They didn't have names for the first three or four days, just because we were too worried about their health to think about anything else once they were deemed stable Summer and I began looking at the books again. I chose Lucy because I liked the meaning- light. I felt like, as cheesy as it was, the babies had saved me from self-destruction. They were a light in my life and I wanted their names to reflect that. Nathaniel was Summer's idea. It means gift of god but since neither of us are religious we preferred to look at it as just a gift." Seth snickered a bit at this and Summer smacked his arm lightly.

"You know Seth, you've been pretty quiet over there so far. Where do you fit into the story?" Sandy questioned his son.

"Oh don't worry dad." Seth grinned, reclining leisurely in his chair. "Come Christmas time this story will be nothing but Seth. Just you wait."

Sandy raised his eyebrows but said nothing while Summer smacked her boyfriend again. Marissa rolled her eyes as she resumed speaking.

"Things got pretty crazy after I brought the babies home." She told the others, grimacing slightly. "I'd been planning to keep them ever since I'd found out I was having a boy and a girl but I hadn't really realised what that entailed. I was still living in that tiny one-bedroom place above the bagel shop and I had set up a bassinette next to my bed for them to sleep in but that was where my preparations had ended. I shelled out nearly all of my savings over the first couple of weeks on formula and diapers and second hand onesies. I took some time off work to take care of Nate and Lucy but soon found that living in the city was too expensive to continue with that arrangement. Summer gave me money for a while to help me out and after her dad started getting suspicious she even got a job at a clothing store to make sure that the babies and I wouldn't go homeless or hungry. She came to New York City every weekend to help me with them and for awhile both of us were simply too exhausted to even think about Ryan or Newport at all. About a month and a half after the twins were born I went back to work at the photography studio, leaving them with my elderly neighbour Mrs. Maguire or, on the days she couldn't watch them, bringing them with me. That was how I got into modelling. My boss photographed me with the babies one day and an agent saw the photos and called me. I accepted the job because it paid well. And then another after that, and then another. I tried to only do obscure things so that nobody from home would see me. It wasn't until Christmas that I really started to think about Ryan again. I mean, he was on my mind every time I looked at the babies but I always found some sort of excuse to postpone calling him; I had to do laundry or Nate or Lucy needed to be fed. When Seth arrived the whole thing became very real again. Very scary."

Seth coughed slightly as she said this and Marissa looked over at him expectantly. "Would you like to take over?" She asked in amusement.

"Ah, if you insist." He replied casually, leaning forward in his seat. "It all started in early December." He began dramatically. "If you remember, I didn't start at RISD until January because of my late application so I spent the fall in Newport working at the comic book shop. As the months passed by I started to worry that my relationship with Summer was in jeopardy. I hadn't seen her since the end of August and her phone calls and emails were growing increasingly fewer and farther between. I didn't want to lose her," Seth explained, gesturing wildly with his hands as he spoke. "And I knew that drastic measures had to be taken. Something big. Something grand and romantic. After much deliberation I decided to move down to Rhode Island early to surprise her for Christmas. She had already sent an email saying that she wouldn't be coming home and I wasn't going to let her spend Chrismukkah by herself. Mom and dad helped me find an apartment online." He nodded to his parents. "And we packed up a few boxes for me to take with me. I insisted that I didn't need their help moving and that I would be back soon to visit. Ryan was actually supposed to come with me to do the heavy lifting but he backed out at last minute because of exams or something."

Seth laughed as he said that. "Can you imagine how differently this all would've turned out if he had come?" He shook his head and pressed on. "Anyway I spent my first few days in Providence trying to settle into my apartment. It was agony not to call Summer the second that I got there but I wanted the place to be perfect first. After the furniture was in and the boxes were unpacked I even went and got a Christmas tree, though I left it undecorated so that we could do that part together. When I finally went to Summer's dorm to surprise her she wasn't there. Her roommate said that she was in New York City. That she went every weekend. I left the residence building convinced that Summer was cheating on me. It made sense, especially after how distant she'd become over the last few months. I called her up on a whim, not expecting her to answer but shocked when she did."

"_Hello?" Summer's distinct voice rang through the cell phone and Seth jumped, almost dropping the device in surprise. "Hello?" She said again, audibly annoyed and Seth hastened to respond, worried that this would be his only chance. _

"_Summer." He said quickly. "Where are you right now? And don't say your dorm room cause I'm here and you are most definitely not." There was silence on the other end of the line and Seth frowned, growing frustrated when she didn't answer after several moments. "Summer?" He said again. "What's going on? Are you.." His voice broke in distress and he swallowed, clearing his throat nervously. "Are you cheating on me? Please just tell me the truth alright. I won't get mad, I won't yell, I just want the tru-"_

"_Seth!" Summer hissed abruptly, cutting him off mid-ramble. "I'm not cheating on you, okay? I'm just…." She trailed off. "It's hard to explain."_

"_So try." Seth begged. "Please."_

_There was a sighed and a long pause before Summer spoke again, her voice still a shrill whisper. _

"_Alright get on the train and go to Brooklyn, New York City. When you arrive take a taxi to East 31st Street. Find the Bradley Bagel Bakery and go around the side door. Ring the bell to apartment 1b." She recited the directions quickly and urgency, and underlying fear and guilt evident in her voice._

"_Summer are you-"_

"_Just do it Seth!" She cut him off again and the line went dead._

_Seth sighed, getting to his feet and checking his watch. Quarter to five already. That meant that he wouldn't be in the city until at least 8. So much for the quiet evening of catching up with his girlfriend that he'd planned. Seth sighed again as he flagged down a cab and directed it to the train station. Whatever Summer had to show him better be worth it._

"When I got to that bagel shop Summer was waiting for me." Seth recounted. "She dragged me inside and threatened me not to freak out at what I was about to see." Summer glared at him as he said this but Seth continued on, oblivious.

"I did freak out though." He admitted.

"That's an understatement." Marissa and Summer said in unison. "You screamed for like twenty minutes straight."

"Seth was freaking out about Marissa." Summer explained. "And Marissa was freaking out about Seth. And both of their screaming woke the babies. And then Seth was freaking out about them. When the chaos finally died down Seth was mad at me for not telling him about Marissa and the twins and Marissa was mad at me for not telling her that I'd invited Seth to her place. I quickly explained everything we just told you guys," She gestured to Sandy and Kirsten. "To Seth and then the three of us spent the night arguing. Seth had his cell phone out, set on calling Ryan that very minute while Marissa was in tears, sobbing that she wasn't ready for him to know. Eventually I managed to convince Seth to hold off until after the holidays on the condition that Marissa would tell him within the first week of the new year. Both of them reluctantly agreed to that and we were able to have a relatively relaxing Christmas."

Marissa nodded, taking over for Summer. "Seth took to the babies right away." She recalled with a smile. "They adored him from day one and he loved them just as much. He was the only one who could get them to stop crying for a long time and could always make them laugh. It's the same to this day. He's been wrapped around their fingers since the first time he held them and spoils them like crazy! That first Chrismukkah was the worst!"

"Well I had to do something!" Seth defended himself. "I mean no offense but you weren't exactly living the life of luxury above that bagel shop. Nate and Lucy deserved some new clothes and toys. I didn't get them anything they didn't need."

Marissa nodded in agreement.

"I helped them out as much as I could financially after that." Seth carried on. "Well, I guess it was technically you guys." He looked to his parents. "Haha."

They did not look amused so he hastily continued. "I reminded Marissa every day that she had to call Ryan on January first, no matter what. He had to know and even though Marissa and Summer had explained everything to me, I still couldn't understand how they had kept the secret so long. I was continuously fighting the urge to call Ryan myself and spill the news but I knew Marissa had to do it. So I turned off my cell phone indefinitely and counted down the days."

"What changed?" Sandy spoke up from across the room, a mixture of annoyance and curiosity on his face. "If you were so determined that Ryan find out, why didn't he?"

"Excellent question father." Seth answered enthusiastically. "A combination of events prevented Ryan from finding out the day he was supposed to, the first one being a phone conversation that the two of us had on December 31st, mere hours before the bomb was scheduled to be dropped."

_Seth frowned at the sight of his best friend Ryan's name flashing across the screen of his cell phone on New Years Eve. He hadn't spoken to him since leaving for Providence, since finding out about Nate and Lucy, and he wasn't sure he would be able to without spilling the beans. Still, this was Ryan calling, his brother. He couldn't just not answer. Resolving to say as little as possible and to keep the conversation centered around Ryan, Seth pressed the talk button. _

"_Hello?" He said cautiously. _

"_Hey." Ryan's voice sounded far away and Seth strained to hear him. "How's it going man? I feel like we haven't talked in ages! How's Providence? How's Summer?"_

"_Good, good." Seth responded quickly, voice high with nerves. "Everything's good here. How about you? What sort of trouble has kid Chino been getting into at Berkley huh?" He tried to direct the conversation away from him._

_There was a muffled reply, almost as though Ryan was underwater._

"_What?" Seth said loudly. "Ryan, I can't hear you. Where are you?" He listened to another gurgling answer and then a clicking sound and then suddenly the background noise was gone and Ryan's voice rang loud and clear._

"_Sorry about that." He apologised. "I'm at a New Years party and it's getting a bit loud."_

"_No kidding." Said Seth. "What are you doing calling me at a party? Is it really that boring that the only thing you could think of to do was phone me? I mean it's great to hear from you and everything but it doesn't really sound like the best time for this."_

"_Yeah, you're right." Ryan said after a moment. "It's just….I have something that I need to tell you."_

_This both excited and intrigued Seth and he grinned expectantly. "Go on."_

"_I…" Ryan trailed off. "I think I like Taylor." He muttered hastily._

_Caught off guard Seth coughed. "Say what?" He sputtered. "Taylor? Taylor Townsend, like from high school?"_

"_Yeah. I helped her get a divorce from her French husband earlier this year and we've been hanging out ever since." He answered softly. "I don't know what to do."_

"_Well first of all." Seth ranted. "Go see a doctor, cause you're clearly sick in the head! I mean, I like Taylor as a person and all but she's crazy! Insane actually. She once stole Captain Oats in an attempt to break up Summer and I! She stole my plastic horse Ryan! Do you hear what I'm saying?"_

"_I know, I know." Ryan mumbled. "But she's different with me. She makes me happy."_

_Seth sighed, not knowing how to respond to that one. "Well if she makes you happy," he said after a while. "Then I guess you have to see where it goes. Just don't come crying to me when she starts stealing your things too."_

_Ryan laughed softly. "I haven't felt this way since before Marissa left." He confessed and again Seth was lost for words. _

"_So…have you given up on Marissa then?" He asked nervously. "She could still come back you know."_

_Ryan exhaled loudly. "You know," He began, voice rising slightly. "At this point I don't think I want her to. I mean, I love her and everything, I always will, but I need to move on with my life. I just don't think she fits into my dreams anymore. I don't see her in my future."_

_Seth's heart sank. Marissa was just hours away from pouring her soul out to Ryan and he didn't want anything to do with her. He didn't know what to do. Ryan still had to know about the twins, regardless of his feelings about Marissa but it somehow didn't seem fair to throw her into the fire unprepared. He knew that the young mother was dreaming deep down that Ryan would forgive her and they would get back together and raise their kids together but he couldn't let her get her hopes up. He had to tell her what Ryan had said so that she wouldn't go into it with high expectations. He needed to prepare her for the worst._

"_Seth?" Ryan broke the silence and Seth's thoughts. "You still there?"_

"_Yeah." He said feebly._

"_Listen, I have to go. Thanks for the advice though and I'll talk to you soon."_

"_Sure man." Said Seth dully. "Happy New Year." _

"_You too." Came Ryan's rushed response. And then the line went dead. _

"So you talked her out of telling Ryan that day." Sandy said accusingly to Seth, disappointment etched on his face.

"No." Marissa shook her head in his defence. "Seth actually couldn't get a hold of me until later. He had nothing to do with what happened."

Sandy frowned, looking from Marissa to Seth and back to Marissa. "So what happened then?"

"Well," Marissa frowned, struggling to remember the details. "Not long after Seth talked to Ryan I guess, I decided to call him myself. I was originally supposed to do it the next day, on January first, with Seth and Summer by my side but I was so nervous that I couldn't wait any longer."

_Marissa sighed, staring sadly at her sleeping babies as she waited for Ryan to pick up, a knot in her stomach. Her white fingers gripped the phone tightly in an attempt to stop her hands from shaking and she paced the small room restlessly, cursing at him to pick up his phone while at the same time praying that he wouldn't._

"_Hello?" A perky feminine voice suddenly answered and Marissa jumped, pulling the phone away from her ear to make sure she had dialled the right number._

"_Um hi." She said, confusion audible in her voice. This was definitely Ryan's number, unless he had changed it. "I'm looking for Ryan Atwood but I may have the wrong number."_

"_No this is his phone." The voice answered and Marissa frowned, trying to place the familiar haughty tone. _

"_Oh." She said, growing more and more bewildered by the second. "Well can I talk to him please?"_

_There was a fake little chortle. "No Marissa, I don't think that's a good idea. You see, Ryan is just starting to get over you and I think that hearing your voice would have reverse effects."_

_Something in Marissa's head suddenly clicked and she frowned in annoyance. "Taylor Townsend?" She cried questioningly. "What are you doing answering Ryan's phone? And what do you mean I can't talk to him? That's not up for you to decide!"_

_Taylor laughed again. "I was wondering if you would recognise my voice." She said, still sickeningly perky. "I'm answering Ryan's phone because he is currently in the bathroom and left it in my care. When I said you couldn't talk to him I meant exactly that. Ryan's in an emotionally delicate state right now and you reappearing in his life after so many months away wouldn't do him any good. And contrary to your belief it is up for me to decide whether you speak to Ryan on not, seeing as he is my boyfriend." She snickered as Marissa gasped. "Yes it's true." Taylor continued, eager to rub it in. "We bonded a few months ago when he helped me divorce my French husband and the rest is history. Ryan and I couldn't be happier and we don't need you butting in to ruin it."_

_Marissa sighed, her stomach sinking, eyes filling with tears as Taylor spoke. She hadn't expected Ryan to forgive her right away but she hadn't considered that he may have moved on either. Hearing that he was dating Taylor was like a punch to the stomach. Marissa wiped her eyes hastily and swallowed her sobs. As much as it hurt she had to keep going. Nate and Lucy deserved it._

"_Please Taylor." She begged, voice wobbling slightly. "This is really, really important. I'm not trying to get Ryan back, I swear. There's just something I have to tell him. Now."_

"_Oh yeah right." Taylor shot back, her cheerful voice morphing into something darker, more sarcastic. "Like I'm going to fall for that. Of course you want Ryan back. Why else would you be calling? Well guess what, he doesn't want you back. Just because you were too weak to face your messed up life and ran away, doesn't mean we all put our lives on hold. Ryan has moved on now. He loves his school, he has a part time job, me, his loving girlfriend. For once in his life he is happy Marissa. There is no drama like there was when you were here, no stress. Just happiness. I won't let you mess that up for him, for us, just because of your selfishness. I won't do it. So why don't you go crawl back into whatever hole you've been hiding in for the past eight months and leave us alone. Ryan doesn't want you anymore. Nobody here does. Don't ever try to contact us again." And with that the phone went dead. _

_Marissa stood frozen with shock, the phone slipping from her hand and crashing to the floor. He wide eyes landed frantically on the babies, still asleep peacefully in their crib. Without warning she sank to the floor, her whole body shaking with racking sobs. Taylor was right. Ryan didn't want her anymore. Nobody did._

"It took us hours to calm her down." Summer recalled. "And when she had finally stopped crying Seth told her what Ryan had said to him earlier on the phone and she lost it again. We were up all night, and not in the fun way that we usually are on New Years Eve." Marissa giggled at her friend and rested her head on Summer's shoulder, content to let her talk.

"I remember the next morning Seth and I were sitting at the kitchen table, both of us exhausted as we hadn't slept at all, each holding a baby so that Marissa could get some sleep. In that moment we agreed that it would be best to lay off of her about telling Ryan for a while. She was struggling to do so much already and with her due to start classes in January we didn't think she could handle the added stress. We decided to wait out Ryan and Taylor's relationship- it couldn't last more than a few weeks anyway, and then start bugging her about it again. We thought that was what was best for both Marissa and the babies. She seemed relieved when we told her and Ryan's name wasn't mentioned again for a while."

Marissa sat up and reached for a glass of water on the coffee table. "After the new year things got pretty busy in all of our lives." She continued. "Summer started a new semester at Brown, and I made her promise not to slack off on her homework this time because of me and the twins. She didn't have to come out to New York every weekend anymore. I was getting a lot better and handling both Nate and Lucy by myself. Seth was starting at RISD for the first time and I made him promise the same thing. School first. Then work. Then me and the babies. They both came almost every weekend anyway though. And I was enrolled in the photography program at NYU. I was taking a full course load even though I knew it would be hard and I was determined to do well. For Nate and Lucy." She paused and took another sip of water.

"Seth, Summer and I began interviewing potential nanny candidates in the first week of January; someone to watch the twins when none of us could. We saw dozens of people before we found one we liked. Alexis. She's still with us to this day, though not nearly as often as she used to be. Classes started about a week later and after that everything is a blur. I was going to school everyday, working at the photography studio during my time off, and, on top of that, taking modeling jobs whenever I could squeeze them in. Seth and Summer's lives were equally crazy, what with them trying to juggle school, homework, part-time jobs, which were for my benefit I might add, and coming to the city every weekend. By the time we adjusted to out new schedules it was April and Ryan was long forgotten. Seth still checked up on him occasionally to get updates on him and Taylor but he didn't tell me anything unless I asked, which I rarely did, and he didn't push the matter." She smiled at him gratefully and he winked back.

"As busy as my life was at that point, I loved it." Marissa broke out into a grin. "I adored school and had connected with many of my professors, I loved working at the studio and my modelling career was finally bringing in a steady enough income so that we could live comfortably. When I was done being shot I often hung around on set, helping the professionals with the rest of the shoot. It was through that that I met a lot of the contacts that proved valuable when I opened my own studio later on. They were eager to teach me what they knew and I developed deep friendships with some of them." She spoke wistfully.

"Before I knew it the babies were eight months old and my first semester at college was over. I enrolled in summer classes right away, desperate to finish my degree as quickly as I could, and even approached my department heads about letting my job at the studio count as the mandatory co-op, which they agreed to.

By August all of us were shocked that Ryan and Taylor were still together. I knew that I could no longer wait for them to break up to tell him- who knew when, or even if, that would happen, but every time I picked up the phone I thought about what Taylor had said to me on New Years. I worried that she was right. Nobody wanted me back in Newport. Nobody needed me. I heard from Summer that my mom had recovered from her depression. She was living happily with Doctor Roberts and Kaitlin. He had talked her out of hiring a private investigator, convincing her that I would come home when I was ready, and she was finally starting to move on. I knew that Ryan had Taylor. He had told Seth that he would rather I stayed out of his life for good at this point and I couldn't help but agree that he would be better off without me. I was afraid to come clean after hiding the twins for so long so I kept putting it off. I said I would do it in September, using the same excuse as the year before; Ryan would be less likely to drop out of Berkley if he had already started classes. When September rolled around, I decided to wait until the end of the month. I knew everyone would be angry with me for what I'd done and I didn't want to face them. The longer I waited the harder it became and the guiltier we all felt." She looked at Seth and Summer, both of whom had their eyes down, the old feelings resurfacing.

"In October, just before the twins birthday, Seth decided that enough was enough."

_Marissa looked up as she heard the front door open and finished tucking her almost-one-year-old babies into bed. She kissed each of their foreheads softly then flicked off the light, closing the door behind her as she left the apartment's only bedroom. Entering the kitchen she smiled at the sight of her best friends sitting at the kitchen table._

"_Hey." She greeted them happily, grin faltering when they didn't smile back._

"_Have a seat Marissa." Seth said seriously, for once not a trace of sarcasm on his face. "We need to talk."_

"_Okay." She laughed nervously, plopping down into a chair opposite Seth and Summer. "About what?"_

"_We've given it a lot of thought." He began gently. "And we think it's time. You have to tell Ryan now. If you don't you never will."_

_Marissa froze, her eyes wide as she started from Seth to Summer, willing one of them to laugh, to tell her they were joking. "But.." She sputtered when their faces remained hard. "But it's almost Nate and Lucy's birthday!" Marissa struggled to hold in her tears and keep her breathing steady as her stomach dropped. She wasn't sure why she was reacting this way. Hadn't she always known this was coming? Hadn't she been telling herself the exact same thing for over a year? Still, she couldn't help but want to run away. Ryan would be so angry. Everyone would. She didn't want to face them. Not yet. She wasn't ready._

"_Exactly." She heard Seth persist, trying to listen but unable to focus on anything other than her fear. "Their first birthday is a huge milestone that their father should share with them. Ryan's already missed their first words and they're about to start walking any day now. He has to know Marissa. This has gone on too long."_

_She gulped, unable to think of anything to say that could change their minds._

"_Now we've bought you this plane ticket." Seth continued, sliding something across the table. "For the weekend after next. Summer and I will stay with the babies. You will go to Newport and break the news." His voice softened and he patted her hand sympathetically. "I know you're scared Marissa. We are too. But do it for Nate and Lucy. They need a father."_

_Marissa swallowed but nodded reluctantly. As much as she didn't want to do this, Seth was right. This had gone on too long. It was now or never._

"And I would have gone too." Marissa insisted. "If it weren't for the stomach flu that hit Rhode Island that week." She explained. "Seth and Summer called me on Thursday night to say that they couldn't babysit. Both of them had been throwing up all day and couldn't be around the babies. And as it would happen my nanny Alexis had driven them to the train station the day earlier and had managed to catch the bug as well. I tried my elderly neighbour upstairs and even my boss at work but in the end I had to cancel my trip because there was no one to take care of Nate and Lucy.

After that we all sort of agreed that some higher power didn't want me to tell Ryan. The universe was giving us signs and we succumbed to them temporarily, and didn't talk about it again for a while. Nate and Lucy's birthday came and went. We had a small party with a few colleagues and classmates of mine. My big gift to the twins was a new apartment. It was a modest place but with two bedrooms it was an upgrade from the bagel shop and when we first got there it felt huge." She giggled quietly. "Seth and Summer had been avoiding phoning and visiting home because of the babies but after Christmas they couldn't put it off any longer and went down for a few days."

"I remember that visit." Sandy said in surprise. "That was the first of two trips that you've made here since you left. We couldn't figure out why you two were acting so strange. So jumpy and guilty. It all makes sense now." He muttered as an afterthought.

Kirsten nodded. "Ryan thought you were angry with him Seth." She recalled. "You had been calling him less and less often on the phone and that visit you refused to be alone with him. He kept asking us what he'd done."

"Was I that obvious?" Seth laughed. "That was the worst trip ever. There were so many times when I almost let something slip. It got to the point where I was afraid to open my mouth."

Sandy didn't smile back. "You should have just told us." He said, looking from Seth to Summer. "It would have been better for everyone."

Seth shook his head. "It wasn't our place." He maintained. "And anyway, by that time we were just as afraid as Marissa. We had been keeping the secret too and we knew you would all be just as mad at us."

"So what happened when you got back?" Kirsten cut in quickly, eager to avoid any arguments.

"When they got back school started up again." Marissa said. "Nate and Lucy started walking and their vocabularies grew. They developed personalities and likes and dislikes and were amazing to watch. The three of us continued with school and work. I was hired as an assistant photographer instead of a model on several of the fashion shoots I'd worked on last year and my portfolio grew and grew." She sighed.

"That was the way our lives were for awhile. Work, school and Nate and Lucy. Every few weeks Seth or Summer would mention Ryan and I would promise to tell him soon, only to forget days later. Summer came and went, with me taking courses again. Then it was fall. Nate and Lucy were two. Halloween. Nate and Lucy were potty trained. Thanksgiving. Christmas. My program was only two years long so I graduated in January. Seth and Summer came with the babies and afterward we went out for dinner. I was working on several high profile shoots at that point and was doing decently well. By the time Summer graduated in June I had saved enough money to open my own studio, the place I have now. I kept my other job until I was sure I could get by without it but I started booking jobs right away. Summer had decided to open up a clothing store as well, using all the designs she'd created over the years and we made sure that our places were close together. She commuted into the city for the first few months until Seth graduated in January. Then the two of them got a little apartment and Seth started working for the publishing company, where he still is today. Not long after that I got a call from one of my famous photographer friends. I had mentioned to him a few months earlier that I was looking for a bigger apartment, now that the twins were three and all, and he wanted to tell me he was selling his Manhattan penthouse. He said he would give me a discounted price if I wanted. I jumped at the chance and bought the three bedroom place on the spot. Two years later and I still love it just as much." She smiled.

"There's not really all that much to tell after that." Marissa said truthfully. "As time went on we all sort of stopped talking about Ryan or Newport altogether. It seemed like we had missed our chance to tell him. It was too late now, the twins were too big. Summer's store and my studio grew and thrived. Seth got a promotion and realised he liked illustrating books. Nate and Lucy went from babies to children. They started playing sports and taking lessons. This past fall they started kindergarten. And the very same day they met their father for the first time." She paused, looking at Sandy and Kirsten sadly. "And I guess you know the rest from there."

They nodded in agreement. "I guess we do."

Marissa frowned. "Look, you guys, I never meant to keep Ryan in the dark for so long. Every time I tried to tell him something just got in the way. And then before I knew it Nate and Lucy were four and Ryan was showing up in the city." She sighed, burying her face in her hands. "You can hate me all you want but please don't take it out on my children. They were so excited to come here and meet you."

Sandy sighed. "Of course we don't hate you." He said wearily. "And we could never hate that little boy and girl. It's going to take some time, for me at least, to forgive you. "He looked briefly at Kirsten. "But I'm going to try and I can't wait to get to know my grandchildren."

Kirsten nodded in agreement, rising from her chair to wrap Marissa in a hug. "Don't worry." She murmured in her ear. "We love them already and we love you too. Sandy will come around soon. I promise." She pulled away, winking, and Marissa smiled gratefully, stifling a yawn.

"I think that's enough conversation for one night." Kirsten said firmly, looking toward her husband. "Let the kids go to bed Sandy, they've had a long day."

"Alight." Sandy rose to his feet, clapping Seth on the shoulder. "You know, even though I'm disappointed in all three of you, I'm really glad you're here." His voice softened and he flashed them a brief smile before leaving the room.

Kirsten looked relieved. "Goodnight." She hugged all of them again before joining her husband. "Sleep well all of you."

Summer turned to Marissa as the adults left. "You okay Coop?" She asked. "I know that was difficult for you."

"I'm fine." Marissa nodded. "Just really tired."

"Right." Summer said. "Me too. See you in the morning I guess."

"Yeah." Marissa agreed. "See you. Thanks for sticking up for me tonight."

"Anytime." Seth grinned at her and Summer hugged her. "Night."

"Night." She echoed, watching them disappear up the stairs. Yawning again, she made her way through the now dark and quiet house to the pool house. It had been a long, emotionally exhausting day and she couldn't wait to fall asleep.

Marissa paused, one hand on the pool house door and looked back towards the Cohen's home. Without warning, another wave of memories hit her, knocking her back with their sheer force.

"I n_eed you to understand."_

"_Consider it understood."_

"_You know with everything we've been through the past two years and the fact that we're still here, really makes me think there's nothing we can't handle."_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_You want to be with Johnny."_

"_No, I'm sorry I ever made you wonder."_

"_What do you want from me?"_

"_I want you."_

Marissa shook her head slightly, desperate to silence the words in her head, still as loud and as clear as the day they'd been spoken. There had been enough reminiscing for one night, she decided, entering the pool house and changing quickly into her pajamas. She lid beneath the covers between her children, stuffing her iPod buds into her ears to distract her. For now she just wanted to sleep. For now she just wanted to forget.

**Sorry the end was a bit rushed and weak. I figured this chapter had gone on long enough and just wanted to finish it. Please review, even if it's just to say hello. I love hearing from you! Hopefully you didn't find this chapter too boring! Will update soonish!**


	30. The First Day

**To the reviewer who asked if I write each chapter six months apart; yes, it unfortunately seems to happen that way. I have little spurts where I write two or three chapters at once, trying desperately to get to the end of this story after four years, and then just as I'm getting on a roll my life becomes really busy and I get distracted, usually for much longer than I would like. This time it was moving away to university that caused the temporary hiatus. I'd love to tell you that it won't happen again, that from now on I'll update regularly, but we all know that's a promise I can't keep, as I have demonstrated in the past. All I can do is assure you that I will finish the story, even if it takes another four years. I refuse to give up on it, though I'd like to apologize for any inconsistencies in the writing. I tend to forget various details between updates which is why certain things don't match up. I plan to go back and fix all the mistakes when I'm finally finished for good. **

**To the reviewer who pointed out a geographical mistake; I'm sorry. I've actually only been to New York City twice in my life and have relied on memory as well as frequent and extensive research to create my story. I've tried so hard to make it accurate however I'm sure the error you caught is not the only one. Please forgive me.**

**To all other reviewers; thank you for your comments. I read each and every one and they really do mean a lot to me. You are why this story has continued for so long, you are my motivation and inspiration. My OC obsession has faded somewhat since this story's conception however your enthusiasm has helped keep it alive. Please continue sending in your questions, concerns and kind words. Special thanks to the guest who reviewed just so I would have an even 200. You are a lovely person!**

**Okay, without further ado here is chapter 30! I apologize in advance for the complete lack of plot advancement and the sloppy writing. I don't really like filler chapters but this is one of them. Sorry!**

**XOXO**

"_Ryan?" Marissa called, panic in her voice as she ran toward the apartment, taking the steps two at a time in her haste to get to the already wide open door. Stumbling slightly on the threshold she fell into the room gasping in horror as Trey delivered blow after blow to Ryan's face. _

"_Oh my god! Stop it!" She cried, grabbing hold of Trey's shoulders and pulling at him helplessly. "Please stop it! You're killing him!" He grunted and pushed her off and she fell away immediately, visions of him forcing himself on her at the beach clouding her sight. He was strong. Too strong for her to stop. It had been luck that she had found that piece of driftwood in the sand that night. She wouldn't be able to fight him off twice. There was a hollow-sounding thud as Trey's fist collided yet again with Ryan's cheek bone, dark, sticky red blood flowing from his nose. _

_Desperately Marissa scanned the room, searching for something, anything that might help. Her fingers closed around the cool metal barrel of a gun laying discarded on the floor. Marissa picked it up at once, all her instincts screaming at her that she had to do something. That she had to save him. Trey had grabbed the phone receiver and was holding it high above Ryan's head, ready to strike. _

_Marissa heard the gunshot before she realized what had happened. She froze wide-eyed, the gun falling immediately from her hand as she fell back to the floor. It was as if the world had been reduced to half-speed the instant she pulled the trigger. Trey turned slowly, his eyes, full of confusion and disbelief, meeting hers for a fraction of a second. A small red stain appeared on his wifebeater, growing larger and larger until the blood formed a steady stream, gushing from his chest like a faucet. Marissa watched horrified, unable to tear her eyes from the sight, tears leaking down her cheeks, her mind whirling; struggling to make sense of what had just happened. And then Trey collapsed. Everything after that was a blurry, jumbled mess; nothing but a slew of disjointed and distorted images set to a soundtrack of loud, piercing screams. Screams that she later learned has been coming from her. _

Marissa awoke with a start, the screams of her nightmare still ringing in her ears as she fought to free her body from the tangle of sheets that ensnared her. Eyes still closed she took several deep breaths, trying in vain to calm herself. It had been years since she'd dreamed about the shooting. Years since she'd dreamed about Newport at all really, and yet all night she had tossed and turned her way through some of her worst memories of this place, reliving her parents' divorce, Oliver, Johnny's death, even Luke's infidelity. It had been a restless night and Marissa was not surprised to find herself more exhausted than when she'd gone to bed. She knew coming back to Newport would be hard but she hadn't expected to be hit with so many flashbacks. Even now as she lay there Marissa found herself thinking of the many times she had woken up in the pool house before, particularly the very first time when Ryan had saved her after Summer and Holly left her passed out on her doorstep. If only she'd known than how big a part of her life Ryan would become. If only she'd been more appreciative of what he'd done for her.

Marissa remembered how confused she'd been upon waking in the pool house that first morning, Seth and Ryan asleep on the floor. She couldn't remember how she got there and it had scared her badly. She had left in a hurry unsure of what to think. Only later after talking to Summer did she realize that Ryan had been trying to help her.

Marissa sighed, eyes still closed, brushing her sweaty hair off of her forehead with her hand. If someone had told her that morning that she'd be waking up in the same place in seven years time with her two children by her side she wouldn't have believed them.

Marissa smiled unconsciously as she thought of her children. It was hard for her to be back here, hard to face everyone after what she had done but to make Nate and Lucy happy she would do anything, no matter how uncomfortable it was for her. This trip; all the memories; would be worth it once she saw their faces as they met their family. Feeling suddenly optimistic and hopeful she stretched her arms out to shake them wake and was startled when her fingers met empty sheets. Bolting upright Marissa looked around wildly, squinting blindly as her eyes adjusted to the sun.

"Nate?" She called, suddenly worried. "Lucy?" She climbed out of bed and grabbed her light cotton robe, wrapping it tightly around herself as she made her way to the bathroom. "Guys? You in there?" Finding it empty panic started to swell within her. The twins had been asleep when they'd arrived last night and wouldn't remember the Cohens or the house at all. What if they had wandered off and gotten lost? What if they were scared?

Her stomach lurched as she hurried to the glass door, dappled from the reflection of the early morning sunlight off the pool. Marissa froze, hand on the knob as a million new fears suddenly entered her mind. The pool. What if they had fallen in? Nate and Lucy were in swimming lessons back in New York but they were still learning and she wasn't sure how capable they would be so early in the morning. They could have hit their heads or, her chest constricted at the very idea, what if they had woken in the night and gone looking for a bathroom or a snack or something and fallen in. What if they had drowned with her dreaming restlessly mere feet away. She'd always been quick to hear the twins when they called for her in the night but she had been pretty out of it, lost in her nightmares. What if she had mistook their screams for her own in her dreams.

Frantically Marissa pushed open the glass door and ran toward the pool. She could see something floating in the corner and immediately cried out in anguish. "Nate!" She called desperately hurrying toward the child-sized mass in the pool. "Lucy! Please no..."

"Marissa?" A voice interrupted and she turned to see Kirsten, watching her questioningly from the patio, a mug of coffee in one hand. "What are you-" She trailed off, catching sight of Marissa's distraught face, the tears clinging to her cheeks. "Oh sweetie!" She exclaimed, catching on instantly. "The twins are fine!They're inside playing right now!"

Marissa frowned and blinked, looking from Kirsten to the pool as if trying to process this information. "Fine?" She repeated uncertainly and Kirsten nodded earnestly. Marissa stared at her for a moment and then promptly burst into tears. "So worried..." She sobbed, allowing Kirsten to embrace her. "Pool! ... Dead!.." The older woman rubbed her back comfortingly and led her to a nearby lounge chair.

"It's okay." She said soothingly. "It's just a towel. It must have blown in last night." Kirsten sat down next to Marissa and took her hand. "I'm so sorry!" She uttered in explanation. "I was up early with Sophie and saw that Nate and Lucy were awake in the pool house so I brought them over for breakfast. I thought you could use a little more sleep and.."

"No, no, don't be sorry!" Marissa hick-upped, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her dressing gown and taking deep breaths to calm herself. "I should have known that's where they were I just.." She sniffed and Kirsten stroked her hair comfortingly. "For so long it was just me looking after both of them, I guess I started worrying extra to make up for there only being one of me." She accepted the coffee Kirsten offered her gratefully. "They're just always getting into trouble..."

"Shhhh." Kirsten hugged her and Marissa leaned in to her warmth. "It's okay. I get it. I'm a worrier too."

Marissa smiled at this and Kirsten stood, pulling Marissa up with her. "Come on." She said. "You'll feel better when you see them." And without another word she guided the younger woman toward the kitchen.

"Mommy!" Nate and Lucy chorused together, their faces lighting up as she entered the kitchen and as Kirsten had promised, she instantly felt better, a warmth spreading through her chest. Still dressed in their pyjamas, the little boy and girl rushed toward her eagerly.

"Morning guys." She set her mug on the counter and bent to give the twins a hug, squeezing them just a little tighter than usual. "Did you sleep well?"

"Pretty much." Lucy babbled. "'Cept you kept stealing all the blankets and kicking us." Nate nodded solemnly next to her and Marissa laughed.

"Oops, sorry!" She ruffled their hair. "I was having a bad dream."

"Mmhm." Lucy murmured, already distracted, grabbing her mother by the hand. "Mommy come meet our new friend Sophie! She's really nice! And guess what? We have the same middle name! Really, we do- it's Rose. Sophie said hers is after her grandmother, what's mine after? Is it after her grandmother too? Cause you said we're related so that means that Sophie's grandmother is my something, right?Right mommy?" Not waiting for a response she dragged Marissa through the kitchen to the tv room with Nate following behind. Both kids left her side at once, rushing to join a tiny blonde girl sitting on the floor surrounded by what looked to be the contents of an entire toy store.

"Hello." Marissa said kindly, crouching down to the kids' level. "You must be Sophie." The child raised her head and Marissa was struck by how much she looked like Kirsten. They were exact copies from their eyes to the delicate curves of their noses. "I'm Marissa," She continued, "your..." she trailed off, trying to work out how exactly she and Sophie were related.

"You're Marissa." The little girl supplied, holding her gaze with fierce blue eyes. "Ex-step-sister to my Mommy, ex-aunt to me and my brothers, ex-girlfriend to my big brother Ryan, stepsister to my sister-in-law Summer and mother of my niece and nephew Nate and Lucy."

"Err..yeah." Marissa stammered, taken aback. This kid may look like Kirsten but she talked like Seth and had Sandy's intensity. Sophie laughed and broke into a toothy grin. "Nice to meet you." She smiled, sticking out a tiny hand.

"Nice to meet you too." She shook the little girls hand and then clambered back to her feet. "I'm going to get something to eat, okay guys?" She announced. "I'll be in the kitchen." The children waved her off, already absorbed in their game.

Marissa settled herself on a stool at the kitchen island and pulled her mug back toward her, holding it tenderly. "Sophie's adorable." She said as Kirsten took a seat next to her, sliding a box of cereal toward her. "She's so much like Seth."

The older woman smiled. "All the kids seem to be getting along really well." She said pleased. "Sophie was thrilled to find out she had cousins. She's been counting down the days until you arrived." Marissa grinned back, pouring herself a bowl of Crispix. "Nate and Lucy were excited too. This trip is all they've been talking about for the past month."

"Mommy?" Both women turned to see Nate wandering over from the tv room. "Hey baby." she smiled at him. "What's going on?" Nate shrugged. "Sophie and Lucy are playing girl games."

"Well then hop on up here and sit with us." Kirsten suggested warmly. "Are you still hungry? Would you like some grapes?"

"Yes please." Nate answered sweetly and Marissa watched in surprise as he allowed Kirsten to pull him onto her lap, accepting the bowl of fruit she offered him graciously, then snuggling into her, resting his head peacefully against her chest. "Thanks grandma." He said thickly, mouth full of grapes.

Marissa couldn't help but smile at his words. Here was Nate, usually such a quiet and reserved child, speaking confidently to his grandmother as though he's known her his whole life, rather than just a few hours. This is what they had come here for, she realized, this had been the point of their trip. Suddenly it all felt worth it; she would repeat the awkwardness of yesterday's talk a thousand times over if it meant she could experience this moment.

Marissa noticed Kirsten seemed to be glowing as well and was smiling down on the little boy with a look of pure adoration. "He's so like Ryan." She said proudly and Marissa had to agree. As she watched Kirsten cradle her son it dawned on her that this is what it would have looked like if Ryan had come to the Cohens as a small child, rather than a teenager. Kirsten would have held him the way she now held Nate, spoken softly into his ear, fed him snacks. She was overcome with a wave of grief for what Kirsten had been deprived of. She had never gotten to read Ryan bedtime stories or bandage his scraped knees or comfort him from bad dreams. And yet she had loved him; loved him unconditionally; loved him just as much as her own son. And that was what had won Ryan over in the end. Marissa suspected that that was what had won Nate over too; that warmth and softness that Kirsten seemed to exude; that willingness to extend her love to anybody, even those she'd only just met. Kirsten had been like a second mother to her in high school and Marissa was starting to realize just how much she'd missed her. Kirsten has always had a way of making her feel safe and taken care of and Marissa made a mental note to thank her for that later. To thank her for everything she'd done over the years. She leaned forward and ruffled Nate's hair affectionately, taking another bite of her cereal. "So what would you like to do today Natey?"

"Go to the beach." He replied promptly and Marissa smiled. "I don't know." She told him, already aware that she was going to lose this argument. "The water is pretty cold this time of year."

"Nuh-uh." Nate shook his head stubbornly. "Its like summer here." He pointed out the window. "And summer is for swimming." Marissa shook her head in amusement and exchanged a look with Kirsten.

"Let him try it." She advised. "Our pool is heated if it does turn out to be too cold."

"Mommy!" Both Marissa and Kirsten turned at the call and for a moment Marissa was unsure of which little girl it had come from. Standing in the doorway Sophie and Lucy were nearly indistinguishable from one another. They were within half an inch of each other in height and both had slightly curly blonde hair and blue eyes. If she hadn't known better she would have sworn they were sisters. "Mommy!" Marissa now recognized the voice as Sophie's as the little girl placed a hand on her hip. "Can we go wake up Seth and summer?" She asked hopefully. "Please? You said we could at nine and look, it's nine!" She pointed to the clock which, in fact, read 8:45."

Kirsten laughed. "Okay." She agreed. "But be gentle!"

"Hey, I want to help!" Nate yelled, leaping off of Kirsten's lap and running after the girls. Sophie took the twins by the hand and the three of them ran off giggling toward the stairs.

"So," Marissa began, turning back toward Kirsten, a small smile still playing at her lips. "Where's Sandy? He's not usually one to sleep in."

"Oh no he had to go into the office actually." She answered carefully. "He's sorry he couldn't be here to greet Nate and Lucy when they woke up but he'll be back this afternoon. Something urgent came up."

"He's not still angry with me, is he?" Marissa asked softly. "I know it'll take time to get past what I did but I was so hoping he could set it aside for the kids' sake. They're thrilled to have a grandfather."

"And he's thrilled to _be _ a grandfather." Kirsten assured her. "I promise you Marissa, Sandy has been almost as excited about your visit as Sophie, he's not about to let anything get in the way of it. And while it may take some time for him to forget, he's already forgiven you."

"Really?" Marissa sounded doubtful.

"Really." Kirsten said firmly. "He's always has a bit of a soft spot for you. I doubt he would have agreed to let any of the boys' other girlfriends live with us if their parents decided to move them to Hawaii."

Marissa laughed. "I forgot about that."

Kirsten patted her hand gently. "You have nothing to worry about."

There was a loud commotion in the hall and Marissa and Kirsten burst out laughing as Seth walked in, Lucy perched high on his shoulders, Sophie clinging to his back and Nate wrapped around his leg. "I'm jet lagged mom!" He complained, crossing his arms over his chest. "You didn't have the set the three human alarm clocks on me so early!" Yes as he spoke his glare transformed into a grin and he reached up to pull the girls off of him, tickling them in the process. "kids these days have no respect!" He teased, carrying the three children all at once by their feet and dropping them onto the couch. "That'll teach you not to jump on a sleeping man's head!" Nate, Lucy and Sophie laughed uncontrollably, leaping on to Seth and pulling him down with them. "Ahh!" He shrieked in mock terror. "Help!"

"It's so nice to have a full house again." Kirsten sighed happily, watching her children and grandchildren play and Marissa nodded in agreement. "I wonder if they let Summer sleep longer or-"

"I'm here." Summer interrupted, stepping into the kitchen blearily, still half-closed eyes searching frantically for the coffee pot.

"Morning sweetie." Kirsten handed her a mug of coffee which Summer immediately gulped down. "Ah." She sighed in contentment, seating herself next to Marissa at the island. "Just what I needed."

"Sorry about the wake up." Kirsten smiled apologetically. "Sophie's been so excited to see Seth, I couldn't make her wait another minute." Summer waved her off, taking another large sip of her coffee. "That's why we're here." She said. "And anyway Seth couldn't wait to see her either. I caught him sneaking to her room last night to wake her up when we first got here and I had to drag him away."

"I appreciate that." Kirsten laughed. "We would have had a very tired and grumpy little girl on our hands today."

"And a tired, grumpy Seth too." Summer nodded knowingly.

"What about me?" Seth demanded, joining the giggling women in the kitchen having managed to distract the children with television.

"Just talking about how much we love you." Summer said sweetly and Seth narrowed his eyes, pulling her to him and messing up her hair.

"Ew Cohen!" She shrieked squirming away from him. "Don't touch my hair! I haven't even had a shower yet and aeroplanes make me greasy!"

"Aeroplanes make you greasy?" Seth repeated disbelievingly.

"Yes Cohen!" Summer answered indignantly. "It's like a proven fact. The Increase in air-pressure stimulates the glands at the scalp, causing them to secrete oil at an elevated rate. Look it up!"

Seth crinkled his forehead and looked at her skeptically, then shrugged and grabbed half a bagel from her plate. "Whatever." He said, slipping onto Summer's stool, ignoring her piercing glare. "So what are we doing today mother?"

"Well actually," Kirsten began apologetically. "Your dad had to go into the office for a couple hours and I have an appointment this morning that I can't get out of. We've cleared our schedules for the rest of your visit, I promise." She continued hastily as Seth opened his mouth to protest. "It's just this morning that's a problem. I was actually hoping you guys could watch Sophie for me?" She looked from Seth to the girls. "Maybe take all the kids to the park or something? And then Sandy and I will be home in the afternoon and we thought we could all go to the tree farm and pick out a Christmas tree. Sophie has been begging us to get one since the first of the month but we thought it would be more fun to all go together."

"Definitely." Seth agreed. "It's Summer's favourite part of the Chrismukkah season, she would have been devastated to miss it." Summer shot Seth another glare and he fained hurt. "What?" He cried. "You know its true!"

"I just like to make sure we get a good quality tree." Summer huffed. "We can't have it dying before Christmas morning and so many of those tree farms sell ones with dry needles and saggy branches. Anyway Kirsten," She turned pointedly away from Seth. "We'd be happy to look after Sophie." She looked toward the tv room where the children were playing happily and smiled. "Though I doubt we'd be able to tear her away from her new cousins anyway. Or niece and nephew or whatever they are."

Kirsten laughed. "We're referring to them as her cousins but she figured it out." She admitted. "But you're probably right- they're already the best of friends, aren't they?" She sighed happily.

Marissa looked equally pleased. "Nate and Lucy have been pressing me to take them to the beach anyway." She shook her head at the idea of swimming in December. "Sophie can come along. We can show the kids around, maybe take them to the diner for lunch?"

"Sounds good." Summer agreed, snatching what remained of her bagel from Seth's hand. "I don't know about the beach though, it's waaaaaay too cold for swimming!"

"I'm totally with you on that!" Marissa laughed. "But Nate and Lucy won't take no for an answer! They are related to Julie Cooper after all!" She joked. "I'm sure they'll change their minds once they feel the water temperature."

"Oh!" Kirsten exclaimed. "That reminds me! Your mother has called dibs on all of you for dinner tonight Marissa. She is so excited to meet Nate and Lucy! And to see you of course."

"Julie Cooper wants us too?" Seth asked in amazement, gesturing to himself and Summer. "I always got the feeling she didn't like me very much."

"Not you Cohen!" Summer smacked his chest. "Me! She lives with my dad, remember? He hasn't seen me in months!"

"Ahh right." bowed his head solemly. "I'm only invited by association to you. It all makes sense."

"She's expecting you at six!" Kirsten continued loudly, preventing Summer's retort from being heard. "So how about we all meet back here around 2? That gives us enough time to get the tree and then we can decorate it tonight after you guys get back." Her eyes flicked to the clock as she spoke. "I should probably start getting ready." She said, loading the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher. "I'll get Sophie dressed too before I go. Thanks again for watching her!"

"No problem."Marissa smiled genuinely. "We might as well get ready too." She turned to Seth and Summer. "Give Summer time to wash the aeroplane grease out of her hair before we go." Summer scowled, turning on her heal and exiting the kitchen dramatically, leaving Seth and Marissa to exchange smirks.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"So," Marissa said, following the twins into the pool house. "What would you like to wear today?" She heaved the suitcases onto the bed and unzipped them. "Don't forget forget it's always windier at the beach."

"I know!" Lucy cut in front of her mother and plunged her fists deep into the folds of clothes, sending pants, shirts and underwear, all carefully folded by Marissa before they'd left, spilling onto the bed and floor in tangled heaps. Marissa sighed, bending down to scoop up the discarded items, catching them as the little girl tossed them carelessly over her shoulder. "Aha!" Lucy shouted, pulling from the mess a pink fringe-top bikini. "My 'kini!" She declared, eyes seeking Marissa's excitedly. "My 'kini mommy! For the beach!"

"Yeah!" She smiled, amused by her daughter's enthusiasm. "Go put it on Lou!" Lucy happily obliged while Marissa dug through the remaining contents of the suitcase in search of Nate's striped swim trunks.

"Can I wear my hat mommy?" The little boy asked, holding up a tiny fedora.

"Of course." She agreed, locating his bathing suit and handing it to him. "Go get dressed baby."

When both kids were distracted she quickly stuffed pants and sweaters into a bag for them for later. They may be insisting on dressing in summer clothes now but she was willing to bet they'd be thinking differently after dipping their toes into the chilly ocean waters.

"I'm all ready!" Lucy announced, leaping onto the bed in nothing but her bathing suit and a wee pair of black motorcycle boots. "Let's go!"

"Not so fast!" Marissa giggled, plucking Lucy out of the air mid-jump and setting her on the floor. "I think we need a little bit more clothing Lulu." The little girl frowned but returned to the suitcase, digging through it frantically once more, sending all of the clothes Marissa had just picked up back to the floor. She held up a yellow floral print romper, looking questioningly at Marissa for approval who nodded and helped her into it. Before Lucy could run away again she grabbed a comb and tugged in gently through her wild hair, much to her daughter's protests. She rubbed a blob of sunscreen over Lucy's face and slapped a hat onto her head before releasing her. "You might want to change your shoes too Lucy." Marissa tossed her a pair of white sandals. The child looked at her defiantly, hands on her hips, golden curls spilling out from under her wide-brimmed straw sun hat and for a moment Marissa thought she was going to revolt.

"Okay." Lucy agreed at last, humming slightly to herself as she plopped down on the floor to remove her boots. Marissa breathed a sigh of relief. It was their first day in Newport and she'd really like to avoid any tantrums if possible.

"I'm ready Mommy." Nate piped up, slithering onto her lap and resting his head on her shoulder. She instinctively pulled him closer to her adjusting his hat so that she could see his eyes. "How are you doing Natey?" She asked, looking over his outfit approvingly. Along with his swim trunks Nate had put on an old child-sized Death Cab t-shirt that Seth had given him a few months back and a pair of flip flops. "Good." He answered simply, reaching into the suitcase and extracting a pair of sunglasses. "Do I have to wear sunscreen?"

"Yes!" Marissa laughed, grabbing the bottle as Nate scrunched his face in anticipation. "Thanks for reminding me!" She smeared the white lotion around her son's face as best she could and then stood up, pulling Nate with her. "Do you want your sunglasses too?" She asked Lucy, holding out to her a pair of large square frames. The little girl nodded and took them fervently, jamming them onto her face. "Why don't you guys go and see if Seth and Summer are ready while I have a quick shower?" She suggested. "See if Sophie knows where grandma and grandpa keep the sand toys?"

"Okay!" They took off toward the pool house door, happy to compel. "Stay away from the pool!" Marissa called after them, thinking of the morning's scare.

"Kay!" They shouted, already skipping back to the house, eager to meet back up with Sophie, who Lucy had wasted no time telling Marissa, was her 'bestest friend ever'.

Marissa watched them enter the kitchen and then turned to the mess that her little tornadoes had left behind. Exhaling slowly, she began to sort through the debris, searching for something for herself to wear.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oo

"Last one in is a rotten egg!" Lucy shouted, leaping from her car seat the instant Marissa freed her and sprinting toward the ocean as fast as her little legs could carry her, dragging her brother by the hand behind her.

"Wait for us!" Marissa called after them, hastening to unbuckle Sophie and lifting her down from the SUV but the twins were already gone.

"Guess they don't know they're the only ones going in." Seth said amused, scooping Sophie onto his back for a piggyback ride and grabbing the bag of sand toys from the trunk.

"They know." Marissa corrected him, seizing a second bag full of towels and extra clothes. "They're just hoping we'll change our minds." She smiled after Nate and Lucy, now just pinpoints on the horizon, and followed Seth and Summer across the beach, all of them stumbling slightly at the familiar but long-forgotten sensation of sand beneath their shoes.

By the time they reached Nate and Lucy the two of them had stripped off the clothes Marissa had fought to get them in that morning and were running around excitedly in their bathing suits. "Are you getting cold?" Marissa asked with a wry smile, noticing the goosebumps on her sons arms but the little boy shook his head stubbornly and she shrugged, bending down to retrieve her camera from the bag.

As she brought the camera to her eye to photograph the children, adjusting the focus slightly, she couldn't help but giggle. Standing in between Nate and Lucy, Sophie looked photo-shopped in from another picture. While the twins wore bathing suits and sunhats, Sophie was dressed in a dark grey pea coat open over a herringbone print smock dress, grey tights and knee-high boots, looking more prepared for a brisk fall walk than a day at the beach. Even covered in all those layers, Sophie frowned as a gust of wind carried a wave of cool sea air in land, pulling her jacket more tightly around herself. Nate and Lucy had an entirely different reaction. Oblivious to the temperature the boy and girl shrieked in delight as the water lapped their feet, both wading deeper into the salty tide.

"Uhhh I can't watch!" Summer shuddered, crossing her arms over her chest and grimacing at her niece and nephew paddling in the waves. "Just looking at them makes me cold!" Marissa, Seth and Sophie nodded in agreement.

"Come swimming with us Sophie!" Lucy called, squealing as a large wave crashed into her chest, spraying water up over her head. "The ocean is so fun!"

"Sophie stepped back, a look of horror on her small face. "No way!" She yelled back, clutching Seth's hand in fear that someone would try to drag her in. "It's December! You aren't supposed to go swimming in the winter!"

"You gotta remember Soph," Seth explained to his little sister, gesturing to the two of them and Summer and Marissa, "_we_ are children of southern California. We are highly sensitive to cold and rain and if we go out in the snow we turn to ice instantly." Sophie looked alarmed at this and Seth nodded, assuring her "It's true. It happens to me every time I leave my house in New York."

"Cohen!" Summer hissed, elbowing him in the ribs as Sophie's eyes grew wide. Seth ignored her, turning back to his sister. "Anyway," he continued. "Nate and Lucy grew up on the east coast." He reminded her. "They thrive on negative temperatures and brave snowstorms to build forts. To them, this is like spring. And what does one do in spring on the east coast? One goes swimming. At least those two do. I myself prefer to wait 'till it's a minimum of 30 degrees Celsius outside and even that is pushing it some days." Sophie considered this, dipping her head as if she understood but the expression she wore as she watched Nate and Lucy gave way to the fact that she still thought they were crazy.

Marissa had stopped listening part way through Seth's spiel and was observing the twins carefully, feeling more and more ill at ease as they splashed deeper into the ocean.

"That's far enough guys!" She reminded them for the fourth time but the two of them dunked under water, pretending they hadn't heard. Marissa sighed, fidgety with anxiety and turned abruptly to Seth,

"Go in with them Seth?" She pleaded. "I don't like them being out there alone."

"Me!" Seth cried in indignation. "I can't go into that, I'll get hypothermia!" He gestured wildly at the ocean. "And I didn't even bring my bathing suit! Why don't you go with them? You're their mother!"

"Yes but you're their _uncle Seth." _She said pointedly. "They love swimming with you. Please?" Seth grumbled but begrudgingly took off his shoes and started toward the water. At last second he turned, sprinting back to the girls and grabbed Marissa by the waist, flipping her over his shoulder. "Cohen!" She screeched, caught off guard, pounding her fists into his back. "Let me go right now! I mean it!"

Marissa's head bounced from side to side as Seth stumbled toward the water, the world blurring into a mess of colours, shapes and sounds, The wind whipped her face, salty ocean froth spraying her face, drops landing in her eyes and mouth. She could hear Nate and Lucy cheering encouragement, Sophie laughing and Summer's blaring voice shouting at Seth. "Ew, Cohen! Put her down! Seriously, she's got her camera!"

Marissa's breath caught in her chest as she felt herself being lowered, and she squeezed her eyes shut, gasping as her feet broke the icy surface of the water. She braced herself, waiting for the frosty swell to engulf her entire body, but, miraculously, it never did. Tentatively, Marissa opened her eyes and was startled to find that Seth had deposited her in ankle deep water.

"I'm not that cruel." Seth held up his hands as she shot him a glare. "Besides, you'd have killed me if I got your camera wet. I know that thing is worth more than my entire apartment."

"That was not funny!" Marissa roared, trying her best to sound angry despite the flicker of amusement in her eye, whacking him upside the head with the back of her hand.

"Ow!" Seth grabbed his head in mock pain, eyes searching behind him for Nate and Lucy. "Help me out here guys!"

Nate and Lucy moved slowly through the water toward them, mischievous smirks on their identical faces and Marissa narrowed her eyes. "Don't even think about it." She warned them teasingly. "If you love your mother at all, you'll stop right there!"

The twins looked at each other, as if considering it. Then all at once they broke into simultaneous sneers and leapt forward, bypassing Marissa and ensnaring themselves onto Seth. "Nobody tries to dunk our mommy and gets away with it!" Lucy declared, scuttling onto Seth's shoulders like a squirrel. "We have no choice but to bring you down!"

Marissa took the opportunity to escape to safety high up on the beach and joined a thoroughly entertained Summer and Sophie to witness Nate and Lucy drag Seth deep into the sea. Marissa watched the trio splash and play in the water with a smile on her face. Nate and Lucy were having so much fun and this was exactly the sort of scene she'd pictured when she'd agreed to come on this trip. Yet somewhere in the back of her mind was the nagging feeling that it should be Ryan out there throwing Nate and spinning Lucy around. It should be Ryan willing to go numb for his kids, Ryan timing them as they held their breath under water. And just like that she felt sad.

"Do you guys want to build a sand castle?" She asked Summer and Sophie, desperate to keep herself busy.

"Yeah!" Sophie agreed enthusiastically, rummaging through a bag for the buckets and shovels and Marissa felt relieved. She needed to distract herself. She needed to keep herself busy. Otherwise the memories were too strong, too much for her to bear.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Feeling any better?" Marissa questioned Lucy, rubbing the little girls skinny arms with her own and snuggling her more tightly into her body.

"Mmhm." The child stammered through chattering teeth and Marissa sighed, lifting a mug of hot chocolate to her daughter's lips. She had asked the kids to come out of the water after 20 minutes but they had insisted that they felt fine and they were having so much fun that she'd allowed them to keep swimming. It was only when she'd noticed Nate was shaking so badly he could barely walk and Lucy was stuttering that she'd forced them to come to shore and had wrapped them in all the blankets and towels she could find. Now, sitting in the diner for lunch Marissa hoped that warm dry clothes and a hot drink would be enough to get the twins back to normal. She glanced across the table to Summer who had Nate on her lap, his lips tinged blue from cold, and felt even worse.

"I knew I shouldn't have let you stay in there for so long!" She worried, pulling the hood of Lucy's sweater over her blonde head, sticky with salt from the ocean. "You're both going to get sick and it will be all my fault!"

"I'll be sure to send you my hospital bill." Seth said icily and Summer whacked him while Marissa rolled her eyes, pointedly ignoring him.

"But mommy, it was so fun!" Nate beamed at her, a hot chocolate moustache clinging to his upper lip. "Can we go back tomorrow?"

"Let's stick to the pool from now on?" Seth suggested, blowing on his fingers to warm them. "Or better yet, the hot tub. Hypothermia two days in a row may be too much for my old body to handle. "

"I told you not to swim in winter!" Sophie chastised them with a slight shake of her head. "But none of you would listen. And now your skin in blue." She leaned back against Seth's chest as though satisfied that this discolouration was punishment enough.

Lucy raised her fingers to her face, examining them carefully. "Do I have to go to the hospital mommy?" She asked, both concerned and intrigued. "I don't want to be blue forever!"

"You won't be." Marissa assured her. "A few more sips of hot chocolate and some food in your belly and you'll be good as new."

"And look, right on time!" Summer directed the children's attention to the waitress, making her way toward them with a platter of burgers and chilli fries. "Wait till you try these burgers, they are the best in all of California!"

"I've eaten here before!" Sophie chattered taking an enormous bite of her lunch and continuing to talk through a mouthful of food. "Ryan used to take me here whenever he visited from college!"

"You've been here with daddy?" Nate and Lucy looked up from their plates with interest and, once again, Marissa felt horrible. Though they had only been in Newport one day, everything, from the beach to Kirsten, seemed to remind her of what Nate and Lucy had missed out on on her account and Sophie's frequent stories about her and Ryan were the worst. The little girl clearly adored her big brother and from what Marissa had heard he'd been great with her from the moment she was born. If only she'd learned that sooner, Marissa tried to tell herself, she would have told him earlier. She wouldn't have kept the children from him for so long, or so she liked to think. Seth and Summer sensed her shift in mood and hastened to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"Are you guys excited to meet grandma Julie tonight?" Summer asked the twins cheerily and they nodded enthusiastically.

"We're going to aunt Julie's tonight?" Sophie looked delighted.

"Not you Soph." Seth said gently. "Not this time. Tonight is just for aunt Julie to meet Nate and Lucy. But you'll see her soon, maybe even tomorrow!"

Sophie pouted. "But we're still going to get the Chrismukkah tree right? Mommy said we would! She promised!"

"We're still going." Summer assured her. "Trust me Soph, I wouldn't let anybody cancel the most important shopping trip of the year."

"Phew!" Sophie wiped her brow in relief, causing Marissa and Summer to smile at her resemblance to Seth. "If we don't get it soon we'll have a tree-less Chrismukkah."

"I would never let that happen." Summer promised, trying to keep a straight face.

"Wait a second." Lucy spoke up, a look of intense concentration in her eyes. "How come our grandma Julie is her aunt Julie but we're all the same age?" she pointed at Sophie. "Mommy said aunt and uncle are the brothers and sister of your parents but grandma Julie isn't grandma Kirsten or grandad Sandy's sister, right?"

"It's so complicated I think we need a genealogist to figure it all out." Seth said seriously. "I mean Julie and Sophie aren't technically related at all, are they?" He looked to Summer and Marissa for help.

"What?" Sophie cried. "Aunt Julie's not really my aunt?" She looked up at the adults with a quivering lip.

"Ummm.." Seth hastened to come up with a response. "I...well...help me out here you guys!" He shot at the girls in desperation.

"Um well she is married to Dr. Roberts who is Summer's dad who is married to her brother so I guess she could be her..." Marissa trailed off. The little girl had been so good with their family relations earlier that day; she had been explaining it to her! She looked helplessly to Summer who sighed and rolled her eyes. "She's you aunt Sophie." She said firmly and nobody dared to contradict her.

There was a long pause before Nate's small voice rose cautiously from the silence. "Is she still our grandma?" He asked and the adults burst out laughing.

"Yes!" Marissa ruffled Nate's hair fondly. "She is definitely your grandma! Though she might prefer it if you call her aunt; she would hate to seem old!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Marissa sat crossed legged on the floor of the pool house in front of a mirror, all of the makeup she owned arranged in a circle around her. Since becoming a mother she rarely bothered to spend more than ten minutes doing her face everyday and had mastered applying makeup in even less time but tonight was different. This was her first time seeing her mom in over five years and she wanted to look good. Summer had insisted that Julie was different now; that she wouldn't judge her or tell her off; that she had missed her so much that she wouldn't care about the details, as long as she had her back. Marissa didn't believe her.

Her mom was a meddler by nature, it was just the way she was. Even if she spent the whole evening smiling there would be clues; a disapproving tone, a raised eyebrow, an underhanded comment or two; that would give way to her true emotions. Julie Copper wasn't the type to forgive easily. She preferred to hold on to her anger, using it as ammunition if she needed something later on. Marissa knew this and she expected it. She was ready for it even. But she wasn't going to give her mother anything extra to pick on. If Marissa was being honest with herself, her main intention of the night ahead was to prove to Julie that she had done okay; that unlike her, who had also become pregnant at a young age, she had been able to take care of herself; that she hadn't needed a man. She knew her mom would be disappointed in her; that was a given. But she also wanted her to be proud. And she knew that perfect hair and makeup, an expensive outfit and two polite, well-dressed kids would be the way to get there.

Marissa loved her mother and she believed her best friend when Summer said she had grown a lot in the past five years. But she knew that no matter what the elder Cooper woman would always be a snob. She had been a snob when Marissa was little, when she'd married Caleb and moved into the biggest house in Newport, and still when they had lost all of their money and been forced to live in a trailer. If that wasn't enough to bring her down off her high horse nothing was. Marissa was excited to see Julie, of course. She was her mother after all and she had missed her terribly over the years. But there was no way she was going over to that house unprepared. And that was why she had excused herself from putting lights on the Christmas tree to get ready. She needed to be perfect.

Marissa leaned in to line her upper lashes with a swipe of liquid charcoal and caught sight of a flurry of movement in the corner of the mirror. She turned to see a tiny figure standing in the doorway and instantly abandoned her makeup, holding out her arms. Lucy ran to her at once and Marissa noticed the look of irritation on her daughter's young face.

"What's wrong Lou?" Marissa gathered the little girl on her lap. "You don't want to play anymore?"

Lucy shook her head. "Sophie is annoying me."

"She is? I though she was your best friend."

"She is!" Lucy said in exasperation. "But ever since lunch time she keeps making me and Natey call her 'Aunt Sophie'." Marissa couldn't help but laugh and Lucy tried to pull out of her arms, a look of hurt engraved into her delicate features.

"Aw I'm sorry baby!" Marissa tried to hide her smile, pulling Lucy tighter to her chest to keep her from running away. "It's just, she _is_ technically your aunt. Member how we said aunts and uncles are the bothers and sisters of mommy and daddy?" Lucy scowled but nodded.

"Well Sophie is daddy's sister." She explained.

"So I _do_ have to call her aunt Sophie?" The child inquired, eyes narrowed, wearing a look of resign.

"No." Marissa stroked her hair. "You can call her whatever you want. Unless its something mean." She added as an after thought, knowing her daughter all too well.

"Okay." Lucy agreed, leaning her head on Marissa's shoulder and twisting a strand of her hair in her small fingers. It was a habit she'd had since she was a baby and usually meant she was tired.

"Do you want to have a little rest before we go to dinner?" Marissa asked cautiously, hoping the little girl wouldn't protest. "You must be tired after such a busy day!"

"No." Lucy said stubbornly, fighting off a yawn. "I'm not sleepy."

"You don't have to sleep." Marissa added quickly. "You could read some books? Or play on my ipad? I know you love that. Or maybe you could colour?"

"No." Lucy maintained, lifting her head from her mothers shoulder to survey her surroundings for the first time. "What are you doing mommy?" She picked up a nearby makeup brush with interest. "Are we doing makeovers?"

"No." Marissa frowned, watching Lucy deflate slightly at her words. "I'm just making myself look extra pretty tonight for Grandma Julie."

"But mommy you're always extra pretty." Lucy told her audaciously, grabbing a tube of lipstick and pulling off the cap. "Can I have some too?"

Marissa hesitated, touched by Lucy's words. "You can have some lip gloss before we go." She decided at last and the little girl clapped her hands in excitement.

"Are we going soon mommy? Can I get dressed now?" She leapt up from the floor.

"We're probably not going for another half hour or so." Marissa checked her watch. "But I guess if you promise not to get dirty you can get dressed. Do you know what you're going to wear?"

"My pearls!" Lucy answered promptly, pulling from her bag a miniature version of Marissa's favourite double stranded Chanel pearls, a gift from Summer last Christmas. "You wear yours too and then we can match!"

Marissa smiled at her eagerness. "Great idea Lulu! Why don't you find them for me?"

It was another three quarters of an hour before the group finally departed for the Cooper-Roberts' house. Seth drove and Summer sat next to him in the passenger seat, leaving Marissa to squeeze between the twins in the back. She hadn't even realized that she was fiddling with her necklace until Summer reached back from the front seat to pull it from her fingers. "Stop worrying Coop." She demanded, knowing instantly how Marissa was feeling without any words being said. "This is your mom. She loves you. Everything is going to be fine."

Marissa bit her lip. "I'm not nervous like I was with Sandy and Kirsten." She insisted. "I just don't want to have to tell the whole story again. I wish she'd been there the other night so this would all be behind us and we could have a nice dinner getting to know each other again without any drama."

Summer nodded sympathetically. "I know its hard." She comforted her friend. "But your mom might not even want to hear an explanation. Tonight is all about her meeting Nate and Lucy. I doubt she'll want to spoil it with an argument." Marissa looked sceptical and Summer continued. Look, there will be plenty of time for the two of you to sit down together the rest of the holiday. How about for tonight we'll only tell her if she asks, okay?"

Marissa frowned but nodded in agreement, silently willing Seth to drive more slowly. She knew it was cowardly but she was afraid to face the people she'd left behind. Just looking at them made her feel guilty and any explanations she had always seemed like excuses. Still, she reminded herself, the worst was over. No matter how crazy her mother was she had never been able to compete with a disappointed Sandy Cohen and Marissa took comfort in that. It would be okay. Like Summer said, her mother loved her. And she would love Nate and Lucy too, Marissa was sure of it.

Despite her conviction a lump formed in her throat as Seth pulled into the drive way of the enormous white mansion. "Everybody ready?" He asked, speaking to all of them as he turned off the ignition but looking directly at Marissa. She swallowed and nodded. "Let's do this." Seth smiled at her and Summer squeezed her hand and she instantly felt better. Even if this did end badly she would always have Seth and Summer no matter what. They had been with her through everything and she was starting to realize that as long as they were by her side she would be okay.

As they approached the steps Marissa paused, turning to face her two children. She flattened Lucy's curls and straightened her white blouse, tucked into a pink high-waisted skirt. She tugged a strand of pearls free of Lucy's mouth and then adjusted Nate's blazer slightly, tucking in the end of the belt that held up his dark jeans. "There." Marissa said at last, standing back to survey them. "Perfect."

Nate and Lucy broke into identical grins and slipped their hands into Marissa's, the three of them hurrying to follow Seth and Summer up the walk way.

The door flew open just before Summer could reach it and Marissa barely had time to brace herself before she was hit with such a force that her hands were pulled free of those of her children.

"Marissa!" Julie sobbed into her hair, engulfing her in such a tight hug that Marissa stumbled backward, struggling to breathe. "I can't believe it's really you!" She pulled back to look at her daughter briefly before hugging her again. "I've missed you so much honey! So much. You have no idea."

Marissa could tell that the tears in her mother's eyes were genuine and she returned the hug with just as much vigour. "I've missed you too mom." She fought to hold in cries of her own, hit with the sheer truth of her own words. "I'm so sorry." And with that the two women burst into hysterical weeping, gripping each other tightly, oblivious to the onlookers.

Marissa had never allowed herself to dwell too much on her mother when she'd been in New York and was, for the first time, accepting just how painful it had been to be without her. They had argued a lot in her high school years but all of that seemed so trivial now, so miniscule compared to the years they'd spent apart. In that moment she deeply regretted ever leaving Newport. They may be dysfunctional but she and her mom were family and she knew that now that they were reunited, nothing would ever tear them apart again. She wouldn't let it.

Julie wiped her eyes and blinked furiously, looking wildly around for the children. "Where are they?" She spoke earnestly, a hunger in her eyes. "Where are your babies Marissa?"

Marissa smiled through her tears, gesturing for Nate and Lucy, who had gravitated toward Seth and Summer when the crying started, to come over.

"Come here guys!" She called to them, sniffing loudly. "It's okay, we're crying because we're happy to see each other. Come meet your grandma Julie!"

The twins exchanged a brief look of hesitation but eventually obliged and came to stand solemnly at her side. "Mom," Marissa began, scooping the kids into her arms. "These are your grandchildren, Nathaniel and Lucy." She beamed as her mother's eyes lit up. "Guys, this is your grandma Julie."

Julie was momentarily speechless and stood gazing at the children for a full minute before regaining her ability to articulate. "They're so beautiful." She said softly, looking from one to the other intently. "They look just like you Marissa." Marissa smiled. This was going much better than she expected. Julie leaned down, speaking directly to the twins. "Can I hug you?" She asked guardedly, as though afraid they would reject her. To her relief Nate and Lucy agreed, reaching toward her from their place in Marissa's arms and allowing her to embrace them. Julie savoured the hug, eyes filling with tears again. She may not know her grandchildren yet, but she already loved them. Wiping her eyes swiftly as she pulled away, Julie smiled. "How about we go inside and meet your grandpa Neil?" She suggested, grasping Nate and Lucy's hands the instant Marissa set them on the ground. "He's just putting dinner in the oven but he's so looking forward to meeting you."

"Okay Grandma." Nate and Lucy said in unison and Julie laughed as she led the group into the house. "Guess I can't have the position without the title, huh?" She looked back at Seth, Summer and Marissa, shaking her head. "Oh well. At least Kirsten's got it too."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 

Kirsten leapt up the second she heard the car pull into the driveway and hurried to the foyer to open the door. "Hey!" She greeted them cheerily as they filed into the house, Nate and Lucy first, followed by Seth and Summer and Marissa bringing up the rear. "How did it go?" She spoke nonchalantly but, in reality, had been worrying since the moment they left. Julie was her best friend but sometimes the woman could be a little tactless and Kirsten was afraid that she would give Marissa a hard time, or that she would make the evening about herself and how she'd been wronged, rather than her grandchildren.

"It was good." Marissa answered, helping the twins out of their jackets and shoes. "Really good actually. She loved Nate and Lucy."

Kirsten sighed in relief. "Of course she did!" She hugged the children fondly. She had worried for nothing. Not even Julie was immune to twin cuteness after all. "And what did you think of her?" She questioned Nate and Lucy, taking their hands and leading them to the living room where Sandy and Sophie were waiting. "Grandma Julie is great!" Lucy professed, climbing into Sandy's lap, much to his delight. He had officially met the twins when he came home from work earlier that day and had instantly fallen in love with them. Fortunately, they seemed equally taken with him and had spent the whole afternoon at the tree farm jabbering away at him, even little Nate, who, Marissa had told him, was usually pretty quiet. "She gave us presents!" Lucy continued excitedly. "And we got cake for dessert."

Nate nodded, clambering onto the couch next to Sophie. "Uh-huh." He agreed. "She's really nice."

"I'm so glad!" Kirsten said genuinely, squeezing in between Nate and Sophie.

"Yeah." Marissa conceded, taking a seat on the opposite couch. "My mom actually wants to come over here tomorrow to spend time with them." She sounded pleasantly surprised. "If its okay with you guys of course."

"I think that would be great." Sandy said kindly and Marissa grinned, just opening her mouth to respond when Sophie, who had been waiting patiently for them to get home all night, couldn't contain herself any longer.

"Can we do it now, mommy? Can we decorate the tree? You said we could when they got home!" She jumped up and down excitedly, grabbing the boxes of ornaments stacked in the corner of the room and handing them out like presents. "Nate, Lucy, come on!"

The twins were by her side in an instant and the three of them delved into the boxes, not bothering to wait for permission. Sandy laughed at their enthusiasm and got up to help, setting up a small step ladder at the base of the tree so the children could reach higher. Kirsten got up to make hot chocolate and Marissa, Seth and Summer joined the kids on the floor, more than happy to partake in the first big Chrismukkah tradition of the year.

"Try not to climb this tree Lucy!" Seth teased, grabbing the little girl from behind and lifting her high into the air to place her ornament. She giggled uncontrollably and squirmed in his arms. "You're tickling me!"

Marissa smiled at the pair, choosing a box from the dozens that covered the living room floor and prying it open. The Cohen's had more ornaments than Marissa had ever seen in her life and it soon became obvious that not all of them would fit on the tree, although the children were going to try. Nate and Lucy were in awe of the decorations and gasped every time they opened a new box, turning to her in delight to show her what they'd found. Marissa had forgotten how into the festivities the Cohen family became; how big they liked to celebrate; and she realized, as the eight of them decorated the tree, that she had missed this. Their holiday celebrations in New York had been fun but relatively small, with just her and the twins trimming the tree, usually with ornaments they had made themselves. Even Christmas dinners had only ever been the three of them and Seth and Summer and while Nate and Lucy had never known anything else, Marissa was happy to be able to give them a real Chrismukkah experience this year; a real holiday surrounded by people who loved them.

She surveyed the tree, tall and full with springy green boughs and a lovely pine scent, coloured lights twinkling from the branches. "Nice tree." She complimented Summer, reaching into a box to retrieve an ornament and her best friend smiled proudly. "I know." She answered, stringing a red and green garland around its trunk. "Now get decorating Coop!"

Marissa obeyed, balancing on her toes to hang a sparkly snowflake and smiling at Nate who was perched atop the stepladder, brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to position a snowman on the upper most branches of the tree.

"Opps!" He giggled as the string slipped from his fingers and crashed toward the ground.

"It's okay." Marissa assured him. "It didn't break."

She bent down to pick up the wooden ornament and unexpectedly found herself face to face with the wide smiles of Ryan and Taylor as they gazed loving at one another inside the frame of a photograph stuck awkwardly in one of the boxes of Christmas decorations. Marissa momentarily forgot what she'd been doing and reached forward to pluck the picture from the box, bringing it close to her face to examine. It was a close up but Marissa could tell from the patch of blue water in the background that they were sitting by the Cohen's pool. Ryan was saying something, a smile playing on his lips and Taylor was laughing in response, her hand clutching Ryan's arm, both of them oblivious to the camera.

For the first time since the two of them had arrived back into her life Marissa considered the nature of their relationship before they'd moved to New York. Watching them together these past few months it had seemed to Marissa that Ryan was always agitated with Taylor, struggling to tolerate her needy behaviour. She had assumed that this was always the case with Ryan and Taylor and yet the photograph in her hand suggested something else.

Was it possible that they had once been happy together? That Taylor's frequent talk of her future with Ryan was not, in fact, idle dreaming but rather careful plans, once discussed by the two of them in conversations of excitement and possibility? If Ryan hadn't gotten transferred to New York would he and Taylor be married by now? Would they be starting a family of their own? Marissa had never really taken Taylor's claims that she was ruining their relationship seriously because she refused to believe that Ryan's infatuation with the other woman was more than a temporary lapse in judgement and in that moment she suddenly found herself feeling guilty.

She hadn't actively set out to break Ryan and Taylor up but she hadn't been much help to their relationship either. She knew she loved Ryan but looking at the photograph she found herself questioning whether he would be better off with her and the twins or with Taylor. He looked so happy and carefree in the picture, something that could rarely be said about him when he was with her.

"Mommy!" Nate whined and Marissa was instantly pulled from her trance, jumping to her feet, the photo still clutched in her fingers.

"Sorry baby." She said hastily, handing the ornament to the little boy and then rushing to return the picture to the box.

"Oh I've been looking for that photo!" Kirsten smiled, coming to stand behind Marissa. "it must have fallen in their last year when we were taking the decorations down." She paused, catching sight of Marissa's vacant expression and sighed. "I've been meaning to ask you how it's been going with Taylor." She said softly. "I noticed you failed to mention her during yesterday's chat".

"It's been fine." Marissa said evenly and Kirsten raised her eyebrows, taking the younger woman's hand and steering her out to the patio, where they could still see the flurry of activity going on inside the house. Summer watched them go curiously, turning away after a brief instant to help place an ornament. Marissa sighed, not in the mood for any more heart to hearts but followed Kirsten's lead, taking a seat in one of the plush wicker chairs, eyes still focused on the children inside.

"When Ryan and Taylor first started dating I was surprised as anyone." Kirsten began softly. "It's not that I don't like Taylor- she's a nice girl- but she can be overbearing and Ryan is always so quiet and closed off. At first I think that's what he liked about her. She took control of their relationship from the beginning, planning all of their dates, arranging their get-togethers with friends and all Ryan had to do was follow her instructions. It was easy to make her happy; easy to spend time with her and that wasn't something Ryan was used to." Marissa blushed slightly at this but said nothing.

"Ryan got used to the safety and comfort of being with Taylor." Kirsten continued. "And what we all thought would be a rebound relationship, not lasting more than a couple weeks, grew more and more serious." She paused, gazing at Marissa who had her eyes downcast to the ground. "Taylor has been good for Ryan."She admitted gently. "And we've all grown to love her. Because of her Ryan is much more lighthearted and sometimes even funny. He's less reluctant to talk about his feelings, though he still doesn't say much, and seems more relaxed. And yet despite all this, I don't think they're meant to be."

Marissa slowly lifted her head at these words, frowning questioningly at Kirsten. "Ryan and Taylor haven't had many fights over the years," she explained, "but all of them have been about you. Ryan never fully got over you and it made Taylor very insecure. He refused to throw out all his old pictures of the two of you and Taylor once told me that anytime they travelled he would search through phonebooks and newspapers looking for you. He didn't think she knew. "

Something about Kirsten's soothing, kind voice cracked Marissa's facade and she found herself aching to tell her everything. "I don't know Kirsten," she said uncertainly. "When we first started hanging out again Ryan and I got really close and I thought we were getting back together. He never even told me he had a girlfriend! Then out of the blue Taylor showed up and Ryan stopped spending as much time with me. He refused to acknowledge what happened between us and started acting really weird." She glanced at the children in the living room, running around happily, oblivious to their mothers inner turmoil, and then turned back to Kirsten.

"Sometimes I catch him looking at me strangely or he says or does something that the old Ryan would and I think he must still love me and then two minutes later he'll be saying we need to spend time apart or we're better as friends or its not fair to Taylor. I don't know what to think anymore, I'm so confused." She spoke shakily. "When Taylor first came to New York I hated her. Even though I was the one getting in between her and Ryan, I saw it the other way and blamed her for ruining my plans to give Nate and Lucy a proper family. Eventually she and I managed to put our differences aside and I realized that I actually like Taylor. Like you said, she's nice and she was there to help all of you move on after I ran away. And despite everything that has happened she cares about Nate and Lucy. I could never hate anyone who is there for my kids. Now I see that it was Ryan I was angry at all along. I despise him for stringing both Taylor and I along and refusing to make a choice. He knows we both love him."

"He's just scared." Kirsten defended her son. "He had a difficult childhood and he just wants what's best for Nate and Lucy. Don't give up on him yet."

"I know." Marissa said firmly. "He's a great father to them and I love him for it. He was so upset that I didn't want him to come here with us." She sighed. "But while he's in a relationship with Taylor he has to actually act like he is. His indecisiveness is just too painful. Nate and Lucy don't deserve it, and neither do Taylor and I."

Kirsten nodded. "I get it." She said. "I'm proud of you for putting the children before yourself. But let me ask you this- if Ryan came to you tonight and said that it was over with Taylor, and that he wanted to be with you would you go to him?"

Eyes fixed on Nate who, with Sandy's help, was putting the star on the tree, Marissa sighed but didn't hesitate. "Every time."


End file.
